Opinions about marrying one's highschool sweetheart

[loony]

I've been wondering lately if people who married their highschool sweethearts are really happy? It's seems to be a very nice and romantic idea, but on the other hand I wonder if these marriages can really work out?

 

I had a talk with someone lately who had married his first love. They have been married for maybe 15, 16 years but a while ago separated because his wife felt she was missing out on something. They lived apart for about 9 months but then decided to get back together because of the kids. He seemed to enjoy it, his wife less as the guys she met were not really interested in a woman with children.

 

I've been wondering myself, can people who marry their first love really live happily ever after? Do they never wonder if the grass is really greener on the other side? And if they do, how can they control their emotions?

 

I see people who have barely entered the third decade in their life and they're thinking about marriage already. They're still in highschool and want their boyfriend to propose to them. They wonder how to propose properly to their girlfriend and if she will like the engagement ring.

 

I can't say that I consider myself to be one of the most mature people, also I hardly know anybody who got married so early therefore I wonder, can people be really so mature that they know at such an early age what they want? Can these marriages work out? Or will one of them sooner or later want to break out and explore life? That would be the honest way to get out, worse is when people don't want to give up their marriage and start to cheat.

 

I always had the belief that you will meet the right person when you have found yourself and have become the person you always wanted to be. Maybe that's a very strict idea, maybe all these people who have been with their first love are already there where they want to be, I can only say, I have gone a lot of changes in my life and I just wonder how you can decide at such a young age that this person is the right one for you, that he/she will meet your needs for a lifetime? What I liked when I was younger is so completely different to what I like now, my priorities have shifted over the years and when I look at the people I fell in love with when I was younger I wonder about myself.

 

Opinions, please.

[Woggle]

It depends. I know some people who married their highs chool sweetheart and are happy as hell. It is a better idea to go out and explore life and if they really love each other they will come back to each other. I think that people should experience what is out there before they find out how overrated out there really is. Often people go to seek out greener pastures when they find out there isn't much out there. It is a cold world out there and I would much rather have my friends and family here with me. If I were married I would feel the same way.

 

As for finding yourself people are constantly evolving and if you wait until you stop growing to find the right one you will never find them because you are always growing. I am strong believer in enjoying the ride instead of just working towards a goal. Not that goals aren't a good thing but if you enjoy life what is the point so to me the right time to get married is when you find the one whether that is age 18 or 50. Then again I am mature for my age. I am only 26 and I fel like I am 40 sometimes.

[RecordProducer]

I completely agree with you on everything, Loony. When it comes to my life, I think I was less picky 10 years ago. I have always liked the same type of men, but before I wasn't able to attract that type, I didn't know how to meet him and how to feel self-confident enough.

The thing with people who marry young is that they don't realize they are too young. There are no rules with marriages. At the end it comes down to how people feel when they are together. I know two high-school sweethearts who got married and have kids now. They've been together for about 13 years now. I don't know if they are happy now, but I know they always felt great together and spent all the time together when they were in high school.

I think people who haven't had anyone except their partner are more attached to them and more prone to believe that love with anyone else would not be so great. If they like spending time together, enjoy the sex, respect each other, and are compatible then why ask oneself if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence?

I believe that people split because they are unhappy together, not because they want to explore life. There are so many things to explore in one lifetime. Is sex really the most important thing to explore? Sex with unknown people? You can explore life with the people you feel comfortable with.

[NYCmitch25]

Hello Loony,

 

Marrying ones highschool sweetheart is perfectly fine as long as it's at the right time ones' life. In a way, relationships are often picked in no different of a way than how many people pick out the music they listen to. In a music store, some people pass by the Norah Jones, Bob Marley's or Jorge Ben Jor's to head over to the latest top40 hits -- they basically go with what they know. Perhaps they might never be capable of liking Marley but does that mean they are missing out on somthing though? I think not (well, in this case if you don't like Marley you *are* missing out :-) ). Side note is how shallow the concept of the "love of your life" can be since people *can't* pick the best person, it's just more about chance, like passing by a newly found section of music and listenting to it. It's when you spend years with that person when you learn a real apprecation and your partner really becomes that sweet music you've been waiting for all your life! hehe I guess Indian arranged marriages aren't all that bad after all? Well, hmmm the verdict is still out on that one..

 

Anyway, I don't think your question is really about marrying highschool sweat hearts per say, but it's really about marrying prematurely which is the possible consiquence of the question at hand. Gettting married after dating only just that one person and at a young age is a recipe for disaster, however that stands for all cases and not just "highschool sweathearts". I guess to me a better rule of thumb would be: "never marry before the age of 21 (and more like 30 is a better idea) and less important, never marry after only dating only one person (in most cases) .". What do you think?

 

 

ps. I think the divorce rate is like 90% for people who get married before 21, and interestingly (or sadly) if you or your partner become disabled the rates also dramatically increase as well.

[whichwayisup]

People do ALOT of changing in their 20's to mid 30's.

 

Woggle's advice nailed it.

[Mamaof2]

I married my High school sweetheart and been married for 8 years and it has been great. I think though it all depends on the person and how committed they are to one another. My husband and I agree not to use the D word to each other. Nothing is too big that we can not deal with, we also know each others boundaries. We also did our dating others and partied before each other but I believe that anything is possible if you just put your mind to it and put your all in it. Good Luck

[Woggle]

To me a good way is to date a lot of people and have lots of sex in high school then you can meet the love of your life in your senior year and not feel like you missed out on anything.

[loony]

Thanks everybody for answering.

 

Originally posted by Woggle

I am only 26 and I fel like I am 40 sometimes.

I always said you were quite bitter and it shocks me even more to know that you're only 26 and already have so much baggage. Thanks for your post though.

 

Originally posted by RecordProducer

I know two high-school sweethearts who got married and have kids now. They've been together for about 13 years now. I don't know if they are happy now, but I know they always felt great together and spent all the time together when they were in high school.

I know two couples who are like. I'm not sure if they're married or not, but every time I see them I'm kind of amazed that they're still together. I sometimes wonder if I have just become cynical and just expect the worse because that's what you're used to. We're used to dramas and breakups, but not that some people can just decide that they love each other and prefer to be simply faithful and happy. I usually would have called myself a hopeless romantic, but whenever I see them I wonder if they haven't bored each other to death by now, I think to myself: "Wow, they're still together?!" Why do I think this? To me it doesn't look like the big love but maybe it's because I never experienced such a deep relationship and therefore don't understand what they have and how it looks like, I don't know... I don't really think that they only stay together because they couldn't find anybody else.

 

I think people who haven't had anyone except their partner are more attached to them and more prone to believe that love with anyone else would not be so great. If they like spending time together, enjoy the sex, respect each other, and are compatible then why ask oneself if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence?

Because people are never just happy with what they have. What if it could become better? They could live in heaven and still wonder how hell is.

 

I believe that people split because they are unhappy together, not because they want to explore life. There are so many things to explore in one lifetime. Is sex really the most important thing to explore? Sex with unknown people? You can explore life with the people you feel comfortable with.

Is it really sex that makes people want to break out of their old life? I kind of doubt it, I think it's about the rush of hormones that you feel at the initial stage of a relationship, the infatuation, it all fades down and people start to miss the intensity of these feelings. On the other hand I don't know how it is to sleep with the same person for years and years, maybe it is just about sex.

 

Originally posted by NYCmitch25

Anyway, I don't think your question is really about marrying highschool sweat hearts per say, but it's really about marrying prematurely which is the possible consiquence of the question at hand.

I think I had just had thrown in a lot of questions that have been wandering through my mind lately, stirred this mixture a little bit and then posted. Maybe I should have started separate threads.

 

Gettting married after dating only just that one person and at a young age is a recipe for disaster, however that stands for all cases and not just "highschool sweathearts". I guess to me a better rule of thumb would be: "never marry before the age of 21 (and more like 30 is a better idea) and less important, never marry after only dating only one person (in most cases) .". What do you think?

I find that most guys after getting to know them a bit better do not interest me a lot. I know one guy that I like a lot, he's not my highschool sweetheart, but you could call him my first love. I don't like dating as I feel pressurized with unspoken expectations, also I often just get asked by people I don't feel attracted, so basically I just say no. Even though I don't date very oftenI know a lot of guys and I observe them and well, as I said, I usually end up not wanting to engage in anything romantic with them. I wonder though if this is good enough to provide me with the conviction that I have sown my wild oats?

 

Originally posted by Mamaof2

I married my High school sweetheart and been married for 8 years and it has been great. I think though it all depends on the person and how committed they are to one another. My husband and I agree not to use the D word to each other. Nothing is too big that we can not deal with, we also know each others boundaries. We also did our dating others and partied before each other but I believe that anything is possible if you just put your mind to it and put your all in it. Good Luck

I'm afraid my post was a bit confusing. I'm not against marrying one's highschool sweetheart, I just questioned the haste with which a lot of people who are still or barely out of highschool want to marry. I also wonder about this strong belief they have in their love without ever having dated anybody else.

[Woggle]

I often wonder if somtimes we would be happier if our culture was more conservative and people married. I know a couple that was an arranged marriage and they honst to god seem very happy. Oursociety is much more freer today and there are certainly advantages to that but why does it seem like nowadays there are so many miserable and messed up people. Every other person I know seems to be in therapy or on prozac. Many people just seem so unhappy. Happy things would be better if it were more simple. Not saying that we should go back to the way it was but maybe the pendulem swung too far and now it is time to swing back to the middle. I don't know what the answer is.

[whichwayisup]

I know two couples who are like. I'm not sure if they're married or not, but every time I see them I'm kind of amazed that they're still together. I sometimes wonder if I have just become cynical and just expect the worse because that's what you're used to. We're used to dramas and breakups, but not that some people can just decide that they love each other and prefer to be simply faithful and happy. I usually would have called myself a hopeless romantic, but whenever I see them I wonder if they haven't bored each other to death by now, I think to myself: "Wow, they're still together?!" Why do I think this? To me it doesn't look like the big love but maybe it's because I never experienced such a deep relationship and therefore don't understand what they have and how it looks like, I don't know... I don't really think that they only stay together because they couldn't find anybody else.

 

Maybe it's the familiarility (SP?? you know what I mean, lol) of being with the same person, it's safe and secure. Too scared to find somebody new and/or a fear that nobody else will love them like that person does... Or they truely are deeply inlove and realized this early on, so why bother trying out other people...

 

 

Because people are never just happy with what they have. What if it could become better? They could live in heaven and still wonder how hell is.

 

That is true at times, I think at some point we all wonder what life would be like with somebody else. Doesn't mean one is going to end it and try it or even try it by cheating.

 

Is it really sex that makes people want to break out of their old life? I kind of doubt it, I think it's about the rush of hormones that you feel at the initial stage of a relationship, the infatuation, it all fades down and people start to miss the intensity of these feelings. On the other hand I don't know how it is to sleep with the same person for years and years, maybe it is just about sex.

 

Deep love lasts a very very long time. Yes the sex life isn't the same as it was at the beginning but it is still there. Isn't that deep sexual, passionate, exciting f*** me now, here, there and everywhere - It's more security and giving and loving. Better actually, atleast from where I sit. I love the fact that my husband knows me inside and out. And I know him just the same.

 

I think I had just had thrown in a lot of questions that have been wandering through my mind lately, stirred this mixture a little bit and then posted. Maybe I should have started separate threads.

 

Go for it, a great thread topic!