The world is starting to say this

[mortensorchid]

I'm 42 going to be 43 in a few months. I'm a woman, I've never been married, never had kids. Why? There are a million reasons why which many have discussed here on this and other forums. But I am starting to encounter a certain hostility from others when they learn this about me.

 

Granted, I have met many people in my life. I've dated a lot of guys, I've had a very exciting life but it's been a struggle like everything else. I'm starting to encounter something from people when they hear that I am the age I am and have never been married and/or had kids. They tell me they think there is something wrong with me or I must have a caustic personality, etc. I do not react with anger when I hear these things. If anything I feel another inner lancing to myself which causes me to withdraw even more from others. Then again, most of the people who have said things like this to me have not had a picture perfect life either. If anything I am in the green when many of them have been in bad relationships, divorces, kids won't talk to them, etc. One said whatever you do, don't get married it's horrible, that guy (whoever he is or is not) will ruin your life, etc.

 

Is this the grass being greener situation? I would never call someone an old maid or a closet case if I found out they had never been married and/or had kids. I think that's ignorant to do so, and I refuse to do it. Anyone else encounter this?

[5x5]

One of my wife's (47) closest friends who is 46 (they have known each other for 28 years) has never been married or had children. Yet none of that is a surprise since she has hang ups about sex (is still a virgin), is particularly religious and is socially awkward. While she is very unhappy and also suffers from anxiety and depression as well. So the before mentioned aspects of who she is, has a lot to do with her living alone.

 

That said one of my close friends who I have known for 26 years who is in her early 50s, has also never been married and lives alone. Yet she has had plenty of relationships, is happy with her lifestyle choices and is a lot of fun to be with.

 

We also have other female friends who are in our age bracket (I am 46), who have also never been married and have had multiple relationships and lots of sexual partners. Yet we have no hostility towards our friends, and feel fortunate to be their friends.

 

Some of us like my wife and I who have been married for 18+ years together with two teenage kids. Really don't care about the relationship status or relationship experiences of our friends or anyone else we meet, all that matters to us is that we like them and enjoy their company.

[ZayKayWill]

You are who you are. All there is to it. We live in an age where you can just go online and meet somebody even if you're 60 years old. What you're doing may not be the norm, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. If marriage and kids are two things that you don't necessarily value in life, well there you go. End of conversation.

[preraph]

I'm 65 this month and never had kids or been married and except for a question or two from virtual strangers, no one who actually knows me questions it. If you believe in yourself and your path, people won't pick on you. If you are miserably unhappy, they will peck like vultures.

 

If you are unhappy, set a goal to do something you want to do. If that's have a baby and you can afford it, have a baby without a husband. Or foster kids or adopt a kid. Or maybe even just volunteering at a kid charity once a week might be enough to fulfill you.

[The Urbanyst]

One benefit of deviating from societal norms is people show you who they really are a lot faster lol.

[Bastile]

You need to do whatever in life makes you happy.

 

The problem is (and I've read some of your threads) that you are telling yourself that something makes you happy, when actually it makes you miserable.

 

This is normal in modern life, I think. Plenty of women telling themselves that they are like men, and are happy focusing on careerism and sexual encounters, when they just aren't.

 

It's a very small amount of the female population that are, and they are projecting that value onto the rest.

 

I was at a job interview the other week, and a mother's and toddlers event was happening nearby. I've seriously never seen such a happy bunch of women in I can't even remember how long. They were all glowing.

 

These are the women now being ridiculed by modern western culture. And that is clearly unhealthy.

 

Now, lack of commitment suits me. But, I also possess enough wherewithal to know nature when I see and feel it. And clearly our modern system is leaving many women unhappy, upset, and discontent on the most primal level.

 

An amazing amount are using psychoactive drugs to cope...

 

I really think that a woman who wants kids and marriage needs to think about these things much earlier than what society is currently telling them to do so (age 30).

 

So, I disagree with your assessment. I think the western world has been completely reshaped to suit the needs of a very very small percentage of the female population at the expense of everybody else.

[ZayKayWill]

I'm 65 this month and never had kids or been married and except for a question or two from virtual strangers, no one who actually knows me questions it. If you believe in yourself and your path, people won't pick on you. If you are miserably unhappy, they will peck like vultures.

 

If you are unhappy, set a goal to do something you want to do. If that's have a baby and you can afford it, have a baby without a husband. Or foster kids or adopt a kid. Or maybe even just volunteering at a kid charity once a week might be enough to fulfill you.

 

You never even gave marriage a try eh? Interesting. No matter how many people you meet every once in a while you will find one of those confounds. The variance in the human personality will never cease to amaze me heh.

[ZayKayWill]

One benefit of deviating from societal norms is people show you who they really are a lot faster lol.

 

Tell me about it...I know that feeling all too well.

[knabe]

2 of my dearest friends since college are nearly 50 or over 50, and neither of these wonderful women have ever been married. No one in their large social circle thinks anything is wrong with them. In fact, they are very well loved wherever they go. So I don't think this is a trend. I think this all depends on the person and the perspective through which they choose to see their lives. Often people pick up on our attitudes and Iddio synchros c's, and they respond to us accordingly.

[road]

I'm 42 going to be 43 in a few months. I'm a woman, I've never been married, never had kids. Why? There are a million reasons why which many have discussed here on this and other forums. But I am starting to encounter a certain hostility from others when they learn this about me.

 

Granted, I have met many people in my life. I've dated a lot of guys, I've had a very exciting life but it's been a struggle like everything else. I'm starting to encounter something from people when they hear that I am the age I am and have never been married and/or had kids. They tell me they think there is something wrong with me or I must have a caustic personality, etc. I do not react with anger when I hear these things. If anything I feel another inner lancing to myself which causes me to withdraw even more from others. Then again, most of the people who have said things like this to me have not had a picture perfect life either. If anything I am in the green when many of them have been in bad relationships, divorces, kids won't talk to them, etc. One said whatever you do, don't get married it's horrible, that guy (whoever he is or is not) will ruin your life, etc.

 

Is this the grass being greener situation? I would never call someone an old maid or a closet case if I found out they had never been married and/or had kids. I think that's ignorant to do so, and I refuse to do it. Anyone else encounter this?

 

People that would say such things.

If they knew how bad they sounded they

would keep their mouths closed.

 

Though most people want to mate up in

life. When people see others are struggling

when it comes to finding a mate it triggers

them to feel that they have to say something.

 

When in reality the best thing is to say

nothing. Blowing up someone by saying

why can't you get a man/woman is of

no help.

 

When dismay is expressed that a person

can not find a mate. The only thing to do

is offer encouragement and be positive.

[preraph]

You never even gave marriage a try eh? Interesting. No matter how many people you meet every once in a while you will find one of those confounds. The variance in the human personality will never cease to amaze me heh.

 

I fall in love with creative types who don't make good dependable spouses many times. I wasn't planning on kids either. Plus I just grew up very automomous and independent. The thought of having to let someone keep tabs on me just sounds stifling to me, though I know it could work if the situation was just right. But it never was.

[ZayKayWill]

I fall in love with creative types who don't make good dependable spouses many times. I wasn't planning on kids either. Plus I just grew up very automomous and independent. The thought of having to let someone keep tabs on me just sounds stifling to me, though I know it could work if the situation was just right. But it never was.

 

:/ do you have any regrets for not marrying earlier or nah? Being married doesnt mean someone is gonna always be checking up on you. Sounds kinda like a toxic relationship if someone is always worrying about you if you ask me. Also preraph...if you're bored and feeling like contributing... *points to my Break Up topic on the Breaking Up board*

 

Would love to hear your story/stories.

Edited September 17, 2017 by ZayKayWill

[Blanco]

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to reconcile the disconnect between the side-eying people of a certain age get for having never been married and the reality that people of a certain age often have either a divorce under their belt or are in an unsatisfying marriage.

[mortensorchid]

And to be clear, my relationship status is not what I would have chosen in life. I've been with guys who don't want to commit to me and they end up rebounding and ending up in a bad situation. But I've always enjoyed life, had many experience and have no regrets about all the joy I have experienced. I've taken a lot of stabs but I keep going. What can I say about others that I have encountered? I don't know.

 

In general, I'm optimistic and happy in all aspects except this one in life. But it's what it is.

[road]

And to be clear, my relationship status is not what I would have chosen in life. I've been with guys who don't want to commit to me and they end up rebounding and ending up in a bad situation. But I've always enjoyed life, had many experience and have no regrets about all the joy I have experienced. I've taken a lot of stabs but I keep going. What can I say about others that I have encountered? I don't know.

 

In general, I'm optimistic and happy in all aspects except this one in life. But it's what it is.

 

Maybe that is the problem. You consistently

keep dating the wrong type of man.

[darkmoon]

I live in a big city, and do not encounter this, even though I am old and childless.

 

Is your problem that you are living in a v consertive or small place?

 

and why tell people who are not supportive or polite?

 

are you choosing the wrong friends?

[Mysterio]

For me being single just means no physical affection, but I get to have a lot of freedom and call all the shots in my life with out compromise.

[Popsicle]

One of my good friends is 43 never married, no kids. No one ever questions her because she is happy this way. In fact, she tends to attract men who are ecstatic that she doesn't have any baggage. There are tons of guys who are LOOKING for that.

[The Urbanyst]

For me being single just means no physical affection, but I get to have a lot of freedom and call all the shots in my life with out compromise.

 

This is my favorite part of being single.

 

I don't like needing anyone's approval when it comes to how I spend my time, money, etc.

[William]

Since we have a long-time member posting here, and having cleaned up some quotes of past posts/threads which didn't comply with our discussion policy, here's a reminder on that, announced forum wide for over 18 months with over 35,000 views...

 

LoveShack.org Community Forums - Announcements in Forum : General Relationship Discussion

 

Please remain respectful in all replies and, if quoting content from the thread starter, follow the published policy. Thanks!

[littleblackheart]

'The world' has something to say about everyone, so please don't worry about that!

 

I've recently turned 43, I have been divorced for over 3 years, I raise 2 kids on my own in a country that isn't mine so my kids get to see their dad and I have just completed a PhD. I can tell you that 'the world' has plenty to say about that, none of which I pay attention to.

 

I don't know about the grass being greener but for sure, if you're cool with who you are, others will be too. One of sisters and 2 of my very good friends are over 40, no kids no marriage and they seem at peace with their life choices.

[SevenCity]

One of my good friends is 43 never married, no kids. No one ever questions her because she is happy this way. In fact, she tends to attract men who are ecstatic that she doesn't have any baggage. There are tons of guys who are LOOKING for that.

 

That's my sole focus and very hard to find.

 

Unfortunately when I have found it, there was a damn good reason why they were single.

 

Perhaps it's unfair to generalize, but women my age who were never married and attractive were also crazy / immature.

 

Not saying this is the case with the OP - just my experience.

 

I long for a normal attractive girl with no baggage!

[Mysterio]

My ideal situation would be a great girl who is late 30's/early 40's. She sees me and makes the moves on me. Or its mutual. We really get along great and have a lot in common beyond the physical. Yet the physical works with us as well.

 

We are both single and childless and no rush to get married/or have bio kids with each other.

 

In order for that to happen. I have to let a woman drop in my lap. Thats me not scheaming in my head about this woman or that. Trying to make things happen.

[Myword]

Very interesting thread! All of us including me who never married ought to meet somewhere. I am in my 60's now and no longer want to get married but I am the type who ought to live with a gal, if only for affection. I feel that most seniors miss that because no one expects a stranger to touch you on purpose.

Massages are expensive.

I have dated more girls than I can remember even not my type. I would love to go back in time and correct my mistakes and avoid their rejections. I was sick of women telling or implying that what I said or did is "inappropriate" I am glad the dating years are over but I would "kill" for a relationship now. Anyone have a time machine?

[Chilli]

Yeah tbh, as long as we had everything else, and she was sane, l think it'd be ideal.