coolheadal Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Im not sure what you mean??? And btw, I thought I had acted a little stalkerish bc I had a guy I was seeing who lived two hours away and I used to check his location every now and then on tinder. But now that I read all this I realize I was actually pretty chill about it all. I definitely wasnt reading some great meaning into whatever info I thought I was garnering from tinder. I think if youre obsessing about it in any way, if its having a negative impact on your mood or your relationship, you should just get rid of the app yourself. Tinder is for hookups, casual dating (aka quickies, quick lay) He's on there to have fun you got caught up in his game but you know what he's doing you have to decide you have all sorts of advise here. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Keeping Tinder as a "safety net" while you're starting a relationship is a bit sad. As though if it doesn't work out then you have to rush off to your 2nd preference for a date. You should be all in if you're serious about the person. Having said that, I have never asked anyone to remove their dating profile when we have been dating/starting a relationship. I remove it when I'm ready and let them do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Tinder is for hookups, casual dating (aka quickies, quick lay) He's on there to have fun you got caught up in his game but you know what he's doing you have to decide you have all sorts of advise here. Good luck! Im confused. You said dont assume anything but there are a lot of assumptions here. And there're a lot of ways tinder relationships can go. Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Keeping Tinder as a "safety net" while you're starting a relationship is a bit sad. As though if it doesn't work out then you have to rush off to your 2nd preference for a date. You should be all in if you're serious about the person. You cant be all in from the first moment you lay eyes on them, tho. I suppose that some people can know earlier than 5 dates. For me I dont think I could possibly be "all in" anywhere near that quick. And I dont feel sad about keeping my safety net. If it doesn't work out I want to feel like Im just going back to business as usual. So I dont want to dismantal my normal life. The sad part, I suppose is that anyone who's been single for a substantial amount of time knows that people you like can disappoint you and/or treat you ****ty. I suppose if that wasnt true there'd be no need for a safety net. Having said that, I have never asked anyone to remove their dating profile when we have been dating/starting a relationship. I remove it when I'm ready and let them do the same. Same hear. And I think its fine for people to have varying levels of comfort with the idea of taking it down. Link to post Share on other sites
bpb2017 Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 You could just, in conversation, say "Hey sweetie, since we decided to focus on each other, what do you think about turning off our Tinder accounts?" Probably the best way. Don't ask "why are you still on Tinder?" because technically you are too and it will make it seem like you're one of those women with double standards. Until he is a BF then there are no rules. Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 I hear you and I agree that its a little different if theyve had the talk. But I could never trust someone that much after 5 dates that I'd start dismantling my tools and props that get me through single life. After 5 dates I could imagine being so smitten with someone that Id want to be exclusive and agree to it, but i would be feeling pretty scared that I didnt know them well enough and that my judgement would be clouded by the excitement and newness. Again I ask...is this some hours long process? Isn't disabling or going inactive just a couple of clicks. It's not like you have to dismantle and then rebuild some elaborate web or something. "I really like him and we are exclusive now!" Click. "Oops, that didn't work out." Click. Why is this difficult? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Again I ask...is this some hours long process? Isn't disabling or going inactive just a couple of clicks. It's not like you have to dismantle and then rebuild some elaborate web or something. "I really like him and we are exclusive now!" Click. "Oops, that didn't work out." Click. Why is this difficult? I dunno. Will all my matches coming popping back up or do I start fresh? And if Im only willing to click if i know I can get them back, whats the point? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Actually it does mean he's opened the app. The app updates your location when you open it, not automatically. I know this experience, and you can do a quick google search to confirm. So yes, he's checking Tinder while away. If you never log off of the app, but close it and have it running in the background, it will update location just like all other apps that use geo location services on the phone. When I went overseas, as soon as I turned off airplane mode, my phone began updating my location on all my apps. It's not unless one logs off that it will stop updating, but will update once it's logged onto again. So you could not have the app open, but also not be logged off. Two different things. The easiest thing to do is to not allow the app to use location services when you first install it and it asks for permissions. Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 If you never log off of the app, but close it and have it running in the background, it will update location just like all other apps that use geo location services on the phone. When I went overseas, as soon as I turned off airplane mode, my phone began updating my location on all my apps. It's not unless one logs off that it will stop updating, but will update once it's logged onto again. So you could not have the app open, but also not be logged off. Two different things. The easiest thing to do is to not allow the app to use location services when you first install it and it asks for permissions. While using the app you can set location settings to "Never" or "While using the App". It will only update your location when you open the app. This is how it works. "Tinder, for example, only pings your location when you have the app open (including if you leave it on in the background). It keeps the data about its most recent ping, and throws out the previous record. So Tinder doesn’t actually know where you’ve been over time. It only knows the last place you were at." "Tinder updates your location when you open the app. As long as you are inactive on Tinder, it will use your last known position. So if a match’s distance changed (and your location didn’t), that means they opened the app in a different location." I've never seen a tinder profile live updating how far someone was from me. I matched with a friend while at his apartment. Location said he was 5 miles away while he was sitting right next to me. He hadn't opened the app in 3 days and his last location was at work, 5 miles away. He opened the app after I said I matched him and it updated to less than a mile away. Someone else I know and matched with was out of town for family things and it said he was 2 miles away. Plenty of people online have asked this question, just google it. Yes OP, he's looking at Tinder. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) Exactly as knabe said. Creating a Tinder profile takes 10 minutes max even if you don't have FB. It's not like once you get into a relationship and delete your profile you are permabanned from the app. As for keeping your options open by receiving offers from people on there..., that is contra to exclusivity and what this guy agreed to essentially Edited September 16, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 I have been on five dates with this guy whom I met on Tinder. On the fourth date, he said he wasn't dating anyone else and he said he would like to continue date/see me, as well as for us not to date anyone else. Yet, I saw today that he remains active on Tinder (since I know he is abroad and his location has changed). Should I be worried? Should I talk to him about it? I recognise it is still very early but he was the one who said he would like us not to date anyone else... he was the one who said he would like us not to date anyone else -- It appears he really mean't that he doesn't want YOU to date anyone else. If you've stopped dating others for him, you're entitled to be sure he is doing that same for you. However, right now, you kinda don't have a leg to stand on because obviously you've been on Tinder too -- stalking? If he knows you were on and then you call him out on it, you're probably not going to have the conversation you hope to have. Maybe he's checking up on you for the same reason? This is a slippery slope at this stage of your dating scenario. For now, I'd leave it alone. Visit the issue a little later and stay off Tinder. Don't put yourself under that microscope. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) And, I be a little wary of a guy who was traveling alot and pinning you down just before they left to go overseas especially a guy off Tinder. There's a song by Ricki Nelson . . . I'm a travelin' man . . . and in every port I own the heart of at least one lovely girl. Edited September 16, 2017 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 And, I be a little wary of a guy who was traveling alot and pinning you down just before they left to go overseas especially a guy off Tinder. There's a song by Ricki Nelson . . . I'm a travelin' man . . . and in every port I own the heart of at least one lovely girl. Haha uh oh... this just happened to me xD except he's only gone a week and will be done for the yr so we shall see 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Keeping Tinder as a "safety net" while you're starting a relationship is a bit sad. As though if it doesn't work out then you have to rush off to your 2nd preference for a date. You should be all in if you're serious about the person. Having said that, I have never asked anyone to remove their dating profile when we have been dating/starting a relationship. I remove it when I'm ready and let them do the same. Couldn't agree more! I removed mine after ONE date with a guy I liked once just because I really wanted to. Could not care less about 'back-ups'....what the hell? Are people today really that f**cking terrified of facing disappointment!!! No wonder I don't fit in with my gen! To OP, just delete your prof and stop making yourself anxious, the truth always comes out anyway and at some point his true intentions for you will be known. For now, stop sucking the life out of this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 If he's the one that said he didnt want to see other people and he's still checking tinder(which he is) then he's likely playing you. Like others suggested, bring it up to him and see where he's at. I would take everything he says with a grain of salt though. If he's the one bringing exclusivity to the table then checking tinder, the only the thing he wants to do is make sure *you're* the one not having sex with anyone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) Again I ask...is this some hours long process? Isn't disabling or going inactive just a couple of clicks. It's not like you have to dismantle and then rebuild some elaborate web or something. "I really like him and we are exclusive now!" Click. "Oops, that didn't work out." Click. Why is this difficult? No.its oops that didn't work. Now back to the 50 good matches I have... Oh wait. Oops. Lost all my contacts. Which definitely took more than hours to accumulate Oh well... Edited September 16, 2017 by joseb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Yes OP, he's looking at Tinder. Then he's looking at the app. Oh well... Next... Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 No.its oops that didn't work. Now back to the 50 good matches I have... Oh wait. Oops. Lost all my contacts. Which definitely took more than hours to accumulate Oh well... Do you lose all your matches if you deactivate? I've never done it, but I think there's a new deactivate option on tinder that keeps your matches Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Do you lose all your matches if you deactivate? I've never done it, but I think there's a new deactivate option on tinder that keeps your matches Not sure, maybe that's an option now...sounds kinda the same as just remove the app from your phone (which shouldn't lose the contacts). Though I lost all mine just updating it, so.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 A while ago (maybe 3-5 months) I deleted the app, and my matches were there when I reactivated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Lol this talk of accumulating "matches" like they're f**king tokens in a video game. Gotta keep em all there in case I use the current tokens up and it's 'game over'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stephie37 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 After 4 dates and you both agreed that you don't want to see other people - that's great. The reality is you're both still active on Tinder - doesn't necessarily mean he's dating other people , I mean you're not right? So I suggest you nonchalantly bring up Tinder - and add the idea of deleting your profiles together. Make it a bonding experience. Good Luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
georgiagirlie Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 A while ago (maybe 3-5 months) I deleted the app, and my matches were there when I reactivated. Yes I had this experience too, that your matches (and profile) remain even once you delete the ap and then re-install it. Link to post Share on other sites
hercules22 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 you lose all your matches if hit delete tinder pretty sure Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Haha uh oh... this just happened to me xD except he's only gone a week and will be done for the yr so we shall see He's gone for a year? Oh, Sweetie, he's just gone . . . He set you up. You're going to sit around waiting? I hope you don't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
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