Gf lied about past (mostly sexual)

[AnotherGuy991]

This will be a long one but please help me – not an native English speaker BUT please, please!! HELP me out!!

I have a relationship with this girl (both same age > 25) for 7 months. – I have slept with 9 girls, she slept with 10 guys (including me)

 

- When I started going out with her she was just leaving a 4 months relationship – somehow she cheated on her last bf with me bcz they were still together when we first kissed but they were arguing and didn’t see each other for 2 weeks- meanwhile she was flirting with me.

 

- From the very first moment (at that moment we didn’t fcked) she told me that she needs a man that satisfies her sexually 100% and she won’t stay in a relationship if she won’t feel fully satisfied.

 

- She slept with me after 3 days after she totally broke up with her ex. 3 days because I have refused her 2 times because she still had photos with her ex on fb and I told her that I could have been in his place.

 

- She told me from the first month that she wants me to marry her, she wants to have kids with me and stay together forever.

 

- So I said I won’t sleep with her until she totally ends that relationship. The sex was great, we both finished.

 

-She starts telling me some things about her sexual past (a total of 10 guys she fcked) – but she said she couldn’t finish every time with them (she had a 2 years LTR and she said she haven’t finished once in all that time – it was her first guy) and finishing was very rare for her. She had 2 LTRs and 1 FWB.

 

- After a few times we slept together, out of nowhere, she asked me if there is something in my past that I remember with very high pleasure (not miss it, just remember with pleasure) and I said that I am over all of my past. She said that she was feeling so good with her FWB and she had such a good connection with her FWB. This was the first moment I felt like I wasn’t good enough sexually or at least she compares me with her FWB and she is not satisfied by me (even tho she told me that it is the first relationship that she can finish every single time we slept and we did that every single day – sometimes 2 times/day, sometimes she was cuming 2 or 3 times in a single round).

- She told me she loves me in the first week.

- After 1 month together she comes and stay at my house, moves some clothes to me, sleep with me (we both work in the same place), but we started arguing.

 

- I have never ever seen a girl that swears that much and yells at me so much. For example : GTFO of my face u fcking piece of sheet. I told her so many times that I don’t like that she insults me in every fight then she says she was mad and nervous and apologize.

 

- The fights were mostly her complaining not having enough attention from me (even tho we were both going to work together, both going home together, staying togheter all the time). Watching Tv or playing on PC was a big mistake from me, bcz she was saying I don’t pay her enough attention.

 

-So every fight was the same – I was trying to explain things to her, she was insulting me, yelling, saying bad things about me or how I am not a real man.

 

- She told me that her first LTR (2 years) was abusive and that guy was beating her. She left that relationship and she got a FWB. Then she met another guy – who was her 2nd LTR but this guy had some alcohol issues so she cheated on him (just kissed another guy when she got drunk) after 2 yrs even if they were living togheter. After breaking up with this guy she got back at her FWB and started to fck guys randomly bcz she was hurt and she was searching for someone to have a real relationship with.

 

- The problem is that she lied to me with some things about her past or contradicted herself with some of the things she said to me :

- telling me that I am the only one that can make her cum by oral – but she forgot that 1 month before she told me that she had a relationship in which she could cum only by oral. When I told her I know that she got angry, yelling, insulting me.

 

- She told me that she couldn’t finish before me – but after some time she said that she couldn’t finish before me except the guy that she cheated on with me.

 

- Today she tells me she fcked one guy for a month and it was bad. After 2 months tells me she actually slept with that guy ONCE and it was painful and bad. After another 2 days she tells me that she was with that guy 1 month and it was painful but she got used to it.

- Lied to me about when she started her sexual life. Told me that she did some things only with me - but in the past she told me she did those things in other relationships but forgot she told me.

 

- And other lies that made me think that she is not honest with me and she has something to hide from me. I confronted her with all the lies and I want to end this bcz she lied to me with these things even tho I told her to be honest with me.

 

- She made me feel bad and not enough for her. She says she did this bcz she was ashamed with her past (but actually she told me that she slept with 10 guys from the first moment) and bcz she felt that I am a little insecure (which Is partially true bcz I tried so much to be good in bed after she told me that she absolutely needs a guy who performs well – and I was asking her if she was okay with the sex).

 

- The sex is great tho, she finishes almost 2 times/intercourse, oral or normal, she says she has the best sex she have ever had. Now I feel lied to, betrayed, compared with the guys in her past, I cannot trust her. I feel like I don’t want her but somehow I still care about her. She came to me crying and apologizing not to leave her, came to my house so many times trying to get her back, she refuses to get her clothes from me because she says she loves me, she sent me a tons of SMS, mails, calls.

 

- Makes me reconsider this even tho I cannot see her again the same. 1. She has a bad sexual past. 2. she lied to me about it – that wouldn’t be a problem but she lied to me about things that implies me : telling that I do something that no one could but she actually was lying about it. That made me feel more insecure and I felt I was not enough for her. 3. She insults me, yells at me, tells me a I am not a man good enough (actually I am pretty successful, girls like me, talk to me, one ex gf is still trying to get me back).

- She tells me that she will change, that she is not like that, she loves me and won’t leave me but I cannot trust her (got cheated 3 times in my past – I swore to myself I will never allow someone to lie to me). She told me she was sleeping with all those guys bcz she was punishing herself for cheating on the second LTR – even tho she had her FWB both before and after cheating on him.

 

- She tells me that this is the best sex ever bcz I give her emotionally things too – not only being fcked like other guys did and that’s why she couldn’t cum – and she feels great both emotional and physical with me but I don’t belive her now. I am really a good man, i respect women and i try to make girls feel good and important - as i said, my last girlfriend is still waiting me to go back to her after > 7 months.

 

The question is : would you get back to someone who repeatedly lied to you about her sexual past – even if you warn her not to lie? would you trust someone who said things I told her that is better to not tell me something than lie to me. Btw, I haven’t asked her all of these infos, she told me by herself (like : hey, I was with a guy that blabla/I had a FWB that gave me good sex, etc). Would you forgive all those bad manners (insulting, cursing, hitting me, throwing things at me)?

 

Long story short : - Bad manner gf even if i am a chill guy who cares about her. (she slept with 10 guys - 2 LTRs, 1 FWB, some ONS)

- Tells me i need to perform sexually at the start of our relationship.

- Tells me she has the best sex ever with me

- Lies to me about her sexual past - said she lied cause of shame of her past but i don't belive a thing.

- Lies to me about things we do - says she does those things first time with me then she contradicts herself.

- Insults me, yells at me, make scenes at every fight then she comes back apologizing bcz she was mad.

[Poutrew]

Long story short : - Bad manner gf even if i am a chill guy who cares about her. (she slept with 10 guys - 2 LTRs, 1 FWB, some ONS)

- Tells me i need to perform sexually at the start of our relationship.

- Tells me she has the best sex ever with me

- Lies to me about her sexual past - said she lied cause of shame of her past but i don't belive a thing.

- Lies to me about things we do - says she does those things first time with me then she contradicts herself.

- Insults me, yells at me, make scenes at every fight then she comes back apologizing bcz she was mad.

 

And why are you even considering getting back with this shrew? If you do, just put your sex organs on a wooden block and chop them off with a sharp hatchet and hand them over to her. She owns them - the rest of you doesn't matter. Have some self respect and run away from this situation, and her, very, very fast...

[Mumbles]

Have you considered this girl has a personality disorder? Several things in your OP point to this. The biggest one for me is the making up of a fantasy life. She is living in this fantasy world and simply makes things up as she goes along.

[Thatoneguy55]

I'm not seeing the up-side to trying to stay with this girl. You are emotionally attached already, so you can't just go the FB route.

 

If you are worried that you will never find another girl with such a sex drive, think again. Most women have a silent but implied requirement that you lay good pipe.

[AnotherGuy991]

Thanks everybody for replies, you are really helping because i am so confused. She keeps contacting me and apologizing to forgive her and somehow this is making me to consider getting her back. I will try not to be again with her bcz i know this relationship will never work and i just got used to her but not really love her. She is seeing a therapist because she did those things in her past and from the moment we got togheter she said she needs some therapy. I am seeing a therapist too (i had some anxiety issues after one friend of mine got sick and almost died but now i am ok) and she told me that this girl is probably a BPD and she will never change. It sucks cause i really liked her and almost 60% of time it was okay but the rest 40% was a fcking hell and i mean it. The good times were not worth for those bad, dark, shiiitty moments when we fought. At all.

The thing is that she doesn't want to take her clothes from my house, at least in this moment she said she won't leave because she loves me and she wants me back. I was thinking about starting to pack her things but she asked me to think about us these days and we should meet and talk about this soon. This is fcked up. Thank you for your replies, any more help would be much appreciated. Peace

[Miss Spider]

Holy red flags. Abort mission

[spiderowl]

How does she make you feel? Happy, secure, joyous, sad, anxious, confused, angry, shocked, upset, relaxed, tense, hurt, loved, adored, trusted? What are your predominant emotions when you are with her? Try assigning percentages to them and see how you feel most of the time. Is that the way you want to feel most of the time?

 

If you feel great half the time and rubbish the rest, is the great half worth the rubbish half?

 

Will you ever be able to trust her?

[AnotherGuy991]

Hey, long time no see. So in the last 2 weeks:

- She didn't want to take her clothes and things from my apartment. She finally did that last week after I told her I will throw her things away if she won't take them.

- Went to her home 2 times when i got drunk and slept with her.

 

- When we were togheter her ****-friend was messaging her but she wasn't answering - i told her that i wanted to know every time he was contacting her but she didn't tell me and i got mad (i found out she was not telling me that he was trying to talk with her the day we broke up because i asked her to show me the conversation). Last time i was at her house i asked if this guy messaged her after we broke up and she told me that she even blocked him. I insisted and told her to show me that he is blocked but she got nervous and i saw that he wasn't actually blocked, that they were still friends but the conversation was empty!! I wanted to leave but she cried and beg me to stay because she deleted the conversation when we argued about it before we broke up and she just thought she blocked him. (WTF?!) I agreed to stay - wanted to sleep with her - and she blocked the guy in front of me.

 

- I blocked her and tried to do NC but she was still sending me messages via whatsapp or sms and we see each other at work.

- After I didn't responded her at all she started sending messages to my close friends, cousin, even my mom telling them that she regrets everything and she wants me back cause i am good man, etc.

 

Now i still feel hurt, i feel betrayed and that i fall in love with a sloot (for real) that is unstable AF. I am going to therapy for some anxiety issues and my therapist told me that she looks like a BPD+/-NPD and she told me that this girl won't leave me alone, won't agree to break up, won't take her things from me, will message everyone just to make me take her back then leave me for another guy when she is prepared. For real, it makes me consider that she loves me but i know that she won't change, I won't trust her again, I cannot look at her the same and all her instable, fcked up, strange past is bothering me so much.

 

Aditionally, the fact that my therapist told me how she will behave before we broke up and she actually did exactly those things (contacting my friends, family, refusing to take her clothes, crying, begging, then being toxic, etc) makes me think that she really doesn't love me but she just want to take me back for revenge or just she is obssesed with me and cannot accept that I left her and that she is alone.

 

I have read a lot about NPD and emotional abusing and she is exactly the same as described there. I know it won't work if i get her back, I really don't think so much about her but I am mad at me cause i fcked this up and i should have left her the very first moment when she abused me both emotional and verbally.

 

I am mad cause I have invested so much in this and for nothing...I am again hurt and I consider starting to be a bad boy, fck everything I can, don't care if I hurt other girls - maybe that way I won't get hurt. But that's not what i feel at all...I actually feel I want a good girl that loves me, to be in a LTR and build a family (kids, etc).

 

I have read that i should try to be alone for some time but fck that is so hard now to be alone all the time - I can be with some other ex-gf that still tries to get me back but I feel nothing for her, I would just sleep with her, I don't actually find her that attractive, and I am not really that type of guy to hurt someone for free just for my own good. This ex-gf told me she is still in love with me and miss me so much (after almost 1 yr) and I know I will hurt her if I'll sleep with her then leave.

 

This healing process is hard AF and hurts me so much - all of my friends are in relationships but I am single and if go out i am the only one alone...What do you guys think? Stop being rational and try to find pleasure and get over this thing faster? Or stay single for some time and see what happens? Would you guys forgive this girl and take her - or consider taking her back?

 

Any respose would be much appreciated. Thanks Peace

Edited September 25, 2017 by AnotherGuy991

[d0nnivain]

She is a mess but you need introspection. Do not invest your heart into a new relationship until you calm down. Like this new EX you don't much care who you are in a relationship with as long as you are not alone. That is a bad plan.

 

 

Get a grip on who you are & what you want. Never believe anybody who tells you they love you in the 1st month. Don't let anybody keep stuff at your house for the 1st 6 months. Be very wary of people who give you unsolicited details about their sexual past.