Mixed up feelings and to much time on the internet

[Lisamann]

I'm a young wife who is getting mixed up feelings. Last year my husband to a great paying job working on oil rigs. This job keeps him away from home for two to three weeks at a time. Two months ago I got laid off from my job. I have been spending all of my time on the internet watching interracial porn and reading stories about it. Two weeks ago I got involved in a social media site that has a chat site. This just exploded and I started chatting with black men from everywhere, by the forth day a man gave me his phone number and we started texting. A couple of days later I was giving my phone number out to other men. Last Friday night I woke up from my phone ringing. I answered it and was taken back by a mans voice who said please don't hang up I just wanted to talk. I listened to him for ten minutes before I said anything. He told me things about me I never knew. He seems to know about my addiction! This is all I think about now! I try to stop but I can't.

 

Do I need help? Is this normal?

 

Love Lisa

[Space Ritual]

I'm a young wife who is getting mixed up feelings. Last year my husband to a great paying job working on oil rigs. This job keeps him away from home for two to three weeks at a time. Two months ago I got laid off from my job. I have been spending all of my time on the internet watching interracial porn and reading stories about it. Two weeks ago I got involved in a social media site that has a chat site. This just exploded and I started chatting with black men from everywhere, by the forth day a man gave me his phone number and we started texting. A couple of days later I was giving my phone number out to other men. Last Friday night I woke up from my phone ringing. I answered it and was taken back by a mans voice who said please don't hang up I just wanted to talk. I listened to him for ten minutes before I said anything. He told me things about me I never knew. He seems to know about my addiction! This is all I think about now! I try to stop but I can't.

 

Do I need help? Is this normal?

 

Love Lisa

 

Tell your husband you discovered you liked other type of men so he doesn't have to waste any more time on you and can concentrate on his important work on the Oil Rig.

Just offer the poor guy an uncontested divorce on his terms so he can be treated well by someone that respects the vows of marriage, because it sure as hell is not you. Your husband is an Oil Rig worker no less? Working that incredibly difficult and demanding job to take care of your internet usage. Now that reciprocation is classy of you.

 

Also be prepared for a lifetime of dirty looks and smarmy under the breath comments from strangers, friends and family alike. Even though this is 2017, interracial relationships and the pursuit of them are not always universally accepted. Doesn't make that right at all, it's just a reality you will be faced with if you pursue the current course you find so exciting.

[Space Ritual]

He told me things about me I never knew. He seems to know about my addiction!

 

Are you sure you didn't find Miss Cleo? Are you getting charged 99 cents a minute to know your future?

 

(people of a certain age will get the Miss Cleo reference)

[Lisamann]

Tell your husband you discovered you liked other type of men so he doesn't have to waste any more time on you and can concentrate on his important work on the Oil Rig.

Just offer the poor guy an uncontested divorce on his terms so he can be treated well by someone that respects the vows of marriage, because it sure as hell is not you. Your husband is an Oil Rig worker no less? Working that incredibly difficult and demanding job to take care of your internet usage. Now that reciprocation is classy of you.

 

Also be prepared for a lifetime of dirty looks and smarmy under the breath comments from strangers, friends and family alike. Even though this is 2017, interracial relationships and the pursuit of them are not always universally accepted. Doesn't make that right at all, it's just a reality you will be faced with if you pursue the current course you find so exciting.

 

Well that was pretty to the point and arrogant of you! For one thing how do you know he is paying for my internet service? Second thing he didn't need to take this job. Money has never been an issue for us. You want to talk about wedding vows? Isn't a husband supposed to take care of his wife? He is so tired when he comes home he doesn't want sex, then buy the time he can preform he is running around with his friends fishing or hunting or hanging out with them!

[Lisamann]

Are you sure you didn't find Miss Cleo? Are you getting charged 99 cents a minute to know your future?

 

(people of a certain age will get the Miss Cleo reference)

 

 

What is miss Cleo?

[GorillaTheater]

Well that was pretty to the point and arrogant of you! For one thing how do you know he is paying for my internet service? Second thing he didn't need to take this job. Money has never been an issue for us. You want to talk about wedding vows? Isn't a husband supposed to take care of his wife? He is so tired when he comes home he doesn't want sex, then buy the time he can preform he is running around with his friends fishing or hunting or hanging out with them!

 

 

You're right; it's all his fault that you want you want to drop your shorts for some strange. What a jerk your husband is.

[Zahara]

Isn't a husband supposed to take care of his wife? He is so tired when he comes home he doesn't want sex, then buy the time he can preform he is running around with his friends fishing or hunting or hanging out with them!

 

Those aren't justifications to stray. Have you communicated your needs to him? Maybe spend the time and energy going to couples counseling? Stepping outside of your marriage is never a solution.

[Space Ritual]

Well that was pretty to the point and arrogant of you! For one thing how do you know he is paying for my internet service? Second thing he didn't need to take this job. Money has never been an issue for us. You want to talk about wedding vows? Isn't a husband supposed to take care of his wife? He is so tired when he comes home he doesn't want sex, then buy the time he can preform he is running around with his friends fishing or hunting or hanging out with them!

 

Arrogant? BWAAAHAAAA. That's rich. I am about the least arrogant person you'll meet here. I've just had a lot of experience with partners who put their own needs above their integrity. Much like you are doing currently.

 

You are a married woman looking online for hookups for Christ's Sake. How the hell do you think you are going to be received? With a Laurel and Hearty Handshake? Hey, you don't have to take anyone's advice. You came here seeking it, and now you got some you didn't like. I'm sure you will find someone here that will tell you what you want to hear.

 

I just gave you the same advice I'd give anyone who arrived here with what you wrote. A lot of "Me, Me, Me" in your posts. You blow in here, want advice, and don't like what you get. That's standard. Don't take my word for it, by all means continue down this path toward your happiness. You'll soon discover how much happiness you are about to spread around.

 

You are not unique.In fact read around here long enough and you'll see just how common you are. Your story has been written a thousand times before on this forum. Continue your "addiction" at your own Peril. You are not addicted, you're just another bored spouse.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

We really need an "eating popcorn" emoji at LS.

[Space Ritual]

We really need an "eating popcorn" emoji at LS.

 

The last time I mentioned Popcorn on one of these threads I got my wrist slapped by the Mods. lol

[Lisamann]

The last time I mentioned Popcorn on one of these threads I got my wrist slapped by the Mods. lol

 

I can see why you go through so many relationships! Maybe it's not your partners!!! Just sayin

[Space Ritual]

I can see why you go through so many relationships! Maybe it's not your partners!!! Just sayin

 

Could Be! It could be I have a bad picker. It could be I am a sucker for a Redhead with big tits and wandering eyes. It could be I don't know how to get off unless I shove a giant, yet oddly shaped sex toy shoved right up my arse.

 

IT COULD BE A COMBINATION OF ALL OF THE ABOVE.

 

None of the above has deterred me from searching for the best cup of Coffee in Chicago, dating casually,maintaining my Sobriety for over 20 years or having a lot of fun in my old age

 

One thing it isn't however, is going to change your conundrum, nor my advice.

[Poutrew]

OP, it is a myth that all black men are hung like horses. Or that when they cum they gush like a rain bird sprinkler. My prediction is that at the rate you are falling into your own smarmy dark fantasy, you will know this as a fact within the month. So how are you going to explain the interracial child to your husband? Or the STD's you will eventually pick up servicing your dark internet studs? My advice to you would be to monetize your perversion. Set up some live internet cams in your home and build up a clientele -- I'm sure there are many nasty sorts who would pay you mucho denero to see the live stuff. And, at least you'll be able to support yourself after the divorce. If that advice doesn't appeal to you, then rip the damn internet cable out of your home and change your phone number. Then book some time with a shrink so you can understand why you are the way you are, without blaming you husband.

[Space Ritual]

OP, it is a myth that all black men are hung like horses. Or that when they cum they gush like a rain bird sprinkler. My prediction is that at the rate you are falling into your own smarmy dark fantasy, you will know this as a fact within the month. So how are you going to explain the interracial child to your husband? Or the STD's you will eventually pick up servicing your dark internet studs? My advice to you would be to monetize your perversion. Set up some live internet cams in your home and build up a clientele -- I'm sure there are many nasty sorts who would pay you mucho denero to see the live stuff. And, at least you'll be able to support yourself after the divorce. If that advice doesn't appeal to you, then rip the damn internet cable out of your home and change your phone number. Then book some time with a shrink so you can understand why you are the way you are, without blaming you husband.

 

The Sheriff is near!

 

:lmao::lmao: I'm sorry, I'm dying...Well played Poutrew

[Lisamann]

OP, it is a myth that all black men are hung like horses. Or that when they cum they gush like a rain bird sprinkler. My prediction is that at the rate you are falling into your own smarmy dark fantasy, you will know this as a fact within the month. So how are you going to explain the interracial child to your husband? Or the STD's you will eventually pick up servicing your dark internet studs? My advice to you would be to monetize your perversion. Set up some live internet cams in your home and build up a clientele -- I'm sure there are many nasty sorts who would pay you mucho denero to see the live stuff. And, at least you'll be able to support yourself after the divorce. If that advice doesn't appeal to you, then rip the damn internet cable out of your home and change your phone number. Then book some time with a shrink so you can understand why you are the way you are, without blaming you husband.

 

Wow that's wasn't only racist it showed your true maturity! Is that how you feel about all women? That the only way they can support themselves is with a video camera and a bed? And as far as this house I own it and paid cash for it! And by the way the three year old ford pickup truck my husband drives I paid for too so I don't have to lay on my back to make money.

[Michelle ma Belle]

This is easy. The quickest way to stop this from going any further is to come clean to your hubby. I'll bet you dollars to donuts he'll have something to say about it that will make you think twice about logging in online again any time soon.

 

But you won't. And we all know this.

 

I'm the first one to empathize with men and women who are cast aside sexually by their partners because I was one of them BUT it's NOT an excuse to go off and behave inappropriately.

 

Have a problem? Communicate. If he doesn't listen, then demand therapy. Still no improvement? Then time to make a change, dramatically if necessary.

 

I'm not sure what kind of advice you're seeking here but you'd be hard pressed to see anyone giving you the green light to continue what you're doing in the way you're doing it.

[smackie9]

You have had 2 months to get a job, so if you don't need to lie on your back to make an income, what they hell are you doing?

 

You want out, delete all your accounts, and change your phone number so they can no longer reach you. Put on some nice clothes and start knocking on some doors for a job.

 

BTW: The Nigerian prince that phoned you, and seems to have a lot of knowledge about you is embarking on a blackmailing journey and wants to bring you along.Better clean up your act or you will find yourself in a lot of hot water.

[Lisamann]

This is easy. The quickest way to stop this from going any further is to come clean to your hubby. I'll bet you dollars to donuts he'll have something to say about it that will make you think twice about logging in online again any time soon.

 

But you won't. And we all know this.

 

I'm the first one to empathize with men and women who are cast aside sexually by their partners because I was one of them BUT it's NOT an excuse to go off and behave inappropriately.

 

Have a problem? Communicate. If he doesn't listen, then demand therapy. Still no improvement? Then time to make a change, dramatically if necessary.

 

I'm not sure what kind of advice you're seeking here but you'd be hard pressed to see anyone giving you the green light to continue what you're doing in the way you're doing it.

 

I wasn't asking for a green light from anyone. And I wasn't expecting the male shovanist remarks or the racist remarks that were thrown at me. I'm not some dumb bimbo that has to rely on my husband to support me.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I wasn't asking for a green light from anyone. And I wasn't expecting the male shovanist remarks or the racist remarks that were thrown at me. I'm not some dumb bimbo that has to rely on my husband to support me.

 

So what were you hoping to hear? That you're normal? That this is normal? That you're justified?

 

I'm confused.

 

Boredom is the root of all evil and the devil's playground. You lost your job and have turned your extra time and loneliness into a full time hobby that's getting out of hand. Perhaps the easiest solution is go out and find another job that will keep you busy. Any job since money doesn't seem to be an issue.

 

I'm not sure what kind of responses you're wanting here so rather than pick apart every response, how about you help guide us a bit with what kind of help you really want us to provide for you.

[Space Ritual]

I wasn't asking for a green light from anyone. And I wasn't expecting the male shovanist remarks or the racist remarks that were thrown at me. I'm not some dumb bimbo that has to rely on my husband to support me.

 

Lisa,

 

We understand you find yourself in a poor situation. No one is saying you are a bimbo.

 

We are saying that there are consequences to choices. We have all had them. We have all made bad choices. All of us. It is part of what makes us human. And it is perfectly understandable for you to feel attacked or like we don't care.

 

It however is quite the opposite.

 

The fact is that we truly do care. None of us would dedicate one iota of time to write to you if we didn't.

 

Admittedly I am not the most diplomatic person. However, in the near decade I have offered help to those who have come here, I have always attempted to provide honest, and real advice. As you can see sometimes it does not come across as anything but insulting. And I am sorry. It is not my intention.

 

My goal here is to attempt to aid you in removing the scales from your eyes so you can actually see the reality of the situation you are in. My posts are usually heavy handed, but dancing around an issue does a total disservice to you as a new arrival. If I didn't call it like I see it, I'd be guilty of blowing smoke up your ass and telling you that you need to chase your dreams and let this play out.

 

And in the end regardless of my approach this situation can be rectified on your end. Sure, you looked at some porn, got on a site and got a few calls form potential hookups.

 

You have not as of yet, if your story is accurate, crossed the Rubicon into an untenable position. So much to your credit you came here BEFORE you did something that you would really regret. We are trying to give you the shock and awe snapshot of what you are in store for if you keep going this direction. But it is totally up to you as to what direction you want to go.

 

I don't find it Chauvinistic to give you a snapshot of a possible future. I don't find it inherently racist either. When I said to you that you need to be prepared for smarmy behaviors and dirty looks that is simply a reality of everyday life. You are not going to be able to escape that. Some people are totally against Miscegenation and try as you may, some people will simply have an aversion to it.

 

But that's what really is not the issue. The issue is that you feel your needs are NOT being met in your marriage. And it is ok to express that and to inform your husband that you need some changes if the marriage is going to survive.

 

However, coping with this by seeking outside gratification without your husband being aware of this makes you no better than an uncommunicative husband. A Marriage with 3 people in it is not a marriage.

 

I encourage you to have a heart to heart with your husband, and if you cannot come to some compromise, then by all means dissolve the marriage.

 

But coping with this by seeking out other men and then expecting a complete 180 by your husband while he is none the wiser flies in the face of common sense. It just shows you do not value your husband or really have much respect for him at all.

 

If the tables were reversed...say for instance you had a job that takes you away for weeks at a time. How do you think you would feel if you came home to find a overboard cell phone usage bill, with your husband refusing to understand that his communicating with other women and fantasizing about screwing them and gaslighting you till the cows come home??

 

You have in a way set your house on fire. Your husband has no knowledge of this. Are you going to spray a garden hose on the fire for 10 minutes and then give up and let the house burn down around you?

 

So allow yourself the luxury of at least taking in what we say. By all means fee free to discount any advice. I just want to point out that most of us have survived infidelity i one form or another, and in some cases ore than once.

 

We have a collective wisdom on this board that is without compare anywhere else. We give advice based on our own experiences, which vary to some extent but at the end of the day they are basically the same. And that is that we are guilty of allowing ourselves to fall in love with someone who either claimed to have the same feelings in return that didn't, but instead of telling us, they decided the path of least resistance was the best path. Until the path of least resistance turned into the worst path as they were discovered.

 

Being defensive is natural, and even lashing out at such an early stage is natural. But do yourself a favor and take in what everyone is saying to you. We are pretty much in consensus because many of us lived through the ensuing trainwreck coming around the bend that you are currently discovering.

 

Others I am sure will come along with some more palatable advice than I can provide. But if you find us uncomfortable to converse with, imagine how uncomfortable it will be to converse with your husband if you cross that point of no return.

 

Good Luck.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Space Ritual

[knabe]

Are YOU proud of what you are doing? Do you believe this is how a woman with character should behave? You are cheating on your husband with strangers and giving your number to people who you do not know. And you are justifying it.

 

If you want to stop....stop. Deactivate Facebook. Generate a random password and copy and paste it into the porn site so that you cannot remember it. Hang out with friend instead of surfing online. Find another job.

 

You CAN stop.

[usa1ah]

Well that was pretty to the point and arrogant of you! For one thing how do you know he is paying for my internet service? Second thing he didn't need to take this job. Money has never been an issue for us. You want to talk about wedding vows? Isn't a husband supposed to take care of his wife? He is so tired when he comes home he doesn't want sex, then buy the time he can preform he is running around with his friends fishing or hunting or hanging out with them!

 

Then divorce him and do what ever you want.

 

Simple

[usa1ah]

I wasn't asking for a green light from anyone. And I wasn't expecting the male shovanist remarks or the racist remarks that were thrown at me. I'm not some dumb bimbo that has to rely on my husband to support me.

 

I think you are the only one here say they want to have sex with someone just because of the color of their skin.

 

That is pretty racist to me.

 

I know my friends of the color of skin you refer to don't like being referred to in the way you are.

[sandylee1]

Do you want to explore something with one of these men? You really need to be careful about meeting people online.

 

I am a bit surprised with some of the remarks that I consider somewhat racist.

 

Don't be giving out your personal information, otherwise you'll get busted very quickly.

 

Find a new focus and stop spending all the time viewing porn. If there are issues in your marriage you need to address them.

[Pumpkin008]

To answer your original question, no this is not normal behavior.

 

 

I think that you are playing a dangerous game that is most likely not going to work out well for you in the end. You may not like the responses from this forum but no one is really going to encourage you to cheat on your husband.

 

 

It sounds like this all stemmed from boredom and if you really are looking to stop then you need to change your habits. Stop giving out your phone number and responding to the ones that have it. Delete your profile and find another way to occupy your time. Volunteer, find meetup groups, keep looking for a job, etc.

 

 

How would you feel if your husband was on porn sites and messaging women? I'm betting that you wouldn't like that too much. Talk to him about spending more time with you. But don't blame him for your actions here. You are responsible for those all on your own.