dating in the frugal life.

[cyphorX]

Do you find the ability to live a simple and less stressful life on much less money runs at odds with trying to find a partner? I imagine it's doubly hard on us guys, but we live in a materialistic world, as a man we have expectations placed on us that go beyond providing the bare necessities, and creative cheap forms of entertainment. it can be very depressing, very few second or 3rd dates in a frugal mans life, and usually even when it goes past a few date because they may find you attractive and or like your personality they usually still have their eye out for someone who makes and spends more money and will jump ship when they find one. at least that usually happens to me.

[todreaminblue]

frugality is an admirable trait using intellect to find less expensive forms of dates is not at all bad.......for me being frugal is something that i admire and respect...i however dont respect stinginess and selfishness...and there is a difference between being stingy and being frugal.......deb

[cyphorX]

frugality is an admirable trait using intellect to find less expensive forms of dates is not at all bad.......for me being frugal is something that i admire and respect...i however dont respect stinginess and selfishness...and there is a difference between being stingy and being frugal.......deb

True and I can understand that. my ideal would be to find a frugal woman, problem is they are extremely rare, and most that do exist are already married or in an LTR.

[Els]

It really depends on what you mean by frugal. There is a whole spectrum between "jumps ship at the first sniff of a richer guy" and "is okay with you NEVER doing anything that isn't free". Most reasonable women fall somewhere in the middle.

[carnelian]

many women I have dated will act as if they don't care about money--but they do care. They hate cheap or the appearance of it. I can't stereotype all girls.

 

At the start of dating, spend more and then if you see she likes you enough

then go to less expensive restarants. Don't go overboard flashing money.

 

Sure they like when men spend...as long as they don't have to. They are for equality except when it is time to pay the check.

[No_Go]

Do you find the ability to live a simple and less stressful life on much less money runs at odds with trying to find a partner? I imagine it's doubly hard on us guys, but we live in a materialistic world, as a man we have expectations placed on us that go beyond providing the bare necessities, and creative cheap forms of entertainment. it can be very depressing, very few second or 3rd dates in a frugal mans life, and usually even when it goes past a few date because they may find you attractive and or like your personality they usually still have their eye out for someone who makes and spends more money and will jump ship when they find one. at least that usually happens to me.

 

I very much care how a man I'm dating spends his money: if he suggests cheap or free dates - he's for the win! It tells me he won't be spilling my money later on and he's not prioritizing entertainment over life needs. Both are great indications he is a relationship material.

 

Expensive dates for me personally are a turn off unless is a very special occasion.

[Bastile]

Head, heart, and loins.

 

Head: relationship compatability.

Heart: emotional connection.

Loins: sexual desire.

 

Avoid the head (forebrain). Improve the other two areas as much as you can.

 

And bob's your uncle.

[preraph]

A lot of the people I know are frugal because they simply don't make enough money to blow a lot of money. Obviously it makes dating a little harder and the older you are the more people notice. When you're young college student no one seems to have money in other words. So it depends on who you're trying to date. Obviously you probably don't want to ask out someone who is high Rollin, driving a new car and wearing fancy clothes and getting a manicure every week.

 

I will just add one other comment and that is what does not go down well with people in general is someone who is self-indulgent while trying to cut Corners anytime their friends or girlfriends are around. So an example of this might be you ask her to come over to watch a movie because you can't afford a movie and then she comes over and you have a 52 inch flat screen TV and a bunch of other expensive electronics and sn iPhone 10. And honestly through my lifetime I've probably seen quite a bit of that and the men will attribute it to the woman being after money but they're really just resentful because he'll spend money on everything else and not them. And obviously too one has to take money into consideration when picking a father for their children even when they themselves are working because it's very expensive.

 

That said there are plenty of inexpensive things to do and some people like to just hang out more than others.

[basil67]

It depends on the frugality. I love thrift shopping/upcycling and would be delighted to have a partner who enjoys it too.

 

I like to not cook sometimes, but I do like interesting food. So if he was frugal, he'd have to be OK with either a cheap Thai meal or cooking *nice food* for me himself.

 

We'd start finding dealbreakers if he insisted on always camping instead of hotels when we go away. Of if I had to answer to him over what I see as reasonable purchases for myself or the house.

 

And yeah, if he's got a heap of expensive toys but flips out over eating out? I'm outta there.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Do you find the ability to live a simple and less stressful life on much less money runs at odds with trying to find a partner? I imagine it's doubly hard on us guys, but we live in a materialistic world, as a man we have expectations placed on us that go beyond providing the bare necessities, and creative cheap forms of entertainment. it can be very depressing, very few second or 3rd dates in a frugal mans life, and usually even when it goes past a few date because they may find you attractive and or like your personality they usually still have their eye out for someone who makes and spends more money and will jump ship when they find one. at least that usually happens to me.

 

It's even worse if you're an Asian-American guy.

 

In Asian-American circles, if a guy is 35 years old or over and makes under six figures and doesn't have some kind of a cool artsy career, you can stick a fork in him. I'm not exaggerating much either. The level of upward mobility discrimination and pretnetiousness is through the roof.

 

Black, hispanic, white, and foreign women are MUCH more forgiving when it comes to career status.

Edited September 18, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

[preraph]

I know an older couple right now who are both creative and like to sit around doing creative cheap things they barely spend any money on. Then they also go garage sale hopping all the time. He is super cheap on eating (more so than her) and that bothers her some plus he is a weird eater (usually no meat but can't call him vegan either because he lives on bean burritos and sugary snacks.) But overall, they like the challenge of foraging together, so good for them. P.S. He drives a 68 Mustang he's had since 68, still. No other car. So if he wanted to, he could sell it and be solvent...that would bother me a bit.

[Chilli]

Your goin for cheap shallow women man , you gotta up the quality a bit and that kinda person is nothing to do with money. Money women actually downs the real qualities.

[Steve51]

I worked three part time jobs when I was in school. I never got an allowance. I have been working since I am 14 and am now 66 without a break in my employment record. In my teens it was nice to be able to take my dates to nice places to eat and dance. According to my wife and several of my lovers, I am hot. I do not see it myself, all I see are my faults but women came easily to me and were treated right.

 

When I was 21 I bought the first of 9 houses. By the time I was 25, I was picking girls up in limos and belonged to two exclusive dance clubs. I bought them expensive jewlery and dresses to wear when out with me. Money with an attractive body/face and a combat vet with lots of medal, did attract a lot of women. I lost count after 30 women and that does not even include the orgies and group sex.

 

The type of girl I attracted was directly proportionate with how much money I made and power I held. I had rich British women take me to their London flat, a handjob on a plane under the blankets from the girl sitting next to me, a model who flew on the same plane and me then asked me for a ride to her hotel. She invited me to spend the night. Custom made suits, a gold Rolex and a BWM or Mercedes, attracted a lot of girls.

 

So I do believe, not only from my experiences, but those of my rich clients, money does matter if you want a higher class woman. They even are better in bed since they want to make sure you date them again. So from my younger days on, having money made a big difference in having two or more girlfriends at the same time and word of mouth bringing you a lot more. While my friends were taking their women to the Jersey shore I was taking mine to exotic tropical islands or Las Vegas to stay in a large suit with a Concierge.

 

Yep the class of women you attract is proportionate to how much money you make. As teens a pizza parlor and Coke was considered a good date as well as drive in hamburger joints. The girls at that age will date someone who can at least take them to places other teens take their dates to. However when they get older and realistic about how they want to spend the rest of their life, rich men can be good looking an treat them as queens as easily as poorer men can.

[Els]

It's even worse if you're an Asian-American guy.

 

In Asian-American circles, if a guy is 35 years old or over and makes under six figures and doesn't have some kind of a cool artsy career, you can stick a fork in him. I'm not exaggerating much either. The level of upward mobility discrimination and pretnetiousness is through the roof.

 

Black, hispanic, white, and foreign women are MUCH more forgiving when it comes to career status.

 

Come on, that IS an exaggeration. I do acknowledge that in Asian cultures, the man's income tends to be given disproportionate importance compared to most other cultures. But it's not like "if a guy is 35 years old or over and makes under six figures you can stick a fork in him". Lots of my Asian male friends are married or in LTRs to fellow Asian women, and they make well under 6 figures. With reasonable women, the base requirement is just that he is employed full-time and is willing to treat you sometimes (the treat does not need to be expensive). Anything more than that is just a bonus, not required.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Come on, that IS an exaggeration. I do acknowledge that in Asian cultures, the man's income tends to be given disproportionate importance compared to most other cultures. But it's not like "if a guy is 35 years old or over and makes under six figures you can stick a fork in him". Lots of my Asian male friends are married or in LTRs to fellow Asian women, and they make well under 6 figures. With reasonable women, the base requirement is just that he is employed full-time and is willing to treat you sometimes (the treat does not need to be expensive). Anything more than that is just a bonus, not required.

 

Are you American though? I thought you said you were from somewhere else.

 

It also matters the Asian ethnicity, but American born is pretty rough. It's definitely a lot more than "full time employed and treat you every now and then".

 

There is a large contingent of Asian American women who will accept more laid back and less career oriented men, but then they typically strongly prefer white men.

 

Anyway, that has been my experience.

 

AA guys who don't fit into the typical yuppie mold would have better luck going after other women.

[Mysterio]

I hate when I hear people say I don't have much money to go out. I am like thinking in my head. How bad can it be. A meal with tip at the most would be 20 bucks. So If I go out with a female friend. If I hear I don't have much money. I like think for just a 20 dollar meal? I could see going to Red Lobster and paying 60 bucks for a meal might break the bank 20 is a hardship? Unless its 3 times a week.

 

I never say that. Even if I am broke. We all have to watch our money. Dating or not.

Edited September 19, 2017 by Mysterio

[lucy_in_disguise]

I worked three part time jobs when I was in school. I never got an allowance. I have been working since I am 14 and am now 66 without a break in my employment record. In my teens it was nice to be able to take my dates to nice places to eat and dance. According to my wife and several of my lovers, I am hot. I do not see it myself, all I see are my faults but women came easily to me and were treated right.

 

When I was 21 I bought the first of 9 houses. By the time I was 25, I was picking girls up in limos and belonged to two exclusive dance clubs. I bought them expensive jewlery and dresses to wear when out with me. Money with an attractive body/face and a combat vet with lots of medal, did attract a lot of women. I lost count after 30 women and that does not even include the orgies and group sex.

 

The type of girl I attracted was directly proportionate with how much money I made and power I held. I had rich British women take me to their London flat, a handjob on a plane under the blankets from the girl sitting next to me, a model who flew on the same plane and me then asked me for a ride to her hotel. She invited me to spend the night. Custom made suits, a gold Rolex and a BWM or Mercedes, attracted a lot of girls.

 

So I do believe, not only from my experiences, but those of my rich clients, money does matter if you want a higher class woman. They even are better in bed since they want to make sure you date them again. So from my younger days on, having money made a big difference in having two or more girlfriends at the same time and word of mouth bringing you a lot more. While my friends were taking their women to the Jersey shore I was taking mine to exotic tropical islands or Las Vegas to stay in a large suit with a Concierge.

 

Yep the class of women you attract is proportionate to how much money you make. As teens a pizza parlor and Coke was considered a good date as well as drive in hamburger joints. The girls at that age will date someone who can at least take them to places other teens take their dates to. However when they get older and realistic about how they want to spend the rest of their life, rich men can be good looking an treat them as queens as easily as poorer men can.

 

Handjobs on a plane and sex with multiple partners... That's a very interesting definition of "higher class women".

 

I would wager that most men who want a serious relationship are not looking for the girl who will blow them under blankets on a plane. I would hope loyalty, kindness, common sense, and common values are more integral to their definition of "class".

 

No doubt money is key in getting easy sex from hot women who value it highly. Money is helpful in most situations, but there are plenty of women who value other attributes more.

 

Financial stability is very important to me, but personally, I don't want a lavish lifestyle. I abhor waste and strive to live simply. I'd much rather go camping than stay at an expensive hotel (and I've done both). I want to settle down and raise a family somewhere removed from socioeconomic strife, a middle-class, salt-of-the-earth type place with a strong community and values. I don't want to be jet-setting and rubbing elbows with the rich and powerful, and Im attracted to men with a similar view.

 

Frugality would be a turn-on, but there's a difference between frugality and cheapness. Being frugal is living below your means, having a budget, and living simply. Frugality and generousity are not mutually exclusive. I associate pettiness, score-keeping, and excessive complaining about money with cheapness. Cheapness is the opposite of generousity and its not attractive on anyone.

Edited September 19, 2017 by lucy_in_disguise

[Els]

Are you American though? I thought you said you were from somewhere else.

 

It also matters the Asian ethnicity, but American born is pretty rough. It's definitely a lot more than "full time employed and treat you every now and then".

 

There is a large contingent of Asian American women who will accept more laid back and less career oriented men, but then they typically strongly prefer white men.

 

Anyway, that has been my experience.

 

AA guys who don't fit into the typical yuppie mold would have better luck going after other women.

 

Yes, I'm not American, but I would guess that American-born Asians would actually be LESS likely to put much stock in career/income than Asian-born Asians, as they would be brought up in the American culture instead. That is certainly the case for second-generation Asians in other Caucasian countries.

 

To put it bluntly, I have NEVER seen a culture that puts more worth or pressure on the man as a financial provider than the Asian culture (in Asia). That's why it makes me chuckle when some of the guys on LS moan about how it's sooooo hard for them and the dudes in developing countries have it easier. And even then, really, there's no need to earn 6 figures or take women on frequent expensive vacations to get a good woman. If the aim is to get a model 20 years younger.... then yeah, you would be correct.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yes, I'm not American, but I would guess that American-born Asians would actually be LESS likely to put much stock in career/income than Asian-born Asians, as they would be brought up in the American culture instead. That is certainly the case for second-generation Asians in other Caucasian countries.

 

To put it bluntly, I have NEVER seen a culture that puts more worth or pressure on the man as a financial provider than the Asian culture (in Asia). That's why it makes me chuckle when some of the guys on LS moan about how it's sooooo hard for them and the dudes in developing countries have it easier. And even then, really, there's no need to earn 6 figures or take women on frequent expensive vacations to get a good woman. If the aim is to get a model 20 years younger.... then yeah, you would be correct.

 

Like I mentioned before, there is a contingent of AA women who are more artsy, but they usually date white men.

 

To put it another way, there's very few Asian-American women who are kind of just 'average', that just have a bachelors degree, and teach 3rd grade, make 60K a year, and are happy living outside the city and doing chill things for recreation.

 

OTOH, there's an absolute slew of white/black/latina women that fit that description.

[Els]

 

To put it another way, there's very few Asian-American women who are kind of just 'average', that just have a bachelors degree, and teach 3rd grade, make 60K a year, and are happy living outside the city and doing chill things for recreation.

 

What does this have to do with needing someone who makes 6 figures? Barring a few of the most expensive cities in the world, most cities can be lived in and entertainment had without a 6-figure income.

[SevenCity]

I always find it amazing how if I have expensive toys and don't want to go out to eat all the time it is considered cheap.

 

I thankfully make a comfortable living and I am focused on saving for retirement. Spending money on an electronic item that will last me 5-10 years is much more pleasing than going to an expensive dinner that will only last a couple of hours.

 

I spend well within my means but I have dated several women who don't and expect you to pick up the entertainment costs. THAT is the definition of selfish.

 

A lot of guys don't enjoy doing things like expensive dinners that women do. Many women can't afford to do it themselves so they get a guy who will foot the bill. If you are a woman expecting a guy to take you to do things you cannot afford to do on your own, you are a leech.

 

I can go a few months having good sex with a woman who's expectations include me footing the bill but I grow tired of it after a while and move on.

 

I prefer women who like to spend time with me regardless of what we are doing. Someone who realizes being frugal is smart and will pay off long term. If I wanted to spend money just to have sex I'd get a hooker.

[carhill]

Do you find the ability to live a simple and less stressful life on much less money runs at odds with trying to find a partner?

Depends on demographic. A like-minded woman would IMO be on the same page. The challenge is weeding out all the ones who aren't. Normal dating stuff.

I imagine it's doubly hard on us guys, but we live in a materialistic world, as a man we have expectations placed on us that go beyond providing the bare necessities, and creative cheap forms of entertainment.

Can be a challenge, especially if one chooses to live in a demographic that's materialistic. That varies widely.

it can be very depressing, very few second or 3rd dates in a frugal mans life, and usually even when it goes past a few date because they may find you attractive and or like your personality they usually still have their eye out for someone who makes and spends more money and will jump ship when they find one. at least that usually happens to me.

 

If dating isn't fun, don't date. If people one dates aren't fun, don't date them. Enjoy the moment, regardless of cost. If people want to do the BBD thing, cool, enjoy. We all end up the same, dead.