Broke off with guy I dated for a whopping 2 days

[preraph]

A good psychologist can guide you to see a pattern of how you got where you are, which can help untangle it. I know for most people it's cost-prohibitive.

 

Do you get depressed randomly or is it mostly caused by a situation? I am the latter. You seem like a sweet person and I don't like to see people getting on your case on here. Compared to me at your age, you are steady as the rain!

[amaysngrace]

I think when the right person comes along you'll want to let them in but right now you just haven't met anybody worth opening up to. But maybe that's wrong.

 

How long were you with your last BF for and did you find yourself opening up to him or mostly pushing him away too?

[joseb]

Thanks, olive x Yeah, I have identity issues but I think it's linked more to my depression because looked into BPD before and I don't have many of the other symptoms. I don't have impulsivity at all, self harm, extreme behaviors to avoid abandonment in relationships, or black and white perception of others and stuff like that.. none. but that article was interesting

 

Changing jobs regularly, deciding to become bf/gf after 2 days dating...sounds impulsive...

 

Breaking up with a guy cause "he is out of my league and probably will break up with me" Sounds like avoiding abandonment...

 

I wouldn't dismiss bpd so quickly cookies. Reading all your threads, it would be a pretty good explanation for a lot of your behaviour. I don't mean this as getting on your case, more just to be open to the possibility. I mean, we are all on that spectrum and display bpd traits to some degree.

 

Is there a reason you really don't want to just take a break from dating? Like six months maybe?

[BaileyB]

With all due respect, have you ever tried counselling. I agree with the other posters who say that you shouldn't be dating right now. You don't have a very clear sense of who you are and what you want in a relationship.

[Cookiesandough]

Thank you. Well said. I am ashamed to say I know very little about BPD. Symptoms are often shared or interconnected among different disorders that are not discernible to people without enough knowledge on the individual or the disorder.

 

For example, anxiety disorder (which I am dx with) can manifest itself by avoidance/breaking up with people. I think this is distinct from "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment" criteria for BPD and probably more distinct when in a relationship. With BPD, you'd see a lot of fighting and tension going on with a loved one. Where with anxiety, the person will probably just avoid.

 

My job changes (3) are extreme for my short life, but not what I would call impulsive. I thought about each of them for at least a year. I think it's more being a depressed,lazy millennial that doesn't necessarily need to know what they want to do with their life by their 20s. Impulsivity with BPD is much more immediate insofar as you are able to do it. For example, if they are sitting at home and get a mood swing, an individual with BPD might have the thought to start drinking a lot and do so immediately without any consideration of consequence. (Again, this is my understanding. I could be wrong)

 

We technically dated for 3 weeks, but agreeing to become exclusive was an impulsive decision on my part. I was asked and didn't take time to reflect. But again, I'd need to meet other criteria to have BPD.

 

I've been to psychiatrists/psychologist/counselors several years throughout my life, discussing all areas on my life (some sat down with my parents to explain our relationship dynamic) and no one has diagnosed me with BPD.

 

I'm not saying that it's not possible, but having discussed my life(including relationships) indepth alongside my parents who've known me best,I have always only been dx with depression, anxiety, and sometimes minor OCD by professionals.

Edited September 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[joseb]

I've been to psychiatrists/psychologist/counselors several years throughout my life, discussing all areas on my life (some sat down with my parents to explain our relationship dynamic) and no one has diagnosed me with BPD.

 

I'm not saying that it's not possible, but having discussed my life(including relationships) indepth alongside my parents who've known me best,I have always only been dx with depression, anxiety, and sometimes minor OCD by professionals.

 

In light of that, then yes it's probably less likely.

 

Are you still talking to anyone professionally?

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks. Not for a long time. I didn't see it doing much good

Edited September 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[guy45]

Cookie your struggling with dating because it's the only thing you have going on in your life at the moment. It usually works out when your relaxed and happy with where you already are. I will give you the challenge of finding something else that makes you happy , BESIDES dating. For example try composing music, I find that highly rewarding and can spend hours on it.

 

You get what you work for, happiness takes work.

Don't spend your day thinking about your feelings loneliness etc, live your life.

[spiderowl]

Are you over your ex? If not, then it is likely that you will not want to commit to anyone else. Until you meet someone who matches up to your ex, you will probably opt out before you and they get too involved.