Oh Dear

[alsudduth]

I have a feeling I'll be posting in this section of the forums more and more. Today I feel like I no longer want to adult or mother. I don't know how my mom did it.

 

I mentioned in a previous post that my daughter has her first "boyfriend" She is 13 and we have ground rules for this "boyfriend" They consider themselves a couple, his mom and I look at it as a very close friendship. lol.

 

Anyway - On Thursday he came over after school and they hung out playing xbox and outside looking at each other's IG accounts...nothing crazy.

 

On Friday they wanted to hang out again so I picked him up and they hung out for a bit at our house, and at one point they rode their scooters to another classmate's house (who's mother works at the school) and hung out there for a bit. (I know that's where they went because I had the other kids' mom take a picture of the 3 of them hanging out, mostly joking, but also ya know keeping tabs on my child) before taking him back home.

 

Today I got a call from his mom who said that she was picking up her son from the friend above house, who's mom works at the school, and was told by the mom that there is now a rumor going around the school that our kids "did the deed" because they hung out over the weekend. (before anyone gets confused our kids go to school Monday-Thursday, so Friday is technically the weekend for us)

 

We KNOW this rumor is not true because of our ground rules (if they hang out at each others houses, they can't be in their rooms alone together./They can hang out as a "date" in a group setting/No hanging out at another persons house together if a parent is not there)

 

So we agreed that tomorrow we will meet a little before school starts and talk to the principle and teacher about this to try and get the rumor outed and stopped. I guess I'm looking for ideas on how to approach this? This is all very new to me. I obviously am concerned that this rumor is going around, and I want it to stop as well. But I'm not really sure how to go about it. I'm just kind of hoping the teacher and principle will know what to do.

 

We have an idea of who started the rumor but I don't want to just go in and start accusing people or making things worse.

 

On the other side, am I a terrible parent for an itty bitty part of me thinking (to myself) that if they feel like they (our kids) are so mature that they are ready for a relationship, then they need to also be prepared for this kind of drama to happen? I know we can't force them to stop labeling themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend so I feel like we need to prepare them on how to handle these types of situations.

 

While I wait for responses, I'm going to call my mom and tell her how amazing she is for raising 3 kids. Because I'm barely halfway done and I feel like I might have a break down and she hasn't ACTUALLY done anything more than hold hands and maybe a peck of a kiss on the cheek!

[d0nnivain]

Have you talked to your daughter about the rumor? Is there any possibility that "it" is only kissing, rather than sex?

[alsudduth]

Have you talked to your daughter about the rumor? Is there any possibility that "it" is only kissing, rather than sex?

 

I talked to her, she said she hadn't heard about it till now. I also made her delete her IG account for now.

[shellybing]

I have no experience to offer, except to try to combat the rumors as best as you can and to let the two know the consequences about telling people about their private lives.

 

Other than that all I can do is say hang in there, I am sure you are doing a great job, and this will pass. It is hard sometimes, but we are built for it.

[coolheadal]

I have a feeling I'll be posting in this section of the forums more and more. Today I feel like I no longer want to adult or mother. I don't know how my mom did it.

 

I mentioned in a previous post that my daughter has her first "boyfriend" She is 13 and we have ground rules for this "boyfriend" They consider themselves a couple, his mom and I look at it as a very close friendship. lol.

 

Anyway - On Thursday he came over after school and they hung out playing xbox and outside looking at each other's IG accounts...nothing crazy.

 

On Friday they wanted to hang out again so I picked him up and they hung out for a bit at our house, and at one point they rode their scooters to another classmate's house (who's mother works at the school) and hung out there for a bit. (I know that's where they went because I had the other kids' mom take a picture of the 3 of them hanging out, mostly joking, but also ya know keeping tabs on my child) before taking him back home.

 

Today I got a call from his mom who said that she was picking up her son from the friend above house, who's mom works at the school, and was told by the mom that there is now a rumor going around the school that our kids "did the deed" because they hung out over the weekend. (before anyone gets confused our kids go to school Monday-Thursday, so Friday is technically the weekend for us)

 

We KNOW this rumor is not true because of our ground rules (if they hang out at each others houses, they can't be in their rooms alone together./They can hang out as a "date" in a group setting/No hanging out at another persons house together if a parent is not there)

 

So we agreed that tomorrow we will meet a little before school starts and talk to the principle and teacher about this to try and get the rumor outed and stopped. I guess I'm looking for ideas on how to approach this? This is all very new to me. I obviously am concerned that this rumor is going around, and I want it to stop as well. But I'm not really sure how to go about it. I'm just kind of hoping the teacher and principle will know what to do.

 

We have an idea of who started the rumor but I don't want to just go in and start accusing people or making things worse.

 

On the other side, am I a terrible parent for an itty bitty part of me thinking (to myself) that if they feel like they (our kids) are so mature that they are ready for a relationship, then they need to also be prepared for this kind of drama to happen? I know we can't force them to stop labeling themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend so I feel like we need to prepare them on how to handle these types of situations.

 

While I wait for responses, I'm going to call my mom and tell her how amazing she is for raising 3 kids. Because I'm barely halfway done and I feel like I might have a break down and she hasn't ACTUALLY done anything more than hold hands and maybe a peck of a kiss on the cheek!

 

Rumor or not the deed is done in any case. You can't change her mind when they're in love. If you allow them to be together you open the door for this to happen earlier than ever.

[knabe]

Rumor or not the deed is done in any case. You can't change her mind when they're in love. If you allow them to be together you open the door for this to happen earlier than ever.

 

 

This makes no sense. They did not actually have sex. They are closely monitored. I called a boy I liked in 6th grade "my boyfriend," and I was a 27 year old virgin when I married.

[noelle303]

I talked to her, she said she hadn't heard about it till now. I also made her delete her IG account for now.

 

Was she upset about it?

 

I mean, you really can't do anything about the rumor, I personally think this is a good example and a conversation to have with your daughter about not letting stupid rumors and petty gossip get to her.

[submart]

This makes no sense. They did not actually have sex. They are closely monitored. I called a boy I liked in 6th grade "my boyfriend," and I was a 27 year old virgin when I married.

 

Reality check. You have no idea if they had intercourse, oral sex, heavy touching, etc. or not. However, you are doing the best you can as a parent to help prevent this. Kids don't always follow by rules. That what makes raising teenagers very hard.

[alsudduth]

Was she upset about it?

 

I mean, you really can't do anything about the rumor, I personally think this is a good example and a conversation to have with your daughter about not letting stupid rumors and petty gossip get to her.

 

She wasn't upset about. She knows what actually happened so it's good that she doesn't care what people are saying.

[alsudduth]

Reality check. You have no idea if they had intercourse, oral sex, heavy touching, etc. or not. However, you are doing the best you can as a parent to help prevent this. Kids don't always follow by rules. That what makes raising teenagers very hard.

 

Actually at this point, I DO know nothing has happened yet, because they are 13 and we are making sure to supervise anytime they hang out. The rules we have in place keep them from being alone together.

[noelle303]

She wasn't upset about. She knows what actually happened so it's good that she doesn't care what people are saying.

 

That's great. In my opinion, simply let it go and let the school handle it. Your daughter is clearly a strong individual who doesn't let herself be bothered by petty gossip.

 

Another advice: try and relax and don't panic too much. She seems like a good kid, having a boyfriend at that age is not that big of a deal and you have good rules and a good support system to keep them safe.