Is this old romance worth giving a shot?

[blitz]

My ex and I have been in contact since we broke up, around 2-3 years ago. The reasons I broke up with him initially were 1)because he seemed to be unable to let go of his previous relationship (his ex whom he had wanted to marry cheated on him with not one, but several of his friends) and 2) when I tried to discuss this (him not letting go) with him, he got overly upset and irrational.

 

I was an absolute mess, he was truly the love of my life, and it tore me to pieces to leave him, but I knew I had to cut my losses because it was breaking my heart that he wouldn't open up to me. When we did break up, he was again irrational and wouldn't let me talk to him about it, he didn't want to talk... so I sent him an e-mail explaining exactly why I did it, and he replied with a few short lines.. cold shoulder kind of thing.

 

We had little (through friends) to no contact for 3 months, when we had previously planned a trip together with a group of mutual friends. I had tried to prepare for it, but it was excrutiating to be around him like that. Half of me wanted to hug him and hold him, but half of me knew that unless there had been changes, it would just result in the same mess as before.

 

So, we had brought 2 tents and we had no set arrangements for who slept in which. Well, sure enough, he lays down right beside me, to make matters even more uncomfortable. Not to mention, he spent most of the days right beside me, barely leaving me alone for 5 minutes. By the 2nd night, I literally took off crying, I couldn't handle it. The next morning, I woke up to him laying looking at me, and as I opened my eyes he brushed my hair off my face. I can't even begin to describe the emotions I felt, I was so confused.. he reached and held my hand.. and I couldn't take it, started bawling my eyes out. We had to leave the tent, and went for a walk. He told me that his life hadn't been the same without me, that he missed me so much, asked if we could try again. I took the day to decide, and considering I had pretty much felt the same, told him okay. Now, it should be noted that it's a long distance relationship (2.5 hr bus ride, neither of us had a car at the time). After that trip, we arranged to meet in 2 weeks for dinner.

 

Dinner was seemingly very platonic, so I finally inquired as to what we were doing. He said that he felt we should just "hang out and see where things go". At the time, I was totally repulsed with this suggestion, though now I think I was being irrational to have that whole 'all or nothing' mentality. I ended up not speaking to him really, and he wasn't okay with that, so we ended up having a huge fight wherein I told him to f*** off and leave me alone.

 

Months later, we met again on another mutual friends trip. This time, I had no idea he would be there. We had a great time together, sparks still flew, and he ended up buying my dinner. Somehow AGAIN we got stuck sleeping beside each other, and it took all I had in me to just SLEEP that night, but I did. A week or so later, I had to talk to him about this, we either had to work things out, or just really cut it off completely. We couldn't continue on like this. He told me that he couldn't deny the chemistry was still there, but went on to explain that he was in no place to be in a relationship at the time.. due to him having left his job, moved back home, etc. I was upset, but I was happy to have some sort of closure. About a year passed, in that time I had been in a short relationship (he was too, for mysteriously the same duration as mine), which I think in turn led me thinking back to my ex and what we had. I decided to ask him out to dinner. We had been talking again, though just sporatically.

 

Dinner was great, no dull moments, but I had intended to flat out tell him how I felt. I froze up though, and forgot ( I say forget, but I mean, gave up) about it for another half year... I saw him last night.. everytime I see him, I realize I still love him SO much, and though I can't be sure, I am pretty sure he does too. It's so strange, I feel like I'm insane or something!!! Why is this still going on, so many years later!

 

If anyone can offer some insight, advice, similar stories, ANYTHING, I would appreciate it soo much.

 

I just want to move on, or do something about feeling this way... limbo is killing me.

[sburtug03]

You certainly need the 'all or nothing' decision, just as I would. Anywhere in between will be pointless and time wasting. Long distance relationships, as far as I am concerned from experiences and friends experiences, never work in the long run. To make this work, if that is truly what you want, one of you needs to move. Enough with the 'pussy footing around' do it or move on and cut yourself off entirely. x

[blitz]

Well, things have changed as far as distance goes, since we were dating. We now live much closer, and I have a car of my own.

 

I guess I am just so scared to make that first move, considering our past and how he seems to want me when I don't want him, and I want him when he doesn't seem to "feel ready for a relationship".

 

You're absolutely right though, I need all or nothing. I have tried to go the nothing route, but then he will randomly contact me out of the blue, entirely uncontrollable by me.. and each time he does it, I am sent back on that emotional rollercoaster we all seem to know so well.

[sburtug03]

Totally understand what you are saying about him contacting you. You need to explain exactly what you have said on this website to him and that he has to give you an answer over it within 2 weeks. If the answer is that he understands and wants a relationship, you both have to go for it 100%, if the answer is a 'erm... i'm not in the right place...' or some other bull, you tell him that he has to leave you completely alone. Tell him that you want to sort your life out one way or another and that waiting around for him is ending after the following 2 weeks. I know I sound harsh but us women are messed around far too much! x