darkmoon Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) I want to be able to go out on my own and enjoy the evening, not to pick somebody up, though anything might happen, but I just want to discuss the concept of walking into a public place and enjoying my own company a resturant, club, bar, gallery etc. is this a taboo to do? are you a man or woman who goes out on her own? in a big anonymous city or a lil town? any thoughts? Edited September 16, 2017 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Throwawayaccount12 Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 I'm a female and I always struggled with being alone. I always felt I needed someone with me to enjoy life and enjoy doing things. After the breakup, I realised how codependent I am and how I hate that about myself. So, eventually, I started forcing myself to go do things alone. Oh there's a movie I like out in the cinemas? I might as well do it. My ex didn't want to watch particular movies with me. I always felt I had to schedule my life around her work schedule. Not anymore. I started small and went to screenings by myself. Who cares? You're there to watch a screen, not focus on someone else. After I did this a few times, I decided to go skydiving. By myself. Drove 2 hours away, jumped out of a plane, by myself (excluding instructor). I then sat in a cafe, by myself, by the beach and had lunch, then went home. I went to dinner with 20 people I did not know at all, and ended up meeting lovely people. I just got back from watching a soccer game of my favourite teams, by myself, and later had dinner and watched a movie with people I barely know. I never would've done all of these things had I been with my ex. Just because she left, doesn't mean I should stop my life completely. **** that. The more I stop my life for someone who isn't in it, the more opportunities to do things and meet new people slip by. Why should I do that to myself? Why should I worry about what someone else is thinking or feeling or if they're having a good time? No. I'm doing these things for me and I don't care if you have a good time or not. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of spending my money on other people. Start small, and eventually it'll be natural. When it feels wrong and weird, force yourself to do it anyway, otherwise you'll never be okay alone. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Yes. When I was single I loved to go to bars with a book and read for a bit, or visit pubs and watch games. I still do when I'm on business trips. There's nothing wrong with it, especially if you live in a big city like I do. It can be almost meditative to just go out, switch off your phone, and enjoy some old-fashioned people watching with a nice meal. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 I love going out on my own. Pretty much my favorite pass time is to go out on my own and randomly explore.... big cities, small towns, nature - anywhere and everywhere. I always get a bit depressed when I'm in a relationship because I have less time for going out by myself (and yet never stop doing it). When I'm out by myself I do NOT interact with other people unless it is something situational (discussing a sight etc). I hate cold approaches and avoid them on all cost. I don't go to bars because I don't drink and haha I'm afraid of cold approaches and crowds. Eating in a restaurant alone can be a bit awkward (although still do it), but coffee shops, galleries, museums - nothing better than being in my own company, if it is first visit. If it is a return visit - ok, I can let someone join me. Same story with traveling abroad: first time I go by myself, after that company is fine. It is not a taboo from all my life experience I want to be able to go out on my own and enjoy the evening, not to pick somebody up, though anything might happen, but I just want to discuss the concept of walking into a public place and enjoying my own company a resturant, club, bar, gallery etc. is this a taboo to do? are you a man or woman who goes out on her own? in a big anonymous city or a lil town? any thoughts? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) It is admittedly possible for people to look askance at you if you go to an expensive event or fancy restaurant alone. So if you are new to going out alone, I'd recommend not starting with those. Start with a cafe or hole-in-the-wall restaurant or museum or something, where lots of people do it, then work your way up. I felt awkward doing stuff alone in public during my first few adult years, but eventually got used to it. IMO it's an important skill to learn. Even in a LTR, there will be times when your SO can't go with you or you are traveling for work. If you don't learn how to be alone, then you will be attached at the hip to your SO when you have one (and be stuck at home whenever he isn't around), which can be detrimental to a relationship. Edited September 17, 2017 by Elswyth 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 thank you all for your support Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 When I was single I would go out alone all the time. I loved having a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant alone if I had a craving. I've found the staff is especially attentive to single women who dine alone. I also liked going to the movies alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gillys Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I'm female and I go out alone often. I find once you go to the same place often enough, you'll become a regular and the staff will take great care of you. The best part of doing things alone is you don't have to wait on anyone else...you do what you want when you please. ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 My 18yo takes herself to indie rock concerts on her own because her friends don't share the same music tastes. I think it's great that she has the confidence to do this. The only thing I insist on is that she gets a cab/uber home if it finishes late. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Asta Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I too go out alone to eat, listen to music; whatever occurs to me. I do think people speculate A LOT why I'm out alone. Its my ME time to enjoy whatever at my own pace. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I am married and eat lunch out almost everyday on my own. I love it! While I generally eat lunch at casual places , I have no problem going to a restaurant on my own either and even to the movies . I very much enjoy the time alone and I never worry about what anybody thinks . I doubt they give me (or you) much of a thought anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I got into a long term relationship pretty young, and admit I got used to doing all "going out" with my husband. I always preferred shopping, exercising, etc on my own, but dinner, drinks etc? ALWAYS with someone, usually him, or at least a friend. And you know what, over the last two years I broke out of that. And I LOVE going out by myself when he travels etc. This last week he was out of town. I took myself out to sushi, went to an art show, had some drinks out on the town - did stuff! I am in a major city, and live in the downtown city center - despite being such a huge town (million+) downtown actually has a small town feel, lots of aquaintances and familiar faces. I also like meeting people when I am out - I do not stick to myself but rather strike up conversations just about any chance I get. Art show night I ended up meeting some ladies and we bar hopped through the night - it was a ton of fun! Link to post Share on other sites
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