My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!

[Conqueror]

I appreciate everyone's response to this thread. There are some things I want to address, however. I was not inviting him back into my life. And looking back, I agree, I should not have spoken with him at all. When he spoke to me, I should have kept it moving, and I will do that from now on. I just felt I reached a point in my life where he did not phase me. So when he spoke to me and asked how I was doing, I replied and there was small talk. Our entire conversation didnt even last 30 seconds. But I agree, it shouldn't have happened at all.

 

I did not give him my exact address. I only told him the town/city I lived in.

When his wife and I ran into each other at our children's school, we were both shocked.

 

Also, a couple of days after posting here, I attended a back to school social at my daughter's school. It was held at the playground. I was hoping that I wouldn't see his wife there and for a while, I did not. After about 40 minutes, she walked past me with an attitude and flipped her hair at me so hard, I thought her neck would break. I ignored her. A little while later, I saw her at the other end of the playground looking dead at me, but talking on the phone. It appeared as though she was fussing with whomever she was speaking with, but raised her hand and made some type of gesture. I am not sure of the message she was trying to send.

 

Before this incident, I considered talking to her, but now, I have decided not to. I will simply ignore her and stay away from her and him as well.

 

As far as our jobs are concerned, yes, Ex-MM and I do still work for the same company. He use to manage me, but once the A ended, I switched managers. I no longer report to him at all. Our job involves us being out in the field a lot, so he and I rarely ever see each other except for a company meeting once in a blue. I only see him about once or twice a year now, if that, and in the past, we would sit on opposite ends of the room. Up until this point, whenever he spoke with me, I never responded.

 

I no longer carry a torch for this man. I am done with the whole situation. My house symbolized a new start for me and my family. When I told him the town I lived in, I had absolutely NO clue whatsoever that he would be moving right around the corner and that his kid would attend the same school as mine. This man is a TOP manager in our company and makes a lot of money and he could have lived ANYWHERE. In fact, he use to always stress how he wanted to live by the water...and we don't live by the water.

 

I never would have expected him to move here.

[Conqueror]

BTW, I called my husband as soon as I got home and told him that I saw ex AP's wife and that his daughter attended the same school. I had to because I did not want him to be caught off guard in the event he saw him at the school or around the neighborhood.

[pumpkinpie1]

It's good to hear that you've realized your huge mistake in talking to him, and the even bigger mistake of letting him know what area you live in. I don't think it's your fault that he moved to your town..but you engaged with him when you shouldn't have and now you are paying the price. Lets just hope that your husband and child won't end up having to pay for your mistake too.

 

His wife has every right to have an attitude towards you. Not only did you have an affair with her husband (just because you're healed doesn't mean she is), and she probably thinks you and her husband planned this move together. I would expect nothing less from my ex MM's wife and I absolutely deserve her hatred. I hate myself as much as she hates me. I think ignoring her is the smartest thing to do.

 

I've been reading here a lot lately so forgive me if I'm mixing you up with another poster, but isn't yours the MM who threatened your husband and his own wife's lives? If so, what precautions are you taking to deal with that?

[Conqueror]

PumpkinPie: Yes, he did threaten to kill my husband. I think he's all talk though. I told his wife that he said this also and she said that he was just talkin and he wouldn't actually do anything. Also, he didn't threaten his wife's life. He just said that she wasn't an active person and didn't take care of herself, so she could die from heart disease or something. I did tell my husband that ex MM said these things. He's not going to do anything.

[MuddyFootprints]

Top 3 of my personal regrets is how much personal information I shared with the person I cheated with. I risked the safety and security of my family. My kids!

 

I still worry about it.

 

You done effed up.

[elaine567]

If I missed it I apologise, but did you tell your husband about the conversation in which you told your AP where you had moved to?

[Conqueror]

I did not tell him about the conversation.

[elaine567]

I did not tell him about the conversation.

 

Ah!

That may come back to bite you.

I thought you were being ultra transparent, so why?

[GoldenR]

Ah!

That may come back to bite you.

I thought you were being ultra transparent, so why?

 

Bc then she'd have to admit that she told him bc she was still feeling love for him and a torch inside her for him.

[pumpkinpie1]

PumpkinPie: Yes, he did threaten to kill my husband. I think he's all talk though. I told his wife that he said this also and she said that he was just talkin and he wouldn't actually do anything. Also, he didn't threaten his wife's life. He just said that she wasn't an active person and didn't take care of herself, so she could die from heart disease or something. I did tell my husband that ex MM said these things. He's not going to do anything.

 

Ok but..you'll still be safe? Make sure your husband and child are safe? He sounds a bit unhinged honestly. I don't think the kid who shot up that school in Newtown's family thought he'd do anything either...until he did...just be safe ok?

[usa1ah]

Conqueror, if he tries anything you have to report him to HR.

 

No playing around on this. First advance warn him off.

 

Second time, file a charge with HR.

 

Also you need to be ready for your name to be dragged through the mud by the other BS. It sounds like by what you have said that she wouldn't have a problem dragging you through the mud.

[Marc878]

When you welcomed the other man into your life and marriage they never leave.

 

It lurks there always. I assume you now see why total NC is so important.

 

You played with fire the second time and now look.

 

Make no mistake. From reading all your posts there is some insanity in this man.

 

He did not move to your area by coincidence.

 

I suspect they'll be more hell you and your family are going to pay over this.

 

I'd draft a specially prepared letter and in the first instance of any issue it would go straight to your HR department. No warning!!!! You cannot deal rationally with someone that irrational.

 

Is your job more important than you life and family.

 

You'd be smart not to take any further chances with this lunatic. BEWARE!!!!

 

I'd be looking for another jab ASAP as well.

[whichwayisup]

I did not tell him about the conversation.

 

Why did you hide the truth from your husband? Why not come clean and tell him everything instead of omitting this important information?

 

exMM very well could approach your husband and tell him that you opened up and told him where you were living and even put a lie/spin on it saying that you asked him to move to the same Town.

 

Tell your husband the truth. Hiding this will ruin the trust he's rebuilt in you and your marriage. He finds out about it from exMM, your marriage will be in dire straits.

[Whoknew30]

 

Bla bla bla.

 

Read the opening post in this thread.

 

If OP had referred to what you had said then I would give it some credit. At least the OP has enough integrity not to lie about the conversation she had with the OM when she broke NC.

 

You're evidently a man that must know more than any woman that's been through a similar issue...it's a absolute biological fact that pregnancy can make a woman not think clearly. Not opinion, fact! She admits she dropped the ball...still isn't her fault. Not this situation, what adult blames a grown man moving his family near exAP? One 5 minute conversation should not turn into that...I don't care what has happened.

 

No adult holds control over another adult just bc they used to have sex...that logic really makes no sense. So you are in control of anyone you ever had sex with in any situation? Or is it if people have sex in A then they're forever in control of their ExAP ?

[road]

If I missed it I apologise, but did you tell your husband about the conversation in which you told your AP where you had moved to?

 

I did not tell him about the conversation.

 

Ah!

That may come back to bite you.

I thought you were being ultra transparent, so why?

 

OP you are still being a WW because of your

lies by omission.

 

Also by your not telling your BH that it is time

to sell your house and move far away.

 

How far?

 

Far enough that the OM will not want to or

be able to follow, stalk, you.

 

So how far did you move the first time?

[road]

When you welcomed the other man into your life and marriage they never leave.

 

It lurks there always. I assume you now see why total NC is so important.

 

You played with fire the second time and now look.

 

Make no mistake. From reading all your posts there is some insanity in this man.

 

He did not move to your area by coincidence.

 

I suspect they'll be more hell you and your family are going to pay over this.

 

I'd draft a specially prepared letter and in the first instance of any issue it would go straight to your HR department. No warning!!!! You cannot deal rationally with someone that irrational.

 

Is your job more important than you life and family.

 

You'd be smart not to take any further chances with this lunatic. BEWARE!!!!

 

I'd be looking for another jab ASAP as well.

 

 

Did employer know about the 1st affair?

 

Either way send letters to the director of HR, the CEO,

and the Board of Directors and inform them of the OM

stalking you. Indicate that the OMW was lied to by the

fact that the OM hid the fact that he moved to where

his daughter had to go to the same school as yours.

[road]

 

You're evidently a man that must know more than any woman that's been through a similar issue...it's a absolute biological fact that pregnancy can make a woman not think clearly. Not opinion, fact! She admits she dropped the ball...still isn't her fault. Not this situation, what adult blames a grown man moving his family near exAP? One 5 minute conversation should not turn into that...I don't care what has happened.

 

No adult holds control over another adult just bc they used to have sex...that logic really makes no sense. So you are in control of anyone you ever had sex with in any situation? Or is it if people have sex in A then they're forever in control of their ExAP ?

 

A normal man, no.

 

A nut job sicko stalking cheating man, hell yes.

[road]

Did employer know about the 1st affair?

 

Either way send letters to the director of HR, the CEO,

and the Board of Directors and inform them of the OM

stalking you. Indicate that the OMW was lied to by the

fact that the OM hid the fact that he moved to where

his daughter had to go to the same school as yours.

 

Edit to add: DO this now, today.

[MJJean]

You really do need to tell your H of the conversation...all of it...and then at least discuss moving. If the BW decides to tell people about the affair it could make things very uncomfortable for your daughter. People talk, kids often overhear, and they talk too. You need to prepare yourself and your family for the possibility of the whole school and most of the neighborhood being made aware of the affair.

[Ahurtgirl]

You should not have to move because he decided to move near you. That would be allowing him to manipulate and control your life. Be strong and be direct. Talk to your husband about everything. Keep him up to speed on any communication attempts made by the exOM.

This would be one of my worst nightmares having been in an affair with an extremely manipulative histrionic narcissist sociopath. I believe you have one of those on your hands as well. I am so thankful him and his crazy wife live over an hour away. If they moved into my small community, I'd alert my local police and explain that he is making me feel unsafe and is showing signs of stalking me. Moving to be near you is more than just stalking. I think your safety may be at risk.

[moxamm]

so

 

you break NC with your AP

 

you hide it from your BH

 

you are minimizing =Our entire conversation didnt even last 30 seconds. But I agree, it shouldn't have happened at all.=

 

you put your self first wit no respect to your BH = "At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him.=

 

I want you to read this and tell me what you think

[JustTheFacts]

I doubt that it's a coincidence. Why ? He's probably on some kind of power trip or something. Wants to rub it in your husband's face. He may even think that he can seduce you again. I'm surprised that his W agreed to the move. She couldn't have known that you lived near there. Now that she knows, she can't be pleased with her H.

I think that if you are honest with yourself and us, you may be afraid that you won't be strong enough to withstand his advances long term. The fact that you broke NC so easily by speaking to him (!!!) and then lied by omission to your H at this early stage doesn't bode well for the future. I feel bad for your H because now he's going to have to be super vigilant in keeping tabs on you. With good reason. I predict another D-Day for him within the next 5 years. I hope that I am wrong.

[Conqueror]

Update: I finally told my husband this morning. It was difficult but I don't want to keep it hidden away any longer. He is highly upset. He is not talking to me very much right now. I am just going to patiently wait for him and when he is ready we will deal with it. I feel like crap right now. I am scheduling another counseling session for us also.

[BetrayedH]

Update: I finally told my husband this morning. It was difficult but I don't want to keep it hidden away any longer. He is highly upset. He is not talking to me very much right now. I am just going to patiently wait for him and when he is ready we will deal with it. I feel like crap right now. I am scheduling another counseling session for us also.

 

Good choice. Keep destroying any walls between you.

[whichwayisup]

Update: I finally told my husband this morning. It was difficult but I don't want to keep it hidden away any longer. He is highly upset. He is not talking to me very much right now. I am just going to patiently wait for him and when he is ready we will deal with it. I feel like crap right now. I am scheduling another counseling session for us also.

 

It's good you told him.

 

Put yourself in his shoes, imagine he was the one who had an affair and then was in NC, after a certain amount of time he chose to have a 30 second (in his mind, harmless) conversation with his exOW. I'm sure you would feel betrayed and wonder why he felt the need to have ANY conversation after so much time had passed. NC means NC forever.

 

If he wants to move again, you move.

 

Hopefully he'll not stay angry at you for too long and you two can work through this. I'm glad to hear counseling is on the table though the focus should be on you and why you chose to even speak to exMM again knowing full well that it was wrong and how you didn't even consider your husband's feelings or what damage it could cause all over again.