Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual

[road]

Ok so I went to work today and he touched me twice on the shoulder. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know whether he is just being friendly and if I say something I will just look stupid? Do you think he is escalating things?

 

You report him to the head of human resources for

repeatedly making unnecessary physical contact

with me.

[smackie9]

Please read my previous posts. My husband is the selfish one - he pays me no attention, secretly texts and spends no time with his kids. My kids and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I have put them first for the past 7 years. I need something in my life too right? Daddy is NOT a good role model to our kids and I have been the devoted wife putting up with s**t long enough. He should of paid more attention to me and appreciated me.

This is why you should have THAT conversation with him. If he doesn't want to change, or take counseling or get a divorce, then suggest an open marriage with strict boundaries. A lot of people do this with success if both are 100% on board with it. There is no need to keep anything a secret.

[usa1ah]

Just because I put my kids first does not mean I don't give a damn about my husband! He should be happy that I am such a good mother but no, all he has cared about is himself.

 

Maybe I don't know all of your story but I know my wife went all in as a mom. She took our marriage and myself for granted. Didn't want to do date night or anything else for our relationship. There is a lot more to the story but resentment built up on both sides. Finally came to a blow up and I said I was done with the marriage. The thing is I tried to keep the marriage going with no response from her. Then I stopped trying, that is when she noticed I wasn't trying to talk or spend time with her anymore.

 

We have been trying to put things back together for the past three yrs now.

 

Only difference between your husband and myself is, I am very involved with my kids. I turned to them when I wasn't getting anywhere with my wife. I have always been there to help around the house as well with working 60 some hrs a week.

[Space Ritual]

Just because I put my kids first does not mean I don't give a damn about my husband! He should be happy that I am such a good mother but no, all he has cared about is himself.

 

 

You stated this a few pages back...."Of course I am unhappy in my marriage otherwise I wouldn't have a crush on another man. If he was also happy in his marriage I don't think he would be flirting either - am I right? Can I get a man's opinion?"

 

You have gotten a lot of men's opinions. And you seem unable or unwilling to understand any of us.

 

You do understand what the vows "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" mean don't you?

 

You are not naive , you are simply just selfish. Again...you have plenty of choices here...you want to pick the one that feels the best at the time...and usually those are the ones that come back to bite you in the ass.

 

 

Good luck

[usa1ah]

Ok so I went to work today and he touched me twice on the shoulder. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know whether he is just being friendly and if I say something I will just look stupid? Do you think he is escalating things?

 

You respond to my post above then post this.

 

Just go ahead and destroy your marriage, cheat. Do what ever you want because you don't give two cents for your husband.

[pumpkinpie1]

Ok so I went to work today and he touched me twice on the shoulder. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know whether he is just being friendly and if I say something I will just look stupid? Do you think he is escalating things?

 

Nobody here knows what he's thinking. A touch on the arm is not much, and it's definitely possible that you just have a crush on him and are projecting your own feelings on him. It's also possible that it means something. Either way, he hasn't done anything worth reporting to HR yet, but I really, really hope that IF he does, you do the right thing.

 

I also hope you do something about the miserable state of your marriage so that you stop wanting to compromise your morals, your family, and his family for the ego stroke of an affair. Please don't destroy all those lives just because you're mad at your husband. Fix your life without ruining anyone else's.

[mickeyd]

Maybe I don't know all of your story but I know my wife went all in as a mom. She took our marriage and myself for granted. Didn't want to do date night or anything else for our relationship. There is a lot more to the story but resentment built up on both sides. Finally came to a blow up and I said I was done with the marriage. The thing is I tried to keep the marriage going with no response from her. Then I stopped trying, that is when she noticed I wasn't trying to talk or spend time with her anymore.

 

We have been trying to put things back together for the past three yrs now.

 

Only difference between your husband and myself is, I am very involved with my kids. I turned to them when I wasn't getting anywhere with my wife. I have always been there to help around the house as well with working 60 some hrs a week.

 

Well there it is. My husband is never there for his kids, hardly helps around the house and does whatever he pleases. Big difference.

[mickeyd]

Nobody here knows what he's thinking. A touch on the arm is not much, and it's definitely possible that you just have a crush on him and are projecting your own feelings on him. It's also possible that it means something. Either way, he hasn't done anything worth reporting to HR yet, but I really, really hope that IF he does, you do the right thing.

 

I also hope you do something about the miserable state of your marriage so that you stop wanting to compromise your morals, your family, and his family for the ego stroke of an affair. Please don't destroy all those lives just because you're mad at your husband. Fix your life without ruining anyone else's.

 

Exactly. I am not going to get him in trouble for something that could just be him being friendly. Hence my original post.

[pumpkinpie1]

Exactly. I am not going to get him in trouble for something that could just be him being friendly. Hence my original post.

 

You disregarded the more important part of my post which begs the question, why would you even consider banging a married dude?

 

It's not fair to take your frustrations with your own marriage out on someone else's. Why not work on your own marriage instead of stewing in your juices and silently hating your husband?

 

Grow a pair of ovaries and do something about your terrible marriage! Your husband sounds like he sucks..why are you still with him? Why not ditch him and find yourself a nice SINGLE man who treats you with respect?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well there it is. My husband is never there for his kids, hardly helps around the house and does whatever he pleases. Big difference.

 

Not big enough to justify an affair. Nothing is, sorry to break that to you.

[road]

Well there it is. My husband is never there for his kids, hardly helps around the house and does whatever he pleases. Big difference.

 

None of this justifies a wife to cheat.

[road]

Exactly. I am not going to get him in trouble for something that could just be him being friendly. Hence my original post.

 

This is not friendly?

 

Well you like to debate, make excuses, put a spin on things,

never admit, deflect the issue.

 

What his behavior is in 1930, 1959, 1993, does not matter.

 

What matters we are in a time of political correctness. A male

boss touching a female subordinate today in 2017 is highly offense,

highly illegal, politically incorrect for it will be deemed as

sexual harassment.

 

Your boss knows this yet he thinks he will get away

with such behavior because your non action is you sending

him the green light signal to continue to escalate things.

 

You know this but will not take up his bad behavior with

management because you do not want this negative

behavior stopped and do not want the OM to get fired

because then your affair will be over.

 

This work place affair is what businesses do not want

because of the law suit payouts.

[usa1ah]

Well there it is. My husband is never there for his kids, hardly helps around the house and does whatever he pleases. Big difference.

 

Question is did he try to keep the relationship going at first?

 

People respond differently to rejection. Just like you at the present, did you see yourself in this position 2 years ago?

 

If your husband felt rejected by you like I did with my wife, then him pulling out emotionally can be self preservation. Not saying this is what it is but it could be.

 

mickeyd don't do something you will regret, you are better then this. Stop what is going on with your boss. Let your husband know you want a divorce. Then find someone to love you completely with out the taint of cheating.

[mickeyd]

Question is did he try to keep the relationship going at first?

 

People respond differently to rejection. Just like you at the present, did you see yourself in this position 2 years ago?

 

If your husband felt rejected by you like I did with my wife, then him pulling out emotionally can be self preservation. Not saying this is what it is but it could be.

 

mickeyd don't do something you will regret, you are better then this. Stop what is going on with your boss. Let your husband know you want a divorce. Then find someone to love you completely with out the taint of cheating.

 

No we had our kids then he saw them as a burden. Also, I am not actually doing anything. My boss is the one "doing" things.... all I said was that I found him attractive. How come I come out being the bad one?

[mickeyd]

You disregarded the more important part of my post which begs the question, why would you even consider banging a married dude?

 

It's not fair to take your frustrations with your own marriage out on someone else's. Why not work on your own marriage instead of stewing in your juices and silently hating your husband?

 

Grow a pair of ovaries and do something about your terrible marriage! Your husband sounds like he sucks..why are you still with him? Why not ditch him and find yourself a nice SINGLE man who treats you with respect?

 

I am not considering banging him. I said I find him attractive and I think he is flirting with me. Who said I wanted to sleep with him? Or have a relationship with him? He is the one "doing" I have done nothing!

[d0nnivain]

mickeyd

 

If your marriage is bad & your husband is the louse you paint him to be in this thread, just get a divorce already.

 

As for your boss, you may be over reading it because you are enjoying the attention, the fantasy & the idea that a man finds you attractive again. That seems to be missing from your marriage. If your boss is trying to groom you for an affair, that makes him a louse too. Since you are vulnerable & starting to succumb to the idea that cheating would solve your problems, steer clear of any alone time with the boss. If you don't want to talk to him or report him, just avoid him. Never have closed door meetings alone with him. Find reasons to exit rooms if it's only the 2 of you. Don't work late with just him. At this point I don't think that you are strong enough to say no if the boss makes a move so you have to manipulate the situation so that he never had the opportunity to try.

[road]

No we had our kids then he saw them as a burden. Also, I am not actually doing anything. My boss is the one "doing" things.... all I said was that I found him attractive. How come I come out being the bad one?

 

I am not considering banging him. I said I find him attractive and I think he is flirting with me. Who said I wanted to sleep with him? Or have a relationship with him? He is the one "doing" I have done nothing!

 

What about you letting him getting all touchy feely?

 

What about you letting him continually letting him

increase the level of touching?

 

What about him making sure you two are spending

more time alone at work?

 

What about you and him ramping up the personal

sharing in your talks?

 

What about you increasingly liking his attention?

 

What about you more and more finding ways to

tell us that you have a bad husband?

 

All those questions represent red flags warning that

an affair is starting.

 

Or do you post here because you love to play with

words?

[Space Ritual]

Or do you post here because you love to play with

words?

.

 

I consider "Words with Friends" on social media one of the most prominent vehicles for infidelity. They get plenty of practice when they have to keep spelling "Denial". lol

[Just a Guy]

Hi Mickeyed, you've been asked one question and advised about one thing in particular and that is " Why do you not divorce your husband if he is so bad"? Forget for a moment what is going on with your boss and just matter of exactly answer this question.

 

The thing is your reluctance to answer or respond to suggestions about this one important matter lead me to believe that the situation with your husband may not be so bad as you are trying to make it out to be. I don't know how old you are but from the way you have written it appears you are in your late twenties or early thirties. You seem to be getting a terrific kick out of your boss paying attention to you and for that you are prepared to toss all self respect and common sense apart from the aspect of hurting two families very badly just for some butterflies in your stomach. Once you've crossed the boundary line you will never be able to step back. You will always be branded as a cheater. You say you are doing nothing and whatever is happening is happening from your OM's side but but the fact is that you ate passively encouraging him on and as time passes he is getting more and more emboldened. Soon he will give you a kiss and then one thing will lead to another and he will get in your pants. Affairs are one way streets. You can go down them but can never retrace your steps. So before you proceed think very carefully what you want and what is in your best interests. Also, please do answer the question at the beginning of my post. Warm wishes.

[stillafool]

Be prepared that if you do have sex with your boss sooner or later you will not only lose your husband but your job as well. He may not want to look at you once he's finished.

[Space Ritual]

Be prepared that if you do have sex with your boss sooner or later you will not only lose your husband but your job as well. He may not want to look at you once he's finished.

 

Exactly.Spot on.

 

The guy is trying to get laid. If he gets caught and his job is at stake he sure as hell is not going to fall on his sword for OP. He will throw her under the bus in a New York Minute. He isn't going to up and get divorced because OP pines away for him while he is under investigation by Human Resources.

 

I do not think OP understands this. She is seeing the Skittles Unicorn Rainbow and not the reality of the situation, Hence why she is so unwilling to answer the question that has been posed to her time and again.

 

She is in for a shock.

[mickeyd]

Hi Mickeyed, you've been asked one question and advised about one thing in particular and that is " Why do you not divorce your husband if he is so bad"? Forget for a moment what is going on with your boss and just matter of exactly answer this question.

 

The thing is your reluctance to answer or respond to suggestions about this one important matter lead me to believe that the situation with your husband may not be so bad as you are trying to make it out to be. I don't know how old you are but from the way you have written it appears you are in your late twenties or early thirties. You seem to be getting a terrific kick out of your boss paying attention to you and for that you are prepared to toss all self respect and common sense apart from the aspect of hurting two families very badly just for some butterflies in your stomach. Once you've crossed the boundary line you will never be able to step back. You will always be branded as a cheater. You say you are doing nothing and whatever is happening is happening from your OM's side but but the fact is that you ate passively encouraging him on and as time passes he is getting more and more emboldened. Soon he will give you a kiss and then one thing will lead to another and he will get in your pants. Affairs are one way streets. You can go down them but can never retrace your steps. So before you proceed think very carefully what you want and what is in your best interests. Also, please do answer the question at the beginning of my post. Warm wishes.

 

Ok so I don't want to divorce my husband because for my kids sake. So even though he's not a great husband or father he is STILL their father. I've answered your question.

[mickeyd]

Exactly.Spot on.

 

The guy is trying to get laid. If he gets caught and his job is at stake he sure as hell is not going to fall on his sword for OP. He will throw her under the bus in a New York Minute. He isn't going to up and get divorced because OP pines away for him while he is under investigation by Human Resources.

 

I do not think OP understands this. She is seeing the Skittles Unicorn Rainbow and not the reality of the situation, Hence why she is so unwilling to answer the question that has been posed to her time and again.

 

She is in for a shock.

 

I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.

[stillafool]

Ok so I don't want to divorce my husband because for my kids sake. So even though he's not a great husband or father he is STILL their father. I've answered your question.

 

Don't have an affair for your kids sake as well. It wouldn't be pretty their mom getting kicked out for having sex with another man.

[stillafool]

I am a little confused. Since when are you not allowed to have a relationship with someone you work with? I know lots of people that work together and have a relationship.

 

Friendly working relationships are fine. Having a sexual relationship with your Boss while married is not.