I don't think anyone understands me

[clist8511]

I am currently going through the motions of a break up, and I feel like for a while I've had to pretend that I'm not feeling anything to people around me... but inside, I'm feeling deep emptiness, and I feel extremely lost. I'm about to start university and I don't feel ready at all. I don't even really see the point; I'm going to have no partner to tell about my day, or to confide in about anything I'm going through. It feels terrifying. I tried to talk to a friend about it last night but I think she was either with her boyfriend or she fell asleep. Either way, the time I decided to bite the bullet and speak to someone about how I'm feeling, they just weren't available.

 

All I want is my ex. I don't want to become part of her past and I am dreading when she moves on with someone else. I can't even go on Instagram because any sight of a couple or a family with children just makes me think she's going to go on and have all that and it won't be with me.

 

I feel like I've really suppressed a lot in terms of my feelings. I drank again for the second time in a few weeks and I'm not even a drinker. I have no one to talk to about this. I live alone, and no one really seems to understand. Everyone seems really preoccupied with their own lives. It's so hard. And above it all I just miss my ex so much.

[LivingWaterPlease]

So sorry to read this clist8511! I believe most people can identify with your sad feelings because most of us have been through a break up. You, however, have much to look forward to as you will be in university soon where you'll meet lots of new people which means you'll have possibilities to begin new relationships! I know you prefer the comfort of your former relationship, that's totally normal. But, going through break ups is just a reality of life for almost all people.

 

What has helped get me through difficult times is my relationship with Jesus Christ through prayer and reading the Bible. But, at your age I didn't have that comfort so I understand your feeling adrift emotionally.

[clist8511]

So sorry to read this clist8511! I believe most people can identify with your sad feelings because most of us have been through a break up. You, however, have much to look forward to as you will be in university soon where you'll meet lots of new people which means you'll have possibilities to begin new relationships! I know you prefer the comfort of your former relationship, that's totally normal. But, going through break ups is just a reality of life for almost all people.

 

What has helped get me through difficult times is my relationship with Jesus Christ through prayer and reading the Bible. But, at your age I didn't have that comfort so I understand your feeling adrift emotionally.

 

Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm grateful that you took the time out to reply. I can't imagine even feeling like talking to other people at university - I feel like this has consumed my brain to the point that I look at EVERYONE with annoyance because they're not her. It sounds odd, I know.

 

I'm not really a religious person... my family are, but I kind of dropped out a bit. I do believe in SOMETHING, and have thought about perhaps exploring religion in this time, as nothing else seems to help. I don't know. I was watching a lot of online sermons a few months ago (not related to this) just to see what I thought. They were quite motivating in general, even if someone doesn't believe in God there's still a positive message to them...

[LivingWaterPlease]

Sure, clist! I'm not really religious, either! For me, it's about a relationship with a person, Jesus Christ, not a form of religion. Get a Bible, New International Version or The Message by Eugene Peterson, and read the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John at the beginning of the New Testament to learn to know Jesus Christ. He can become real to you, He has become very real to me and has done so much to make my life happy and stable when I've been sorrowful! I could never get by without my close friendship with Him!

[clist8511]

Last night I felt so low and depressed that I almost took my own life. I had come home from being with a relative (I had to come home as I have a pet and had to feed her). As soon as I walked in I collapsed onto my bed, crying. I went for a walk in my local park - didn't help. Called a suicide helpline - didn't help. Nothing works or helps. I know no one here is trained to help me, but I have no one else to talk to.

 

My ex doesn't care about me at all. She wants me gone, doesn't want to speak to me 'ever again'. I don't have a reliable family, or friends. I live on my own. I might as well just end it, really. What's the alternative?

[LoverOfDance]

@clist8511

 

OP, I kid you not, I have been in a very similar situation to yours. I live in a foreign country. No family here and no real friends either, just acquaintances. I have been here for 9 years and have survived. 5 years ago I fell desperately in love with a man who didn't want me. It sounds crazy but I was really down for over 3 years because of this. I cried almost every day.

 

Today, I'm finally myself again. I have peace of mind and although things are not perfect, I'm doing just fine. I'm chasing my dreams, working hard and persevering. Just like LivingWater, I also have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Where I live, many ppl don't believe in Him but to be honest, He is the reason why I have peace in my life today.

 

You can't give up. You are stronger than you realize. Stay strong OP and keep fighting. I promise you, things will be better one day, you just have to stay strong. I believe in you.

[Amas5750]

Oh clist.. i feel ur pain and i feel your lostness..

 

Just know that others are also in the same boat as you. Therefore youre not alone.

 

I am in Australia sending you a virtual hug.

 

Listening to "iyanla vanzant" on youtube is the ONLY thing that helps me. Youtube her. E.g. her 'r spot' videos...

[Logo]

I know how you feel. I really do. You are still in the past. That's the nature of breakups and grief.

 

 

 

But if you can find the energy, whatever emotional energy you have left within to seize onto this opportunity, you will heal and move on faster than you can imagine.

 

 

There is one thing you can do to help yourself, otherwise you will sink into a deep dark hole and it will be very hard for you to get out. No one wants that.

 

 

You mentioned that you're starting university soon.

 

I would seize the opportunity of a fresh and new beginning, something new and exciting, university.

 

 

Friendships and relationships in school are usually formed in the first couple of weeks, so seize the moment. Try to keep yourself busy by talking about things you enjoy doing, fun stuff.

 

 

I know it's going to take a lot of pretending and require a lot of energy and even fake smiles sometimes, but before you know it, you'll find yourself surrounded by a group of friends. You might even run into someone you will click with and enjoy her company. Who knows.

 

 

 

I realize it's the last thing on your mind right now, but take advantage of this new beginning at uni. It's a great distraction and something that you could really use at the moment.

 

Say to yourself, "I'm going to get through this. I CAN get through this".

 

 

Seize the moment.

[clist8511]

Oh clist.. i feel ur pain and i feel your lostness..

 

Just know that others are also in the same boat as you. Therefore youre not alone.

 

I am in Australia sending you a virtual hug.

 

Listening to "iyanla vanzant" on youtube is the ONLY thing that helps me. Youtube her. E.g. her 'r spot' videos...

 

Thank you, Amas. I will have a look at those videos. Have heard of her before and I know she's quite good and motivational...thank you.

 

I know how you feel. I really do. You are still in the past. That's the nature of breakups and grief.

 

 

 

But if you can find the energy, whatever emotional energy you have left within to seize onto this opportunity, you will heal and move on faster than you can imagine.

 

 

There is one thing you can do to help yourself, otherwise you will sink into a deep dark hole and it will be very hard for you to get out. No one wants that.

 

 

You mentioned that you're starting university soon.

 

I would seize the opportunity of a fresh and new beginning, something new and exciting, university.

 

 

Friendships and relationships in school are usually formed in the first couple of weeks, so seize the moment. Try to keep yourself busy by talking about things you enjoy doing, fun stuff.

 

 

I know it's going to take a lot of pretending and require a lot of energy and even fake smiles sometimes, but before you know it, you'll find yourself surrounded by a group of friends. You might even run into someone you will click with and enjoy her company. Who knows.

 

 

 

I realize it's the last thing on your mind right now, but take advantage of this new beginning at uni. It's a great distraction and something that you could really use at the moment.

 

Say to yourself, "I'm going to get through this. I CAN get through this".

 

 

Seize the moment.

 

Hi Logo, thanks for the reply.

 

Yes. Uni starts in about a week - it's going to involve lots of energy and fake smiles at this point, yeah. This really wasn't how I wanted to start off my first year at uni. I feel so drained and 'not ready' for it. Of course it's going to be a major distraction and it couldn't have come at a better time.

 

Sorry, I'm trying not to be negative with my replies, lol. I hope I meet some interesting people. I'm really nervous about the whole thing. Ah well.

[clist8511]

I've woken up today and straight away the first thing I did was open my journal and write. I wrote about the reasons for moving on, the reasons for NC and the reasons not to contact her 'in the moment'.

 

This has been my longest relationship and only my second one, so I do wonder how I'm going to 'move on'. I wish that I could just say to her "I want to be with you" and we could do it, that everything would just work out. I feel like if I just say this or that that she'll realize we're 'meant to be' (which we're clearly not) and run back to me. My mind is going at a million miles an hour. All I want to do is speak to her.

 

And worst of all I feel like I've been living this for years. I didn't help myself by meeting up with her. I wish that hadn't happened. I can't imagine where I'd be in my healing right now if that hadn't happened.