Frustrated20 Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 8 and a half years,2 kids and he still won't talk about marriage. It seems like everyone else's is getting engaged or married but himself just isn't interested. I made it clear from the start that getting married was important to me but I didn't push it like I never said we have to be engaged by this time or whatever I taught he'd have done it by the time we had kids but Tasha two kids and he hasn't even mentioned it!. So far I've just been like it's fine he'll do it when he's ready but god I'm getting seriously annoyed! Both his sister and brother have gotten engaged this year after a year and a year and a half so why the heck hasn't he asked after 8 and a half years???? He treats me like his wife expects me to always be there but doesn't do anything at all romantic anymore am I just wasting my time? I feel like he's never going to commit that he is just comfortable and that's it should I wait or call my losses and leave I have no idea Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 so, have YOU tried talking about marriage? If you never say anything, he may think you're happy with the situation as it is. Not everyone thinks marriage is necessary. I mean, 8 years sounds pretty committed by many standards, regardless of whether you have the piece of paper or not. If you want him to be more romantic, TELL HIM. If you want to get married, TELL HIM. Propose to him yourself, if you want! If he gets embarrassed by that, tell him it's up to him to fix it and do it 'right'. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 (edited) Have you never discussed it ever? Just to get his stance on it? Maybe he is one of those who never wants to marry. He might just be happy with the way things are. You might need to propose Edited September 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Well, I assume you're stuck and he knows it. I assume you're living with him? Are you working? If not, your option is to start working so he knows you can leave and be on your own if he doesn't budge. I have a friend whose husband is very unhelpful and didn't want her to work after she spent a fortune on school, and he made her do it all but then she went to work despite him and he's much better behaved now because he knows she can up and leave him if she wants and that he'd be the one who'd never be able to find someone else because he's such a mess where she's super sweet and smart. You have an imbalance. Get a job to give yourself some options. If you already have a job, then you already have options. If you get fed up with it, you can move out and start dating other guys if you want. He'll have to pay some child support OR take the kids half the time, which gives you time for relaxation and a life and to work more if you want. Bottom line, you're with a guy who doesn't care if you're happy as long as he's happy. Not a great example for the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Why should he get married? You've given him everything that he would get from being married, without being married. If he walked now, he wouldnt lose a thing other than child support. Why would he get married now??? ask yourself that. You say getting married was important to you. It couldnt have been too important if you moved in with him and had kids before you had a marriage commitment from him. Nothing will change unless you change it. Talking wont do anything, it hasnt for the past 8 years, so it wont now. You are in his house, taking care of his kids, and his house. Life is pretty peachy for him. How many millions of threads have there been about this on this, and other, forums. The answer is always the same. If getting married is that important to you, then you have to tell him you want to get married, or you leave. Since Im fairly sure you wont do that, then getting married is not more important. You have backed yourself into a corner with no leverage to get out. He may marry you with an ultimatum, but he may not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 This is why I tell women not to have kids and set up house with a man until he asks you to marry him. Marriage is the best way to assure security for you and your children. It definitely important that the man wants you before you have the childen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 8,5 years with you and 2 kids, you don't call that committed? All the couples around you getting married have no garantee to make it to 8,5 years like you did. He doesn't want to get married, now years later with children it's too late to pressure him about this. Make sure you have a good Will at the Notary to protect you and the kids in case of death. If you wanted to get married THAT much you wouldn't be living with him and you wouldn't have had 2 kids together. You are the one that made the compromise so now you cannot turn around. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 If a man doesn't care enough about a woman's happiness to marry her when she's the mother of her children, then not only do I not think he's committed, but I don't think he loves her or he wouldn't want to hurt her that way when he knows how much it means to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frustrated20 Posted September 9, 2017 Author Share Posted September 9, 2017 I have told him I wanted to get married I wouldn't propose he'd be mortified! A We meet in school as friends and started dating when we finished I worked my ass off so he could go to collage and then he was suppose to work so I could that didn't happen as we were both working so he said ther was no point ended up pregnant and I've been at home with the kids since there's no point working when I'd be spending every bit of my wage on childcare. That's what's really worrying me I suppose if he doesn't want to get married does that mean he ever will like is he going to up and leave on another 2 3 years am I going to be left high and dry with the kids I messed up and let him make all the decisions in our life (young and dumb) but he won't back my decision that I wanted us to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 Yes, he very well may, which is why you work and keep a career going even if all you do is break even. A marriage certificate won't stop him from leaving if he's going to, but you having a job and working dillegently on a career even if it means paying for daycare is the ONLY thing that will save you in the future. My friend got a lot more control back over her marriage by taking a job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 He is getting everything he needs, love, sex, family, commitment from you. Why would he need marriage too? Are you prepared to walk away if he doesn't suggest marriage? You don't want to put yourself in the position of having to ask for it, but if you do want it and are prepared to walk away, you could mention it as something you've always wanted and indicate that as it doesn't seem to be happening you are both on different pages in life. That should be enough of a hint to him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 If you want to go back to school, do it. You can go to night school or take classes online if you have the kids during the day. It is your boyfriend's turn to sacrifice his time so you can get an education. I'm sure once he sees you pursuing a degree you will become more appealing to him. Forget him, your self esteem will lift and you may not want to marry him after all. Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 I have told him I wanted to get married I wouldn't propose he'd be mortified! A We meet in school as friends and started dating when we finished I worked my ass off so he could go to collage and then he was suppose to work so I could that didn't happen as we were both working so he said ther was no point ended up pregnant and I've been at home with the kids since there's no point working when I'd be spending every bit of my wage on childcare. That's what's really worrying me I suppose if he doesn't want to get married does that mean he ever will like is he going to up and leave on another 2 3 years am I going to be left high and dry with the kids I messed up and let him make all the decisions in our life (young and dumb) but he won't back my decision that I wanted us to get married. Men don't break their family and leave their kids just like that cause they feel like it. You want to get married but do you even love him still? Pick what you want to study and start with online courses or weekend courses. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts