Broken up with a girl after 2 months dating

[CamelBoy]

Hi all, i'm new here and have signed up because of what I'm going through. I think part of me wants to vent all my emotions out, but I know I need independent advice too because I'm really not coping with this well.

 

I met a girl on Tinder about 2 months ago. I'm 31. She is 29. I wasn't actively even really using Tinder, but she had so much in common and put effort into her first message and we just ended up talking for the next few days, it was effortless and just really nice. So much so that despite me being busy at the time I suggested we go for a drink.

 

We had 6 incredible dates, I couldn't believe how well we were getting on. We just had so many common interests, some really niche things as well. Sports is definitely something we have in common and after my ex who wasn't into sports that was so refreshing to be able to share that with someone! The sex was incredible. I actually think the best I've had. We spoke throughout the day, every day, on WhatsApp about everything and anything. It was an even share of who would start conversations, and we did mix in enough 'breathing space' as well.

 

I think its important to point out our conversations were never really 'serious' didnt get into past relationships and all that kind of stuff. I never know when thats appropriate and it never came up.

 

We had a 7th date, just went for some food. Came back to my place, watched some TV and made out. She stopped half way and said she better go soon as it was almost midnight. I did think that was weird, she has a high sex drive and was always keen before. We did eventually end up having sex, and then she drove home.

 

The next couple of days she text as much as normal (yes i've analysed all the texts.. several times), even double texting me as I was busy and hadn't replied and she was gonna take a nap.

 

Then... after a couple of days she was really taking a long time to text back. Like 20 hours sometimes, and she just didn't come across as engaged at all. Obviously I tried to just thing she was busy with work and life and that I was being paranoid. Eventually I asked what she was doing the next week and asked if she wanted to meet up.. she took 8 hours to basically say she was very busy and didnt want to mess me around so could not commit to anything and she was really sorry.I said thats fine, deep down knowing her not suggesting an alternative date was not a good sign.

 

Anyway a few days passed with limited contact. She'd still message but it just wasn't the same, so I was drunk and asked if she wanted to cut ties. I asked it in a nice way, I just felt there was more too it. She said she didnt know, she felt like I treated her more like a friend sometimes, but that we get on really well in some ways and even said the sex was incredible.

 

We had a proper chat again via Whatsapp a few days later. I explained how I felt I did maybe act a bit more 'friendly' on the final date, and how maybe this is just due to me being a bit scared and not wanting to scare her off. She kind of understood this, however it turns out she had a 7 year relationship with an ex and it eventually turned into them having no intimacy at all, no sex, affection, she tried everything to make him want her and ended up having to break up with himand it's really affected her and she didnt realise how much of a problem it was until she felt I treated like her more of a friend. She wants love, affection etc etc She'd been speaking to her friend about it apparently. She is saying in the back of her mind she would always think I could switch back to a 'friend mode', despite me actually now opening open with her and basically saying I liked how things were going and actually like intimacy with her and want to be more open.

 

I tried to get her to meet up to chat about it, and without being clingy tried to let her know how great the last 2 months have been, but really we have just gone round in circles.

 

She was saying how its all her issues not mine and if she was a stronger person she could put it to one side and has really opened up. I mean really opened up , but eventually I realised she was so in control of this so thanked her but told her that we can't keep talking as I need to move on. Obviously I wanted to keep talking, but felt this was just for the best and maybe it would make her miss me.

 

She replied saying she understands, feels she overeacted and apologised. She also said she would have been happy to keep chatting as friends!!

 

This was 3 days ago. I didn't reply.

 

Until last night when I was a bit drunk! We had a few messages back and forth. I ended up saying I didn't want to be friends because thats exactly the reason she wasnt interested in me. I then told her I just wanted her to 100% confirm she didnt want anything more as it would help me move on.

 

Now the bit i'm confused about is her reply:

 

'I get what you mean, I really do. Maybe we should try to give it some time for not talking to each other.

 

I'm not trying to lead you on or anything. I just cant say Im not interested or all or anything like that because you're a lovely guy and thats not what I'd say to you. I guess if you really want me to i can lie. But i'm a bad liar'.

 

So I said sorry for drunk texting and said I guess we speak when we speak.

 

She replied saying lets speak when we speak and see how it is. Wished me a good weekend

 

So thats basically where I am right now. I do believe her about the ex etc. She went into great detail. I also really like this girl, I keep ending up in tears sat alone in my apartment and I never normally cry. I keep looking at old messages from her, seeing if shes on WhatsApp etc. Its mental because I've had quite a busy week seeing friends, working, going to the gym, but still think about her. I can't even listen to Podcasts/Watch TV as I wont be paying any attention to them and just thinking about her.

 

I know it's only 2 months, but I just feel theres something really special there and just don't know what to do now. Obviously I need to not text her for a while.

 

What can I do ? Her text where she won't rule out not being interested is that just being manipulative, or can there ever be a situation where her personal issues are just overriding any feelings for me?

 

I've read about No Contact on here, which was what i'd initially tried to do, but this No Contact i'm doing now is just me waiting a bit and hoping she will want to meet up.

 

I'm sorry this is such a long, complicated essay. Like I said, I needed to let my feelings out!

[elaine567]

We had a 7th date, just went for some food. Came back to my place, watched some TV and made out. She stopped half way and said she better go soon as it was almost midnight. I did think that was weird, she has a high sex drive and was always keen before. We did eventually end up having sex, and then she drove home

 

^^^ this is where it went pear shaped.

She went on the date but did not want to have sex with you hence she stopped making out and she expressed the need to go home.

She then I guess gave in and obliged and you had sex, but her heart wasn't in it and she went home afterwards.

 

After that it was all over bar the shouting.

 

I think the excuse that you could turn into her sexless ex is just an excuse, as it is not as if after 7 dates you hadn't even kissed her.

BUT I do guess it is to do with the ex.

She is probably not over him yet.

It is an "if only" situation with the ex and it can be very hard to get over.

"He was perfect, if only he had wanted to have sex with me..."

 

I think she made it quite clear you are done.

Grieve, heal and move on is my advice.

 

Sorry...

[Boymomma]

Agreed with the previous poster that it was after that 7th date you lost her. Maybe she isnt over the ex, but regardless, she had some sort of issue that prevented her from wanting to pursue a relationship with you. Yes it hurts, but its short term so you will heal.

 

I am in the same boat, as I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 months, and although it was short term it still hurts. 2 months is 2 months. Its almost like I am groeving the loss of "what could have been" if you know what I mean. It's tough but you'll get through it.

[ExpatInItaly]

^^^ this is where it went pear shaped.

She went on the date but did not want to have sex with you hence she stopped making out and she expressed the need to go home.

She then I guess gave in and obliged and you had sex, but her heart wasn't in it and she went home afterwards.

 

After that it was all over bar the shouting.

 

I think the excuse that you could turn into her sexless ex is just an excuse, as it is not as if after 7 dates you hadn't even kissed her.

BUT I do guess it is to do with the ex.

She is probably not over him yet.

It is an "if only" situation with the ex and it can be very hard to get over.

"He was perfect, if only he had wanted to have sex with me..."

 

I think she made it quite clear you are done.

Grieve, heal and move on is my advice.

 

Sorry...

 

That was exactly my interpretation of this, too.

 

I think she's not over her ex and needed an excuse to bail without actually admitting she's still hung up on him. I don't see how that one "friendly" evening could have possibly triggered her fears so badly that she needed to call it all off - unless she was already feeling like she wanted out and needed a tangible reason. So that's what she came up with.

 

For what it's worth, I don't think this has anything to do with you personally, OP. She's got some other stuff going on and isn't in a place where she can date you seriously. Who knows, maybe the ex got in touch again. Maybe she's met someone else. Whatever the reason, I would not hold your breath. I know it sucks, but I would take some time, lick your wounds, and get back out there.

[greenicon]

That was exactly my interpretation of this, too.

 

I think she's not over her ex and needed an excuse to bail without actually admitting she's still hung up on him. I don't see how that one "friendly" evening could have possibly triggered her fears so badly that she needed to call it all off - unless she was already feeling like she wanted out and needed a tangible reason. So that's what she came up with.

 

For what it's worth, I don't think this has anything to do with you personally, OP. She's got some other stuff going on and isn't in a place where she can date you seriously. Who knows, maybe the ex got in touch again. Maybe she's met someone else. Whatever the reason, I would not hold your breath. I know it sucks, but I would take some time, lick your wounds, and get back out there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This happened to me in a roundabout way - 2 months , a lot of dates, feelings shared/ feelings made known on both sides and then reasonably out of the blue (for me anyway) she bailed stating issues with soon to be ex-husband. They had been separated for nearly a year but turns our he was very much still in her life, text contact etc. It was coming to the end of the divorce and he hit her with ' is this what you really want' speech which hugely impacted on her.

She had gone out of her way at the start to state that the ex wasn't an issue - he clearly is/was and maybe I should have trusted my instincts better but there you go.

People had said that it wasn't anything I did/ didn't do which I am sure was the same in your situation it's just a shame when they cling on to something in the past rather than embracing what could have been something great for the future.

That said - it's maybe best to find these things out know rather than 6,12, 18 months down the line when the hurt would have been so much worse.

I am still hurting as I am sure you are op, but you will get there in the end, we always do. I have learnt from this and the good advice from people on here. The status of whether or not someone is emotionally available is a good one to work out quite soon, although as in my case you don't always a straightforward response - in both cases the women maybe 'thought' they were EA but then on reflection they considered themselves not in the right place to be 'available'...

[CamelBoy]

Thank you all for your opinions and experiences. I didn't expect so many, so quickly!

 

I fully do understand what you guys are saying, and know it's in the back of mind thats 100% what I would do. If I could i'd love to fast forward the next month or so and know whats happened and not have this temptation to speak with her.

 

I'm just going to be hoping every day that she does text, because of that 1% chance where she said she'd be lying if she said she wasn't interested. I know thats madness, and denial, but it's just how I feel right now.

 

I just keep getting moments where I burst into tears. Then moments when i'm fine and try do something productive like clean the apartment a bit. But it goes quite soon back to feeling miserable. I just wish things I normally enjoy could take my mind off it, but it just doesn't.

 

This is harder than the breakup I had earlier in the year after 4 years. That was a relief, and I fully agree with the person who said where if only see could see 'what could have been' instead of thinking backwards.

 

It would be so much easier if she said she'd found someone else, or 100% would never see anything happening, or I'd actually done something horrendous.

[CamelBoy]

I just wanted to give a 24 hour update, even if it goes unread, it's nice to get it all out in writing, or maybe to someone somewhere.

 

I have continued to not message her. So huge bonus.

 

So yesterday I had ups and downs. I read some motivational stuff on Reddit, and it did make me feel a bit better.

 

However, I also had terrible lows where I was crying, and did check to see if she was online a few times just wondering what she was up too. But when I went to bed I managed to get some solid sleep as at that time I was in a pretty ok mood.

 

The morning I woke up and just felt that sensation of loss again, I really wanted to text, but I got up and went to work. I'd say 80% of the day I was thinking about it, it affected my work and maybe part of me was happy staying a bit late to not be at home alone with my thoughts.

 

I didnt eat since lunchtime Sunday until lunchtime today, but did treat myself to a burger from one of my favourite places. I'll make sure I have some food tonight as i'll be spending it alone.

 

Recently when I've got home, all these emotions have built up and i've just burst into tears. It felt like it was going to happen, but I thought it's ok to cry and do it... but when I closed the front door behind me..tears didn't come out. They just didn't.

 

Maybe this is progress. However I still have re-read messages from her, like i'm looking for clues and I still do hold out hope she will reach out to me. Maybe she is dating someone else (thats common with Tinder etc), but maybe that could just make her realise what she is missing with me.

 

I know I should move on and not have hope, but the nagging feeling in me wonders if she wanted rid of me, why would she keep talking to me and why would she not just say she 100% doesnt want me if i've said it would help me move on.

 

I suppose thats the next thing I need to deal with.

[SayWhat316]

We had a proper chat again via Whatsapp a few days later.

 

How can I add you on WhatsApp?

[Buriall]

I just wanted to give a 24 hour update, even if it goes unread, it's nice to get it all out in writing, or maybe to someone somewhere.

 

I have continued to not message her. So huge bonus.

 

So yesterday I had ups and downs. I read some motivational stuff on Reddit, and it did make me feel a bit better.

 

However, I also had terrible lows where I was crying, and did check to see if she was online a few times just wondering what she was up too. But when I went to bed I managed to get some solid sleep as at that time I was in a pretty ok mood.

 

The morning I woke up and just felt that sensation of loss again, I really wanted to text, but I got up and went to work. I'd say 80% of the day I was thinking about it, it affected my work and maybe part of me was happy staying a bit late to not be at home alone with my thoughts.

 

I didnt eat since lunchtime Sunday until lunchtime today, but did treat myself to a burger from one of my favourite places. I'll make sure I have some food tonight as i'll be spending it alone.

 

Recently when I've got home, all these emotions have built up and i've just burst into tears. It felt like it was going to happen, but I thought it's ok to cry and do it... but when I closed the front door behind me..tears didn't come out. They just didn't.

 

Maybe this is progress. However I still have re-read messages from her, like i'm looking for clues and I still do hold out hope she will reach out to me. Maybe she is dating someone else (thats common with Tinder etc), but maybe that could just make her realise what she is missing with me.

 

I know I should move on and not have hope, but the nagging feeling in me wonders if she wanted rid of me, why would she keep talking to me and why would she not just say she 100% doesnt want me if i've said it would help me move on.

 

I suppose thats the next thing I need to deal with.

 

 

Shes messing with your head dude. Now youre in this blackhole where she wanted you and you cant escape.What she does now should be none of your business. Nothing good ever comes from Tinder, just distraction thats all. Let her do whatever the **** she wants. Now you should think about yourself only

[CamelBoy]

SayWhat - I don't know how to add on whatsapp without giving my phone number on here and I really want to try stay anonymous

 

Buriall - Logically I see where you are coming from, but (and maybe its denial) I see her as such a nice girl and I don't think she'd do that on purpose. But its how I feel now..in a total blackhole. When I think of myself.. I think of myself being with her.

 

 

 

I'm back because today has been awful, and the last two times it's helped ever so slightly to write this out.

 

Yesterday I was thinking about her a lot still. But luckily a friend wanted to go out for drinks, and I managed to have fun and laugh with friends. However in the back of my mind I still thought about her a lot despite how I may have appeared on the outside.

 

I went to bed at 11pm and then woke up at 3am.. that was it.. I couldn't get another bit of sleep.

 

Went to work tired and with her constantly on my mind for the last 8 hours. Constantly. I felt stressed, upset, angry.. at one point I had to sit in the toilet alone as I thought i'd cry.

 

After work I forced myself to buy some new work clothes to try and cheer me up. I didn't feel like going, but did, but rushed to get it done as fast as possible.

 

I got home and just burst into tears, and we're talking proper shaking, face red and hurting and uncontrollable. I'm now just sat here typing on my laptop thinking about her.

 

I still can't believe the affect this has had on me. I think i'm going mad!! I keep fantasizing that she will text me, or turn up at my flat. No matter how much I try and hate her and think she's not worth it... I can't stop that feeling. I feel like i'm waiting for her to text.

 

I know you guys have tried to help me a lot, and it seems like i'm ignoring advice etc I'm really not trying too. I want to 100% believe it and be able to move on. I just really don't know what to do, this is ruining my life right now... all I want to do is miss a month of my life and see if shes contacted me.

 

This is day 4 of No contact.

 

I dont know what to do.

[SevenCity]

First, know that you are not alone. Many of us have gone through this and, from personal experience, when a woman leaves and still has feelings for you it is the worst kind of breakup.

 

Allow me to share my abridged story: gf if 7 years pulled similar crap. On the day she moved out we had oral sex, she went on to say how I'm the best looking man she's ever been out with (as we hugged and looked in the mirror), she loves me, and how one day we may get back together. She was also doubled over on the floor sobbing in tears at many points during the day. Talk about a mind F. It was if I had broken up with her.

 

It's now been a year and it has gotten easier but that hope of reconciliation made it so much harder than it had to be. I've had women I love completely loose feelings but never had one who still loved me and was attracted to me walk out. I had to ask my neighbor to help move her couch out and he said when she looked at him it's like she was staring through him a million miles away. It was as if someone was forcing her to do it.

 

To this day I still have no idea what happened. It does weigh on me at times but I try to forget. I reached out at 6 months and got no reply. She reached out 3 months ago about something logistical and stopped responding when I asked her to get together.

 

Not to minimize your pain but at least be happy it was months and not years. I was one day away from buying an engagement ring when she dumped me over FaceTime (she had left the house 3 months prior and we were seeing each other every couple of weeks to work it out...well I was).

 

I know all too well the pain you are going through. My lack of appetite caused me to lose 40 lbs and I would have committed suicide if not for my responsibility to little dog.

 

But it does get better. I'm not over it as my brain can't process what happened with the limited information I have. It's a mystery that my brain feels compelled to solve. But, I will never know - and you likely will not either.

 

Your actions, sans the drunk texting;) , were commendable. You handled yourself perfectly. You should go on to do so by eliminating any memories of her and blocking her on WhatsApp and social media, returning any of her stuff by mail, and deleting or hiding any pictures of her. Your brain will still remember but those memories will fade in time.

 

It's a long hard path but the way you are feeling is temporary and will pass.

 

Get rid of any hope as soon as you can as it will only hold you back. Chances are it's over for good and if she ever does come back it will be too late.

[Rko28]

You're probably hurting more now than at the end of your 4 year relationship because after 2 months you've not seen her flaws, you can't think of anything bad to make you think "oh I won't miss that about her" also you've built her up in your mind and made a future up. I am as guilty of this as you. Please feel free to search my threads on here, I've had some

Good advice after the end of a 6 month relationship. I'm still struggling at times

[CamelBoy]

First, know that you are not alone. Many of us have gone through this and, from personal experience, when a woman leaves and still has feelings for you it is the worst kind of breakup.

 

Allow me to share my abridged story: gf if 7 years pulled similar crap. On the day she moved out we had oral sex, she went on to say how I'm the best looking man she's ever been out with (as we hugged and looked in the mirror), she loves me, and how one day we may get back together. She was also doubled over on the floor sobbing in tears at many points during the day. Talk about a mind F. It was if I had broken up with her.

 

It's now been a year and it has gotten easier but that hope of reconciliation made it so much harder than it had to be. I've had women I love completely loose feelings but never had one who still loved me and was attracted to me walk out. I had to ask my neighbor to help move her couch out and he said when she looked at him it's like she was staring through him a million miles away. It was as if someone was forcing her to do it.

 

To this day I still have no idea what happened. It does weigh on me at times but I try to forget. I reached out at 6 months and got no reply. She reached out 3 months ago about something logistical and stopped responding when I asked her to get together.

 

Not to minimize your pain but at least be happy it was months and not years. I was one day away from buying an engagement ring when she dumped me over FaceTime (she had left the house 3 months prior and we were seeing each other every couple of weeks to work it out...well I was).

 

I know all too well the pain you are going through. My lack of appetite caused me to lose 40 lbs and I would have committed suicide if not for my responsibility to little dog.

 

But it does get better. I'm not over it as my brain can't process what happened with the limited information I have. It's a mystery that my brain feels compelled to solve. But, I will never know - and you likely will not either.

 

Your actions, sans the drunk texting;) , were commendable. You handled yourself perfectly. You should go on to do so by eliminating any memories of her and blocking her on WhatsApp and social media, returning any of her stuff by mail, and deleting or hiding any pictures of her. Your brain will still remember but those memories will fade in time.

 

It's a long hard path but the way you are feeling is temporary and will pass.

 

Get rid of any hope as soon as you can as it will only hold you back. Chances are it's over for good and if she ever does come back it will be too late.

 

I think the still having feeling for you is such a key part actually. I mean I know it was a very short term thing, and I want to emphasise I do realise that.. but her being such a 'nice' girl, I do believe that she wouldn't have spent so much time talking and explaining her personal past situation if she didn't care about me at all. I guess as human beings we just desire answers and want to feel in control of situations!

 

My heart goes out to you for your situation, and from a purely selfish point of view makes me realise i'm lucky this happened 2 months in and not years in. I don't know how I would react in your situation, and impressed how you have, I suppose the mind is a wonderful thing!

 

Can I ask how has your dating life been in the year since this happened to you?

 

Yes the drunk texting is a real problem with me in life in general. I'm going to try not go out as much, but also don't want to adapt my life just to deal with this one issue.

 

I have to honest, I know that blocking her on WhatsApp is the right thing to do, but I can't do that. I just have this hope that she will reach out to me and I don't want to miss it. That will avoid any chance at an answer, or getting her back.

 

If I fulfil no contact:

 

1) I might just get over her by meeting someone else.

 

2) She may sort her head once i've given her space and want to try again

 

Its win/win right?

[CamelBoy]

You're probably hurting more now than at the end of your 4 year relationship because after 2 months you've not seen her flaws, you can't think of anything bad to make you think "oh I won't miss that about her" also you've built her up in your mind and made a future up. I am as guilty of this as you. Please feel free to search my threads on here, I've had some

Good advice after the end of a 6 month relationship. I'm still struggling at times

 

 

RKO I've had a quick browse through your threads, and will have a proper read tonight. So thank you. I feel a lot of stuff on here rightfully so is for longer term stuff and almost feel a bit pathetic even having to post. But hey, I guess we feel what we feel!

 

The building the future in the mind is actually something I think i've fallen for and this rang true when you said it, so thank you! Because she spoke about little things in the future, like sporting events we could go to together etc and things in bed I've just maybe taken it all for granted and then the rug's been pulled out from under me.

 

I've definately not seen a bad side too her, but likewise she hasn't seen my bad sides either. I tried to write a list of bad things about her, but it was very small.

 

Maybe that will work in my favour if she does start to think about the times we spoke/hung out.

[CamelBoy]

So I also wanted to do an update. I'm still in no contact seeing as we both had agreed not to talk.

 

I am gonna try and use this as a period to get over her if she doesn't contact me

 

But I'm also thinking of updating my Tinder profile with new photos and new text at some point so that if she does login and check it she might get jealous. Is that a mad idea?

[milkthistle]

You're probably hurting more now than at the end of your 4 year relationship because after 2 months you've not seen her flaws, you can't think of anything bad to make you think "oh I won't miss that about her" also you've built her up in your mind and made a future up. I am as guilty of this as you. Please feel free to search my threads on here, I've had some

Good advice after the end of a 6 month relationship. I'm still struggling at times

 

THIS.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years several months ago and am currently hung up on a guy I dated for just a month. I'm certain this is why I'm grieving much more about the guy I hardly knew. I think the shortest relationships hurt the worst, because they are full of "what ifs" and this ideal image of a person you thought existed, but probably doesn't.

[ExpatInItaly]

So I also wanted to do an update. I'm still in no contact seeing as we both had agreed not to talk.

 

I am gonna try and use this as a period to get over her if she doesn't contact me

 

But I'm also thinking of updating my Tinder profile with new photos and new text at some point so that if she does login and check it she might get jealous. Is that a mad idea?

 

Depends, do you want someone who comes back because of a jealous twinge (and will therefore likely leave again once their ego-itch is scratched) or a genuine desire to be with you?

 

Look, the make-'em-jealous-on-social-media stunt is transparent. She'll know what you're really trying to do.

[CamelBoy]

I have a great update... and I hope this remains. Something in my stupid brain has suddenly 'clicked'.

 

I just had a really nice relaxing Friday at work, laughing and joking with a lot of colleagues. Most of them are girls.. yeah I'm not interested in any of them, and doubt they're interested in me.. but it still made me feel positive.

 

I spent the day making plans with friends and have a few, none for tonight though. At first I felt sorry for myself that nobody would spend the evening drinking and drowning my sorrows..then I realised I'd treated my friends badly when dating this girl and my ex.. only being available when it suited me. I need to focus on me, and my own wellbeing. You're born alone and die alone, and have to be happy in yourself.

 

So walking back I listened to some old songs I really like and got excited about going to the gym. Truly excited, and intentions to get my gym regime and diet to be solid to boost my confidence in myself.

 

I'll fill my days with work, gym, friends, diet, protein shakes and video games.

 

Just thinking about it has given me a sense of euphoria.It will give me some short term purpose in life, and the best thing? I'm doing it for me, not some random girl off Tinder.

 

Would I be happy if she contacted me? Yes... but my life is not going on hold, and if she did I'm not changing a single thing about my new gym regime! And if not, theres plenty of other girls out there and will not give me drama after just 2 months of casual dating.

 

I want to give a big thank you to everyone who was patient with me over what seemed so petty. Some advice really did help, but didn't stick in my brain as I was acting irrationally. I'll stick around for the foreseeable future as maybe this isn't the end for my story, and I'd like to try and help others as well.

 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you, everyone, thank you so much . I'm actually welling up a bit right now, but it's just because I just feel more like myself for the first time in weeks, and yes NC is still in full effect.

[SevenCity]

I think the still having feeling for you is such a key part actually. I mean I know it was a very short term thing, and I want to emphasise I do realise that.. but her being such a 'nice' girl, I do believe that she wouldn't have spent so much time talking and explaining her personal past situation if she didn't care about me at all. I guess as human beings we just desire answers and want to feel in control of situations!

 

My heart goes out to you for your situation, and from a purely selfish point of view makes me realise i'm lucky this happened 2 months in and not years in. I don't know how I would react in your situation, and impressed how you have, I suppose the mind is a wonderful thing!

Can I ask how has your dating life been in the year since this happened to you?

 

Yes the drunk texting is a real problem with me in life in general. I'm going to try not go out as much, but also don't want to adapt my life just to deal with this one issue.

 

I have to honest, I know that blocking her on WhatsApp is the right thing to do, but I can't do that. I just have this hope that she will reach out to me and I don't want to miss it. That will avoid any chance at an answer, or getting her back.

 

If I fulfil no contact:

 

1) I might just get over her by meeting someone else.

 

2) She may sort her head once i've given her space and want to try again

Its win/win right?

 

Interesting to say the least! I have yet to find a girl who wasn't nuts / selfish / narcissistic. I've had more than one burst into tears within only a few dates. I've experienced temper tantrums and entitlement to full blown crazy. I've had some great sex and some terrible sex.

 

But I learned from it all. As I date more I refine my technique and it really seems to be paying off. Initially I was frustrated that I could not find a girl with which I wanted to have a LTR. Now I don't care. Now my primary goal is sex - if they are awesome too I'm perfectly open to a LTR / marriage but at my age (40s) many of them have pretty darn good reasons why they are single.

 

It was my realization that life is pretty good even without a steady partner that made things easier. I'm perfectly happy sitting home or hanging with friends and dating is getting in the way of getting some of my projects done (yet I persist).

 

Your plan is good and it is a win / win. Stay in strict NC but leave the door open. Just don't let that possibility of reconciliation stop you from moving on.

 

I swear, they won't come back while you still want them. It's only after you don't they show up (if they do at all).

[CamelBoy]

I know my last update was very positive and I felt like I was all clear and happy.

 

It's really not the case after all. The crying and stuff has subsided, and I even went out on Saturday night, spoke to another girl for a couple of hours and got her number. But when I woke up I decided I didn't want to text her.

 

I've been continuing going to the gym and trying to keep myself busy.

 

The problem is.. while the tears etc aren't there. I'm still convinced she will want me back.

 

Its day 8 or 9 of no contact..but our last conversation she refused to say that she wasn't interested at all. The other messages prior to that were explaining how I treated her more like a friend on our latest date (despite having sex) and that had made her think in the future I could switch to acting more like a 'friend' than a 'girlfriend' and that brings back memories of her ex.

 

I'm going strong with no contact, but I also have to be honest to myself. I want her back. I want her to text. I plan what I will say to different scenarios. It's not that I couldnt find another woman, but its that I feel the connection with this girl is almost worth all this pain.

 

Nothing will truly get her out of my mind and I need to get her back. She just needs to get past this mental block that I could end up treating her like a friend like her ex did.

 

It's difficult, cos obviously due to no contact I have no way of explaining this too her, and obviously don't want to push her away by being too clingy.

 

Any ideas what I can do? As forgetting about her just isn't working at this point. Yeah, the tears are less often, but I think thats the hope I have it will all work out in the end.

[CamelBoy]

Day 12 of no contact.

 

Today I deleted all her messages. I just kept reading them to try and analyse stuff, bad idea.

 

I still won't message her, I know there is no point at all.

 

I've been chatting to some very hot Tinder girls, but part of me thinks they are out of my league and 'starting again' sucks....

 

I never text the girl I met the other night.

 

Hope everyones well

[h647]

Keep your head up.

Similar ghosting happened to me. Delete and move on. 2 months ago we didn't know them and were fine.

[CamelBoy]

Thank you for the messages guys.

 

It feels like weeks since I posted, however it's just a couple of days judging by my last post haha

 

So i'm on day 16/17 of no contact now. Heard nothing from her.

 

I went to a sporting event over the weekend that she would have loved, and was tempted to send her a photo, but didn't.

 

I think i've started to realise that as great as i've built her up to be.. maybe it's the loneliness thats actually upsetting me more than her. I live alone and feel like I have nobody to share things with. Maybe thats why just posting on here seems to appealing to me!

 

I'm plugging away on Tinder, not agreed to meet anyone yet. But maybe I should just take a 'punt' on a few random girls.

 

Anyway I'll keep being strong and sure i'll be back shortly with some ramblings. Thanks for listening

[Fishforbreakfast]

Your doing well, no contact is the way to go if she's interested she will likely reach out to you if it matters enough. I messed up big time with a guy I was seeing I ended it because he didn't text me back one night then 10 days later I still missed him so swallowed my pride and texted him, he was nice in reply but I can tell he thinks I'm crazy (which I was) but I don't regret doing it because at least I know I tried now, although it was too little to late, so if she is the one for you she will get in contact, otherwise think she just wasn't the one. Each time I meet someone new that I like I realise they get more and more amazing then the previous one (which I never think is possible) so get excited and keep working out for that next girl your going to meet!!!

[CamelBoy]

Your doing well, no contact is the way to go if she's interested she will likely reach out to you if it matters enough. I messed up big time with a guy I was seeing I ended it because he didn't text me back one night then 10 days later I still missed him so swallowed my pride and texted him, he was nice in reply but I can tell he thinks I'm crazy (which I was) but I don't regret doing it because at least I know I tried now, although it was too little to late, so if she is the one for you she will get in contact, otherwise think she just wasn't the one. Each time I meet someone new that I like I realise they get more and more amazing then the previous one (which I never think is possible) so get excited and keep working out for that next girl your going to meet!!!

 

What you say about everytime you meet someone new that you like and them being more amazing that the previous does ring some bells with me. After my 4 year relationship, while I didn't find it this tough, I did have doubts that maybe I wouldn't meet someone else I connected with as well.. and then well I did and now i'm post on internet forums about it haha

 

I'm now on 21/22 days of no contact. I know I shouldnt message her, but do still think about her quite a lot and wonder what she is up too etc.

 

I slept with another girl last night, and have 2 dates lined up this week with other girls. However, its not actually making it that much easier.

 

Although I do think if she does reach out to me, i'd be much more laid back and eager about the situation..yet saying that I really do get moments where I really hope she will reach out to me.

 

I just need to make it to 30 days, try and enjoy the dates I have lined up and hope that I stop wanting her to text me! Small steps