Do dating "rules" really matter?

[Chica80]

So recently I've been on a couple dates. Different people.

 

You hear all these rules: don't share too much, no ex talk, don't sleep with someone on the first date...on and on.

 

So yesterday was the second "date" with one. And there was lots of talk of marriage divorce the "ex" etc. He is divorced, I am going through divorce. We have children around the same age. So there's talk of that too.

 

I don't know it just seemed like a common topic when you have similar experiences. We talked alot. And maybe shared too much, bit it didn't seem forced.

 

I guess my question is when is too much, too much?

Do the rules really matter?

[nospam99]

'Roolz? We don't need no steenking roolz'

'Use the Force, Sunshinechica'

Smartassery aside, trust your gut. The worst that can happen is you lose the guy. Personally, I'd have taken the talked a lot and didn't seem forced as signals that all's clear. Divorces, ex's, and kids would all be fair topics for me BUT there are a zillion other topics I'd rather talk about on a date, especially a second date.

[Chica80]

It was a very long "date". It was supposed to be just coffee an hr or so. I had things I was supposed to take care of and so did he.

 

We ended up spending late afternoon to evening together. So lots of topics were discussed. That just ended up being part of it.

[Shanex]

No, they don't. Are we talking online dating only? Ex talk, divorce and children are already discussed via messages, what happens on a date is whether you want to see the guy again or not.

[somanymistakes]

The supposed "rules" are based on averages of what people think is normal... but who among us is truly average?

 

Even if something is the right thing to do 51% of the time it could be wrong the other 49%

 

Go with what feels right and see how it works out.

[d0nnivain]

For me there were always two big rules: be polite and be true to yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For two divorced people with kids it's OK to talk about kids. The "no kids" rule is more applicable to younger people who have never been married. At 22, if you are on a 1st date with somebody who is already planning your wedding & naming your kids, that's a problem. In your situation treating the new person like a new step parent might be too much too soon but just saying "hey I have kids" & letting the conversation move naturally forward from there as you both talk about the new parenting dynamic as a divorced person seems natural & OK to me.

[Larryville]

If dating rules mattered there would not be thousands of books dedicated to the subject, internet forums, TV talk show discussions and your aunt/uncle/friend/co-worker who's on their fourth husband, wife, lover ect

 

The advice is endless. Always do this. Never do that. Rule after rule after rule as if every relationship were a simple formula of “person + person” and all other variables are to be disregarded.

 

Take this forum, there are all age groups represented, I don’t know how many countries, cultures, religions, ethnic groups ect.

 

It’s all BS, because people do not fit into neat little categories and therefore relationships cannot be simplified to a list of rules and regulations to follow.

 

Just follow common sense, be polite, courteous, flirtatious don’t be a creep the only rule I would add is DON’T DISCUSS POLITICS. The world is jacked up enough! Good Luck

[The Urbanyst]

The purpose of dating "rules" is to try to trick people you are not compatible with into believing you are actually compatible.

 

When there is chemistry the rules go out the window. When I meet new women I actually find myself more drawn in when they break rules. The more rules they follow the more I think they are not genuine OR playing some kind of game.

 

Everyone is hip to all these dumb rules now. We have finally reached a point where its actually more attractive to just be yourself.. provided you are confident.

[Steve51]

Nope. Do what feels appropriate for the occasion. I saw my wife on a train, made a date for the next night. Called her the next day to tell her I had fun and asked if she wanted to go out again that night. She did and 3 weeks later we were engaged and next month is our 45th wedding anniversary. I do not like rules with no basis in fact. Made a good living and life making up my own rules.

[Woggle]

Just do what you want and be yourself and people like it or they don't.

[SevenCity]

Everyone is different, but I get turned off if a woman is constantly bringing up her ex. It shows me she is not over it and not ready for a relationship. Not having sex on the first date is a good way to prevent yourself from being used and save yourself for someone who is interested in the long term.

 

I'm ok if they want to know some of my past (i.e.: was I ever married), but when they probe for specifics it comes off as insecurity.

 

I agree that the best thing is to be yourself. I like it when women show who they are right out of the gate - less time is wasted.

 

But, lamenting about what a jerk your ex husband is will not have guys lining up to be with you. It's possible to be yourself and not share all your dirty laundry. No need to tell a stranger everything unless you want to scare them away.

 

I treat dates like an interview. My main goal is to see what they are all about and it usually doesn't take long to decide if I want to see them again. Someone with tact stands a better chance than someone who is vomiting all their issues over me.