Being distant with my male co-workers just because I've a boyfriend?

[ZayKayWill]

There is no reason to have opposite sex friends

when in a relationship.

 

Being friendly and pleasant while being professional

at work is the way to go. Work is not hanging out at

the bar paling around.

 

Remember being friendly is not the same as being

friends.

 

I have a lot of friends who are in relationships and are bisexual. By your logic does that mean they're not allowed to have any friends at all?

[Springsummer]

similar situation here. guess I need to keep a distance, in case they think I am interested (I am single)

[ZayKayWill]

similar situation here. guess I need to keep a distance, in case they think I am interested (I am single)

 

Or you can just politely deny them if said situation even comes up in the first place?

[Springsummer]

Or you can just politely deny them if said situation even comes up in the first place?

 

Very unlikely, since I am much older than them.

[Springsummer]

In fact, the handsome one looks like he hates me.

 

He couldn't get something working properly of the app. I developed. so I played with it a little a figure out 2 other ways to workaround.

 

so a more senior person said I am smart...blabla...and I said I am sometimes dumb too.

 

then he turned and and said to the guys that he said i am smart, and I said that's because the guys are stupid/dumb. I said he was such a liar, but I sat far away from them, so I doubt if he heard my protest.

 

and maybe also other things.

 

things are delicate...sometimes despite my best intention and effort.

[Sweetfish]

It's just one of those stereotypes that I'm getting tired of hearing. It's really no different than assuming that all black people know how to play basketball/rap/etc. Sure some stereotypes are stereotypes because they're true, and to be fair I would say the majority of guys don't view women as just friends sadly, but people seriously assume this applies to all people of this certain background/identity. People don't seem to know how to judge people based on who they are as an individual and not a group. *shrug*

 

 

So the beginning of your paragraph talks about sterotyping and assuming and than you polish it off by saying... "Well yeah most guys are like that..."

 

Yeah.. not everyone is a theif.. but we take every caution to lock our doors and protect our belongings.

 

Very typical of "women" to talk about how it is ok to have guy friends... knowing very well that men generally (specially when they are single) will have some form of attraction as men are not typically selective as women are..

 

But you know what... if you do interact with these other men at work (females if your a guy) who is to say your feelings may not change?? Even the OP noted that she does not know if she may sway if she becomes close to her co-workers. This is almost near admitting she finds something attractive towards her co-worker or lacking in her relationship.

 

Just as sex is probably one of mans greatest weakness... for many women her feelings is her greatest weakness and men will pray on this.. and while I've seen many women talk a big game about how having close male friends is not a problem...I've seen many women walk away from a good marriage or relationship because something "better" came along or "appears" to be better. One step into the infidelity forum or om/ow forum and you can read threads for days on this...

[somanymistakes]

So the beginning of your paragraph talks about sterotyping and assuming and than you polish it off by saying... "Well yeah most guys are like that..."

 

Yeah.. not everyone is a theif.. but we take every caution to lock our doors and protect our belongings.

 

Many people don't, though. Especially depending on the community you're in. It's a choice, to be paranoid all the time or not.

 

When you walk out on the street, at any moment, every car that drives by could swerve towards you. Everyone you walk by could shove you into traffic. Every person you meet could be carrying a contagious disease that you might catch if they breathe near you. Every person you see might have a knife, or a gun, might rob you, might sexually assault you. Even your friends, even your family, they can snap, they can attack you.

 

But you cannot function as a human being if you tie yourself in knots trying to protect yourself from every possible danger.

 

We all make our own choices. Sometimes those choices are unfair to others. If I shy away from all men because I've been hurt by one in the past, that's not really fair to good men, but it's still my right to make that decision.

 

If the OP wants to keep her distance from her coworkers, that's fine, and since she wants her partner to keep his distance from women, it's only fair.

 

However, if people want to start arguing that women are obligated to avoid friendship with men, I will protest.

[Itta]

Oh no I don't mean avoiding men like a plaque xD I never ignore them on purspose.

[Redhead14]

You don't need to distance yourself from them, all you need to do is maintain a professional profile at the office . . . you're over thinking all this. If a male co-worker seems to be wanting to get closer, you deal with that when it happens and you draw your boundary. You don't need to consciously and actively be on "guard" about all this. If you are a natural flirter, I'd put a stop to that. Otherwise, just do your job and forget about the gender thing. You are an employee at XYZ Company like everyone else.

 

And, there's no reason to socialize with a group of men except if it is company related . . . i.e someone got a promotion or there's a special event. There's nothing wrong with that. You don't exchange personal phone numbers, etc. There's no reason for that kind of thing.

Edited September 15, 2017 by Redhead14

[ZayKayWill]

Many people don't, though. Especially depending on the community you're in. It's a choice, to be paranoid all the time or not.

 

When you walk out on the street, at any moment, every car that drives by could swerve towards you. Everyone you walk by could shove you into traffic. Every person you meet could be carrying a contagious disease that you might catch if they breathe near you. Every person you see might have a knife, or a gun, might rob you, might sexually assault you. Even your friends, even your family, they can snap, they can attack you.

 

But you cannot function as a human being if you tie yourself in knots trying to protect yourself from every possible danger.

 

We all make our own choices. Sometimes those choices are unfair to others. If I shy away from all men because I've been hurt by one in the past, that's not really fair to good men, but it's still my right to make that decision.

 

If the OP wants to keep her distance from her coworkers, that's fine, and since she wants her partner to keep his distance from women, it's only fair.

 

However, if people want to start arguing that women are obligated to avoid friendship with men, I will protest.

 

You and me both. I hate to admit it but it's one if the very few things in life that actually offends me. There are plenty of guys out there who don't feel the need to constantly chase and bone every girl that comes his way. Have people forgotten that those who follow the Christian faith follow this path? Don't judge a book by its cover. All I gotta say. Meet and talk to the guy first, then you can judge him.

[ZayKayWill]

You don't need to distance yourself from them, all you need to do is maintain a professional profile at the office . . . you're over thinking all this. If a male co-worker seems to be wanting to get closer, you deal with that when it happens and you draw your boundary. You don't need to consciously and actively be on "guard" about all this. If you are a natural flirter, I'd put a stop to that. Otherwise, just do your job and forget about the gender thing. You are an employee at XYZ Company like everyone else.

 

And, there's no reason to socialize with a group of men except if it is company related . . . i.e someone got a promotion or there's a special event. There's nothing wrong with that. You don't exchange personal phone numbers, etc. There's no reason for that kind of thing.

 

Why not? What if there's a certain activity or event they want to attend to with each other? If she simply just wants to keep it a professional thing then that's okay but she doesn't need to avoid it, unless she just simply can't control herself I guess. That's like saying that people shouldn't find new hobbies to attend because they may meet someone of opposite sex and something could potentially happen.

[cyphorX]

Hello, I'm working in IT section where most of my co-workers are males. I talk to them only about work related stuff. I never hang out with them outside of work, they do, plus they never asked me to hang out together. Sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable around them just because I'm female. I'm afraid to start talking to them more because I'm afraid to catch feelings or that co-worker could catch feelings for me. After rejection it's would be even more awkward and to keep just friendship with males is hard, without wanting more...My boyfriend is very faithful to me, he doesn't have female friends, doesn't have female friends on his facebook friends list (I can see his fb friends list), he is working in job where all of his co-workers are much older than him, and mostly males too (some women too but they're much older than him, like ~20 years older) I told him I wouldn't be ok him having female friends, he told me he wouldn't be ok me having male friends.So what do you think it is good idea to distance myself from male co-workers or not?

 

Yes keeping distance is the best choice, you have a boyfriend who seems to be a good guy, why put yourself in a position to jeopardize that?

 

And most workplace affairs start off innocently, id say 90% of them do, but getting close to coworkers sometimes leads to mistakes you can't take back or fully recover from, think about it you spent 8 hours a day with these guys, it's real easy to slip up.