About seducing the older married man

[Pamela]

Whether you like it or not some older married men have affairs with younger women, some with women their own age or older. It happens and you have to remember that people have weaknesses and aren't perfect. That's what it means to be to be human.

 

In France there is a saying that goes, "Les histoires de culs ne s'interessent à personne". (translation: People's sex stories don't interest anyone, or literally "Ass stories interest no one")

 

In Anglo-Saxon countries people tend to hold more rigid moral opinions towards illicit sex. I personally don't understand why, for example, the Clinton-Lewinsky affair got so much attention. Something is wrong here, but I can't put my finger on the problem.

 

In France people have more of a sense of humour towards our so-called "sex scandal" tabloids. Men don't risk loosing their jobs over there if they have mistresses, and the idea of having a mistress is more accepted over there. There are less violent crimes over there, less psychotic people. I think we could learn alot from our francophone cousins.

[sparkle]

In France people have more of a sense of humour towards our so-called "sex scandal" tabloids. Men don't risk loosing their jobs over there if they have mistresses, and the idea of having a mistress is more accepted over there. There are less violent crimes over there, less psychotic people. I think we could learn alot from our francophone cousins.

I really don't understand HOW less violent crimes/less psychotic people has anything to do with people cheating on their spouses???????? Please explain. Can you show me the statistics/research/results that state this, por favor? I'd love to see this.

 

Amd if having mistresses is the reason for the fewer number of crimes, can you explain something else? In Pakistan for example, the number of extra-marital affairs are much fewer than those in France. But the crimes are fewer, and less psychotic people there than in France. But isn't that just the opposite of what you were saying? Since less people are cheating on their spouses, according to your theory, shouldn't they have a great increase in violent crime???

 

And about seducing older married men, I don't think the point is whether the guy is too old/too young/too etc. The point is that HE IS MARRIED. I don't care what country you live in, the U.S., France, or Zimbabwe, if you're trying to seduce a MARRIED MAN, in my eyes, you're trash. I don't mean to sound rude, but hey..that's just my opinion. Are you so pathetic or desperate that you have to chase after a married man instead of finding a single one???

 

Pathetic and desperate!

 

Yes, you may be in France, and think that cheating should be taken lightly, and seen as something to find humorous, but I will guarantee you one thing. When you're married to the man of your dreams, the guy you've been waiting for your whole life, and you devote yourself to him completely, and then he ends up cheating on you with another younger woman, YOUR VIEWS WILL COMPLETELY CHANGE. I guarantee you this. Your whole world will come tumbling down, you will HATE THIS WOMAN for coming in and destroying your home and your marriage. And your French sense of humour regarding this subject will totally disappear. Trust me on this one.

 

A girl that feels she needs to destroy a marriage, or destroy the guy's wife and children's happiness...that is just plain low down dirty. A dirty stinky piece of trash.

 

And trash, no matter what country it's found in, IS STILL CONSIDERED TRASH.

[Tess]

If you can not dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bull****!

[Miss Mojo]

are people really so weak that they don't give a s*** about someone elses marriage?

 

while there are some "open marriages" out there (imho - a pathetic excuse for wanting to screw around while at the same time always having someone to shag when there is no-one else to shag - defeats the whole purpose of marriage), i think only someone with a VERY LOW regard for another persons feelings.

 

yes, affairs have been happening since the year dot.

 

yes, we can't help who we are attracted to.

 

YES, we can help who we hurt.

 

i live in australia and let me tell you, australians have a VERY EASY-GOING very tongue-in-cheek sense of humour. we have a HUGE multicultural population, and the general consensus here is that pursuing a married man is not something that would tickle anyone's funny bone. 99% of people would frown upon it and would be disgusted.

 

i'm sorry to sound harsh, but if there's one thing that really gets under my skin, it's people trying to justify their INCREDIBLY s***TY AND SELFISH ACTIONS!

 

there is NO excuse for wanting to come between a marriage, and i don't care where you're from.....and not all french

 

people take affairs with a grain of salt!

 

this is not a moral issue for me. this is an issue of DISRESPECT FOR THE OTHER PARTY IN THE MARRIAGE, SELFISHNESS, COMPLETE LACK OF SENSITIVITY TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

 

while it takes two to tango, there will always be ONE poor person who is left to pick up the pieces. ONE person will be destroyed by such actions. people who affairs don't give a damn about the other party involved because they're not the ones who will feel the pain of an affair. how $&@&*% selfish!!!!!!!

 

there is no justification for it. if a woman finds herself attracted to a married man, she should walk away if she had any balls and any self-respect. if the marriage was doomed when the attraction started, then can't people at least wait until a divorce comes through and the marriage is deemed null and void?? spare the justifications, s'il vous plait! you cannot justify ruining someones life (i.e. the unsuspecting wife, who ultimately is better off without the husband).

 

honestly, if this happened to you oneday, would you think it was funny? i don't think so. you would be laughing on the other side of your face.

[tsunami]

Your attitude on cheating is pathetic. Yes we are all human and do have our weaknesses but that is not a justifiable reason to seek a relationship with someone who's already committed their life to someone, nor is it a justifiable reason to have an affair. You obviously have little respect for the sanctity of marriage. I take it you are not married and never have been.

 

What the hell does it matter if other countries are more liberal in their views regarding extra-marital affairs and infidelity. What bearing does that have on anything? How would you feel if you were married, and some young hooch was trying to seduce your husband?..according to your warped thinking, that would be acceptable. If not, then you are contradicting yourself.

 

What right does anyone have to chase after someone who is married? I read your response to the young tramp who was asking for advice on how to seduce the married guy. Do you have no sense of morals or dignity? How could you actually give an obvious hooch, advice on how to pick up a married man? Do you have no respect for this man's wife? Apparently not. Only a desperate, insecure ho would chase after someone's husband. I guess morals really have gone out of style for some people.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "It happens and you have to remember that people have weaknesses and aren't perfect. That's what it means to be to be human."

 

In an earlier post from a young woman who wanted instructions on how to seduce an older married man, you were critical of those who advised against doing so for moral reasons.

 

You are quite right, nobody's perfect. But society does have rules by people are expected to conduct themselves. Just because certain people have decided to participate in the decline of ethics and morality, to not live up to the code of moral dictates that the majority have agreed to live by, does not mean others can't try to enstill the training certain individuals missed from incompetent parenting.

 

One thing is to meet a married man at a bar, be very attracted, and at a weak drunken moment lead him to a motel and do him for a night. But in the earlier post, we were seeing a young woman who is seeking detailed instruction on exactly how to do something that is contrary to the morals of most societies. We are not talking about an imperfect, weak moment, we are talking about a morally deficient character premeditating adultery and possibly breaking up a family.

 

No, I'm not trying to advance my own morals onto others. I am stating what most societies consider to be correct and proper. Most recognize the sanctity of marriage and, in some countries, there are still very harsh and sometimes fatal penalties for adultery.

 

It is because of the weakness that you site that people ought not set out with the specific purpose of seducing someone who is married. Married people sometimes take vows to their God but almost always promise to their spouse they they will honor and obey the loyalty component of that union. For someone to premeditatedly interfere with that contract is perverted.

 

Anyone who has visited this site very often knows the incredible hurt, pain, heartbreak, chaos, trauma, emotional breakdown, etc. for an entire family associated with marital indiscretion. When a married person cheats, it's not usually something that just happens and is over. It usually goes on for a period of time until word is out and incredible damage is done. The pain inflicted on all involved in indescribable.

 

It's because of this casual attitude toward breaking moral codes, breaking legal ones, that our society erodes from a semblance of civility into one hardly distinguishable from lower animal populations.

 

If you really want to see some of the trashy things humans are capable of and you have a barf bag near you, watch some of the talk shows. The lowest forms of human vermin will show you almost anything that is capable of happening, from cheating with a wife's dogs puppies to a woman getting pregnant by her husband's brother's son. Try Jerry Springer. And then wonder why this trash gets such high ratings.

 

There has got to be a point in time when we realize that the only thing that distinguishes the imperfect humans you refer to from lower animal forms is the code of decent conduct by which we all agree to try to abide by.

 

Yes, abolutely, we are imperfect and we make mistakes. But I don't classify it as a mistake when someone comes on the internet to ask for step by step directions on how to seduce an older married man.

 

THE CLINTON-LEWINSKY AFFAIR

 

You say you don't understand why this got so much publicity. Here are a few reasons:

 

1. The President sets the moral tone of a society for many people in it. If his actions do not reflect that moral tone or do not mirror it, children become confused. Conflicts arise between what is taught by parents, church and others involved in moral education and what the President does.

 

2. The President got a blow job while speaking to a Senator on the telephone and smoking a cigar while his wife was in the Rose Garden, only 200 feet away. If the President does not have respect for his marriage vows, for the sanctity of the Oval Office, for the Congress he deals with and for our system of justice in lying about doing this under oath, the entire fabric of our civilization is undermined. The message is sent to young people everywhere that it's OK to break vows, to conspire to deceive, to lie before God. This may be a message you want to give your children and thank God I don't have to marry you or deal with your children.

 

3. When a U.S. President has an affair, he is open to blackmale and all kinds of other things that can affect the security of the free world. Yeah, YOU too!!! If a spy for a foreign country found out about such goings on...and they do...the President could be forced to make many concessions to that country or to make many foreign and domestic policy decisions just to keep the word of his affair from leaking out. People who have sensitive jobs in the military go to prison for this kind of conduct. The President happens to be their commander in chief...go figure.

 

4. The married President showed moral contempt for an entire nation by disregarding the trust of his office and disrespecting the family of one of his young interns...half his age...by willfully going after this woman. Of course, many people think he was just being a cute little bad boy...but there are many who are glad we may have a dumber president down, but one who can keep his pecker in his pants.

 

5. The President of the United States is sworn to uphold the law of the United States. By lying in sworn testimony, he broke that oath...to God and to the American people. Lots of people don't take kindly to that.

 

I just want you to know that while I didn't appreciate Clinton's behavior in this and a few other White House situations, I actually liked him personally...and, frankly, miss him. I did not judge him as a man, only his behavior as a fellow human and as a President. I am mature enough to see through it but many young people are vulnerable and the only moral training they actually ever receive is from teachers, society and...yes, the President...because their parents don't get into this sort of thing.

 

YOU ALSO WRITE: "Something is wrong here, but I can't put my finger on the problem.

 

In France people have more of a sense of humour towards our so-called "sex scandal" tabloids. Men don't risk loosing their jobs over there if they have mistresses, and the idea of having a mistress is more accepted over there. There are less violent crimes over there, less psychotic people. I think we could learn alot from our francophone cousins."

 

When the people of a country live up to its moral code, things should be better. If adultery is accepted in a country, that's fine. It's not something that's honored in the United States. I really don't think French men and women like it when their spouses screw off on them...but perhaps they are just psychologically able to accept it more readily.

 

There are less violent crimes (no, there are not less psychotic people...I've lived there) in France and in many parts of Europe because that area of the world is not the same melting pot for murderers, con artists, robbers, rapists, etc. that the United States is. Justice is meted out firmly and rapidly. The United States, with all of the legal rights and representation given to scumbags and the leniency we show murderers and Presidents, is fertile grounds for anyone who may ponder committing a crime.

 

There is no link between a country with less violent crime and their casual attitude towards adultery. Actually, when I lived in France I never got the idea men or women particularly accepted the indiscretions of their spouses...but I have to admit I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

 

In Europe justice is firm, swift and decisive. That's why there is less crime...not because they have a somewhat more liberal morality.

 

Frankly, I don't think as a country we have much morality anymore. It is sort of what each individual thinks. That may one day be the reason historians site for the eventual fall of America.

[kikie]

sorry but :

 

'intelligence' is a noun

 

'intelligent' is an adjective

 

get it?

[Pamela]

I take it you are not married and never have been.

 

Yes I am married. I met my husband when I was 19 hitch-hicking in St. Tropez in the South of France while I was working as an au pair. At the time my husband was "married" to another woman in Paris. He was alot older than me. He was on vacation alone, and invited me to Cannes and seduced me. He was my first man. I was very naive and inexperience and didn't think I would ever end up marrying him..

 

(I have to go now. Will continue later.)

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "Yes I am married. I met my husband when I was 19 hitch-hicking in St. Tropez in the South of France while I was working as an au pair. At the time my husband was "married" to another woman in Paris. He was alot older than me. He was on vacation alone, and invited me to Cannes and seduced me. He was my first man. I was very naive and inexperience and didn't think I would ever end up marrying him.."

 

Well, that certainly explains the liberal attitude regarding aldulterous relationships you expressed at the top of this thread. Your initial meeting with your eventual husband certainly was a romantic one. I can understand why you would want to feel like he has good morals and values. A married man who picks up young hitchhikers and seduces them is certainly made honorable by divorcing his wife and marrying them.

 

I caution you that just because this happened to you in France is no indication of any overall liberal attitude that the French people may have toward disloyalty and cheating.

 

The fact that you put "married" in quotations marks may be an indication of your respect for that institution as well.

 

How do you feel when your husband cheats on you now...if he does...or if you know about it?

[Laurynn]

"Yes I am married. I met my husband when I was 19 hitch-hicking in St. Tropez in the South of France while I was working as an au pair. At the time my husband was "married" to another woman in Paris. He was alot older than me. He was on vacation alone, and invited me to Cannes and seduced me. He was my first man. I was very naive and inexperience and didn't think I would ever end up marrying him."

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this "Pamela", the one who posted a few weeks ago, telling us about having had a sexual fling with her teacher when she was 17? (the one who turned out to be gay/got married to another man/bla bla). Um, I thought HE was her 'first man'? (she did admit that they'd had sex. Gee, now I'm confused.

 

Nevertheless, it's easy to see where Pamela's liberal views on infidelity come from. She obviously had no respect for her husband's wife at the time......I guess it's understandable why she'd encourage the 21 yr old here, to go for it.

 

Yeah, and like you said Tony.....her hubby sounds like a real prize. Picking up teenage hitchhikers, while married....yeah, now that's a real catch.

 

L

[Laurynn]

Tess obviously made a typo..if you read any of her past posts, you'll see that she's a good speller, writes well. You had nothing more to contribute to this thread than correct someone's typo? How sad.

[Laurynn]

What you wrote:

 

"Anyone who has visited this site very often knows the incredible hurt, pain, heartbreak, chaos, trauma, emotional breakdown, etc. for an entire family associated with marital indiscretion. When a married person cheats, it's not usually something that just happens and is over. It usually goes on for a period of time until word is out and incredible damage is done. The pain inflicted on all involved in indescribable."

 

Exactly. This forum and many like it, are often filled with heartbreaking posts from married men and women who've recently learned their spouse was cheating on them. We can read how devastated they are, how their world has been turned upside down, how depressed they are, how their children now have to live in a broken home without both parents.......yes, many of us, due to forums like these, have seen first hand what extramarital affairs can do. I guess though, it would be darned near impossible for a homewrecker to see it from this point of view.

 

L

[Tess]

sorry but : 'intelligence' is a noun 'intelligent' is an adjective get it?

[kikie]

No, in fact she has made the "typo" numerous times ... I don't see anything wrong with helping someone speak their mother tongue more fluently.

Tess obviously made a typo..if you read any of her past posts, you'll see that she's a good speller, writes well. You had nothing more to contribute to this thread than correct someone's typo? How sad.

[Pamela]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this "Pamela", the one who posted a few weeks ago, telling us about having had a sexual fling with her teacher when she was 17? (the one who turned out to be gay/got married to another man/bla bla). Um, I thought HE was her 'first man'? (she did admit that they'd had sex. Gee, now I'm confused.

 

The gay teacher didn't really know how to do much, so sometimes I just say that Andrzej (my husband) was my first man. My gay teacher technically was the first, but all he really didn't know what to do with "it", if you get my hint.

[Pamela]

Well, that certainly explains the liberal attitude regarding aldulterous relationships you expressed at the top of this thread. Your initial meeting with your eventual husband certainly was a romantic one. I can understand why you would want to feel like he has good morals and values. A married man who picks up young hitchhikers and seduces them is certainly made honorable by divorcing his wife and marrying them.

 

I was not as simple as that..

I caution you that just because this happened to you in France is no indication of any overall liberal attitude that the French people may have toward disloyalty and cheating.

 

Actually my husband is Polish, but I know how French men are too from having lived over five years in Paris.

The fact that you put "married" in quotations marks may be an indication of your respect for that institution as well.

 

I agree.

How do you feel when your husband cheats on you now...if he does...or if you know about it?

 

At the beginning of our relationship I once found questionable evidence(a letter) that he might have had a one night stand when he went to Greece for a conference. That really hurt me at the time...but then things changed when I had a serious love affair and he found out and was devastated.

 

Ever since then, we've had a rocky marriage and it is a miracle we are still together because we fight all the time. Just yesterday he left Canada to return to Poland because he couldn't adapt to the North American life-style and couldn't handle not having a presigious job like he did over there.

 

My real profession as a musician is so unstable that I have lived like a gypsy for many years even while married. I think Andrzej accepts my "breed" and his love for me goes deeper than just sex.

[Pamela]

I really don't understand HOW less violent crimes/less psychotic people has anything to do with people cheating on their spouses???????? Please explain. Can you show me the statistics/research/results

 

I can't show you any statistics, but I can tell you that because the French are better able to deal with these issuse psychologically there are less crimes of passion. Take a look at Holland and the legalization of drugs. Because drugs are not illegal in Holland, there is less of a drug problem. I apply the same thinking (approach)to the French attitude towards infedelity.

the crimes are fewer, and less psychotic people there than in France. But isn't that just the opposite of what you were saying? Since less people are cheating on their spouses, according to your theory, shouldn't they have a great increase in violent crime???

 

Can't comment on Pakistan

And about seducing older married men, I don't think the point is whether the guy is too old/too young/too etc. The point is that HE IS MARRIED. I don't care what country you live in, the U.S., France, or Zimbabwe, if you're trying to seduce a MARRIED MAN, in my eyes, you're trash. I don't mean to sound rude, but hey..that's just my opinion. Pathetic and desperate!

 

Okay, so I'm trash. Trash can also be recycled and used again.

When you're married to the man of your dreams, the guy you've been waiting for your whole life, and you devote yourself to him completely, and then he ends up cheating on you with another younger woman, YOUR VIEWS WILL COMPLETELY CHANGE.

 

I will never devote myself (sell my soul) to a man. This myth of "the guy you've been waiting for your whole life" shows co-dependency, and this is what I don't like about the whole institution of marriage and what it means to be married.

 

I guarantee you this. Your whole world

will come tumbling down, you will HATE THIS WOMAN for coming in and destroying your home and your marriage.

 

No, I won't hate this woman because I will recognize myself in her, and I don't hate myself. I will probably love this woman.

A girl that feels she needs to destroy a marriage, or destroy the guy's wife and children's happiness...that is just plain low down dirty. A dirty stinky piece of trash.

 

It still baffles me why the "other woman" is always blamed the most in these situations. The wife is made out to look like a saint, the husband is frowned upon slightly, but soon forgiven, and the "other woman" is stoned to death. Something is wrong here. I don't get it.