LDR when she becomes COLD and DISTANT

[Ricalpha]

I have been dating this girl for 3 months. She lives in Texas while, I live in California. We met at a music festival in May and hit it off immediately. We happened to get along and were connected on so many levels. We ended hooking up over that weekend. After the festival we began our long distance relationship by texting and communicating with each other everyday. In July, I decided to go back to Texas to visit her, we had such amazing time together. From that point forward we were still texting and calling back and forth.

 

Backstory: She's a single mother raising her daughter with her parents, she has split custody with her baby daddy, but she has no relationship with her baby daddy, saying she was in abusive relationship with him. She also works full-time and decided to take some classes this fall to pursue her Bachelors Degree in Nursing.

 

Everything was great until the last 2 weeks. I would text her good morning and random messages here and there and she would reply to them. Then one day she decided to be cold, she would stop replying to my messages, and she wouldn't return my calls. She would only call me when she's a little drunk coming home from her friend's house. She would tell me how much she misses me, and how she feels lonely, etc. I would respond to her by telling her I miss her too, and it'll be alright we'll see each other again. Then the next day I would text her, and she would be COLD with me again (no texting back). My rule of thumb whether you're in a relationship with me, or a just a friend its courteous to reply back. You don't have text back right away but it's rude not to text back.

 

Most recently, I text her I had a family emergency. She texted back asking if I was ok, and I was able to reply to her, I appreciate her concern that she cared about what happened. The next day, I decided not to text her anything at all. Later in the evening, she decided to call me after she had a few drinks at her friends house (she was a little buzzed) she told me that she's sorry she's been distant from me, and she was been busy with school, spending time with her daughter, and she's been super tired from work. Since this week, she doesn't have her daughter she wanted to see if we could catch up. I told her it'll be alright, and we'll make some time with each other this week. The following day, I called her to have a small chitchat while she was finishing up her homework. We kept it short, and wished her a goodnight.

 

Today, I decided to call her right when I got off work, our conversation was very short, we talked about our day, nothing special no flirting or anything like that. However, I decided to bring up that we were being distant, and I wanted to book a flight to see her this upcoming November asking if she would be available. She replied of course she would be available to see me if I'm planning on visiting. I think I was showing signs of being insecure and needy, she would answer by telling me she's confused. She told me weeks ago, that she's not dating anyone but me and if there was anyone she would let me know. She said all of the guys in her area are all losers, and she thought I was someone special because we met a music festival. I felt that I became insecure and needy as of late, is because she became cold and distant, is this a way of her testing me to see what kind of man I am? I'm beginning to like this girl even more now, I was thinking of waiting a few days and not respond to her, what should I do in this situation? This is our first long distance relationship? Should I not communicate her for a few days and never address that she's being cold? Please help.

[basil67]

You're being insecure and needy because the relationship isn't meeting your needs. It's probably not meeting her needs either. The rose coloured glasses are coming off and she's starting to be how she is normally.

 

I'm inclined to think that this was a holiday romance type thing which has run it's course.

[d0nnivain]

You are playing games.

 

You need a lot more attention then a single mother can give you during the school year. Her interest does seem to have waned. Perhaps an LDR isn't for you or at least you both need to acknowledge that this one may have run its course.

 

Basically you have seen each other twice. It really has been only 90 days. It's not like you are deeply connected at this point. If it's not working for you end it but don't sit there doing some tit for tat nonsense where you are not going to call & fume while waiting to see what she does

[Infinitylove]

Hi Richalpa,

 

I am in a long distance relationship too. And as a woman, it is a big factor for us woman, that you can always find time to message her, call her, even thou you are busy. Always show her that she is your priority. Since you both are in the same country, always try to visit her. It will be more hard to visit her if you live in a different country right?, Its a big thumbs up that you are planning to visit her to patch things up. How it went well. Good luck.