How to re kindle

[Bikekid360]

So a long story short, the girl that I had an amazing relationship with blindsided me about a month ago. Our relationship went off without a hook. We got along perfectly and matched each other very well. The only downside was it was long distance ie I was in Denver and she was an hour north of Chicago at college. We would talk constantly and I would fly out and see her on long weekends once a month. She got a job in Denver before she graduated and we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We just had to get through a quick 3 month deployment. During the deployment everything went well, until she was sexually assaulted. We worked through that (or so I thought?) and everything was well again. When I came home he was ecstatic to see me. 2 days later on or first chance to be together, once again everything's great until she says she spent think she can do it anymore. She doesn't want to to the deployments and the military life. I'm guard and almost never deploy so worst case scenario is 3 months gone for 4+ years here. We had such a good connection, and I feel like we would've made it if it wasn't for the incident. Now unjust trying to figure out what to do. I want to reach out to her, but have been told to keep with NC. Do I use the 30 day rule and reach out to try and rekindle her feelings with our better only this relationship memories? Or just NC indefinently until she contacts? I'm lost on this one.

[preraph]

I guess maybe the assault really shook her up and she envisions herself with someone who is nearly always there. Yes, it's not practical, as everyone has to go to work, etc. But some people do change forever after an assault. Some never are the same. It shakes your foundation, your trust with other people, makes you feel you have little or no power to keep yourself safe. Some move on soon and some never do.

 

Did she get any counselling afterward? She needs victim counseling. I guess she has asked for no contact, and if so, you best respect that. But if you talk again, you should tell her she must see a victim counselor. Refer her to victim resources online that have hotlines and referrals. Don't contact her parents while you've promised no contact as it will alarm her, but if you begin to talk and there's one you think you can trust, ask them if they can help get her in to talk to a counselor about this.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to both you and her. They say one in four women is assaulted in her lifetime.

[bummer]

Do I use the 30 day rule and reach out to try and rekindle her feelings with our better only this relationship memories? Or just NC indefinently until she contacts? I'm lost on this one.

 

Damn Italians! There is no 30 day rule. I'd go indefinite. She sounded great on paper but it didn't work. Sorry about that. She's probably using the situational aspects (deployments, possibly the assault) as external justifications for ending it. Just respect it and if she comes back, great. If not, you will hopefully have moved on. good luck!