Scared I'm making a big mistake!!!

[terrified728]

I'm (60/f) and scared I'll make a wrong decision. Seeing someone (65/m) for almost 5 years. We both love each other. But the relationship has been somewhat tumultuous because primarily of poor financial judgment by him. He has no savings and lost job 5 months ago but he did just inherit some money but will need to use some of it to pay off credit card debt and if unemployment runs out he hasn't yet found a job. At 65 finding a job is difficult. He lost his business and assets after he and his brother committed check kiting. On the other hand I am a careful person with money earn a good living and have a comfortable nest egg (including some money my late husband left me). But I have a son with autism who needs my help on occasion and daughter who isn't employed yet. During one of the times I broke up with bf I met a nice guy who is financially stable and good family person but lives a distance from me (75 miles). I can't move because I need to work for another 5 years or so. Old bf talked me into waiting for him to find job and then wants to marry me with prenup of course. But he doesn't want anyone to know we are back together until he got a job because we've broken up several times before (by me). I'm so torn. I do enjoy the new guy and know he is a stable and good person but I do still have feelings for the old bf and know he loves me deeply. Do I continue to wait for old bf or just cut my losses and move on? It won't be easy to get over ny old bf and I hope I don't regret it. Help please!

[Zahara]

I would not put up with that sort of character. I was married to that once before and it sucked the life out of me. You have responsibilities and you need to take care of yourself and your child. I have a feeling this old bf is going to blow through the inheritance. I don't think securing a job is going to make him any more responsible with managing his financials. He'll just have more money to spend. Unless you want to take care of another child, I would suggest moving on from him.

 

Love isn't enough.

 

Also, are you seeing both these men at the same time?

[Redhead14]

I'm (60/f) and scared I'll make a wrong decision. Seeing someone (65/m) for almost 5 years. We both love each other. But the relationship has been somewhat tumultuous because primarily of poor financial judgment by him. He has no savings and lost job 5 months ago but he did just inherit some money but will need to use some of it to pay off credit card debt and if unemployment runs out he hasn't yet found a job. At 65 finding a job is difficult. He lost his business and assets after he and his brother committed check kiting. On the other hand I am a careful person with money earn a good living and have a comfortable nest egg (including some money my late husband left me). But I have a son with autism who needs my help on occasion and daughter who isn't employed yet. During one of the times I broke up with bf I met a nice guy who is financially stable and good family person but lives a distance from me (75 miles). I can't move because I need to work for another 5 years or so. Old bf talked me into waiting for him to find job and then wants to marry me with prenup of course. But he doesn't want anyone to know we are back together until he got a job because we've broken up several times before (by me). I'm so torn. I do enjoy the new guy and know he is a stable and good person but I do still have feelings for the old bf and know he loves me deeply. Do I continue to wait for old bf or just cut my losses and move on? It won't be easy to get over ny old bf and I hope I don't regret it. Help please!

 

Do you really want to be some guy's geriatric sugar mama?

[BC1980]

If he hasn't figured out how to manage his finances at 65, he's not going to. He is who he is. Also, you've broken up with him several times before, so this isn't a stable relationship. I would cut and run.

[MomLeslieM]

I'm (60/f) and scared I'll make a wrong decision. Seeing someone (65/m) for almost 5 years. We both love each other. But the relationship has been somewhat tumultuous because primarily of poor financial judgment by him. He has no savings and lost job 5 months ago but he did just inherit some money but will need to use some of it to pay off credit card debt and if unemployment runs out he hasn't yet found a job. At 65 finding a job is difficult. He lost his business and assets after he and his brother committed check kiting. On the other hand I am a careful person with money earn a good living and have a comfortable nest egg (including some money my late husband left me). But I have a son with autism who needs my help on occasion and daughter who isn't employed yet. During one of the times I broke up with bf I met a nice guy who is financially stable and good family person but lives a distance from me (75 miles). I can't move because I need to work for another 5 years or so. Old bf talked me into waiting for him to find job and then wants to marry me with prenup of course. But he doesn't want anyone to know we are back together until he got a job because we've broken up several times before (by me). I'm so torn. I do enjoy the new guy and know he is a stable and good person but I do still have feelings for the old bf and know he loves me deeply. Do I continue to wait for old bf or just cut my losses and move on? It won't be easy to get over ny old bf and I hope I don't regret it. Help please!

 

Based on what you wrote you sound as if you are obviously very torn about what to do. My question to you is why do you have to make a decision now about getting married or breaking up? Is there a reason that you can't enjoy seeing them both, getting to know the new guy better and at the same time seeing what happens with your old bf? Nothing says you have to "choose" one or the other right now - enjoy life and enjoy spending time with each of them -- if one or the other has an issue with you seeing both of them then that to me would be a red flag anyway!

[terrified728]

Based on what you wrote you sound as if you are obviously very torn about what to do. My question to you is why do you have to make a decision now about getting married or breaking up? Is there a reason that you can't enjoy seeing them both, getting to know the new guy better and at the same time seeing what happens with your old bf? Nothing says you have to "choose" one or the other right now - enjoy life and enjoy spending time with each of them -- if one or the other has an issue with you seeing both of them then that to me would be a red flag anyway!

thanks for your input. Neither guy wants me to see anyone else. They each want to be with me exclusively; old bf wants to marry me after he gets job and other one wants to be with me as much as possible but we haven't yet discussed long term plans.