My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!

[Whoknew30]

If I were your husband and it was even remotely financially feasible, I'd be putting my house on the market and strongly considering divorcing the WW who broke NC and told the AP where we live.

 

This is just the most, weak & immature logic. A grown man is going to what "run away from another grown man bc he lives in the same town"? He forgave the A, if one truly forgives & wants to reconcile it means you can't blame WS for what the AP does after, it doesn't even make sense.

 

OP...all this panic is for no reason. You were pregnant, got cornered & opened your mouth...pregnancy brain. Tell your husband but this isn't your fault, not at this point. The best defense is an offense, simply ignore...ignore his wife, ignore him & just do what you're doing. Why give him any more power? By being scared, you're giving him power, if you move you're giving him power, if you or your husband allow him to mentally push you around, you're giving him power.

 

Be a grown woman & take your power back, are you a little girl or a mother that isn't going to let anyone push her family around? The choice is yours...good luck

[bealigerent]

Hi guys,

I was reading this thread at work and so couldn't add my two cents till now..the comments that this woman invited the AP to find her were just plain cruel. First of all it seems they were at a work meeting , AP was NOT sought out..and no woman would come on to a former AP when she was heavily pregnant with her husband's child. Also, as has been said, it is VERY easy to find where a person lives. I Googled my exMM and his new address came up!I had no idea he had bought a house- but it came up on Zillow! Unfortunately the prior thread to this story cannot be found. However it seems this AP is unstable and his move is part of HIS agenda. To even hint otherwise speaks more abut the mindset of the posters..

[Bobdobalina]

Might as well gave him your ph number and add him on Fb too how much disrespect is your husband going to put up with I'm not even sure why you stayed with him since the ap seems to still held in regard even though he threatened your husband so obviously he's equal standing in pecking order

It wouldn't be surprising if hubby packs a bag over this to save his sanity

[bealigerent]

Tell me how this woman is leading this former AP on. This guy is stalking her...how is SHE disrespecting her BS?

[usa1ah]

Tell me how this woman is leading this former AP on. This guy is stalking her...how is SHE disrespecting her BS?

 

She broke NC, told the AP where she lived and talked about the commercial he made.

 

Yes she disrespected her bs by breaking NC.

[usa1ah]

Hi guys,

I was reading this thread at work and so couldn't add my two cents till now..the comments that this woman invited the AP to find her were just plain cruel. First of all it seems they were at a work meeting , AP was NOT sought out..and no woman would come on to a former AP when she was heavily pregnant with her husband's child. Also, as has been said, it is VERY easy to find where a person lives. I Googled my exMM and his new address came up!I had no idea he had bought a house- but it came up on Zillow! Unfortunately the prior thread to this story cannot be found. However it seems this AP is unstable and his move is part of HIS agenda. To even hint otherwise speaks more abut the mindset of the posters..

 

Really, I have read about women cheating while pregnant a few times.

 

OP even admits screwing up by breaking NC.

 

OP admits screwing up giving the AP her address.

 

What I can't understand is why she still works with the AP.

 

Just like all cheating spouses, they don't think before they act.

[usa1ah]

The only things the OP did was break NC.

 

She talked to him about a commercial he made witch got him thinking that he might have a chance again. Then he asked for her address and she gives it to him. What else is he to think other then she is interested again. Look at it from this sociopaths point of view. He will twist any contact to his agenda.

 

She might as well worn a sign saying I'm available.

[bealigerent]

So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.

[Whoknew30]

So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.

 

Exactly! Also she was pregnant & being all hormonal & cornered, she most likely just started blurting due to being uncomfortable. How could she ever know that the AP that stayed married would move to the same place, she couldn't of!

 

OP, none of this is your fault...you could never have known he would do this.

[pheonixrisen]

Op based on your thread about your affair with this mm

 

This man is unhinged .As per you he talked to god in different tougue .and was quoting from the bible .said his wife is non active and may be in a few years die from blood pressure or something .....threatened to kill your h even though it was all talk it should be enough .and i hope you got the help you needed because after all that you were still pining for him ....

 

Why he moved to your area we cannot guess the man is unhinged. If he moved his wife and young child to your area to start something with you again .

 

I really hope you moved past him and know better this time

[MJJean]

So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.

 

She had an affair with him in the first place. Her bad.

 

She stayed at the same employer as her AP. Her bad.

 

She decided it would be ok to chat with her AP, who THREATENED HER HUSBAND previously, breaking NC. Her bad.

 

She then tells her AP where she lives. Her bad.

 

Literally everything that has happened is due to her bad behavior. Everything. This actually is all her fault. All of this is the direct result of her poor decisions.

Edited September 9, 2017 by MJJean

[usa1ah]

So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.

 

Who is blaming her for his actions.

 

OP is at fault for breaking NC. NC means you never say another word to the AP.

 

She talked with him. I am sure that the conversation they had was more then OP has related her. She just hit the highlights to see if the OM moved to her neighborhood because of what was said.

 

Yes her giving him her address can be taken as a green light by the POSOM.

 

Yes he could have very well taken the chat they had completely wrong.

 

That is why you never break NC.

[usa1ah]

Exactly! Also she was pregnant & being all hormonal & cornered, she most likely just started blurting due to being uncomfortable. How could she ever know that the AP that stayed married would move to the same place, she couldn't of!

 

OP, none of this is your fault...you could never have known he would do this.

 

Um no.

 

OP stated that this was not the case. Read her post again. She was in a really good mood and really happy at the time. She didn't thing anything of it.

Edited September 10, 2017 by usa1ah

[merrmeade]

This had me convinced OP was being unfairly blamed:

So, one remark about a fact made this man jump to a conclusion which was not warranted and it is HER fault? I am not going to argue with you, but once again, a woman is blamed for a man's bad behavior.

OP, none of this is your fault...you could never have known he would do this.

But when it's put like this ... :

She had an affair with him in the first place. Her bad.

 

She stayed at the same employer as her AP. Her bad.

 

She decided it would be ok to chat with her AP, who THREATENED HER HUSBAND previously, breaking NC. Her bad.

 

She then tells her AP where she lives. Her bad.

 

Literally everything that has happened is due to her bad behavior. Everything. This actually is all her fault. All of this is the direct result of her poor decisions.

... I shook myself and realized, omg! Duped again by a a cheater who managed to capture our sympathy and blame everyone else for her mistakes, who genuinely sees herself as a victim and her actions as innocent, off-handed and without fault.

 

My husband is like this. I mean, of course, they have a right to seek health and happiness like everybody else, but - in my opinion - when they begin to believe they ARE like everybody else and don't have to constantly monitor themselves, then they're still delusional. They're still vulnerable to the possibility of making a series of misjudgments that they will explain away or blame somebody else until they find themselves at the end of 5 or 6 bad calls and they're still blaming someone else. They're embroiled in a predicament that compromises decisions and outcomes for others who were counting on them to be clear-headed, aware, trustworthy and accountable for their actions. All of them.

 

The fact that somebody else had to list all her "Bads" means she's not seeing the connections and, therefore, not taking responsibility.

 

So what does she do now? First, she stops getting all excited and curious that her ex-AP is lurking about, hoping to see her. No, first would be sitting her husband down and saying, "I need help knowing what is what and what to do. I think I screwed up royally. I'm so sorry. I should have told you. But please help me now."

Edited September 10, 2017 by merrmeade

[Whoknew30]

Um no.

 

 

A surge of hormones can make a woman feel euphoric, which can make a woman very much not herself! Unless you've been pregnant, you have no idea. Hormonal when pregnant doesn't ALWAYS equal upset, mean or emotional.

[Whoknew30]

She had an affair with him in the first place. Her bad.

 

She stayed at the same employer as her AP. Her bad.

 

She decided it would be ok to chat with her AP, who THREATENED HER HUSBAND previously, breaking NC. Her bad.

 

She then tells her AP where she lives. Her bad.

 

Literally everything that has happened is due to her bad behavior. Everything. This actually is all her fault. All of this is the direct result of her poor decisions.

 

 

Yes & no! She does not hold responsibility for this man moving...not at all.

 

Her husband knows & reconciled...she has not continued affair. She could not have known ex AP would do this. NO ONE is responsible for their AP forever.

 

What was she supposed to run away like a child? Her husband must have known they were still working together in some way & allowed it.

 

This logic is no different than saying one still holds responsibility for any kind of ex that can't move on...no, a conversation, while 9 months pregnant does not warrant any of this! Doesn't matter what happened in the past.

[Popsicle]

If you hated him, this would not be as big of a problem as you're making it. You need to hate him.

[elaine567]

Why he moved to your area we cannot guess the man is unhinged. If he moved his wife and young child to your area to start something with you again

 

Yes it may mean he is "unhinged", but sometimes there are areas where people of a certain demographic just want to go and live. Sometimes there are limited choices.

Maybe he realised that where the OP lives would provide the best deal for him and his family and just because his MW lives there, is no real reason to avoid it at the expense of his life, his kids life and his wife's life. Maybe there was this house for sale that was too good to miss.

 

Certain areas attract like minded people. Good value for money and good family housing maybe, easy commuting, nice community, low crime rate, good schools... etc.

The OP chose that area for a reason, he may have chosen for the same reason and it may be nothing whatsoever to do with the past affair.

[road]

She had an affair with him in the first place. Her bad.

 

She stayed at the same employer as her AP. Her bad.

 

She decided it would be ok to chat with her AP, who THREATENED HER HUSBAND previously, breaking NC. Her bad.

 

She then tells her AP where she lives. Her bad.

 

Literally everything that has happened is due to her bad behavior. Everything. This actually is all her fault. All of this is the direct result of her poor decisions.

 

Exactly everything from day #1 has been in the

control of this WW. She invited the OM into her

life and has kept him there.

 

This is what this WW wants.

 

She has ignored the importance of NC. So she

continues to work with the OM and not find a

new job.

 

Clearly her job is more important then her BH,

children, family, everything.

 

OP, would you kindly explain why you did not

leave your job so you would have NC with the OM?

 

Then explain why business only talk includes personal

things as you saw his commercial, your new address?

[road]

Yes & no! She does not hold responsibility for this man moving...not at all.

 

Her husband knows & reconciled...she has not continued affair. She could not have known ex AP would do this. NO ONE is responsible for their AP forever.

 

What was she supposed to run away like a child? Her husband must have known they were still working together in some way & allowed it.

 

This logic is no different than saying one still holds responsibility for any kind of ex that can't move on...no, a conversation, while 9 months pregnant does not warrant any of this! Doesn't matter what happened in the past.

 

Who had the personal talk with the OM?

 

We do not have the OM's side of what was said.

Though we can assume the OM was on a fishing

expedition and the OP's responses showed that

she was receptive to the bait. Or even that the

OP subconsciously was on her own fishing expedition.

 

Why?

 

Well the OP never went NC caused she still worked

the OM and still talked to him.

 

Shows potential receptiveness to restart things.

 

Telling the OM that she saw his commercial is

telling the OM that I still allow myself unlimited

indirect contact instead of NC because not only

do I see your commercials I liked them. Paying the

OM compliments is a big no, no.

 

Telling the OM where she lives is telling the OM

and or giving signals to the OM that she

subconsciously can had again.

 

Even not telling her BH this latest news is a bad

news for she is preventing the one person that

can and will help her and hold her accountable.

 

She may have good intentions though she is

the weak link.

 

Everyone remember good intentions never gets

the job done. Though effort does.

[usa1ah]

Um no.

 

 

A surge of hormones can make a woman feel euphoric, which can make a woman very much not herself! Unless you've been pregnant, you have no idea. Hormonal when pregnant doesn't ALWAYS equal upset, mean or emotional.

 

Bla bla bla.

 

Read the opening post in this thread.

 

If OP had referred to what you had said then I would give it some credit. At least the OP has enough integrity not to lie about the conversation she had with the OM when she broke NC.

[merrmeade]

Yes, she had good intentions. She was being polite, normal-friendly, thinking she could handle it. I don't think she is being vilified or accused of any sinister plot to get back together with OM.

 

But even if you don't think her behavior warrants suspicion, what on earth has she done, then, to garner all this sympathy and extension of good faith besides be a woman and be pregnant?

 

Look, just think about it a minute. Cheaters look and sound like everybody else. Actually, they look more everyman than regular people. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. They make mistakes, bad judgment calls and they come up with all manner of explanations to make these actions sympathetic, excusable and ordinary, especially to themselves.

 

It's what they DO. And even they don't see it until it's too late. She thought she could handle an innocent friendly conversation. This is what my husband also said in retrospect. He thought he could handle the circumstances and closeness and being alone together. My sister-in-law, his OW, truly believed, and maybe still does, that they were best friends who've now learned their lesson. I kid you not, and she was surprised that I didn't understand.

 

I'm sorry but no. OP is not just anybody pregnant having an innocent conversation with her co-worker. She was chatting up her ex-lover with whom she was supposed to have NC.

[sandylee1]

let's not blame pregnancy hormones. This happened because NC wasn't maintained.

 

Tell your husband immediately.

[pumpkinpie1]

Hello,

 

I posted here in the past about an affair that I had a couple of years ago with a man I loved, though we were both married. For reference, here is a thread from the past:

 

Marriage & Life Partnerships - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Its been over 2 years already. Everyone has moved on. My husband almost left me back then, but he gave me another chance and I WILL NOT ruin it. My husband and I had a new baby and moved into a new home in January. All is well and we are happy and close. My daughter loves her new school. She could hardly wait til summer vacation was over to return to school. School started yesterday. We were looking forward to a brand new school year. I walked my daughter to her new classroom and proceed outside to my car. Low and behold, I run into his wife who was dropping their daughter off at my daughter's school. She just started this school this year. The wife knows who I am and that AP and I had a very passionate affair a couple of years ago. She and I did not speak to one another. I think we were both pretty shocked. I almost tripped over my feet.

 

I spoke with someone familiar with the situation that happened between me and AP a couple of years ago. That person said that they believe AP moved to this area on purpose knowing I lived here. This person mentioned that AP came into the office a couple of months ago stating that they were looking for a house in MY area. AP ALSO added, "I think (MY NAME) lives in that area!"

 

He and I are no contact, of course. From the time the affair ended, there were no calls, texts, emails, etc. Occasionally, however, whenever we saw each other at meetings, he would speak to me. Initially, I ignored him. Then there was the occasional nod. The last time we were at a meeting, which was back in April, I was very pregnant and due to give birth a week from that day. At this point, I was very happy, and I had put everything behind me regarding the A. THough I was hurt and a little mad at him at first, I still had love for him and for some reason carried a torch for him, so to speak. At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him. He turned around and said, "hi how are you?"

"Great," I replied. "How are you?"

"I'm great!" He said.

"Good. I saw your commercial on TV," I said.

"Oh really? Where do you live," he inquired.

I told him the area I lived in, which is a close knit community. He asked me to repeat it and I did, really thinking nothing of it.

 

Now, I find out he lives right around the corner from me and his daughter attends the same damn school as mine. I am devastated right now. Is this a coincidence, or do you guys REALLY think he did this on purpose?

 

I have read about people involved in affairs not only went NC, but many would go the extra mile and quit their jobs and move away. NOT to the area where their former AP was living. I wish I hadn't told him where I lived...I don't need constant reminders of a very painful time in my life and in my marriage. What do you all think about this? Coincidence? Is this OK? Did he do this on purpose? If so, why? He could have moved anywhere else. Smh! I hope I posted in the right thread..

 

For those who are saying it's not her fault...read the bolded. SHE felt completely healed and ok talking to the ex. Do you think her husband, who she is still in reconciliation with, would feel the same way? No contact is not only for the affair participants, but also for the spouses if they are reconciling. She broke her husbands trust again.

 

That should have been enough to stop her.

 

I can't judge, having recently gotten out of an affair myself. But it seems to me that the OP was being selfish by participating in this conversation. It was another in a long series of bad decisions.

[merrmeade]

For those who are saying it's not her fault...read the bolded. SHE felt completely healed and ok talking to the ex. Do you think her husband, who she is still in reconciliation with, would feel the same way? No contact is not only for the affair participants, but also for the spouses if they are reconciling. She broke her husbands trust again.

 

That should have been enough to stop her.

 

I can't judge, having recently gotten out of an affair myself. But it seems to me that the OP was being selfish by participating in this conversation. It was another in a long series of bad decisions.

Exactly. But my question always has been - What comes first? Does the physical urge drive the thinking, which rationalizes the action, e.g., "At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him." Is it really the faulty thinking (bad decisions, poor judgment, etc.) that allows the mistakes to accumulate and end up doing something the person knows is wrong? Is one more acceptable than the other? (Is this a t-j??)