My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!

[Conqueror]

Hello,

 

I posted here in the past about an affair that I had a couple of years ago with a man I loved, though we were both married. For reference, here is a thread from the past:

 

Marriage & Life Partnerships - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Its been over 2 years already. Everyone has moved on. My husband almost left me back then, but he gave me another chance and I WILL NOT ruin it. My husband and I had a new baby and moved into a new home in January. All is well and we are happy and close. My daughter loves her new school. She could hardly wait til summer vacation was over to return to school. School started yesterday. We were looking forward to a brand new school year. I walked my daughter to her new classroom and proceed outside to my car. Low and behold, I run into his wife who was dropping their daughter off at my daughter's school. She just started this school this year. The wife knows who I am and that AP and I had a very passionate affair a couple of years ago. She and I did not speak to one another. I think we were both pretty shocked. I almost tripped over my feet.

 

I spoke with someone familiar with the situation that happened between me and AP a couple of years ago. That person said that they believe AP moved to this area on purpose knowing I lived here. This person mentioned that AP came into the office a couple of months ago stating that they were looking for a house in MY area. AP ALSO added, "I think (MY NAME) lives in that area!"

 

He and I are no contact, of course. From the time the affair ended, there were no calls, texts, emails, etc. Occasionally, however, whenever we saw each other at meetings, he would speak to me. Initially, I ignored him. Then there was the occasional nod. The last time we were at a meeting, which was back in April, I was very pregnant and due to give birth a week from that day. At this point, I was very happy, and I had put everything behind me regarding the A. THough I was hurt and a little mad at him at first, I still had love for him and for some reason carried a torch for him, so to speak. At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him. He turned around and said, "hi how are you?"

"Great," I replied. "How are you?"

"I'm great!" He said.

"Good. I saw your commercial on TV," I said.

"Oh really? Where do you live," he inquired.

I told him the area I lived in, which is a close knit community. He asked me to repeat it and I did, really thinking nothing of it.

 

Now, I find out he lives right around the corner from me and his daughter attends the same damn school as mine. I am devastated right now. Is this a coincidence, or do you guys REALLY think he did this on purpose?

 

I have read about people involved in affairs not only went NC, but many would go the extra mile and quit their jobs and move away. NOT to the area where their former AP was living. I wish I hadn't told him where I lived...I don't need constant reminders of a very painful time in my life and in my marriage. What do you all think about this? Coincidence? Is this OK? Did he do this on purpose? If so, why? He could have moved anywhere else. Smh! I hope I posted in the right thread..

Edited September 7, 2017 by Conqueror

[d0nnivain]

Tell your husband immediately about where this guy lives, how you learned about it & your suspicions. If your husband doesn't hear it form you he will assume the worst.

 

 

Then make a plan together to deal with this

[SammySammy]

I definitely think he did it on purpose. And I think he intends to pursue what he wants ... unless intervened.

 

His wife has to feel like a sucker right now. Imagine what he told her to get her to move there.

[Been]

I would tell your husband but then again your husband might think yo told him where you live on purpose for other reasons. I think I would just say you happen to see him at your daughters school or something like that.

And then avoid talking to him. And if tried to talk with you tell him what you BOTH did was wrong and you don't want to talk with him. If he doesnt respect that then inform your husband about it.

[minimariah]

Did he do this on purpose?

 

yup.

 

If so, why?

 

because he wants to restart the A and, honestly, he sounds like a complete lunatic from your previous threads, super unstable. manipulative.

 

be honest with your H, tell him everything. avoid contact with the AP, he will try to contact you, start conversation, create another bond with you. be prepared and avoid. also, be honest with yourself and ask yourself why did this upset you so much - you should have been indifferent if you're truly over the A.

[Aqulesco]

Does your husband know the om threatened to kill him?? This could get dangerous

[usa1ah]

This is why no contact means No Contact.

 

Yes this is your doing.

 

You started talking to him again.

 

You brought up his commercial like you were interested.

 

This is why I would never give my wife a second chance if she cheated on me.

[l8estnews]

This is why no contact means No Contact.

 

Yes this is your doing.

 

You started talking to him again.

 

You brought up his commercial like you were interested.

 

This is why I would never give my wife a second chance if she cheated on me.

 

Woah, I am very sensitive to cheating but this escalated so quickly!

 

But yes,OP. You shouldn't have talked to him again. When you saw him, you should've turned the other way around.

[whichwayisup]

Sadly it seems that he manipulated you into talking to him and it was a big mistake telling him where you are living now hence him moving closer to you and having daughter enrolled at the same school as you. Obviously his wife had no idea due to her reaction of running into you at the school.

 

You have to tell your husband everything, even the casual conversation you had with exMM and how you thought nothing of it but now have realized something is off since exMM moved in your area. I hope for your sake your H trusts you because this is the sort of thing that can some real problems again in your marriage and make him mistrust you and all the effort of rebuilding the marriage.

 

From now on ignore exMM. No more chit chats, casual conversations. He is poison to you and your marriage! NC means NC.

[MidwestUSA]

After reading your background, I fear for you, OP.

 

You have to tell your husband. And yes, while it was a mistake talking to him, I guarantee he would have found where you live by other means; it seems as if he was quite determined to do so.

 

The guy is at least a sociopath, maybe worse. Keep your eyes and ears open at all times. If it were me, I'd be house hunting.

[GoldenR]

You know why the told him where you live? Because, as stated in your post, you still have love for him and you still carry a torch for him. It's only a matter of time before you're back in the A, bc clearly, in your head, you've never been out of it. I feel sorry for your husband.

[pheonixrisen]

Hello,

 

I posted here in the past about an affair that I had a couple of years ago with a man I loved, though we were both married. For reference, here is a thread from the past:

 

Marriage & Life Partnerships - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Its been over 2 years already. Everyone has moved on. My husband almost left me back then, but he gave me another chance and I WILL NOT ruin it. My husband and I had a new baby and moved into a new home in January. All is well and we are happy and close. My daughter loves her new school. She could hardly wait til summer vacation was over to return to school. School started yesterday. We were looking forward to a brand new school year. I walked my daughter to her new classroom and proceed outside to my car. Low and behold, I run into his wife who was dropping their daughter off at my daughter's school. She just started this school this year. The wife knows who I am and that AP and I had a very passionate affair a couple of years ago. She and I did not speak to one another. I think we were both pretty shocked. I almost tripped over my feet.

 

I spoke with someone familiar with the situation that happened between me and AP a couple of years ago. That person said that they believe AP moved to this area on purpose knowing I lived here. This person mentioned that AP came into the office a couple of months ago stating that they were looking for a house in MY area. AP ALSO added, "I think (MY NAME) lives in that area!"

 

He and I are no contact, of course. From the time the affair ended, there were no calls, texts, emails, etc. Occasionally, however, whenever we saw each other at meetings, he would speak to me. Initially, I ignored him. Then there was the occasional nod. The last time we were at a meeting, which was back in April, I was very pregnant and due to give birth a week from that day. At this point, I was very happy, and I had put everything behind me regarding the A. THough I was hurt and a little mad at him at first, I still had love for him and for some reason carried a torch for him, so to speak. At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him. He turned around and said, "hi how are you?"

"Great," I replied. "How are you?"

"I'm great!" He said.

"Good. I saw your commercial on TV," I said.

"Oh really? Where do you live," he inquired.

I told him the area I lived in, which is a close knit community. He asked me to repeat it and I did, really thinking nothing of it.

 

Now, I find out he lives right around the corner from me and his daughter attends the same damn school as mine. I am devastated right now. Is this a coincidence, or do you guys REALLY think he did this on purpose?

 

I have read about people involved in affairs not only went NC, but many would go the extra mile and quit their jobs and move away. NOT to the area where their former AP was living. I wish I hadn't told him where I lived...I don't need constant reminders of a very painful time in my life and in my marriage. What do you all think about this? Coincidence? Is this OK? Did he do this on purpose? If so, why? He could have moved anywhere else. Smh! I hope I posted in the right thread..

 

Tell your h.and fast .

 

Your h does not need the constant reminder of the painful time in his life and marriage .

 

This time make the decision together.

 

As a bs if I found from someone else of this situation and then found out you already knew and did not tell me it would be betrayal all over again .

 

Tell him and decide together how to proceed.

[Aqulesco]

Sometimes the OM is a poor misguided human who happened to fall in love with a Married woman. Other times the OM is an evil manipulative wretch who likes to conquor another mans wife and turn the husband into a cuckold.

 

In this case its option 2. Be Careful

[dichotomy]

"The wife knows who I am and that AP and I had a very passionate affair a couple of years ago"

 

 

I don't know how to explain this but something bothers me about the way you wrote this just now....

 

anyway - I wonder if your MM/AP moving here (right near you home ?) is not as much about restarting the affair but a sick twisted game with you, your husband and even his wife.

 

Your going to face weekly, perhaps daily run ins - the school, community events, after school sports/dance, Halloween, neighborhood block parties, grocery store, and more.

 

This is going to be hell for your husband and you and OM's wife. I have no idea how to solve it. Only idea I have is to reach out to OM/MM wife and say "we need to talk". Or even your husband call OM's wife and say "we need to talk about our spouses"

[MJJean]

If I were your husband and it was even remotely financially feasible, I'd be putting my house on the market and strongly considering divorcing the WW who broke NC and told the AP where we live.

[harrybrown]

NC means NC. forever.

 

Now he knows where your daughter goes to school.

 

In the past he was going to harm your H. Now he can get to your daughter.

 

Do not lie to your H.

 

Tell him that you told him where you live.

 

Be totally honest.

 

Would you like your H to have a potential AP so close to your family?

 

He does not respect your family. He is a threat to your family.

 

Most APs would move on, and he is back into your life. Too close for comfort and too close to avoid NC.

 

Since you have contact, you are back into the A in your H's mind.

 

Did you tell your H when you broke the NC and told him where you live?

Edited September 8, 2017 by harrybrown
edit

[road]

If I were your husband and it was even remotely financially feasible, I'd be putting my house on the market and strongly considering divorcing the WW who broke NC and told the AP where we live.

 

Nothing to do with feasible but mandatory that the

house be sold even at a loss.

 

Another shinning example of why the WW must leave

her job when she works with her OM.

 

NC, means NO CONTACT, and here you are talking

with the OM as if nothing happened.

 

1 Tell your BH everything from how you broke NC.

2 Told the OM where you live.

3 Met OMW and child at daughter's school.

4 Your plan to fix this.

a leave the job

b sell the house and move

c go NC with everyone that knows you an OM

so he will not find out where you live.

[road]

 

Did you tell your H when you broke the NC and told him where you live?

 

This sentence and it's answer are crucial.

 

If you hid this from your BH then you have

hidden the restart of your affair with the OM.

[road]

I could not edit post 17 so:

 

Edit to add knowing that your OM threatened your

BH's life it is mandatory that you go to the police

and get a restraining order against the OM. Tell

the police he is now stalking you and your family

after he made his threat.

[road]

Also your link does not go to that thread in

your first post.

[whichwayisup]

If I were your husband and it was even remotely financially feasible, I'd be putting my house on the market and strongly considering divorcing the WW who broke NC and told the AP where we live.

 

I do think your H will be so upset and feel betrayed that you had a personal conversation with exMM and told him where you are living now. Own it, apologize and offer to move again if need be.

[elaine567]

I could not edit post 17 so:

 

Edit to add knowing that your OM threatened your

BH's life it is mandatory that you go to the police

and get a restraining order against the OM. Tell

the police he is now stalking you and your family

after he made his threat.

 

There is no proof here whatsoever.

She tells the police her MM said that once and the MM just simply denies it... and there is no law against moving into a new area either.

 

If she had screeds of evidence of harassment and stalking then maybe but an off the cuff remark a few years ago...

and the MM was not the only one to make threats either...

My husband told me I wasn't going anywhere and that we would fight for our marriage.

He called my AP up and told him to never contact me again, or there would be consequences and repercussions.

[merrmeade]

The question is not WHY did AP do anything. The question is what will YOU and your husband think, feel and do about it?

 

And the answer should not include your taking any more seconds on this earth analyzing or thinking about AP at all - except to say that he's an utter A-hole, if not a sociopath for subjecting you and his wife to this strange, cunning manipulation of life circumstances. You should not be the least bit ambivalent about anything and why he did it just doesn't matter.

 

He was not in your life, but now he's trying to be. So what will you DO about it?

[dichotomy]

If this MM/AP is a sick as I think he is - it would not matter if OP told him where she was moving - he would have found out soon enough. Maybe he would have showed up 6 months or a year later but he would have showed up.

 

Not hard these days to locate anyone. I know this first hand.

 

Also what if you move - and he shows up there in another year again?

 

 

Thinking about this more - I would really try to get MM's wife on your side or your husbands side, or at least get her neutral to it all. It would deflate this crazy guys game if the three people all united on some basic level and agreed to not let this become an issue. Maybe try a mediator/counselor ?

[BettyDraper]

Woah, I am very sensitive to cheating but this escalated so quickly!

 

But yes,OP. You shouldn't have talked to him again. When you saw him, you should've turned the other way around.

 

This. Conqueror, why on earth did you tell your former OM where you lived?

 

Are you sure that you intend to stay faithful to your husband? I'm asking because your actions show the complete opposite intention. You opened the door to conversation with the man you cheated with and you didn't tell your husband that your former OM threatened to kill him!

 

You need to approach this situation as a married mother with integrity. Your husband deserves the truth. I don't know if your husband will trust you when he finds out that you were conversing with the OM and you told him where your family is living.