My drunken confession hurt my sister, she's not speaking to me

[MelbaPeaches8]

I never thought this ancient dirty secret would come back to haunt me. While drunk and angry about something else, I accidentally confessed to having sleeping with her then fiance 3 times after it initially started as a ONS. It was 2012 at the time.

 

 

The engagement was broken up for other reasons too but she never knew of this till now. She's hurt all over again, stated she's not ready to speak to me at this moment and needs some time to process this. It seems like it happened yesterday all over again to her.

 

 

It's been a week now and I can't stand not being on speaking terms with her. She still has me on her contact list and is online but just not speaking to me. Are we ever going to put this behind at some point?

[Bastile]

I'm not sure what you expect. She's not exactly going to have a party and some karaoke with you is she? You betrayed your own blood.

 

Then you say "are we ever going to put this behind us?" in just a week.

 

You also seem to think that because it's the past, that it doesn't matter. Or is inconsequential.

 

It just doesn't sound like you respect her much. Or care for the gravity of what you did.

 

The attitude is really poor, and I would suggest reconsidering it.

[lostgirl87]

You slept with your SISTER'S FIANCÉ?? And you're surprised that she's not speaking to you? It's not about the fiancé- that relationship is over. It's the fact that her own sister betrayed her. The one she probably confided in and cried to. All the while you were banging the man she was supposed to spend her life with.

 

Maybe your sister is a better person than I am and can one day learn to trust you again but don't count on that happening soon. And don't expect your relationship with her to ever be the same. What you did was awful and your sister is crushed. You're supposed to be her biggest supporter, her biggest defender. Instead you were the complete opposite.

 

It'll be a good while before she's ready to speak with you. And be prepared for her telling your family and then you'll have to answer to them too. Hope you learned your lesson. Good luck.

[MelbaPeaches8]

lostgirl87 I've been dealing with that guilt for the past 5 years. At some point I realized that had to stop and made him break up the engagement or else I would spill the beans (it was my way of scaring him into breaking up).

 

 

After he broke off the engagement, I promised to keep this secret to my grave and be the best person and sister I wanted to be from now on. It wasn't ever suppose to be known. It took 2 years for my sister to recover from the break-up and she was doing better till now.

[stillafool]

Didn't you post this story before?

[MelbaPeaches8]

No, I didn't. I'm new to this.

 

 

I do care about my sister. I'm right now upset with myself for getting myself too drunk enough to hurt her with my confession. Last thing I ever wanted was to see her hurt all over again.

[road]

Didn't you post this story before?

 

No, I didn't. I'm new to this.

 

 

I do care about my sister. I'm right now upset with myself for getting myself too drunk enough to hurt her with my confession. Last thing I ever wanted was to see her hurt all over again.

 

Same story was just posted, well almost. The

cheating sister was undecided whether to tell

her betrayed sister.

 

Back to your story.

 

If your sister will be able to forgive you this

will not happen in weeks or months but years.

It takes two to five years to recover from an affair.

[stillafool]

It's amazing that this exact same situation happened with another poster. There are a lot of sisters betraying each other.

[Redhead14]

No, I didn't. I'm new to this.

 

 

I do care about my sister. I'm right now upset with myself for getting myself too drunk enough to hurt her with my confession. Last thing I ever wanted was to see her hurt all over again.

 

Basically, you're not sorry you had sex with her fiance, you're upset that you got caught (confessing is about the same as getting caught, IMO) . . . deal with it. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. You've been lying by omission for a long time. That usually catches up to you.

 

When/if she ever does speak with you again, you need to own what you did full on, tell her you understand how it hurt her and that you will live with the guilt forever. Tell her you hope she can forgive you -- not for you to feel better -- but for her to be able to move forward with her life without bitterness. Forgiveness is not for the offender, it's for the offended person's own good and be able to move on. She doesn't have to include you in her life anymore, but she can leave that hurt behind.

[O'Malley]

You damaged trust in a manner that has the potential to permanently affect your relationship with both your sister and your family. It doesn't matter if you've felt guilty for your choices these past five years - for your sister, this is a fresh wound. It's not up to you to decide if and when she'll forgive you or what interaction she'll want with you from here out. Give her space.

 

Ask yourself why your relationship with your sister is so unhealthy that you would cheat with her then fiancee and then chose to cause her anguish by 'confessing' during a petty dispute years later. None of this just happened. Own up to what you did and why you did it and start making better choices.

[knabe]

You damaged trust in a manner that has the potential to permanently affect your relationship with both your sister and your family. It doesn't matter if you've felt guilty for your choices these past five years - for your sister, this is a fresh wound. It's not up to you to decide if and when she'll forgive you or what interaction she'll want with you from here out. Give her space.

 

Ask yourself why your relationship with your sister is so unhealthy that you would cheat with her then fiancee and then chose to cause her anguish by 'confessing' during a petty dispute years later. None of this just happened. Own up to what you did and why you did it and start making better choices.

 

This. See, if you had not so disrespected your sister as to cheat with her FIANCE in the first place, there would have been nothing to drunkenly confess. You need to get to the bottom of why you thought that was an okay thing to do and why you thought it was okay to blurt it out to hurt her in an argument.

 

And don't use the alcohol excuse.

[umirano]

Are we ever going to put this behind at some point?

 

Good luck with that... My mother is not speaking to her brother for three years now, over something (in my view) much less hurtful. And to be fair, it was you who dug it back out, not her, you made the choice to not put it behind you. Apologize, and apologize again, as genuinely as you can. Maybe wait a few weeks, to let her calm down first.

[Methodical]

I never thought this ancient dirty secret would come back to haunt me. While drunk and angry about something else, I accidentally confessed to having sleeping with her then fiance 3 times after it initially started as a ONS. It was 2012 at the time.

 

This doesn't sound accidental. Sounds to me like you were drunk and angry and wanted to hurt your sister, and you knew telling her would do the trick, especially since it took her three years to recover. Now you are over whatever had you miffed. Unfortunately, you can't put that genie back in the bottle and she isn't going to get over it. I suspect she'll learn to live with it, but she'll never forget it.

[MelbaPeaches8]

I was at work before and read most of the replies. Someone else also did the same thing I did? Wow then I guess I'm not alone at this. Though, that still doesn't take away how much I've just hurt her.

 

She texted me 2 hours ago. Basically she has a lot of questions that she wants to address later on because she's not ready to speak to me yet. She also commented how at some point she thought he might have cheated but never found any evidence and never thought that it would be with me.

 

unimaro, 3 years your mother isn't speaking to her brother? Wow. That's a long ago. I would be more depressed if I didn't speak to my sister that long.

 

I have to say that I haven't done such a thing on any of her other bfs nor dates after she started dating again. I learned and vowed to be a better person.

[MelbaPeaches8]

Methodical, yes I was upset at the moment but didn't mean to hurt her. I wasn't thinking clearly during the confession. It just came out. Everything I've been working hard for to be a better sister blew up in my face.

 

 

Many of you might not believe I love my sister for doing that but yes I would take a bullet for her if it meant saving my life or hers.

Edited September 18, 2017 by MelbaPeaches8

[LurkerXX]

But most of our relationships are not taking bullets for each other, they are about quieter and less celebrated heroism and integrity. Besides, in high stress situations, at least with those without training, it really is difficult who is going to take action, and who is going to be struck senseless and either gawp or panic.

 

If you truly are sorry, than you have to accept that one of the possible consequences is that she chooses to have less or nothing to do with you. There is no way to demand or guarantee forgiveness; you can only answer her questions truthfully, respecting her need to put the pieces together, and validate that her gut feeling that he was cheating did not mislead her. What comes after is not something for you to control.

[basil67]

It may well take her years to get over your betrayal. And it's likely that your relationship will never be the same again.

 

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

[Springsummer]

Same story was just posted, well almost.

 

Indentical...except the first asked if she should tell her sister, and this one already told.

[Robert]

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