Just Venting

[oldschoolromantic]

I'm married, she's married, of course, that's why I'm in this forum. Anyway, we met at the gym a little over a year ago. She introduced herself to me one day out of the blue and over time we began talking more and more. We went from small talk to more in depth conversations about our kids, interests, workout routines, etc.

 

My marriage problems are to complicated to go into, and that's a completely different subject. But as I've gotten to know this woman, I sense that she is missing something in her life/marriage too. I don't know what, but something. I think we both fulfill some sort of need in each other's lives that our spouses don't. For me it's the conversation and her genuine interest in my life. I don't get that from my wife. She asks me questions, and remembers what I told her the last time we talked.

 

The problem is, I've become pretty fond of her, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. I sometimes feel frustrated because we can only be friends. I feel like we met at the wrong time in our lives. I miss her when I don't see her for days.

 

I've thought about working out at a different time, but that would just be avoidant and she'd probably eventually want to know why I've stopped coming around. I don't want to have to explain that.

 

We have a nice friendship, and I know that's all it can be. I don;t want that to end...but part of me knows it eventually will...for whatever reason. How do I calm things down in my head (and heart) so I'm not always on this emotional rollercoaster?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You switch your gym time, or better yet, your gym entirely. What you've written/what you're experiencing isn't anything special. It's textbook cheater think/speak as if following a script.

 

Especially this: I think we both fulfill some sort of need in each other's lives that our spouses don't. For me it's the conversation and her genuine interest in my life. I don't get that from my wife.

 

And this: I feel like we met at the wrong time in our lives.

[Sampson]

Have you thought about the time you spend with her, think about her, etc.. Is energy and time better spent within your marriage? I bet if you had a real conversation with your wife you will find she feels the same way.

 

Read, "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass

[aileD]

You're not her friend. You're a threat to her marriage. And she, yours.

 

You need to cut the cord, anything else is selfish of you and disrespectful to your wife and her husband

[ice3784]

Whatever relationship in the earlh stages are sweet and nice. U both are exploring each other. Please stop it before u take it to next level

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[BaileyB]

Yup. It's time to find a new gym...

[HarmonyDriven]

Deep down, YOU know what to do.

 

Man up and do the right thing.

 

Don't lead with the bottom head.

 

You don't owe the gym woman anything.

 

Your heart is married, figure out what you need to do to fix or end your marriage.

[ayoung73]

There’s no other way to say this, but you’re cheating on your wife emotionally! Continuing this relationship will only lead to physically cheating on your wife and you’d be responsible for ruining two marriages! I’ve been cheated on, before marriage I cheated on my girlfriend’s…either way it’s not pretty and everything typically ends badly. Happily for me, ten years later, my wife and I have a relationship so much better than pre-affair, it’s insane. You can have all you want with your wife, these feelings and your behavior are indicative of a greater problem with your marriage, as you’ve indicated.

 

I’m so sorry you feel this way, there is no easy way out, but until you resolve the issues with your marriage you’ll always feel this way…if not this woman, maybe you’ll walk away, but the next one or the one after, sooner or later you’ll break down. Go home to your wife and tell her what you think and feel, commit to rebuilding your relationship with her, don’t let your marriage die. Be honest with the other woman at the gym, tell her you’re going to work on your marriage, and leave it at that.