Hurt and Trying To Move On But Confused...

[Juha]

I hve been going out with a girl who is 22 and I am 37...We have known each other for a while because

I am friendly with her family...We were friends and always had some special feelings towards each other but

never acted on them until one day it just happend...We started hanging out together and being together more and more...Things were very good between us and we got along great and had great passion and caring for each other...

Family and friends would say they have never seen her happier and she was truly happy...

 

Now this girl has some issues in her past that people dont know about I am about the only one that knows everything about her because she was so comfortable with me she talked and told me everything....She was drugged and raped by kids she went to school with she has never told her family and went to counseling for this, it is a heavy burden to carry and I tried to help....She would have nightmares and I would wake her so they would stop.....She also lost her best friend in a car accident that she blames herself for because she was supposed to be in the car and was not when he died....Plus everyguy she went out with was not a good guy at all with treating her like **** and giving her drugs...Until she came to me and she was surprised how things could be when you are truly in love...She had never let her wall down for anyone before and she let it down for me and gave and recieved love....

 

Meanwhile I had some Anxiety issues with me about job, money, and other things...Not her I loved and cared for her so much I have never felt this with anyone before, I have dated many women and never felt like this ever...She is my true love...Anyway I went into a funk with the anxiety and took things out on everyone especially my family and her...I was not a nice person to be around...I did not even notice this just finally I came to grips with it and got some help after my mother finally got through to me...SHe tried to help but I would not talk because she had enough on her mind and I was afraid she would leave....During this time I treated her badly...I was cold to her, did not want to go out, and was miserable and paralyzed...Just having her there for me was enough to keep me strong

she just did not know it....

 

Anyway I got through it and was starting to feel better the week of the fourth and I was going to tell her everything...How much I love her and and what has been going on with me...That week I took her home and she got out of the truck and just looked at me and screamed "we are done, it is over" and went into the house...

She would not talk with me for two weeks if I called she would not answer, I would text she would say "leave me alone I am busy"...She would not talk to me give me a reason why she left...I figured how I was these past few months was it but was not sure...Finally after 2 weeks she texted me and talked light with me nothing serious but I pushed some and she did not like it....She would do stupid things like can I use your computer and I let her use it and I went to sleep I wake up and she is sitting on me and then lays on me for a hug...This went on for a couple of weeks just hanging out but she did not seem right to me...I come to find out she had started hanging around some guy a couple of weeks after she left me...He is a heroin addict who is trying to quit and not doing a good job of it...

 

She would call me all depressed some times aand talk to me I would try to get her to go out and jsut relax but she would never agree to seeing me....SHe also sent mixed signals would say one thing and then contradict it by saying the opposite alot....I was worried that she was falling into a hole with this loser...I was told by people he treated her nice but they would argue and she would cry and he expected her to pay attention to him when he was around...The same type of guy she had always been with before...Her family did not know why she left me and did not like this guy...ANy way one Sunday she texts me about something, we text back and forth....She calls me and is all depressed ans confused about everything??? I ask if she wants to talk at the beach, come to my house, or me come there...She says no...Then calls me a half hour later to say if I wanted to bring something over for her that I had it would be alright to now because she is busy tomorrow.....

 

So I go over and we end up sitting and watching a movie and talking...Well the people on the movie are doing coke and then she makes a comment about she did that the other night...Then I look at her closely and she looks all strung out...When the movie is over we paly some Tony Hawk like we use to and I leave...Now we had talked about things before and she said she had done coke once before and she liked it to much that if she ever did it again she would not stop....So I end up visiting a family member and friend to talk to them about her....Her family member said they know where she has bee hanging out and such and her frind confirmed that they had both been doing it more than once probably...I talk to her brother and tell him I want to talk to her parents have them call me...Well the brother talked the parents and they never called me....They confronted her and used my name that I said and the **** hit the fan...

 

She was bull**** at me for talking to them, which I did not want them to confront her about...She called and texted repeatedly that She did not need me or my **** in her life anymore and it was all about her now and to stay out of her life...The time since she broke up with me she would say that she is not coming back to me...She is not giving me a second chance and she is happy with the new guy...Yeah right!!!SHe said she is now dedicated to helping him get off heroin...

 

Three days after telling me to beat it she calls me about something mundane and if I could help her because I said I would always be there for her....This has gone on for 3 weeks now with her contacting me about helping her with things she can have friends, family, new boyfriend help her with....What area code is this and then talks for 20 minutes with me...Can you look up something on your computer because no one else knows how to....Things like that....I have not initiated anything once I just answer indifferentlly to her when she contacts me and try to end it quickly on my terms....

 

If I question her about anything she gets angry....She does not ask me what I am doing or anything about me....

I dont know what the hell is wrong with her....She was not like this at all with me...I dont watn to see her hurt herself but I feel it is out of my hands...I have no idea if she is still doing drugs or not...She said she would talk when she is ready and she is hurt and time will make it go away...SHe said she loves me still....SHe does not know why I pushed her away according to her and why I did not accept her help at all like the guy she is with now..

She wont let me talk about what I was going thru but listened to my feelings to her and never gave a response about it...

 

I know this is long and could use some help....I assume everybody is going to say I should have NC with her totally and not take her calls....I was thinking about it but I have been ok lately not a basket case and I am moving on...

I have made many changes to my life since she left 7 weeks ago and have the anxiety under control better now...

WIll have a new and better job, get along great with my parents now, go to the gym...But I am confused by her actions and what the hell she is doing...Why she even has any contact with me after being so mad and telling me to leave her alone and she is done with me....I dont get it so any help is appreciated...She is young I understand that but where did this come from....I still love and care about her very deeply and still think she does for me but maybe the anger and hurt for how I treated her when I was sick has been to much for her....Thanks

[Juha]

I think she has Post Tramatic Stress Disorder from being raped and never dealing with it just keeping it in....I have done alot of research on it and talked to many experts and they all agree but without her admitting it and wanting help I can do nothing.....The thing is she was getting better and having a positive outlook on life and maybe one day go and get that help with my strength behind her....Now she seems depressed...SHe cant go back to school because she cant afford it and cant get a loan because her parents will not cosign for her....

 

SHe is not working and has not really been looking hard for a job... She stays up late and is in bed into the afternoon unless she goes to rehab with him...She also smokes alot of pot now...It just seems she did a 180...

She said that I changed and well that she changed to...I did not change I ahd problems and let them get to me and tried to tell her this and that I am going to be me again...She said show me and that she trouble believing anything I said to her...I have never lied to this girl....

 

She still has all her pictures and alot of poems and stories as she writes, on my computer, she never mentions about getting them...I know they are important to her....

 

I think by me losing myself and falling down with the anxiety problem treating her badly those months with something she was not accustomed to from me she just got confused and hurt until she just left...

Now she is with this new guy on the rebound and there is no emotional attachment...

Just hang out and have a good time and you wont get hurt....

 

My questions are....

 

What is she doing contacting me after she said to leave her alone???

 

Will she ever get over the hurt, confusion, and anger toward me to talk about what happened...

 

WIll she realize what she is doing and want to be happy again with me???

 

SHe is not truly happy now, not like before....

 

What a mess this is...

 

I already know what everybody is going to say here....I like this site and there is great advice and people but there is so much negativity here...I try to have faith and be positive so maybe that's my problem...