I can't believe he kept this a secret.

[Georgina_or_Georgie]

I’ll keep this as brief as possible. I met my hubby when we were both 23. We hit it off straight away and were dating very soon after, exclusively not long after that. He was my first serious boyfriend, I was not a virgin but all my previous relationships were short term. I was his second serious relationship, he having lived with his ex for 1.5 years. They split over a year before we met.

 

So we dated, got engaged, got married, built a house, had kids, all the normal stuff. About 7 years into our relationship (we were married 2 years by that stage) we got into the swinging scene. It was good for a while but didn’t last. A few years later we found ourselves a girlfriend and she has been a part of our lives since, 14 years now.

 

So that’s the history, now the present.

 

We are in the process of packing to move house. Whilst packing I found some photo albums and while flicking through them saw our girlfriend with just her and my hubby before we even met. I confronted him and it turns out this is his ex. He doesn’t even see a problem. We’re all adults, we all get along, what’s the problem etc.

 

This has cut me to the core, I feel like as he was with her first I’m the outsider, I’m the third wheel. Neither of them get it, or if they do just don’t care. 14 years having her in my home, at my table, in my bed… and it’s all based on a lie, or at least not telling the entire truth (they dispute they lied).

 

I don’t know what to do. I hate them both right now but at the same time I love them to bits. The thought of walking away scares me, as I guess it would anyone, but more scary is never seeing them again. I’m actually contemplating staying but I don’t want this to be swept under the carpet and for it to be looked like I’ve been walked over.

 

Any thoughts?

[road]

Wow!

 

I have to ask is how old are your kids?

Does the OW have kids?

Is your WH the biological dad to these

other kids, OC's?

 

This is another example of why relationships

are meant for two and not three.

 

Time to end this mess. They lied to you.

They betrayed you. They are laughing

behind your back at you.

 

I would pack up all of the OW's stuff in

leaf bags and dump the stuff off at her

parents house.

 

Then tell your WH that he can't have both

to choose now or get out.

 

What about your WH's parents, siblings.

Why did they not mention to you that she

was his ex?

[Space Ritual]

Any thoughts?

.

 

Yes.

 

My first thought was that it does not matter what type of relationship someone is in...conventional,or unconventional, there is always room for someone to be less than honest about not only their intentions, but themselves as a whole.

 

Many people would probably say to you "Well, when you open your relationship to third parties, problems are bound to arise at some point".

 

However, to be hoodwinked by your husband and his ex for possibly the entire length of your marriage is mental cruelty on a whole different level.

 

Of course they both don't see a problem with it. They have been doing this for so long they moved beyond any guilty feelings about it for well over a decade ago. They have had all this time to get over any guilt. You are just finding out about it.

 

A special kind of cruel, these two are. You are a much better person than I am, OP. If it had been me that discovered that this far into my marriage, I'd be in the planning stages of their "untimely and unfortunate" demise. Which I would snicker under my breath and call it a "happy accident".

 

But that's just me and how I think. While usually unlawful, in a situation like this I'd certainly consider going that route myself.

 

So since I doubt you would go to such lengths to seek redress like I would, I suggest you give them both consequences for trying to make a distinction between a Half Truth and a Whole Lie.

 

Go see as many Lawyer's s you can settle on one, and file for divorce. If in fact you can sue his ex in your state for Alienation of Affection, I'd press that issue too...sure when it becomes public it may be embarrassing for all involved, however if these two are not made to suffer a consequence for something like this, where will it end? For all you know they may have been banging other people as well...if they could lie to you like that for so long, they are capable of anything.

 

So in absence of finding them both in garbage bags along parts of Highway 64(and really who could blame you? Not me!) I'd be seeing as many Lawyers as possible for consults so he has difficulty finding one, as if you have an initial consult with one in most states, conflict of interest laws would preclude then from representing your husband.

 

And if she has any kids try to see if there is any way you can force your husband to submit to DNA testing for her kids. IF they can lie to you like this, they can lie to you about ANYTHING.

 

I'm very sorry this happened to you. And sadly threads like this are part of why I have an aversion to non monogamous relationships.

[darkmoon]

you have the right to say no to the wrong extra-person, this should be a no-quibble, mutually-shared decision, it why you marry, to be a team, it should be a blunt "next" and then to both keep looking for the right fit, or to have a break from it, in your case

Edited September 12, 2017 by darkmoon

[elaine567]

I’m actually contemplating staying but I don’t want this to be swept under the carpet and for it to be looked like I’ve been walked over.

 

 

But the truth of the matter is that you HAVE been walked over, played like a fool and duped, by your husband and his ex, you cannot change that.

14 years of lying every day to your face.

You will find it very difficult to sweep it under the rug.

THEY will find it easy, as they have know all along and it is now up to you to "just get over it".