I rejected a man I loved and treated him badly. I deeply regret it

[basil67]

Also this guy I described in the OP, yeah I stood him up but it was only like a state away plus he's never worked a day in his life and didn't even have to take any days off work or anything. His dad paid for everything. He frequently goes on vacations (he has rich parents) and enjoys traveling so why make such a big deal out of this? He's just mad he got rejected and I think this is really unfair.

 

Ugh this is what makes me hate myself even more because the other guy (the guy who i really love and want) is an actual hard worker, he's worked hard for his money and flew a longer distance, he's so genuine and he wouldn't do something like this to me. he might threaten it but I know he would never go as far to actually do it like the jerk in the OP. I wish I could go back in time and meet the other guy (i'll just call him tall dark and handsome from now on). If I met tall dark and handsome then I'd have a good boyfriend right now and wouldn't have to resort to talking to bad people online just for companionship.

 

I think you have zero concept that unconscionable behavior on your part can bring in very unpleasant results. Are you not aware that selfish or rude behaviour can trigger vengeance in those you've hurt? I'm not at all condoning the vengeance this guy took, but we need to be aware that this can happen.

 

When I've been in a playground, it's not uncommon to have a child come up and say "miss, he called me a poopy head". When that child is asked what happened before the poopy head comment, you will usually find a provocation. In children's terms, you provoked him and he called you a poopy head.

 

What appalls me most is your complete lack of self awareness of your own behaviour in this scenario. You don't care about lost time and money because his parents are rich? You don't comprehend why he might be (justifiably) pissed at you.

[BaileyB]

No

 

IF you would comply with treatment, get serious about helping yourself, and learn to be content, THEN your life would improve.

 

Absolutely. A boyfriend is NOT the answer to your problems... And it is unlikely to happen until you get the help you need, learn the skills needed to have a healthy relationship, and of course - learn to be happy on your own...

[ireallylovedhim]

Meh. You know what, on second thought they were both jerks and I had a good reason to reject both of them. Standing them up was wrong but I don't regret not meeting them. I think subconsciously deep down I knew they weren't good options for me so I acted in a way that would've repulsed them. I'm just going to leave this behind and move on with my life. Forget about both of them. Yes I still feel bad about being mean to them but whatever it's not like I completely ruined their life or anything.

[William]

Folks, it appears there are two separate relationships/breakups going on and moderation merged them together in error. We've corrected that, I think! and here's the link to the other thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/636157-my-abusive-online-boyfriend-doxxed-me-threatens-me-all-time

 

Sorry about the confusion and please continue!

[EthanSPK]

Yes, you rejected him. And yes, you did it on purpose.

 

(...)

 

You need to reflect on your own sabotaging behaviour and accept accountability.

 

 

[]

 

I have social anxiety as well, and I'm sick and tired of [this]. I know for a FACT she did NOT do it on purpose, because I've been in her shoes SEVERAL TIMES.

 

You CANNOT control social anxiety on your own. It's stronger than her, it's stronger than me, and it's stronger than you. I had to quit my [] job because of that, do you know how painful it was? I was even neglected BY MY OWN FATHER.

 

The only way I could barely think of recovery was thanks to taking 3 doses of pills every single day since January. I have/had terrible side effects related to the pills.

 

[]

Edited September 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content and language.

[ireallylovedhim]

Finally someone who gets it!

Edited September 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of immediately preceding post

[donotmicrowave]

[]

I have social anxiety as well, and I'm sick and tired of [this]. I know for a FACT she did NOT do it on purpose, because I've been in her shoes SEVERAL TIMES.

 

You CANNOT control social anxiety on your own. It's stronger than her, it's stronger than me, and it's stronger than you. I had to quit my [] job because of that, do you know how painful it was? I was even neglected BY MY OWN FATHER.

 

The only way I could barely think of recovery was thanks to taking 3 doses of pills every single day since January. I have/had terrible side effects related to the pills.

[]

 

As I've had my fair share of experience with severe social phobia, I also know what's happening to her.

 

But.

 

Having social anxiety does NOT mean that you can just play around with people's time and money if you pretty much KNOW you can't meet them. That is selfish and immature. She gave the man her address, for goodness sake. She knew she wouldn't be able to do it. She flaked.

 

Having a mental illness sucks. It sucks so bad. But that does NOT mean that you get to victimize yourself whenever you make mistakes and say "Oh, I didn't mean it, it's not my fault". That is, I'm sorry, stupid. A mental illness like that does NOT give you some special privileges. I don't care how special you think you might be, this is how it is.

 

You have it, you own it, you don't ruin others with it.

Edited September 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit quote

[EthanSPK]

As I've had my fair share of experience with severe social phobia, I also know what's happening to her.

 

But.

 

Having social anxiety does NOT mean that you can just play around with people's time and money if you pretty much KNOW you can't meet them. That is selfish and immature. She gave the man her address, for goodness sake. She knew she wouldn't be able to do it. She flaked.

 

Having a mental illness sucks. It sucks so bad. But that does NOT mean that you get to victimize yourself whenever you make mistakes and say "Oh, I didn't mean it, it's not my fault". That is, I'm sorry, stupid. A mental illness like that does NOT give you some special privileges. I don't care how special you think you might be, this is how it is.

 

You have it, you own it, you don't ruin others with it.

 

I'm not saying anything about having privileges. What I said is that you can't go around judging others without being on their shoes. This is not about being stupid or manipulative, social phobia is a BIG issue and it ruins your life without you being able to do anything without help.

 

To me, it looks like you forgot what it is like being with that disorder. It messes with you in so many levels. I would NEVER judge anyone who has that disorder because even if they know what's wrong or right, they can't think straight.

 

She doesn't need privileges, she needs HELP. And she can't help herself on her own.

[donotmicrowave]

I'm not saying anything about having privileges. What I said is that you can't go around judging others without being on their shoes. This is not about being stupid or manipulative, social phobia is a BIG issue and it ruins your life without you being able to do anything without help.

 

To me, it looks like you forgot what it is like being with that disorder. It messes with you in so many levels. I would NEVER judge anyone who has that disorder because even if they know what's wrong or right, they can't think straight.

 

She doesn't need privileges, she needs HELP. And she can't help herself on her own.

 

No one is judging her because of her mental illness. No one. People are upset because of the choices she made, and then proceeding to use social anxiety as an EXCUSE.

 

Don't ever say that I don't remember that illness. It ruined everything for me for years, but I never pulled stunts like that, because that's how I am. I couldn't do something like that, ever.

 

Making decisions like she did, simply shows what type of a person she is. She plans to meet up with a person while knowing that she is sick, and she can't do it. You make it sound like people with social anxiety are stupid and incapable of anything. Stop victimizing herself AND yourself. Taking advantage of an illness like that, is horrible.

Edited September 28, 2017 by donotmicrowave