Can't afford a lawyer.

[Crimsonsky]

I've been married to my husband 7 years, I haven't worked cause he would not let me, and we have two kids and a house that my parents paid the downpayment on. We live in Florida in case there are special laws or anything.

 

I've decided that I'm so done because of his abuse and I'm doing it all alone cause no one in my family accepts my decision. They think marriage is for life.

 

What can I do if I can't afford a lawyer? I'm looking for a job now and will try to take whatever I get, but it probably won't be enough especially if I have to get an apartment and everything else.

 

I don't want to fight over anything, he can take whatever he wants. I want what's fair. I want what is enough for me to survive and stand on my own feet. Obviously my kids are the most important factor here.

[preraph]

He will have to pay for the lawyer after you divorce since you have been dependent on him the whole time, plus he will have to pay support. You can't afford NOT to hire a lawyer. Go talk to a family lawyer and they will know what to do. Make some calls. This is normal.

[PegNosePete]

I don't want to fight over anything, he can take whatever he wants. I want what's fair. I want what is enough for me to survive and stand on my own feet.

You make a lot of statements here that are mutually exclusive. He can take whatever he wants, but you want what is fair, what if he wants more than is fair? You don't want to fight but you want enough to stand on your own feet, what if he doesn't want to give you that?

 

Unfortunately "fighting" is often necessary to get a fair divorce settlement. But fighting isn't always as bad (or as expensive) as you think. In fact being sensible, practical and pragmatic, and choosing your battles wisely, will save you a lot. Protracted court cases are extremely rare, most divorce settlements are resolved by mutual agreement (either with or without the help of lawyers). In fact what many people think is "fighting", is actually achieved by "negotiating".

 

The first step is to find out what "fair" means to you. Many lawyers do a free initial consultation and this is something you should use to maximum effect. Make appointments with at least 3 or 4 well renowned local lawyers. Take with you an A4 summary of your financial situation. Include all incomes, outgoings, debts, savings, pensions, etc. Don't worry too much about "grounds" for divorce, if the marriage is over then this is pretty much formality. Use your free consultation time to talk about the finances and what kind of outcome you could expect. You should also ask about interim support, since you are currently dependent on your husband's income, he has an obligation to continue to support you through the divorce process.

 

Don't be afraid to ask candidly about their fees. How much you need up front, and most importantly ask if the balance can be paid from your settlement or from your husband's interim support.

 

When you have an idea of what outcome you want, you can approach your husband (in writing), tell him you have seen a lawyer and tell him what settlement you want. Then the negotiation / haggling process will begin. As in all haggling situations it is best for your starting bid to be a little higher "fair", so that you've got haggling room. If he refuses to negotiate or is unreasonable or you can't reach agreement then it may be helpful to hire a professional negotiator (or lawyer as they are also called). As mentioned above you can't afford NOT to have a lawyer, or at least get some free professional advice.

[d0nnivain]

Ask your parents to pay the retainer. You have to protect the equity in the house which is their concern too.

[PegNosePete]

Yeah, the parents have a moral/emotional interest in the house but not a legal one. The downpayment would almost certainly be considered a gift to the married couple jointly. I think asking them to pay the retainer should be a last resort. If it can be paid by OP directly or from joint finances then it will affect marital finances and therefore be considered as part of the settlement. Whereas if the parents pay it, they aren't going to get it back, and it may even be used against her by her husband ("her parents can afford to support her therefore I don't have to"). At the very least, ask the lawyer in the initial consultation what the consequences of them paying it would be.