other people's use of social media/phone when you're hanging out

[meta.morphate]

Just curious what people's thoughts are on other people's use of their phone, texting, and social media, while you all are hanging out?

I am not one to be on my phone often at all. In fact, I have blocked many people that I DO actually engage in text exchanges with just because I don't like my phone constantly going off and I have some friends who are likely to text me random crap thoughout the day and/or spam with texts because they're bored and I don't feel like dealing with that. So I chat with them through blocked message but that's another story I think.

 

 

But I understand that most people use their phones more than I do. Most people are on some social media platform, be it Facebook, SnapChat, whatever ... but I tend to get annoyed when I'm chilling with someone and they're spending a lot of time SnapChatting the situation OR when they're doing a lot of texting. Like couldn't you have stayed home if you needed to be so engaged with a text conversation with someone else?

 

 

But I also wonder if I'm being overly-critical and if I should learn to accept other people's use of their phone while we're hanging out, because MY phone use is unusually limited. I'm 29...not sure if that makes a difference, other than that people in my particular age-category are pretty phone-happy, but not necessarily as much as some younger generations.

 

Thoughts? Would you call someone out or would you remove yourself from the situation or would you just deal with it?

[doyathinkso]

It is simply the height of bad manners.

 

I have been known to get up and quietly walk away from someone doing this. If I'm not good enough to talk to then neither are you. See you later .... NOT!

[Soak]

+1 to it being the height of bad manners.

 

IF i need to have my phone on at all, i explain at the start of the social situation, and state that i might need to take a call, usually a work-related call. Apart from that, it is phone off if i am in social situation and i expect roughly the same from others (if their phone not off, then on silent and they can get back to them later). If they are going to take a call, they could at least excuse themselves. On the whole, i would not tolerate frequent texting or addiction to SM while in a social situation and would not want to hang out with somebody who did, due to their lack of social etiquette.

 

Maybe spend less time with these addicts and gravitate toward more socially adept people.

Edited September 16, 2017 by Soak

[todreaminblue]

i find it off putting.....when i walk into a room and everyone has their heads down fiddling with their phone....it is bad manners.......i leave my phone at home or turn it off for that particular reason....I hardly ever take my mobile to social gatherings unless i feel i need it to verify someone is going to show up......that way i engage with others.......interact ....even if its just a smile.....i like to smile at faces and recognise them and have them recognise that i am glad to see them........ and its hard to smile to heads of hair..i would seriously not consider dating a guy who was tied to his phone 24 7 and not obviously available to me...it is bad manners.....socially inept......and off putting...deb

[Cersei]

I called a friend out on it and she was pissed.

Oh well, I know I am in the right.

[meta.morphate]

I'm glad to hear I'm not as strange as I feel sometimes.

 

 

It depends how close I am to someone if I call them out or not .. if I'm talking to someone I don't really know and they seem to drift off into their phone I would just walk away. If I'm with someone for the entire day - like sometimes I'll go to my best friends house and we're just chilling doing nothing all day - I don't care if she's on her phone, I'll play with her kids or something, plus if there's anything interesting she'll show me, or she'll tell me who she's talking to and what they're talking about ..

 

 

But with a guy, I can't stand it.

[1966Seahorse]

Hi meta.morphate,

 

I am TOTALLY with you on this.

 

I remember the days before social media and mobile phones and I can honestly say those were better days ... I wish they could come back again!!

 

I used to go out occasionally with a group of (girl) friends I used to work with. We would meet up somewhere for dinner and it was supposed to be a chance to catch up, as we had all gone on to different jobs.

 

Every time we met up I would turn my phone off and put it away - but all of them had their phones on the table in front of them and they would constantly be looking at them, checking them and be reading/sending messages throughout the whole evening. It drove me nuts. And, yes, I found it SO rude!!

 

In the end, after a year or so, I decided to not meet up anymore - I just did not see the point of spending an evening not really talking to each other but glued to phones ..... I actually thought they were quite sad!

 

I am not on any social media either ... I understand it can be a good way to keep in contact with friends/family that live far away and also used in the workplace .... but .... I feel my life is kinda richer for not using it (if that makes sense?!)... I also hear soooooooo many stories of "bickering and back stabbing" going on on FB and the likes ... I just can't be doing with it lol.

 

My son (early twenties) and his g/f (again, early twenties) are constantly on their phones ..... I often sit looking at them glued to their phones thinking how different things were when I was their age - sigh!!

 

Well I could go on ... but I am sure you get the gist lol!!

 

Bottom line ... I guess I much prefer doing things face to face .... in what I call "the real world"

[Soak]

 

I am not on any social media either)

 

You're a gem!

 

I cancelled my crackbook account two weeks ago and don't regret it at all. I'm a bit concerned about one friend of mine, that she might have been using me as an attention vessel / fan club on her FB, but time will tell.

 

I feel a little lonely, but i've also felt lonely, so it might not have anything to do with crapbook.

 

I can relate to feeling 'richer' fir not being on it, i think it can be explained ny feeling a cut above the plebby attention seekers out there (not saying that everybody who uses it is that, but you know!).

[meta.morphate]

When I cancelled my FB account, it was hard at first, and I tried doing it a few times before I came up with a good method (change password to random string of letters/numbers, copy and paste) .. but I've found that I don't miss it at all, and also that every person I want to be in contact with - has found a way to contact me. I have actually on-the-phone conversations with some friends, others I communicate with more through text, but there is no one that I want to talk to who I am not still talking to, minus social media.

 

 

I applaud anyone else who is doing this as well. I know there are people who do genuinely have a healthy benign relationship with social media, but I am not one of those people and I know of a lot of others who aren't either, for different reasons.

[Soak]

I applaud anyone else who is doing this as well. I know there are people who do genuinely have a healthy benign relationship with social media, but I am not one of those people and I know of a lot of others who aren't either, for different reasons.

 

Social media is the worst. Why would you want go contact someone online, when you can do it in real life?

 

I trashed mine on principle.

 

I'll probably open two soc med accounts as soon as i qualify for what i am studying in, but they won't be for any personal reasons. They will be for professional reasons, and they are two platforms that are known for professional use.

[camillalev]

Depends on how they're using their phone or what they're doing on it. Phone use and social media use is just a fact of life now. If they're constantly looking at it, being distracted, halting conversation, are generally being disruptive or borderline ignoring you, then yes its rude.

 

If they've got some crazy work or family things going on, having loved ones in the hospital, helping plan a wedding or some situation like that and they need to urgently check and respond to messages, it's on you to be understanding. If they take out their phone once or twice during the whole night to check or respond to something, and do it in a respectful manner, it's not a big deal.

[Soak]

If it's of a non urgent matter, then i think that they need to excuse themselves and say 'im just checking my phone', although i don't know why you'd do it if you were not expecting any important communications, apart from if you were bored with your present company, in which case, it's a bit of an insult.

 

Urgent matters, or finalising arrangements for the next day are okay via phone, but i'd 100% prefer it if the person would say, "hey, i'm exoecting an urgent call", or, "i need to finalise plans for tomorrow, i hope that's okay" etc, just like i do with people if it is me. If i'm hanging out with a long time friend all day, i would probably check my phone twice by looking at the screen. If i had to respond to something, i would excuse myself.

 

If i'm out for a two hour lunch, it's kind of a different story because you'd have to wonder why somebody would keep wanting to perve at their phone all the time.

 

(And, to pre-empt thoughts or comments here, if i'm that boring company, i'm quite okay with you booking a table for two... for you and your phone!).

 

That's just my take.

Edited September 18, 2017 by Soak

[meta.morphate]

Definitely good point about necessary use of phone. My best friend has two small children, 3 and 4, and often has to coordinate things with their father, etc, or work calls, or whatever. It's more like, when you're hanging out with someone for a fixed period of time and they're carrying on a text conversation ... that implies that there's somewhere they'd rather be.

[camillalev]

Definitely good point about necessary use of phone. My best friend has two small children, 3 and 4, and often has to coordinate things with their father, etc, or work calls, or whatever. It's more like, when you're hanging out with someone for a fixed period of time and they're carrying on a text conversation ... that implies that there's somewhere they'd rather be.

 

Exactly. I have friends with small children as well, and sometimes they just need to message someone or coordinate something. Sometimes my friends have a big project they're working on and have to give feedback on something for an quickly approaching deadline. Sometimes the commincation is longer and more involved(like with wedding planning, big family events/situations etc) and sometimes its quicker ("haha yeah" or option three is great, lets go with that" or "sounds good") or something.

 

If it's of a non urgent matter, then i think that they need to excuse themselves and say 'im just checking my phone', although i don't know why you'd do it if you were not expecting any important communications, apart from if you were bored with your present company, in which case, it's a bit of an insult.

 

Urgent matters, or finalising arrangements for the next day are okay via phone, but i'd 100% prefer it if the person would say, "hey, i'm exoecting an urgent call", or, "i need to finalise plans for tomorrow, i hope that's okay" etc, just like i do with people if it is me. If i'm hanging out with a long time friend all day, i would probably check my phone twice by looking at the screen. If i had to respond to something, i would excuse myself.

 

I agree with this to a point, and it seems slightly old school to me. If it's going to be a phone call or something, typically some warning or explanation is given. I've never had someone just abruptly take a call - that would be weird and rude. But to have to announce every time we respond to a text or emails seems kind of odd. Those things can be responded to quickly and casually without being rude(responding "yeah" only takes a second). I've done that with others and theyve done that with me. Like I said, if they have their face buried in their phones or theyre barely making eye contact - theyre being rude. Or maybe they have some sort of social personality disorder.

 

Also, for some checking phones together is a social thing. You show each other texts or instagrams or see that someone is at a park or bar and so decide to go and check it out etc.

 

I do think it can be kind of a social crutch. If there's a lull in the conversation people pick up their phones and start scrolling.

[rushed]

For me it depends on whom I'm with.

 

When I hang out with my best friend we're on our phones constantly. But we also text each other all day every day so there really isn't much to catch up on.

 

When my boyfriend and I first started dating our phones never came out when we were out eating. Now on occasion we do pull out our phones, but it's not for the whole time, and we usually ask each other if the other minds.

 

When I'm meeting with a friend or friends I don't see very often, my phone stays in my pocket.

[Soak]

 

 

 

I agree with this to a point, and it seems slightly old school to me. If it's going to be a phone call or something, typically some warning or explanation is given. I've never had someone just abruptly take a call - that would be weird and rude. But to have to announce every time we respond to a text or emails seems kind of odd. Those things can be responded to quickly and casually without being rude(responding "yeah" only takes a second). I've done that with others and theyve done that with me. Like I said, if they have their face buried in their phones or theyre barely making eye contact - theyre being rude. Or maybe they have some sort of social personality disorder.

 

Yeah, i am kind of old school. A disclaimer at start of meeting etc is enough. If they're going to be glued to their phone and feel the need to respond to every innane text, then we're probably not suited as friends or otherwise, anyway.

 

There's nothing wrong with some old school etiquette! But yeah, it depends on your r/ship with the person and how much they value SM or not.

 

I think it's also related to age. I'm older and prefer voice to voice, or face to face convo, the younger generation seems to focus on their screens, but here i am, sitting on an internet forum. Seems a bit ironic, doesn't it?!

Edited September 19, 2017 by Soak

[preraph]

It's rude to have your time interrupted when you only get a little time with a friend. I put mine turned off into my purse and leave it. My main lunch partner has a family and leaves hers on the table and glances furtively at it from time to time but rarely responds. I really don't see what can't wait unless someone is in the hospital on life support. Being too eager and always available isn't even good for anyone's image, truth be told. Why hide the fact that you have a life from people?

[Ieris]

My best friend does this so I get my phone out and call someone to chat. Usually for 20-30 minutes while he sits there like an idiot, now he doesn't really do it anymore unless it's from his family.

[EthanSPK]

For me it depends on whom I'm with.

 

When I hang out with my best friend we're on our phones constantly. But we also text each other all day every day so there really isn't much to catch up on.

 

When my boyfriend and I first started dating our phones never came out when we were out eating. Now on occasion we do pull out our phones, but it's not for the whole time, and we usually ask each other if the other minds.

 

When I'm meeting with a friend or friends I don't see very often, my phone stays in my pocket.

 

Same here. I don't mind if my best friend uses it while we talk, I do it as well.

 

If it's done by someone I date, it's quite off-putting.

[foreverdancer]

I make a conscious effort not to be on my phone when I'm with other people. I just feel that it's disrespectful. I want to have real conversations! I just check on my phone every now and then, but I avoid staying on it for too long.

 

When I'm hanging out with people who are always on their phones, it really annoys me, but I don't call them out for it because it'll just make them feel annoyed at me. At the end of the day, they're the ones responsible for their addiction or overuse.