Really Feeling the Distance ATM..

[LovelyRose]

Hello Loveshackers!

 

Not quite sure if that is the most accurate title and I don't really have serious issues. I'm really sick and feeling a bit needy of my bf. I didn't say or show it to him though. That's why I'm on here just expressing my thoughts.

 

My bf came to visit me for the long weekend and he was here for about 5 days. It's the longest that we have been together (going out for almost 6 months). I normally fly out to him Friday and come back Sunday morning every three weeks. Anyway, I am extremely happy that his visit turned out to be amazing. He really liked my new apartment despite of it being in a middle of not so nice neighborhood.

 

It's only been two days since he left and i'm already missing him like crazy which heightened because I am sick and feeling a bit miserable.

 

I was on the phone with him this afternoon while I was driving around. Since I'm really feeling crappy I guess that made me also 10 times extra sensitive. He was playing his video game while on the phone with me ( my cutie nerd, haha), which he normally does especially if he's waiting for me to call. Idk but I got a little frustrated when he paused for a while so he can quickly end the game. Of course I didn't show it because it's so petty. He normally does that too and I'm usually okay with it. We talk almost everyday now so really, not a big deal. But he already knows me well that he could tell immediately if I'm not feeling ok. Anyway, he tried to cheer me up and I just said ok but I have to go. I really needed to go because my throat hurts badly and I feel bad being so sensitive at that moment.

 

When I got home I purposely didn't text him even though I'm hoping I could hear his voice again. I figured he will call or text me if he wants to so I didn't want to bother him. Plus I was still feeling sensitive, lol. He eventually texted me asking if i'm home most likely so he could call me again but I didn't see it until he already went to bed. My point of saying this is I just want to express that I am kind of happy to see that even though I'm feeling needy, I was able to handle it on my own. I don't want to be totally dependent on him. I like that I am crazy about him, but I am managing not to be so needy in actuality.

 

Kudos to all of you LDR couples out there who are thousand miles apart and only see each other rarely. Seriously, how do you guys handle it? How do you handle feeling lonely? I salute you guys for I know it isn't easy.

[ExpatInItaly]

Keep yourself busy. Communicate with enough frequency that each of you feels satisfied.

[d0nnivain]

The first few days after a long visit were always particularly hard for me because I had gotten used to having him around.

 

You say you get to visit every 3 weeks. You are only about 2 weeks away. Concentrate on how much fun you will have then. Look forward. Don't wallow. Keep busy.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I know you aren't really looking for a particular advice and just chatting, and I understand where you're coming from. Even when I have to end the phone call with my bf I feel this lump in my throat, I don't want it to end. Even if we've been talking for hours. I just enjoy him, in every way... and then the distance dawns on me, and I'm reminded that there's really nothing I could do about it now.

 

I try to discuss it with him, if he could move to me soon, or if I would have to move to him (which could be a problem since my ex may not agree) but I don't want to pressure my bf to think about it yet and when I kinda hint he jokes about it, sometimes though he does seem like he's constantly thinking about it seriously, but we haven't even exchanged ILYs yet, he likes taking things slow (he's a Taurus, if you're into astrology!)

 

Sometimes life just mocks us, cause you love someone so much that distance makes NO SENSE, that it feels wrong and what's wrong with the world!? Why isn't it simpler than that if you're in love?

 

The distance sucks, but there's no way I'd want another man just because he'd be closer to me geographically. If it wasn't for having kids, I would move in a heartbeat.

 

Do you guys discuss how you'd close the distance? Who would move and when and how?

[LovelyRose]

I know you aren't really looking for a particular advice and just chatting, and I understand where you're coming from. Even when I have to end the phone call with my bf I feel this lump in my throat, I don't want it to end. Even if we've been talking for hours. I just enjoy him, in every way... and then the distance dawns on me, and I'm reminded that there's really nothing I could do about it now.

 

I try to discuss it with him, if he could move to me soon, or if I would have to move to him (which could be a problem since my ex may not agree) but I don't want to pressure my bf to think about it yet and when I kinda hint he jokes about it, sometimes though he does seem like he's constantly thinking about it seriously, but we haven't even exchanged ILYs yet, he likes taking things slow (he's a Taurus, if you're into astrology!)

 

Sometimes life just mocks us, cause you love someone so much that distance makes NO SENSE, that it feels wrong and what's wrong with the world!? Why isn't it simpler than that if you're in love?

 

The distance sucks, but there's no way I'd want another man just because he'd be closer to me geographically. If it wasn't for having kids, I would move in a heartbeat.

 

Do you guys discuss how you'd close the distance? Who would move and when and how?

 

 

 

Hahaha, I am a Taurus and I normally seem to move things fast. This relationship is the first where we take things slow. I don't normally use that term as I don't feel it's necessary. I usually just say take one step at a time and one day at a time. But I feel like this is a good change. It's scary but exciting at the same time. On top of that i've never done serious LDR before.

 

If you read my threads I mentioned there that my family don't know we are dating. At least the older folks, but mostly my cousins know about us. He is my cousin's best friend and pretty much became like the youngest son of my aunt.

 

You and I are on the same boat. I am so ready to say ILY but he's not. I told him it's not all about me just wanting to hide us. I just don't want to introduce him as someone I'm just casually seeing. I told him I prefer for both of us to tell them about us together when we are ready. Tell my family that we are serious about each other. What I really want to say is I don't want to tell them about us until we are both in love. I think he got what I meant though.

 

This November my bf is having a mini "family" trip down here during Thanksgiving. Family means my family (cousin, his wife and kid, my aunt and uncle). So we are trying to figure out how to get the entire family down here to join them so me and my kids could join without raising suspicion. Anyway, we are joking around and he said he should tell my aunt to cancel his hotel room for he has one already, with me. I knew it was a joke so I responded if his room is refundable. He said he's not sure but then said "we're not there yet." Meaning not ready to announce to them. Ughhh. I was little hurt but I just did my best to move along with the topic.

 

He's really not comfortable at doing serious talks. I normally make it light hearted when I discuss some important matter with him. The way we became officially bf/gf was very casual too. You read my story about it, lol.

 

I didn't have courage to discuss relocation subject with him. But before we even started dating I already know that I would be the one doing the move. I have lived in his state before twice at different times. I loved it there except I got home sick missing most of my family down here.

 

But when we are driving around he would express how much he LOVES his neighborhood and never planning to move. He has moved around before. Deep down I agree, I also love it there so I just keep quiet and smile.

 

On my last trip there, he casually shared with me that people are asking him who will do the relocation. He said he hasn't looked that far ahead but said that I should do the move because he is not going anywhere. I got kind of upset. Days after I finally told him I didn't like the way he answered it. If he hasn't really thought about it then why say I do the move. It's like he didn't even give me a chance to express my thoughts. So I said next time just politely tell them, we don't know as we are not there yet. He apologized and said ok. But on a brighter side, he at least mentioned about us buying a house and sending my kids to good schools. So even though he was just blurting things out, he still did kind of thought about the future for US, haha.

 

I can't move until my eldest goes to college which is in about 3 more years. My youngest goes wherever I go. But I know it won't be easy dealing with her father. But my bf has the ability to work from home. So once he is fully trained with his new position and his school schedule is flexible, he could come stay with me for longer days. When he came here, I was happy deep inside because he was studying my apartment. He said how he really likes it. He could just bring his xbox and put a little table on the side, etc so he can play his game and/or do some work all day.

 

His last visit here he was expressing how much he doesn't miss living here (he used to just different city). So he started telling me that I really would be the one moving. He said we can get a big house with lots of rooms for the girls. He said my baby will go to a very nice school and even my eldest could go to a nice college there if she wants. He pretty much started discussing it without me realizing we are doing it hahaha. In a way I felt good that he comfortably started talking about the future. I agree with everything he said so of course I said yes. Plus his job is very secure and houses there are cheaper.

 

I sincerely feel we are doing great and on the right track. It's just scary and exciting at the same time. Missing him dearly is hard but like you said, I wouldn't trade him for anyone.

Edited September 10, 2017 by LovelyRose

[hippychick3]

I've been in a successful long distance relationship for 4 years now (3 1/2 years long distance). We see each other every weekend or every other weekend as we are about 2 1/2-3 hours apart.

 

The best advice I can give you is to have a very busy and fulfilling life OUTSIDE of your relationship. Fill your time that you're apart from each other with your friends (make more friends if you don't have many), hobbies, activities, family get togethers, and anything else that brings you happiness and joy. This will not only make your time apart bearable but also make you more attractive to him. Men like women who have a life outside the relationship and don't need to depend on them for their happiness.

[LovelyRose]

I've been in a successful long distance relationship for 4 years now (3 1/2 years long distance). We see each other every weekend or every other weekend as we are about 2 1/2-3 hours apart.

 

The best advice I can give you is to have a very busy and fulfilling life OUTSIDE of your relationship. Fill your time that you're apart from each other with your friends (make more friends if you don't have many), hobbies, activities, family get togethers, and anything else that brings you happiness and joy. This will not only make your time apart bearable but also make you more attractive to him. Men like women who have a life outside the relationship and don't need to depend on them for their happiness.

 

 

I agree with you. I'm currently not working so I also believe that's not helping me. But I am just naturally super wired all the time. No matter how busy I get I still have plenty of time to think about him.

 

I do remind myself that all the time. To show him I do have a colorful life outside our relationship. He is fully aware how busy I am that's why he encourages me to go out and when I'm with him he makes sure I get to relax.

 

Do you have any plans to close the distance?

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, one thing I would be careful with is to get engaged in too much future-talking just yet.

 

You haven't even really gone public with the relationship (and I understand your reasoning) and he hasn't been able to tell you he loves you yet. Those are not necessarily red flags at this point, but all this talk and thinking about relocation and housing and where the kids will go to school is rather premature. There are several steps you two need to take before any of that solidifies.

 

Sure, I can get why you want to see what his own vision of the future is, and vice versa. I just wouldn't go down that path too far before you see how the rest of it unfolds first. Based on your previous threads, you need to see if you two get on more solid ground. It does appear you're on the right path, but continue to observe before putting the cart before the horse.

[LovelyRose]

OP, one thing I would be careful with is to get engaged in too much future-talking just yet.

 

You haven't even really gone public with the relationship (and I understand your reasoning) and he hasn't been able to tell you he loves you yet. Those are not necessarily red flags at this point, but all this talk and thinking about relocation and housing and where the kids will go to school is rather premature. There are several steps you two need to take before any of that solidifies.

 

Sure, I can get why you want to see what his own vision of the future is, and vice versa. I just wouldn't go down that path too far before you see how the rest of it unfolds first. Based on your previous threads, you need to see if you two get on more solid ground. It does appear you're on the right path, but continue to observe before putting the cart before the horse.

 

 

Yes you're right. I totally agree. We really don't talk about the future in full details and all seriously. The first time he was just making conversation about people asking him questions and sharing what his response to them.

 

The second time was when we were driving around in my area and he is tripping out on how bad the drivers are (including myself, lol). So he was half jokingly saying that he will never live there. At first I was laughing and joking around with him but then I realized he really is half serious as well. When I noticed our topic getting into further details I laughed it off and I said, "ok I get it I'm moving to you so let's cross the bridge when we get there," and we both smiled and changed the topic.

 

All I meant is it's a good sign that he at least has a small glimpse of the future. Like me for example, I believe closing the distance should be discussed before the couple invest too much time and emotions with each other. What if in the end there is no way to close it? Why waste time?

 

In my case, I really didn't rush the subject because I've already scanned our situation even before we became together. The minute I started being aware I liked him a lot I asked myself if I should proceed and obviously I did.

 

Yeah, until no I love you, I plan to keep us hidden as much as I can.

[hippychick3]

I agree with you. I'm currently not working so I also believe that's not helping me. But I am just naturally super wired all the time. No matter how busy I get I still have plenty of time to think about him.

 

I do remind myself that all the time. To show him I do have a colorful life outside our relationship. He is fully aware how busy I am that's why he encourages me to go out and when I'm with him he makes sure I get to relax.

 

Do you have any plans to close the distance?

 

Yes, he is pursuing a job here. If that doesn't happen, I will move there when my teenager graduates high school.