Letting go of the "impossible"

[elusivemini]

Hi,

I tried to make the long story short but I can't. So thanks in advance if you do read this whole thing.

 

I met my ex about two years ago, we dated for a year we talked about marriage & stuff, and then one day, out of nowhere, he says he doesn't see a future with me and couldn't be with me anymore, however, he claimed he'd always love me. We broke up. A month later we met by accident, we took a walk, talked a lot and finally kissed (but he was still going on how he couldn't be with me). And then the on and off thing started. We'd see each other for a night, sleep together, talk like we used to, do whatever we did when we were a couple, but then... nothing. Two, three weeks went by and I wouldn't get as much as a "hello" from him. When I asked him if he would ever change his mind about being with me, he said "No, never". So at a point I told him I couldn't keep this up anymore and stopped talking to him.

 

Then I met another guy, we started dating, and when my ex found out, he was suddenly interested in me again. He kept calling me late at night and said he wanted me back and went on about how much he loved me.

Finally, I broke up with that other guy (things weren't going so great there either), and I sort of reconciliated with with my ex. Naturally, nothing had changed, he wouldn't see me for days, he would make no compromise whatsoever. Then I found out he was texting that girl he had previously slept with, saying things like "My life has been so great since I met you", and OF COURSE I got supermad, and confronted him. He said he would not explain anything to me. We made up, but on that same evening, he started acting really strange and wouldn't even look at me or talk to me. I left.

Then he didn't call, and I didn't call, and... yeah. But we bumped into each other yet again two months ago and we started seeing each other again. He continually says he loves me (and will love me forever?!) but doesn't wanna be with me because "apparently, it isn't working". He says that, but he doesn't mind seeing me from time to time and sleeping with me, and calling me "just to say he loves me", which is killing me, cos it ends up getting us nowhere... and he's fine with that. But I'm not.

 

Now I'm going away on Erasmus for 4 months and these are my last days on the same territory as him. I thought I was gonna see him one more time before I took off, but decided I couldn't handle it anymore and did not respond to his last text (which wasn't an offer to meet up, and he hasn't contacted me after I didn't respond to it).

 

I do realize cutting contact is good for me, especially since I've been on this emotional roller coaster for over a year... but I do love him. And I just always feel I could do something more to fix things, even when he says he won't consider being with me anymore.

 

So yeah, I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for exactly.

I just feel so sad and scared I'll call him, and I know that nothing good will come out of seeing him, only more pain & misery over the fact that we're not together anymore.

I guess I'm just seeking some comfort.

 

Share your thoughts?

[cope ascetic]

From the beginning of your post i could tell his mind was on another woman.

You're always going to be second best.

When this sinks in, try not to dwell too much on how perfect they are together, and instead try to be happy for them.

[eternally_confused]

Oh, my dear broken-hearted friend... He already told you the truth: "No, never".

 

It's hard to accept but that's the truth. He doesn't love you, he is just using you to not be alone while someone better than you appears.

 

It's a good thing that you're going away, you will find someone real.

 

Best wishes!