knabe Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 A "sex addict"? hmmmm. Maybe he just likes to read about sex and watch porn? Do you have any evidence that he ever actually MET with anyone else? Sounds like just another sex starved guy whose wife is not trying to satisfy him What a jaded, bitter assumption and not helpful at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 You knew she was cheating - you decided not to look. Be honest. She is not having sex with you for a long time - you accepted this - for what ever your reasons are. Could you just go get your own outside lovers - and continue on as roommates or whatever you have had for years? ^^^^This is classic OP, you have a ton of evidence. I would expose this and file for separation after consulting a lawyer about your rights. Even if you do not divorce, you need to know your rights. BTW, who sent you this message? I hope they had the courage and character to name themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 op, sorry if I assumed you are a woman if you are not one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwontbefooledagain Posted September 8, 2017 Author Share Posted September 8, 2017 op, sorry if I assumed you are a woman if you are not one. Now worries! I am a woman actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwontbefooledagain Posted September 8, 2017 Author Share Posted September 8, 2017 ^^^^This is classic OP, you have a ton of evidence. I would expose this and file for separation after consulting a lawyer about your rights. Even if you do not divorce, you need to know your rights. BTW, who sent you this message? I hope they had the courage and character to name themselves. thanks for the support--Fake FB Account, who knows at this point because apparently it was common knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwontbefooledagain Posted September 8, 2017 Author Share Posted September 8, 2017 hope you find a way to get some peace. See an attorney. Expose to his family and let the spouses of friends know what is going on. If someone knew, you would want to be told. I know I would. figure out what you want. then start going for it. Life is too short to have someone cheat on you over and over. Harry thank you for the support and advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwontbefooledagain Posted September 8, 2017 Author Share Posted September 8, 2017 A "sex addict"? hmmmm. Maybe he just likes to read about sex and watch porn? Do you have any evidence that he ever actually MET with anyone else? Sounds like just another sex starved guy whose wife is not trying to satisfy him In the forum posts he questioned his own addiction to sex. This is not about porn or a forum for advice. The forum was/is a GUIDE to finding, rating, and sharing stories about escorts, AMP"s and evading the police and being caught from the wife. Hmmmmmmm, don't think he was sex starved at all. Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bealigerent Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 It's pretty awful that your status as BS was public knowledge. I think I may have been in the same situation-my late husband belonged to an organization that required a lot of time away from hme, and I turned a bind eye because i didn't know what else to do. But that is all water under the bridge.. It could be that it was curiosity alone took him to these escort sites. Maybe it was just a fantasy... What would you want to have happen now?Best possible outcome? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I'm a bit perplexed here. -No sex for 4 years. -You both agreed to stay together just for the kids -You received the fb message. -You don't want an open marriage Yet you don't want a divorce. This isn't much of a marriage. What are you really hanging onto? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 How do you survive this? Well, you tell yourself that you can't leave because of the financial, or the kids, or owning a house together, or scared of what people will think, and then you STAY. That's how you survive this. If you were smart, you'd get a bf on the side too. You know, since neither one of you are leaving.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 (edited) Yeah, right. I thought that. That is, I thought that he should not get to escape. He should suffer through my suffering. He will come to understand once he sees how deeply he wounded me. Well, I hate to tell you. Some - if not most - cheaters - are not affected that way when they see their betrayed spouse's suffering. If they weren't already basic sociopaths, then their brains have gradually become sophisticated practitioners of the art of self-delusion in order to do, get, feel, be the way they want. Successful cheating and lying means they can think their way out of guilt, pain, responsibility and be just fine concocting an explanation that makes it YOUR problem, YOUR fault, or at the very least YOUR issue that you have to take care of yourself. Not only that, being reminded by the person they betrayed can irritate or even enrage the "ex-"cheater because it's forcing acknowledgement of what they've done. No, "suffering" is not in the cheater's plan for getting over those—oh, so unfortunate—mistakes. And, sure, they will admit to making a mistake. For a while, which still consists of blaming someone or something else. And as far your suffering goes - oops! Time to be well! You've been indulged enough; remorse has done its job. It's over, done, enough. Time to move on, they decide, and that means no more feeling sorry for yourself, pathetic Betrayed Spouse. Are you kidding? These people are champs at NOT suffering. Their lives are about not getting caught and rationalizing away mistakes, which include those little flings that happen to everybody, right? Wrong. So do yourself a favor and DON'T think you're both going to "suffer if we stick together." It will be just you suffering. I guarantee. 100% correct! This is exactly what they do. They don't suffer. My exMM contacted me numerous times after d day and when he got emotional it was because of him feeling sorry for himself... He was angry that his wife was requesting him to prove to her that she could trust him and all sorts of requirements she was making for him to have to meet before she would allow him privileges and her trust. He didn't see that he had hurt her or myself or other APs. He felt no remorse for anything he did only how he could possibly lose his kids which was his only fear. Edited September 13, 2017 by Ahurtgirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 I too believed I was staying together 'for the kids' for a decade. I no longer believe in that at all after seeing what the results are - both first hand and from friends. You are setting the example for your kids about what relationships are supposed to be. A very poor example quite honestly. It is NOT benefiting them. Quite the opposite. Two happy homes are better than one bad one any day. The cold hard truth is that it is hard to divorce. Financially and emotionally. A lot of people say they are staying together 'for the kids' when the truth is that they just don't have the 'gumption' to divorce. Staying together in this situation does NOT benefit them. They know you don't love your spouse. Bite the bullet. Divorce and go your separate ways. Show your kids that you are strong. Yes it will be hard financially. Yes it will be hard emotionally. Yes you may have to get a job if you don't already have one. Your standard of living will be lower. So what? Do it. Show your kids that a relationship devoid of love, full of lies and cheating, etc is NOT worth it. That is what will be 'for the kids'. While this may not be popular and you may not like it, it is the cold hard truth. Been there. Done that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 If you are determined to stay with him, no matter what, there is nothing we can do for you. You will just have to suck it up and continue to be abused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwontbefooledagain Posted September 13, 2017 Author Share Posted September 13, 2017 (edited) I too believed I was staying together 'for the kids' for a decade. I no longer believe in that at all after seeing what the results are - both first hand and from friends. You are setting the example for your kids about what relationships are supposed to be. A very poor example quite honestly. It is NOT benefiting them. Quite the opposite. Two happy homes are better than one bad one any day. The cold hard truth is that it is hard to divorce. Financially and emotionally. A lot of people say they are staying together 'for the kids' when the truth is that they just don't have the 'gumption' to divorce. Staying together in this situation does NOT benefit them. They know you don't love your spouse. Bite the bullet. Divorce and go your separate ways. Show your kids that you are strong. Yes it will be hard financially. Yes it will be hard emotionally. Yes you may have to get a job if you don't already have one. Your standard of living will be lower. So what? Do it. Show your kids that a relationship devoid of love, full of lies and cheating, etc is NOT worth it. That is what will be 'for the kids'. While this may not be popular and you may not like it, it is the cold hard truth. Been there. Done that. Thank you for the advice. I do have a job, I am in demand in my field and paid well. He left his very high paying job almost five years ago to start a business which has caused extreme stress on our family via time and finances. Staying because of not working etc is not the situation here. I just don't want to be a failure to my family. We are competitive. I don't want my daughters to be the ones who have divorced parents. My extended family dynamics are perverted also. Everyone has to be just so perfect. Had a soft discovery a year ago--H sent an email to someone and copied our child on it in error. It was innocent enough but he looked so caught and panicked it was obvious he is involved with someone. I need to stop enabling him and become brave. Edited September 13, 2017 by Iwontbefooledagain Link to post Share on other sites
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