Broke up.She's screwing someone else already;

[Tkay]

Ok. Here goes nothing.

 

 

 

I'm 19, she's turning 18. We were together for 11,5months.

 

 

 

 

She claimed she loved me, as in, being the only one for her. She said she had never said this to anyone else, and she has had plenty of boyfriends.

 

 

I thought I was in control, but I'm not sure anymore. I've always had the feeling that she was the one that was crazy in love with me, and not the other way around. Sometimes I even thought I was just doing it for the sex, but this wouldn't be 100% true, I did care about her, but I would get upset if she didn't want to have sex.

Whenever we had a fight she would start crying. I haven't had anyone who cried about me. She would cry and beg for me to love her and to believe her that she loved me.

 

 

Things weren't going too great anymore. I felt like she didn't care very much about me anymore. However, she still kept saying she loved me.

 

 

Example on this: She asking me to come over, and a few hours later she's like "you should go now, I want to go driving with my grandfather". I got pissed that she chose her grandfather over me and stuff.

Or like the fact that lately she never came to my place, and she didn't feel comfortable in my room anymore she said. Sexlife was dull. In the beginning we had sex all the time (I only saw her 2 times in a week). After a like 6 months she said she wanted to not exagurate it and try to only have sex 1 time a week, because she didnt want it all to be about sex. It didn't really change drastically however.

But like i said, lately it was just boring. We would have sex like 1 or 2 times in a month, and it would just be plain boring.

 

 

 

So, it all happened about 3 weeks ago.

 

I told her this stuff was bothering me, she not giving me the attention I wanted, and me doing everything for her. (heh, I actually feel dumb for saying I was in control now,but I just couldn't turn it around so it seems?)

Basicly what I told her,was that I wasn't happy with her anymore like it was at that moment. I asked her to change.

Next day I get this little mobile message (sms) saying nothing but "I love you". Later that day she asks me to call her, because she needs to say something, so I did. She picked up the phone and was like "I love you so much, I never ever want to lose you".

Next day she was supposed to come over. She called me, we were just talking a bit, and suddenly she says "bah, I have my menstruation". It got quiet. She noticed I got upset. She asked why, so I was fair with her. I couldn't stand the fact that she had her periods again, and that between her periods we maybe had sex 1 time, and it just didn't feel right when we did.

 

 

Nothing else special was said. Later that day she sends me a SMS "I'm not coming over tonight, I'm going out with my aunt".

 

 

I got pissed again, for her doing the thing I hated the most, even the day after I complained about it. But yes, she had her reasons, I shouldn't have gotten upset about her having her periods I guess.

But I was pissed. I sent back "oh if its like that, I don't even want u to come over. I'm going to a club with some mates."

I lied. I didn't even want to go out to a club. I just felt like crying. I just wanted to come over confident, not caring, you know, the player attitude.

She asked me whereto and I just named a random club.

 

 

The next days are all a fuzzy memory, I don't really know what happened.

I told her on MSN that I didn't want it to be like this and if she wasn't going to tell me what the problem was, or if she wouldn't change, I would break up with her, and that I didnt think she still love me.

She said she needed time. I tried giving her time, but I couldn't , I just needed an answer, wether she still loved me or not.

 

 

BUT. The day after we "broke up", I started reviewing our relation. Saying my best memories,things I liked about her (on MSN). She asked me to call her, I did. I had never heard her cry like that before, it sounded like she was actually crying her heart out. I thought I was back in the game. I comforted her. She asked me if I wanted her back if she wanted it. I said "now i'm the one that needs time". Acting confident, not giving in too soon. But I also said, that i didn't know for sure yet, if she just wanted me back because I was saying sweet stuff, to then break up a few days

later anyway.

 

 

Next day, she turned back to cat-mode. She went back to "I dont know". She didn't think of me anymore she said. She threw away my letters.

 

 

I kept calling her, kept asking how it was gonna be. After a few days I got sick of it, I said I didn't care anymore and that it was over. I figured, player-stylish, she would just come crying back. She didn't. I still kept asking her if she still cared about me. She still claimed she didn't know.

 

 

I asked her to meet up in real life to talk. She said she couldn't, she had to go away for a week, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk.

 

Yes, she had to go for a week. She was staying at her aunt's that lives about the house next door to her! So basicly she just didnt want to talk. I asked afterwards why she lied, she said she just didn't feel comfortable about it.

During that week she even passed my house to go see a friend.

 

 

In these periods I would say sweet stuff on MSN to her,she would just ignore me and go offline without replying. I kept saying I wanted her back. I called her, she wouldnt pick up, so I said all kinds of sweet stuff on her answering machine. Alot of moodchanges too. One day saying I didnt wanna lose her, next day just saying that if it was gonna be this way ok, but I needed to know if she still loved me or if I should just set her out of my mind. She still hasn't answered that question!

 

 

A few days later I heard from her niece that they took her to some guy during that week. When she got back she said she was very reliefed.

So I asked around. Her brother sent me her msn logs with that guy. The guy is someone I always didn't trust, I never liked her being friends with him, and I said I thought he was after her. She just said that it wasnt true, since he had a girlfriend.

So, you can guess. The last day she was at her aunt, she went over to the guy. They kissed, maked out, nearly ****ed. This was about a week, maybe 2, after it was over with me.

 

 

I felt hurt, I couldn't understand how she could do such a thing, after saying she loved me like crazy. She actually said exactly the same things to him as she said to me. I really love you, yadayada yada.

 

 

I'm starting to feel better now, but at moments I just have to think of it. Think of how she could do it to me. Thinking of how she's kissing him etcetera. My solution has been searching for a new girl to get her off my mind, but I'm pretty sure that won't work out, since I have no idea how to get a girl anymore, because I don't know what the correct way is anymore (explained at the *). Player, or wuss. I've always thought I got her fair , I played her. I made her fall in love with me. I guess it wasn't true, she just falls in love with whoever talks to her.

 

 

As soon as I found out I called her. She kept claiming it wasn't true, he was just a good friend. Yesterday the guy broke up with his real girlfriend, but she's still denying, although she has "Miss ya sweetie" in her nickname on MSN.

I also said she should wait with sex, because I thought the guy was just after it for sex, which she has experienced 2 times before (well. 3 if you count me as someone abusing her for sex, but I think I really cared about her.) But since he broke up with his real girlfriend I suppose he means it a bit more serious.

 

 

*

I need to know what went wrong. I can't figure it out.

What way is the right way. The cocky,confident, player way? (Me saying it was over. Me saying I didn't like it anymore. These both backfired big time on me.)

The wussy way? (She started crying when I told memories of our relationship, although I said it as like it was in the past. But she didn't care about me saying sweet stuff for the rest.)

 

 

I still feel like I want her back, I suppose that feeling will dissapear soon enough. I've gotten it so far she has blocked me on msn for me calling her a hoe.

 

 

I dont know what to think, what to do, ...

[A Fly onThe Wall]

you need to STOP seeking out info.. Reading her msn logs is horrible.. You are broken up.. She is NO LONGER your girlfriend.

 

She is just moving on and it hurts because you still have feelings for her and you are seeking info trying to find out what she is doing.. It makes it hurt worse.

 

You are young and need to just move on ..

 

do NC from now on and STOP almost stalking her .. It is her life now and she can do anything she wants to without your consent ..

 

She didn't need you calling her a whore after the breakup.. Funny if you had just moved on and found a new girl just as fast would you have been a whore as well ?? NO!! so why is she ??

 

 

Right now you cannot get her back ... NC ..MOVE ON ... if it is made to be she will come back one day.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

you need to STOP seeking out info.. Reading her msn logs is horrible.. You are broken up.. She is NO LONGER your girlfriend.

 

She is just moving on and it hurts because you still have feelings for her and you are seeking info trying to find out what she is doing.. It makes it hurt worse.

 

You are young and need to just move on ..

 

do NC from now on and STOP almost stalking her .. It is her life now and she can do anything she wants to without your consent ..

 

She didn't need you calling her a whore after the breakup.. Funny if you had just moved on and found a new girl just as fast would you have been a whore as well ?? NO!! so why is she ??

 

 

Right now you cannot get her back ... NC ..MOVE ON ... if it is made to be she will come back one day.

ABout what I figured out, however I want to learn from this. This was my first real GF, and I need to know what I have done wrong.

 

But anyway, whats 'NC' ?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by Tkay

But anyway, whats 'NC' ?

 

 

No Contact .. It means to NEVER contact her again.. If she contacts you just ignore her..

 

Later on after a good bit of time ( 4 months -1 year) after you have healed, you could if you still felt something for her contact her to see if there is still something there.. But you have to move on.. Otherewise it will tear you apart and you will hurt worse.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

No Contact .. It means to NEVER contact her again.. If she contacts you just ignore her..

 

Later on after a good bit of time ( 4 months -1 year) you could if you still felt something for her contact her to see if there is still something there.. But you have to move on.. Otherewise it will tear you apart and you will hurt worse.

 

Well, I think at the moment I'm ready to break all contact. However, tomorrow there's a party. The party where we first kissed, on the same day it all started. Tomorrow was supposed to be our 1year celebration.

She will be there with that guy. She will be kissing in front of my nose. I need to know what to do. I WILL get hurt, I WILL get pissed, I will get a number of things.

 

Should I just try to ignore it? Just not look at them? Not even say "Hi"?

[Tkay]

I hate this editing restriction!

Well anyway,I'm once again thinking of how the my ex&her new gf look, how it looks if they are kissing, how he is holding me what I used to do. Maybe I shouldn't go 2morrow?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

I would go find something else to do and skip the partyy.. unless you can bring a date and be able to keep your emotions in check...

 

Remember you have no right to get pissed if she is there with another guy.. It's her life now .. You guys are broken up..

 

I know it still doesn't stop the feelings from happening and that is why I said to skip the party..

[Tkay]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

I would go find something else to do and skip the partyy.. unless you can bring a date and be able to keep your emotions in check...

 

Remember you have no right to get pissed if she is there with another guy.. It's her life now .. You guys are broken up..

 

I know it still doesn't stop the feelings from happening and that is why I said to skip the party..

 

If I would get pissed off, it would just be inside of me. Pissed at myself for screwing up. Pissed at her for doing this to me. But for some reason I think I need to do this for myself, to get over her. This might be bullsh*t, maybe I just want to see her subconsciously. I've went out yesterday to a friend's birthday party. Met some new people. Had a good time.

Who knows the same thing will happen there?

If i go, and I see the 2 of them making out, it will hurt, but I need to know if I can handle it. And if I can't, it won't get worse then me feeling bad, maybe going outside for a moment with a friend to talk..

?

[mixwell]

you should just save yourself the whole worry and wondering and just skip the party. Its only going to make things worse if you see her with this guy.. don't even put yourself in that position.. Just find something else to do with your guy friends..

[Tkay]

Originally posted by mixwell

you should just save yourself the whole worry and wondering and just skip the party. Its only going to make things worse if you see her with this guy.. don't even put yourself in that position.. Just find something else to do with your guy friends..

Well , it's already all been taken care of of going there. It will be going there, or sitting home doing nothing.

I think I'm just going. We'll see how it turns out.

[mixwell]

alright if you like torturing yourself go ahead.... At least try to avoid seeing them at all costs.. and please whatever you do dont make the mistake of going up and talking to her..

[Tkay]

Originally posted by mixwell

alright if you like torturing yourself go ahead.... At least try to avoid seeing them at all costs.. and please whatever you do dont make the mistake of going up and talking to her..

The last bit wouldn't happen for sure.

But I think I'll try to at least see them once, just to know how I will feel.

[Tkay]

well. I went.

Didnt see her for a couple of hours. When I did, it hurt a bit, but I didn't mind it too much. But then the party started getting boring and I started thinking. Then some girls started dissing me for no reason (they were drunk) saying I was super good looking (obviously ironical) and I replied they couldn't get me, so they just started spililng their gut like I couldn't even get a fat girl. Exactly what I needed at that moment. (I don't think of myself as an ugly guy).

 

I held my head up at the party anyway, but when I got home it was exactly the moment I first kissed yer, it was exactly a year ago, and I cried. Put on some love songs, figured maybe I could cry it all out perhaps.

 

I was thinking of getting a girl yesterday but I just wasn't interested in any

Guess I'm not over her enough. need more time.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

There will be more parties that you can go to for some more self punishment and pain.. Relax

 

In a way sometimes the things we do after a breakup can be a form of self mutilation..

 

We just keep asking for more hurt and our wish is granted

 

Stay away from any place she will be.. You will heal and feel better if you do this

[Tkay]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

There will be more parties that you can go to for some more self punishment and pain.. Relax

 

In a way sometimes the things we do after a breakup can be a form of self mutilation..

 

We just keep asking for more hurt and our wish is granted

 

Stay away from any place she will be.. You will heal and feel better if you do this

 

I figured I needed to confront myself with it. And I have this feeling I shouldn't let myself stay home just because she's going.

 

But I guess you're right, since all I want to do right now is hold her and tell her how much I love her

[NiCoLe20]

my guess at this situation is she became closer to this guy while you guys were drifting apart. she probably saw better qualities in this other guy, thats why she started ditching you more. i dont want to put you down or make you feel sad, but thats most likely what happened.

 

i know it hurts and it sucks but this is what happens when you start dating. you gotta get threw a couple of bad eggs before you find the right one .. trust me on that! lol.

 

ive been in 6 or 7 relationships lasting from 3-9 months and they all failed!! after giving up on guys, i found one thats perfect for me. our 6 month anniversary just passed this weekend and things are going good.

 

my point, dont stress about what she's doing or who she's with. accept that she's with someone else,and move on. dont stay upset over it ya know?!! i bet that she will realize how much she missed you and will come begging back.... this could only happen if you ignore her from today on out. if she comes back, ignore her, say yu have a new g/f. dont im her, text her or even email her... put her in the past and move on... you'll find a new girl soon!!! theres millions out there lol... good luck!!!

[Tkay]

Hi Nicole

 

Thanks for the post, I guess it makes kinda sense, about we drifting apart, and them drifting close because We were drifting apart.

 

However, I'm not sure how to continue my life. I have forgotten who I really am.

I used to be a "nice guy". Not daring to approach girls, falling in love with a girl and being all nice with her, to end up with "lets just be friends", time and time and time again.

 

This can't be right. I'm too sure of that. But, that means I would have to become a "player". I'm just not like that myself. I've read alot about it, also from advice on this forum, but I just can't get it to really become me. Maybe just because I've had a case of 'one-itis'.

 

But if being myself means being unhappy, not being able to get a girl, I'm not sure what to choose.

[Tkay]

Just wondering.

 

She was my first real girlfriend,

 

and I can't figure out if this feeling I miss her, I really love her, 'Dont know what you've got until it's gone' is fake, like its just the normal feeling you have when a relationship is over,

 

or if it's just my real feeling.

 

 

I've also set up a date with a girl I used to like. I'm starting to force myself to fall in love with her (again) so i can forget about my ex :/.

[blue16]

Since when does one have to be a player to get girls? And if you are an actual 'nice guy' then that shouldn't hinder you at all either.

 

Being a 'nice guy' is only a problem when it's actually a coverup for someone who is shy, boring, and doesn't stand up for themselves. A lot of people who fit the above descriptions label themselves as a 'nice guys' so they feel better. Not saying you fit that model, but I'm just pointing out how people throw out the nice guy copout too much as a reason why they aren't as successful as they want to to be. You can still be a nice guy and do fine with the girlies.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by blue16

Since when does one have to be a player to get girls? And if you are an actual 'nice guy' then that shouldn't hinder you at all either.

 

Being a 'nice guy' is only a problem when it's actually a coverup for someone who is shy, boring, and doesn't stand up for themselves. A lot of people who fit the above descriptions label themselves as a 'nice guys' so they feel better. Not saying you fit that model, but I'm just pointing out how people throw out the nice guy copout too much as a reason why they aren't as successful as they want to to be. You can still be a nice guy and do fine with the girlies.

 

I was actually talking about that term of 'nice guy'.

as the definition you were stating. A weak , insecure person, who doesn't stand up for themselves, and does everything in their power to be nice to girls, buy them gifts, be really nice to them, to get rejected time after time and get in the friends zone.

 

That is who I was, I thought I have gotten out of my 'shell', but now I'm not sure anymore.

 

 

And yes, the not-so-bad niceguys, lets call them "Average frustrated chumps", you know, the wallflowers at parties, who don't dare to approach a girl, might get a girl every once in a while because of luck. But do I really want my life&how good I feel depend on luck?

[theclash]

Originally posted by Tkay

Well, I think at the moment I'm ready to break all contact. However, tomorrow there's a party. The party where we first kissed, on the same day it all started. Tomorrow was supposed to be our 1year celebration.

She will be there with that guy. She will be kissing in front of my nose. I need to know what to do. I WILL get hurt, I WILL get pissed, I will get a number of things.

 

Should I just try to ignore it? Just not look at them? Not even say "Hi"?

just ignore her. Get drunk, have a GOOD time. dont worry about her. your young, get out there & have fun

[Tkay]

BAH.

I was feeling better & stuff, and suddenly:

 

She deblocks me on MSN and starts talking to me. The first thing she said was "So whats up with that girl from sunday at the party?" (I was talking to a girl, nothing special.)

 

As soon as I saw her name, her msn photo(with her new boyfriend) & with her looking gorgeous, My heart started pounding like crazy. I felt like I was getting sick or something, just like I first heard about she seeing someone else & like I felt when I saw her at the party.

 

We just talked, like friends. I acted like I didn't care and I had moved on.

 

I still wanter her back.

 

The moment she started talking my mind said "ignore, block, delete from list". But I just felt like I wanted to talk to her.

 

I feel like I can get her back though.

 

Blah...

[Tkay]

Ok I feel better by now again.

 

 

Come to think of it, it must be the NC having effect. However I don't know how to react.

I won't contact her anymore, but when she does, how should I act. Non-needy, not caring about we're not together anymore, acting like I've moved on and seeing other girls now?

 

I'd just like to let her know I still care about her.. Stupid wuss inside of me!