I kissed a married man...

[Veronica73]

I know it was wrong, and I felt awful about it the next day, but at the same time I really liked it. And now he's in my head. I never understood why anybody would get involved with a married man (because he's a cheat and who wants to be with a cheat), but I kind of get it now. Well, for one thing he is very good looking. Plus it is nice to be desired. But I think there is something about doing something that you're not supposed to do, that is kind of exciting. I've never done anything like this before.

 

The reason I felt bad is that I know his wife and she is a nice person and I don't want to do anything to hurt her. He instigated first and I pulled back and reminded him that he's married, but then the second time I kissed him. Only for a second and then I woke up and was like, "We can't do this." I hope nobody finds out.

 

Anyway, it was a weird experience. I don't plan to let it happen again. Anyway, I assume he was probably drunk or something. As was I (not that that's an excuse).

 

But yeah, I liked it.

[somuchfortheone]

I know it was wrong, and I felt awful about it the next day, but at the same time I really liked it. And now he's in my head. I never understood why anybody would get involved with a married man (because he's a cheat and who wants to be with a cheat), but I kind of get it now. Well, for one thing he is very good looking. Plus it is nice to be desired. But I think there is something about doing something that you're not supposed to do, that is kind of exciting. I've never done anything like this before.

 

The reason I felt bad is that I know his wife and she is a nice person and I don't want to do anything to hurt her. He instigated first and I pulled back and reminded him that he's married, but then the second time I kissed him. Only for a second and then I woke up and was like, "We can't do this." I hope nobody finds out.

 

Anyway, it was a weird experience. I don't plan to let it happen again. Anyway, I assume he was probably drunk or something. As was I (not that that's an excuse).

 

But yeah, I liked it.

 

 

Call me crazy but I think you are already hooked. I don't believe that you kissed him enjoyed it and will never do it again. If that's the case then why did you create this account and post on this forum? I hope for your sake you mean what you say. But I don't believe you. If you don't end it now this ends badly for everyone involved.

[Veronica73]

Call me crazy but I think you are already hooked. I don't believe that you kissed him enjoyed it and will never do it again. If that's the case then why did you create this account and post on this forum? I hope for your sake you mean what you say. But I don't believe you. If you don't end it now this ends badly for everyone involved.

 

Well, yeah I did enjoy it. I guess I made the thread because it's something that needs to be kept secret, so I can't really talk to anyone in real life about it. But it was something that is totally out of character for me, and I'm processing it. And there isn't anything to end. I basically just met him that night. It's not like we have any sort of relationship. I don't even have a way to contact him without going through his wife. And I only see his wife once every few months and this is the first time he has attended an event with her. It really was a one-off thing. But yes, I did enjoy it (but felt bad at the same time), and it has been on my mind.

[What_Did_I_Do]

Plan very hard for it to not happen again.

 

Read my post: 7 Year Affair Over. That should inject a dose of reality into the enjoyment of kissing a MM.

[d0nnivain]

If you had said that you didn't know he was married before you kissed him but found out afterwards, I was going to tell you to put it behind you & move forward.

 

 

But you kissed this guy knowing he was married. For heaven's sake you know his wife. Sorry but that makes you more culpable then him; he at last has the lame excuse of being drunk. You participated knowing full well it was wrong.

[Veronica73]

If you had said that you didn't know he was married before you kissed him but found out afterwards, I was going to tell you to put it behind you & move forward.

 

 

But you kissed this guy knowing he was married. For heaven's sake you know his wife. Sorry but that makes you more culpable then him; he at last has the lame excuse of being drunk. You participated knowing full well it was wrong.

 

Oh give me a break. I was plenty drunk and still knew what I was doing was wrong. I've never not known what was right and wrong no matter how much I was drinking. People just use that as an excuse to do things they know they shouldn't. At least I'm honest about it. And I'm not the one who made a commitment to this woman. I HIGHLY doubt this is the first time he has strayed. He travels for work all the time.

[Veronica73]

Plan very hard for it to not happen again.

 

Read my post: 7 Year Affair Over. That should inject a dose of reality into the enjoyment of kissing a MM.

 

I will read it, thanks.

[d0nnivain]

I was NOT defending him. You are right; you probably aren't the first nor will you be the last. I was pointing out that you really need to make a conscious effort to stay away from him.

 

 

Especially because you know his wife, no matter how good the kiss, IMNSHO it's something that should be turning your stomach, not making you reminisce about how enjoyable it was.

[somuchfortheone]

I was NOT defending him. You are right; you probably aren't the first nor will you be the last. I was pointing out that you really need to make a conscious effort to stay away from him.

 

 

Especially because you know his wife, no matter how good the kiss, IMNSHO it's something that should be turning your stomach, not making you reminisce about how enjoyable it was.

 

 

That's the excitement that keeps them coming back for more.flash forward a few months/years and everyone's life is destroyed

[Veronica73]

I was NOT defending him. You are right; you probably aren't the first nor will you be the last. I was pointing out that you really need to make a conscious effort to stay away from him.

 

 

Especially because you know his wife, no matter how good the kiss, IMNSHO it's something that should be turning your stomach, not making you reminisce about how enjoyable it was.

 

Yes, I will definitely stay away from him. (But I disagree that I am more culpable than he).

 

And I agree that it SHOULD be turning my stomach, and the fact that I knowingly did something that could hurt somebody else for selfish reasons does make me feel bad. I'm not proud of it. I think it is one of the worst things I've done. But I still enjoyed it. And I wouldn't have ever thought that I could enjoy doing something that I fully well know isn't right and could hurt somebody. Until this happened. I don't understand it, but that's the truth.

[FoundMyStrength]

But I think there is something about doing something that you're not supposed to do, that is kind of exciting. I've never done anything like this before.

 

It is exciting. But just like anything that's exciting and forbidden, it comes with a lot of danger. You said you know his wife. I don't know how you know her, but if you share a work or social circle, what do you think happens when she finds out? Do you think she'll let you ride off into the sunset with your reputation untarnished? You'll likely be labeled a whore, a slut, a homewrecker, and more. Society doesn't look kindly on married men who cheat, but it looks even less kindly on the women who help them.

 

Not to mention the sheer agony of an affair. Just read some of the stories on this site. With a rare exception, there is nothing but heartbreak and emotional pain at the end of an affair. For all parties involved. No matter how casual it starts.

 

The people who are telling you to be careful are right. I will bet you anything that he will be at the next party or gathering that you're attending. Because it is exciting, and because he will want more of it. It will be up to you to stay away.

[ladydesigner]

OP it is a good thing you are posting it here and reflecting on it. Keep reading the stories here they will make you never want to do this again. The fact that you know his wife is a big no no, but I won't comment further on that. Why do you feel vulnerable enough to do this? Usually MM can sense something in their AP.

[deadsoul]

I know it was wrong, and I felt awful about it the next day, but at the same time I really liked it. And now he's in my head. I never understood why anybody would get involved with a married man (because he's a cheat and who wants to be with a cheat), but I kind of get it now. Well, for one thing he is very good looking. Plus it is nice to be desired. But I think there is something about doing something that you're not supposed to do, that is kind of exciting. I've never done anything like this before.

 

The reason I felt bad is that I know his wife and she is a nice person and I don't want to do anything to hurt her. He instigated first and I pulled back and reminded him that he's married, but then the second time I kissed him. Only for a second and then I woke up and was like, "We can't do this." I hope nobody finds out.

 

Anyway, it was a weird experience. I don't plan to let it happen again. Anyway, I assume he was probably drunk or something. As was I (not that that's an excuse).

 

But yeah, I liked it.

 

Sadly, this is how it all begins... and yes it's exciting... that's part of the addictiveness of doing something so wrong that feels so right.

 

You are in the early enough stages that hopefully a good read of all the posts in here might steer you in the opposite direction. But you will have to fight that feeling and fight it hard.

 

I sense it has already grabbed onto you, but I completely agree that you did the right thing posting here.

 

I hope you are able to go the other way... if I could go back to where you are right now, I would do it in such a heartbeat. Though I would try to go back before even the kissing part... but I wish that was the worst thing I had done...

[Veronica73]

The people who are telling you to be careful are right. I will bet you anything that he will be at the next party or gathering that you're attending. Because it is exciting, and because he will want more of it. It will be up to you to stay away.

 

I wasn't planning on pursuing it at all, and I had assumed that I wouldn't run into him at a social function for a long time, but you might be right. I probably should plan harder on how to avoid situations just in case he does show up.

 

But still, I doubt he's not going to want more. He seemed irritated when I stopped the kiss and he was like "Are you sure?" Like he was expecting to get farther and was annoyed at me. Maybe he thought I was leading him on, but I seriously was oblivious to what was going on until he tried to kiss me.

[Veronica73]

OP it is a good thing you are posting it here and reflecting on it. Keep reading the stories here they will make you never want to do this again. The fact that you know his wife is a big no no, but I won't comment further on that. Why do you feel vulnerable enough to do this? Usually MM can sense something in their AP.

 

What is AP? And what do you mean by feeling vulnerable enough to do this? I can think of some things, but would like to understand more clearly what you are asking.

[Veronica73]

Sadly, this is how it all begins... and yes it's exciting... that's part of the addictiveness of doing something so wrong that feels so right.

 

You are in the early enough stages that hopefully a good read of all the posts in here might steer you in the opposite direction. But you will have to fight that feeling and fight it hard.

 

I sense it has already grabbed onto you, but I completely agree that you did the right thing posting here.

 

I hope you are able to go the other way... if I could go back to where you are right now, I would do it in such a heartbeat. Though I would try to go back before even the kissing part... but I wish that was the worst thing I had done...

 

Thank you. It's helpful to know that there are "stages" that I can learn about. And thanks for not being judgmental.

[BaileyB]

You made a poor decision.

 

Now, you can make it right by never putting yourself in the position to do this again and showing his wife the respect she deserves - by respecting the boundary of their marriage.

 

Good luck!

[Veronica73]

You made a poor decision.

 

Now, you can make it right by never putting yourself in the position to do this again and showing his wife the respect she deserves - by respecting the boundary of their marriage.

 

Good luck!

 

Well... I doubt that I can make it right, especially to her if she finds out. But I agree about never putting myself in the position to do this again and showing her the respect that she deserves.

[BaileyB]

Well... I doubt that I can make it right, especially to her if she finds out. But I agree about never putting myself in the position to do this again and showing her the respect that she deserves.

 

True. But, what's done is done. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn from your mistake and never do it again. I say, if you do that, all will be well.

[FoundMyStrength]

What is AP? And what do you mean by feeling vulnerable enough to do this? I can think of some things, but would like to understand more clearly what you are asking.

 

AP = affair partner

 

Think of vulnerability as being open to poor choices, including an affair, for reasons that are usually unique to the person.

 

When I made my poor choices, I felt very lonely, tired of my day to day, frustrated with my work and career. I also had a dysfunctional childhood, and have poor boundaries. He made me feel special, and the affair added excitement to my life. I was particularly vulnerable to his proclamations of love and the subsequent push and pull dynamic of an affair, in which the married person showers you with affection, then pulls away due to guilt. Over and over. Each time he did it, I felt an overwhelming need to entice him back.

 

A popular theory is that cheaters can sense when a woman is vulnerable. Whether it's poor boundaries, loneliness, a need for love or attention or validation. It certainly matches my in experience.

[pheonixrisen]

Well, yeah I did enjoy it. I guess I made the thread because it's something that needs to be kept secret, so I can't really talk to anyone in real life about it. But it was something that is totally out of character for me, and I'm processing it. And there isn't anything to end. I basically just met him that night. It's not like we have any sort of relationship. I don't even have a way to contact him without going through his wife. And I only see his wife once every few months and this is the first time he has attended an event with her. It really was a one-off thing. But yes, I did enjoy it (but felt bad at the same time), and it has been on my mind.

 

If this is the first time you met him and he instigated a kiss because he was drunk ...you are not the first woman or his first kissing out of the marriage.

 

Close the book ..there is nothing special about being kissed by him that you want to spend hours and a whoe thread processing over .

 

Don't go kissing married men ...the ones who want to betray will Throw the bait to any number of woman who ever catches it .

 

You don't want to spend the next few years of life playing second fiddle scarred for life .

Men don't leave good woman for a little roll in the bed no matter how good it was .

[Veronica73]

AP = affair partner

 

Think of vulnerability as being open to poor choices, including an affair, for reasons that are usually unique to the person.

 

When I made my poor choices, I felt very lonely, tired of my day to day, frustrated with my work and career. I also had a dysfunctional childhood, and have poor boundaries. He made me feel special, and the affair added excitement to my life. I was particularly vulnerable to his proclamations of love and the subsequent push and pull dynamic of an affair, in which the married person showers you with affection, then pulls away due to guilt. Over and over. Each time he did it, I felt an overwhelming need to entice him back.

 

A popular theory is that cheaters can sense when a woman is vulnerable. Whether it's poor boundaries, loneliness, a need for love or attention or validation. It certainly matches my in experience.

 

Oh, okay. I am very lonely. I got divorced a couple of years ago and am still rather heartbroken about it. I've been on a few dates here and there, but haven't felt ready to pursue a real relationship again. And I've been in a rut- like what's the point of anything. I wanted to feel good. Also, I've always kinda felt drawn to older, successful men.

 

That push and pull dynamic sounds awful.

[Veronica73]

Close the book ..there is nothing special about being kissed by him that you want to spend hours and a whoe thread processing over .

 

Lol. That's probably wise.

[d0nnivain]

There are older successful SINGLE men out there. Go find one.

[Veronica73]

Like I said, I'm not interested right now. He's the one who instigated it. It's not like I'm going around trying to steal other women's men. It was a 1 second kiss.