Mrs. Miserable Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 I finally got the courage to tell my dg of 26 yrs that I am filling divorce papers. As he has for the past 5.5 years, after the divorce conversation, he instantly becomes husband of the year. He hasn't "done" anything. It's more of what he hasn't done. After every divorce conversation, he begins doing and saying all the things he should've been doing and saying for 20+ years. It's annoying to say the least. He knows what he should be doing, but he chooses not to put forth the effort until he thinks he's loosing me. I still want this divorce, but it makes it even more difficult when he's being so nice. Can anyone relate? If so, what did you do? Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 I finally got the courage to tell my dg of 26 yrs that I am filling divorce papers. As he has for the past 5.5 years, after the divorce conversation, he instantly becomes husband of the year. He hasn't "done" anything. It's more of what he hasn't done. After every divorce conversation, he begins doing and saying all the things he should've been doing and saying for 20+ years. It's annoying to say the least. He knows what he should be doing, but he chooses not to put forth the effort until he thinks he's loosing me. I still want this divorce, but it makes it even more difficult when he's being so nice. Can anyone relate? If so, what did you do? Any suggestions? Because he's scared to loose you that's why! If you have made up your mind then push the divorce. If you don't do this it makes you look too easy and he can keep on doing what he does around you. Not a great husband, time to take out the garbage and let a new scent into your life! A life of sunshine and freedom and a life away from his lying butt! He will never change he can twist things around and you need to stand your ground and file for the divorce and mean it! This time around! Men can promise you roses, men can promise you love, but sometimes men can't keep their promises.. End it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs. Miserable Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 Long story short... Married 27 years. Miserable at least 10. I asked for a divorce 5.5 years ago. He promised to change. A few minor changes were made, but nothing major. He’s not a bad person or husband. I closely relate to th post titled “wanting to leave a good marriage”. We have nothing in common. He’s selfish and doesn’t understand that I have needed more thru the years. Now I’m done. Finished. Nothing left inside me. I have divorce papers ready to be signed. I’m being very generous w my requests. Far less than 50/50. Plus I’m not asking for child support of our 17 year son. I just want out. I told him I have the papers. I even put them in the kitchen table and told him what I’m asking for. He won’t even look at the papers. He’s beggi g for me to try again. This is the same conversation and cycle we’ve been in for 5+ years. I’m tired. How do I convince him it’s over? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Following from this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/634759-caught-his-web-again Unfortunately, you're going to have to force his hand. I don't know anything about your living or financial situation, but you're going to have to use what you can to get out. Do you still live together? If so, I can see that it would send mixed signals. What does your lawyer say would be the consequence of moving out? It may also be possible to get a divorce without him signing the papers. Again, talk to your lawyer. We may be able to give you better ideas if you outline your financial ties and domestic situation. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 It doesn't take two people to get divorced, you want one then get one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 How do I convince him it’s over? It is not necessary to convince him of anything. If he refuses to sign the papers then you should see a lawyer and ask how to get a divorce from an uncooperative spouse. You can have the papers served to him by a court official or a private process server, and then it doesn't matter whether he signs or not. After a certain number of days have elapsed without response you can progress the divorce without his signature. It's possible to DIY this, but I'd recommend doing it with the help of a lawyer, since unless you stick exactly to the right procedure it could be very costly to correct. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 It doesn't take two people to get divorced, you want one then get one. Yep, file the papers with the court and have him served! Take action - you don't need his permission. Have the papers reviewed by an attorney...you need to be sure you're not forfeiting things that you deserve - like spousal support, for example. Don't cut yourself short - 27 years is a long time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 While it's easier & cheaper to do this by consent, you don't have to. Get a lawyer. File for divorce. A court can grant the divorce without his consent. Somebody has to move out. In most places you can't even get into court unless you have lived separate & apart for some period of time so you putting the papers on the kitchen table tells me you haven't even taken the 1st steps yet Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 In most places you can't even get into court unless you have lived separate & apart for some period of time Yes that is true for some jurisdictions. But many people do divorce while still living in the same house, mainly due to financial reasons. In fact the first thing most lawyers will say is "don't move out". If you do plan to divorce while "separated in the same house" then it would be wise to consult a lawyer, who can tell you exactly what that should mean in practical terms. Whilst it is possible in many jurisdictions, you might have to be more separated than you think, for example you need discrete living spaces, having meals together is not allowed even if you have kids, you have to do cleaning and washing separately, etc. In fact you have to be more separated than normal roommates would be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs. Miserable Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 Following from this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/634759-caught-his-web-again Unfortunately, you're going to have to force his hand. I don't know anything about your living or financial situation, but you're going to have to use what you can to get out. Do you still live together? If so, I can see that it would send mixed signals. What does your lawyer say would be the consequence of moving out? It may also be possible to get a divorce without him signing the papers. Again, talk to your lawyer. We may be able to give you better ideas if you outline your financial ties and domestic situation. Yes, we still live together. I’m keeping the house as it was an inheritance from my dad. We are both capable of supplying our own financial needs. Perhaps I should move out u til it’s all final ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs. Miserable Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 I have spoken with an attorney. He wrote up our paperwork. I was hoping to avoid the whole “serving papers” route. Not sure I will get that lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs. Miserable Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 While it's easier & cheaper to do this by consent, you don't have to. Get a lawyer. File for divorce. A court can grant the divorce without his consent. Somebody has to move out. In most places you can't even get into court unless you have lived separate & apart for some period of time so you putting the papers on the kitchen table tells me you haven't even taken the 1st steps yet I’m in Alabama where separation is not legally necessary. Thankfully! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I’m keeping the house as it was an inheritance from my dad. We are both capable of supplying our own financial needs. Perhaps I should move out u til it’s all final ??? If you're keeping the house then do NOT move out. Ask your lawyer, I'm sure he will say the same. Link to post Share on other sites
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