Should I put I'm clinically depressed in my dating profile?

[NJ123]

I also have depression issues & like you I sometimes just crash down out of nowhere. It's made me become a very late bloomer in dating. I definitely know what you're going through believe me.

[HarmonyDriven]

OP,

 

IMO, I would not put that information on your online dating profile because the OLD profile is just a small sample of who you are, just a snippet of info to get you thru the door to someone you might like and vice versa.

 

Also, it sounds like you are a bubbly, happy person here so I imagine on the first date or two, you are probably happy and bubbly. I don't think you have to go into specifics of anything until you feel you might think a relationship could go forward with someone. Otherwise, just enjoy the date.

 

Like you said, you are not only your depression. Sounds like you have an excellent handle on it, so IMO - nobody's business, at least in the initial stages.

[PegNosePete]

What I worry about is either of us becoming invested in that time, only to find out that I have periods of almost paralyzing sadness they would have never signed up for initially.

Yes, but that can happen to anyone. My partner is a doctor, she had a 27 year old patient who got cancer yesterday. I'm sure her BF didn't sign up for that, but he's not going to "dip out". Yes it's a bit different because you already have this issue whereas she developed it in an established relationship, but my point is that people end up in situations they didn't sign up for all the time. If the relationship is strong enough, they stand by their partner.

 

The reason I'd mention it earlier than most other people are recommending, is that the longer you leave it, the more it will be built up in your mind, and the more of a "big secret" it will become. The bigger it becomes, the more difficult it will be to reveal, and the more lies you'll have to tell about why you don't want to come out tonight etc. You will feel guilty about keeping the secret and that will make you feel worse, and may even lead to the end of the relationship.

[bene]

I wouldn't put it to the profile for a lot of reasons given by other posters.

 

But maybe you don't need to appear bubbly and happy-go-lucky on dates if it's not really you. Reading your threads, could it be the reason why you sometimes want to escape after first date because it is exhausting to keep up the act?

 

I don't mean that you have to be apathetic or negative on a date but if you want a connection, could you just be more serious, more authentic you? If the guy doesn't click with you because of this then so be it. You are very pretty and you probably get a lot of messages from superficial guys, so being true to yourself should weed out those who just see a pretty face.

[Dis]

Cookies, I had no idea about this

 

I know lots of people say tey understand and blah, blah

 

But I do, I have bipolar II, early onset. It started when I was 12.

 

It took me ten years to get my medications just right. Those ten years were like a nightmare I couldnt wake up from. But I can honestly say, every medication I tried, even the ones that made my hair fall out, sleep for 17 hours on end, and hallucinate.... it was worth it...

 

I havent had a significant symptom in 8 years. Its almost like I dont have bipolar anymore. Of course I'll always have it, its a chronic illness. But my medications work so well, I have the privilege of living life symptom free. My point in telling you all that is, never settle for feeling just, 'ok'. If you had diabetes, would you go without proper pharmaceutical treatment? Nope, you'd be taking insulin or oral meds, checking your blood glucose levels etc. Mental illnesses are no different.

 

Don't stop trying new treatments until you find one that works. And if you need motivation to do that, think of this.... you will not have a healthy relationship until you get your illness under control. If my diagnosis wasnt properly treated, I would be in no condition to date. Your dark times and pain will always creep up at one point or another and interfere with your relationships. Thats just the reality of it.

 

As for how you should address this in dating.... I dont disclose my diagnosis until I've been with someone, exclusively for quite some time. Probably because my diagnosis has no bearing on who I am now or how I function in a relationship. But if I wasnt being treated, I would disclose it early on because it would have a significant impact on the guy I'm dating and our relationship

 

PM me anytime you want to talk Really.

[Soak]

I don't think you should put it in your dating profile or reveal it in the first three dates. And 3 isn't a magic number. Keep it light as long as you can. If they notice something is wrong then you can tell them. But don't be too quick to tell people. In my lifetime I have known more than one pretty negative person who still managed to find someone that it didn't bother that much. Some people are more tolerant of it than others. Some people won't let someone else's mood affect their mood. Probably the more insecure someone is the more reactive they will be to it because they'll be wondering if it's them.

 

Obviously if for some reason you have a big episode that's over the top then maybe that's time to explain why that happened. But there's plenty of people who are kind of negative and worried about everything who are still considered Within normal parameters.

 

I'd just like to say that i reiterate this. And, to take your time, getting to know someone that is. I also agree that you should be more 'yourself' on these dates.

 

I'm very much like you (well, maybe not, but i think we're similiar in the 'front' that we put on) - an anxiety to be needed and loved, and i am extremely insecure, so i have put on a cheerful front because i haven't wanted people to see how i am really on the inside, and also because of the anxiety to keep things 'chipper'... I know, it is exhausting, and eventually, for any truly intimate relationship to form, you will need to encounter each other eventually, eg, you cannot hide the real "yous"!

 

So, i am saying just be yourself, and maybeit will sort itself out, eg, the thrill-seekers might not be so 'thrilled' so may look to greener pastures to find their latest hit of excitement.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Soak

[Cookiesandough]

Ty dis��

 

I'd just like to say that i reiterate this. And, to take your time, getting to know someone that is. I also agree that you should be more 'yourself' on these dates.

 

I'm very much like you (well, maybe not, but i think we're similiar in the 'front' that we put on) - an anxiety to be needed and loved, and i am extremely insecure, so i have put on a cheerful front because i haven't wanted people to see how i am really on the inside, and also because of the anxiety to keep things 'chipper'... I know, it is exhausting, and eventually, for any truly intimate relationship to form, you will need to encounter each other eventually, eg, you cannot hide the real "yous"!

 

So, i am saying just be yourself, and maybeit will sort itself out, eg, the thrill-seekers might not be so 'thrilled' so may look to greener pastures to find their latest hit of excitement.

Lately, I've been doing this!!! Not completely. Someone basically called me weird, but they weren't scared off. I think they were turned off though xD

 

I'm thinking about starting up my apps again and try to be myself completely. Just put it all out there 100%. Perhaps that is my main problem.It might be a fun experience even if I scare people off.

 

Maybe the ones who stay around I could bond with., like you said. Have you taken your 'mask' down?

Edited September 28, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Soak]

Have you taken your 'mask' down?

 

Wow, difficult question, but i love challenges. Thanks for asking actually, i actually like being 'confronted', but not many people IRL do it .

 

The mask.. Gee, i'm wondering if it's so stuck on that it's hard to remove. I've definately calmed down on the anxiety reactions.. Yes, i think i've taken the mask off a lot. Interesting thing is, there's also good stuff under the mask. I had lost touch with my offbeat sense of humour..

 

I find that people only say the 'weird' thing when you don't fit into a category they have in their head. It's kind of like, they don't know where to fit you..! It's okay, really, it's okay .

 

Cookies, i think it's great that you are trying on this new self (which is your 'self) and taking it out there. A strategy that I use is self-talk. I tell myself it's okay, people aren't judging you, and i try to find positives in the situation. I think it is about developing new habits.

 

Maybe try to ask the other person more questions (on the date) and take control..!

Edited September 28, 2017 by Soak

[Soak]

I'm thinking about starting up my apps again and try to be myself completely. Just put it all out there 100%.

 

That's actually a really brave thing to do. I'm going to do that next time i try OLD too (and will do it in real life). I've never done that.

 

[Gaeta]

Dear cookie, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My heart goes to you.

 

I would definitely not put it in your profile and I would talk about it in person before getting intimate with someone so around 3-4-5 dates. I would do it before intimacy because usually people get more emotionally attached at that time and it's only fair to open up about our secrets before that moment.

 

Chronic depression used to be taboo but not anymore. There was a lot of public education done about it and it's not feared like it used to me. I personally know people with chronic depression that had functional long term relationships and raised families.

[spiderowl]

I would not put it in a profile, no, but that's because it is something best discussed in person. If you get as far as dating, you will already have a sense of what the person is like and whether they can be trusted with your private life.

 

I thought like you Cookie, that depression would be a huge turn-off to men. It is to some but actually once they have spent time with you, it suddenly becomes less of an issue. Don't ask me why, but they make their minds up whether they like you or not. The right guy will be supportive. I have told guys about it and they have looked a bit puzzled, then they seem to accept it as part and parcel of me. I have found, in fact, that the more they get to know you, the more they want to get to know, even if you are not perfect. A guy wants the intimacy of getting to know the real you - the person who has emotions and gets sad as well as happy. Ironically, it is a privilege when people let their barriers down and allow you to get to know them. In this 'looks-driven' world, it is easy to forget that real intimacy involves getting to know a real person, not just the face they put on.

 

I have heard a few guys say what they really like is if a woman can be herself with him and let her guard down. Even if you wear less make-up and are miserable sometimes, they feel privileged that you allowed them to be 'that close' to you, whereas others guys didn't get to see the 'less-perfect' woman. I know it seems weird, but it's true. Give the guys a chance to get to know the real you and see what happens. You may be very surprised.

Edited September 30, 2017 by spiderowl