Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual

[trustyourself]

I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.

 

This thread is a minefield, but I wanted to respond to this.

 

First off, this is not a co-worker or someone from another team. This is your Boss. I don't care if you work the counter at Burger King, that is not appropriate, and I am sure that while a lot of HR guidelines do not prohibit inter company relations, I know every company I have worked for has strict rules about this due to nepotism, abuse of power etc etc.

 

What if your co-workers found out? What if he gave you a promotion over them? I can guarantee HR would find out so fast your head would spin.

 

With that said. If you find the light flirting gratifying, then so be it. Just be careful.

 

Also, in regards to your comment about staying together for the kids. I can appreciate that. But... What if this did turn in to an affair and you get found out? Pretty sure that would be more damaging to the kids in the long run than a divorce. And if you lost your job as well as having to deal with the drama and divorce? Totally not worth this mild thrill you are getting from the attention from your boss in my opinion.

 

But its just my opinion. Good luck!

[GoldenR]

I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.

 

 

Since you're both married.

 

And you're the one that posted here, so you obviously know it's not 100% ok.

[Space Ritual]

I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.

 

Why exactly are you here? Are you looking for absolution from somebody before you Nuke your marriage? If so you probably are better off asking these questions in the OM/OW thread.

 

You seem as if you are totally unaware that some firms have a Code of Conduct when it comes to how employees interact in and outside of work.

 

This isn't a little crush on your pimple faced supervisor at Dairy Queen. You are potentially painting yourself into a corner professionally, all the while doing so with your eyes wide open and ready to double down on a losing hand.

 

Not much more to say so I will bow out of this insane thread and spare myself the head scratching.

 

I don't know whether you are attempting to get a rise out of us here, or choosing to be blissfully ignorant of the situation you find yourself in. But all of us have pretty much offered you the same response to your initial post. There is really no purpose in replying to you if you are going to just continue to wonder aloud about things that fly in the face of common sense.

 

We don't do this for monetary or popularity purposes. We do it because we care, and many of us have been victims of someone who served us a Crap Sandwich and expected us to be thankful for the meal. Much like the Crap Sandwich you are preparing to heat and serve unbeknownst to your husband and that poor wife

 

You are free to discount any advice dispensed, but there is really no point in dispensing any more at this point. There are plenty of other new arrivals who are trying to get out of infidelity, as opposed to trying to get into it. And it is those who are deserving of our collective wisdom. And not someone who is intent on crossing the Rubicon with reckless abandon like they just got done reading a Harlequin Romance Novel.

 

I feel sorry for your husband. If you act this flighty around him he knows there is something rotten in Denmark. And I hope someone can get through to you before you totally destroy your marriage, your current employment, and any future employment. Because crap floats downhill, And if you get your ass in trouble at this job and get canned over some pipe dream, you would be well advised that HR departments do keep copious records. Although publicly they may not be allowed to disclose reasons for dismissals, they will be more than happy to tell a potential employer off the record that they would be better off passing on hiring a toxic employee.

Edited September 12, 2017 by Space Ritual

[d0nnivain]

Ok so I don't want to divorce my husband because for my kids sake. So even though he's not a great husband or father he is STILL their father.

 

 

If you don't want a divorce, that is fine. But don't have an affair either.

 

 

I think the kids could respect a parent for divorcing but they may be hard pressed to accept a parent who is a cheater. Teach them by example to honor their commitments.

[usa1ah]

No we had our kids then he saw them as a burden. Also, I am not actually doing anything. My boss is the one "doing" things.... all I said was that I found him attractive. How come I come out being the bad one?

 

Your not the bad guy. But you also don't know what your going to do if he tries anything.

 

All we are trying to do is keep you from doing something you will regret.

[smackie9]

Your kids would be better off with two separated parents that are happy, than living in a environment where two parents, who despise each other, spend very little time interacting with each other or even being present. You are delusional thinking you are doing your kids a favor by "staying".

 

I have had the opportunity to talk to many adult kids that had parents that stayed for them. They hated it, and wished they did get divorced. They feel your misery. Like I said you kids aren't stupid, they know something is wrong. What kind of example are you teaching your children? That it's OK to stay in an unhappy marriage? That it's OK to be ignored by your partner? This will affect them when they are adults. It's called learned behavior.

[mickeyd]

Your kids would be better off with two separated parents that are happy, than living in a environment where two parents, who despise each other, spend very little time interacting with each other or even being present. You are delusional thinking you are doing your kids a favor by "staying".

 

I have had the opportunity to talk to many adult kids that had parents that stayed for them. They hated it, and wished they did get divorced. They feel your misery. Like I said you kids aren't stupid, they know something is wrong. What kind of example are you teaching your children? That it's OK to stay in an unhappy marriage? That it's OK to be ignored by your partner? This will affect them when they are adults. It's called learned behavior.

 

I understand what you are saying but at least they would have their dad around. I know if I got divorced he wouldn't spend any time with them because he doesn't know how

[Just a Guy]

Hi Mick, re your last post. Maybe your kids would be better off without having him in their lives on a day to day basis. If he considers them a burden and does'nt treat them well then it would be healthier for them to be away from him. What good does it do them to have a father who is neglectful and does not love them? He is being a very bad example as a father figure for them. Why are you so scared of divorcing him? Is he physically abusive and do you fear hr will go overboard if you have him served with divorce papers? Something does not seem to be right here. If you want really helpful advice you have to be upfront with what your fundamental problem is. Having an affair on a toxic husband is like setting alight the fuse on a time bomb. I would rather make tracks. Warm wishes.

[usa1ah]

I understand what you are saying but at least they would have their dad around. I know if I got divorced he wouldn't spend any time with them because he doesn't know how

 

Divorcing your POSH might give you a chance to bring a man into there life to show them what a father really is.

 

All they are receiving now is the pain of rejection for him.

[DKT3]

Divorcing your POSH might give you a chance to bring a man into there life to show them what a father really is.

 

All they are receiving now is the pain of rejection for him.

 

This woman is on the verge of a full blown affair, her current veiw of the Marriage and husband are not exactly honest, not saying that she is lying, just not likely the REAL whole story.

 

Women do this when involved in affairs, it's alot of justifications for her actions so far.

[smackie9]

I understand what you are saying but at least they would have their dad around. I know if I got divorced he wouldn't spend any time with them because he doesn't know how

It seems he is pretty much already doing that. If you had a nice partner that loved your kids and treated them as his own....wouldn't that be more beneficial to them?

[mickeyd]

It seems he is pretty much already doing that. If you had a nice partner that loved your kids and treated them as his own....wouldn't that be more beneficial to them?

 

Yes you are right. And I am considering what you have all been saying as deep down I know you are right. Just can't help these feelings.

[smackie9]

Change or removing yourself from a marriage is difficult because this is all you have known, and it's the unknown that makes you have feelings of uncertainty. You can work on this day by day, and get your plan into action with a lawyer.

[mickeyd]

So i know i havent bern on here for a while and i really hope people dont judge me. I thought things had settled down with the boss. But we had our office christmas party and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I really am confused and dont know what to do now

Any advice? Please no judging.

[BaileyB]

What kind of advice are you looking for, exactly?

 

Do you plan to continue this affair? Do you regret the decision?

 

In your position, I would be looking for another job...

[mickeyd]

I did like it so I probably would continue and no I don't regret the decision. I think we are both adults and knew what we were doing. Perhaps I should look for another job....i dont know?

[DKT3]

So i know i havent bern on here for a while and i really hope people dont judge me. I thought things had settled down with the boss. But we had our office christmas party and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I really am confused and dont know what to do now

Any advice? Please no judging.

 

Advice for what? You've had 7 pages of advice and ignored it all. Beside you enjoyed it want to continue and don't regret it, what can anyone here say to help you? That you've done the right thing? That everything will work out great? Cuz none of that is true.

[DKT3]

I did like it so I probably would continue and no I don't regret the decision. I think we are both adults and knew what we were doing. Perhaps I should look for another job....i dont know?

 

Perhaps a divorce?

[usa1ah]

I did like it so I probably would continue and no I don't regret the decision. I think we are both adults and knew what we were doing. Perhaps I should look for another job....i dont know?

 

So you have no problems sleeping with another woman husband.

 

I love this excuse, we are both adults and knew what we were doing. Sorry mickeyd but most everyone knows how to have sex. Most of us how ever don’t sleep with someone that doesn’t belong to us.

 

I wish you could see this from my view point. You are not the first he has done this with and you won’t be the last either. He saw you as prey and went after you. It took a little time but in the end with a little alcohol he got the prize he was after, a piece of azz from you. He did and said everything to get what he wanted from you. As long as you don’t rock the boat he will still be sweet and attentive or he got what he wanted and is finished with you.

 

Anyway you can read many stories like yours on this and other sites on the wed. Most of them with the theme, he said he loved me.

[treehugger12]

Sorry I don't understand your acronyms! OM, EA, PA?

Also, he is the one touching me yet you say I allowed him to touch me? What am

Supposed to do? This also has nothing to do with my children

I keep them well away from my work life.

But thank you for the advice. Also, I don't get how people

just assume he is only after sex?? Am I that naive?

 

YES... you are being so naive! Take it from me, been there done that! Don’t make the stupid mistake that many of us here on LS have made, seriously I’m sitting here shaking my head!

 

When he touches you, you tell him to stop and tell him your “MARRIED”, that’s what your supposed to do!!!

[BaileyB]

I did like it so I probably would continue and no I don't regret the decision. I think we are both adults and knew what we were doing. Perhaps I should look for another job....i dont know?

 

Well, then you deserve whatever is about to come your way...

 

Poor decisions bring poor results. Good luck to you.

Edited December 27, 2017 by BaileyB

[Space Ritual]

So i know i havent bern on here for a while and i really hope people dont judge me. I thought things had settled down with the boss. But we had our office christmas party and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I really am confused and dont know what to do now

Any advice? Please no judging.

 

 

 

You never took our advice in the first place. Why the hell are you wasting members time by coming back and asking for it again when we all know you are either too stubborn or too stupid to take it? You had over Seven Pages of it staring you in the face!

 

I feel sorry for your children AND your husband. I doubt any of the horrible things you said about him are even remotely true.

 

In my many years here I have rarely read and replied to a thread started by such a self destructive and selfish person. Your story is in the top 5 here at LS that have made my stomach turn. I usually do not openly wish ill upon anyone who comes to LS searching for help.

 

However, you are an exception.

 

Your selfishness is eclipsed only by your evilness.

[GoldenR]

Just spare yourself and your H a lot of pain, and divorce him already. You clearly have rewritten your marital history to the point where you pretty much hate your H anyway, so just get it over with and divorce him.

 

It will fix everything. You'll then be free to screw as many married men as you possibly can, and your H will be free to find someone that will actually love and care about him.

 

You shouldn't be a wife anymore.

Edited December 27, 2017 by GoldenR

[mickeyd]

I have been thinking about your responses. I am sorry you all think i am a bad person but i am not. I am a really good mother and friend and i did try and be a good wife but my husband was not a good husband nor father. My marriage i now over i took a lot of crap and ive finally had enough. Maybe thats why i fell for someone else. As for my boss, after a few days of thinking about what happened i belive hehas taken advantage of me. I think he knbew my vulnerability and used that against me. I dont plan on doingv anything more with him.

[BluesPower]

I have been thinking about your responses. I am sorry you all think i am a bad person but i am not. I am a really good mother and friend and i did try and be a good wife but my husband was not a good husband nor father. My marriage i now over i took a lot of crap and ive finally had enough. Maybe thats why i fell for someone else. As for my boss, after a few days of thinking about what happened i belive hehas taken advantage of me. I think he knbew my vulnerability and used that against me. I dont plan on doingv anything more with him.

 

Micky, Micky, Micky...

 

I am sorry dear, but at some point you have to realize that EVERYTHING you are saying is simply justification of your bad behavior.

 

Your husband could be the worst person in the world and he still did not deserve your cheating, end of story.

 

Your boss did not take advantage of you, you could have put a stop to it. You are taking no responsibility for your actions. Wrong is wrong and it always will be, no matter how much you justify it.

 

I am not telling you any of this to hurt you. But you need to understand what you have done and why you have done it, or you will repeat the same behavior in the future.

 

You will be married again, get your feelings hurt or become bored and you will cheat in future relationships.

 

Without self awareness, there can be no personal growth...