Otter2569 Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 At about the 18 month mark I start to self destruct every relationship I have ever had. Most never make it this far but for the few that do I begin to find reasons why I shouldn't continue. In most cases its issues that ive noticed and have just had enough of. I'm great for the first year. Is it normal to feel and act this way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 Were you married? Cheated on? Have relationship last longer? Why did that long one end? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 18 months is just about when the honeymoon phase is ending, and the rose-tinted goggles are fading. You see your partner for who they truly are, and vice versa. It usually makes or breaks most relationships. Without further details, it's hard to say whether you were just unlucky (dating incompatible women), or if you were genuinely self-destructing. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 Sounds about right, if you're opposed to getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
bealigerent Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I was married ar 23, but back in my "serial monogamy" days relationships never lasted more than two years. Since I have become single again {widowed} the pattern has come back. You give something a try, it doesn't please you enough to continue, or the veil drops, or whatever. There's nothing wrong here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 Were you married? Cheated on? Have relationship last longer? Why did that long one end? I was in an 18 year marriage: kids, dog, house in suburbia... It was pretty A typical and boring. I have had 1 relationship last longer but only because we had a vacation planned and I didn't want to ruin it or go alone. Her kids were empowered, obnoxious turds and she was a doormat. Very nice but no backbone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 18 months is just about when the honeymoon phase is ending, and the rose-tinted goggles are fading. You see your partner for who they truly are, and vice versa. It usually makes or breaks most relationships. Without further details, it's hard to say whether you were just unlucky (dating incompatible women), or if you were genuinely self-destructing. You know that's really it. I'm not self destructive I just wake up and realize this isn't my future and its off. Maybe I should call it getting real LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 Sounds about right, if you're opposed to getting married. Yes, i'd be ok if I never married again. Not to say I wouldn't some day but its not on my radar screen. Several women have wanted more after X months. That only helped to end things sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 I was married ar 23, but back in my "serial monogamy" days relationships never lasted more than two years. Since I have become single again {widowed} the pattern has come back. You give something a try, it doesn't please you enough to continue, or the veil drops, or whatever. There's nothing wrong here. Great point. It is what it is. Better to be honest with yourself. Looking back I got married because she pressured me and it was the thing to do...never again. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Think you might be continuing relationships with known dealbreakers? Overlooking some things you know you won't tolerate long-term. If so, is that fair to her? Or you, for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 Think you might be continuing relationships with known dealbreakers? Overlooking some things you know you won't tolerate long-term. If so, is that fair to her? Or you, for that matter. That's probably it...at some point you realize that its not going to be your thing. I say its fair, I realize when I realize. I give it a lot of time and careful consideration but once my mind is made, its on. It would be unfair (for both of us ) to live a lie and continue on knowing that you are not in 100% Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Yes, i'd be ok if I never married again. Not to say I wouldn't some day but its not on my radar screen. Several women have wanted more after X months. That only helped to end things sooner. Does this woman want to get married? Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 That's probably it...at some point you realize that its not going to be your thing. I say its fair, I realize when I realize. I give it a lot of time and careful consideration but once my mind is made, its on. It would be unfair (for both of us ) to live a lie and continue on knowing that you are not in 100% I agree with you. I just think being clear what your dealbreakers are and noticing them earlier would allow you to deal with it earlier. Which would allow you to search for someone more compatible. Earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Have you taken any break after your divorce or you've been dating ever since? It sounds like you didn't have a happy marriage. People that have been in unhappy marriage for a long time don't know anymore what a good healthy relationship feels like and they tend to repeat the same mistakes. Dysfunctional probably feels familiar to you so you always end up in these relationships. You don't know any better. If I were you I'd take a long break from being in a relationship and try to figure yourself out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 Have you taken any break after your divorce or you've been dating ever since? It sounds like you didn't have a happy marriage. People that have been in unhappy marriage for a long time don't know anymore what a good healthy relationship feels like and they tend to repeat the same mistakes. I actually had a very good marriage: it became stale and boring. Not a lotof passion so we grew apart. If anything it was unfulfilling. We are still very good friends today. I don't regret getting divorced at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I actually had a very good marriage: it became stale and boring. Not a lotof passion so we grew apart. If anything it was unfulfilling. We are still very good friends today. I don't regret getting divorced at all. But my question was have you taken a break from dating ? Also, when you reach 18 months dating do you feel things are feeling a little too much like in your marriage? boring and with no passion? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 But my question was have you taken a break from dating ? Also, when you reach 18 months dating do you feel things are feeling a little too much like in your marriage? boring and with no passion? Yes, especially after the last relationship which was completely crazy. I took several months to be alone and really enjoyed it. Admittedly I get nervous when things slow down so yes I'm sure that's a factor but the reality is I broke things off because I didnt see a future. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Well, this is classic commitment-phobia. You asked if this is normal. I don't know about normal, but it is common for divorced folk. Some divorced folks want to get married again, and some never want to get married again (they fear making the same mistakes) and become serial monogamists. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Yes, especially after the last relationship which was completely crazy. I took several months to be alone and really enjoyed it. Admittedly I get nervous when things slow down so yes I'm sure that's a factor but the reality is I broke things off because I didnt see a future. You date women and allow other men to have sex with them... hmmm maybe you should start there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 22, 2017 Author Share Posted September 22, 2017 Well, this is classic commitment-phobia. You asked if this is normal. I don't know about normal, but it is common for divorced folk. Some divorced folks want to get married again, and some never want to get married again (they fear making the same mistakes) and become serial monogamists. Pop, I'd be fine NEVER marrying again. I really didn't want to get married the first time LOL All my married friends are miserable and or cheating on their wives because they are unhappy. Most are afraid to get divorced for financial reasons or are hanging on for the kids...pathetic really. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Pop, I'd be fine NEVER marrying again. I really didn't want to get married the first time LOL All my married friends are miserable and or cheating on their wives because they are unhappy. Most are afraid to get divorced for financial reasons or are hanging on for the kids...pathetic really. I know. It is sad to see, but I'm a romantic at heart and still dream. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 And how has introducing a stream of girlfriends to your kids affected their well-being? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 And how has introducing a stream of girlfriends to your kids affected thieir well-being? Who are you to say I am doing that? Do you know me? Because I don't want to get married and end relationships that are not good for me I am less of a parent? You have no idea how I raise my kids so how dare you make that judgement!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 You date women and allow other men to have sex with them... hmmm maybe you should start there. I've been to a few swinger parties. What else do you have???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 And how has introducing a stream of girlfriends to your kids affected their well-being? Very few women meet my kids first of all. I am very selective about that. I am always vigilant about how my kids feel and how everyone gets along. During and after a relationship I always talk openly. I'd like to think the lessons are: Trust yourself, be open and honest, not everyone that walks into your life is meant to stay, be selective, don't compromise your values, sex isn't love, don't let women take advantage of you or disrespect you, don't keep negative people in your life, your opinion matters, that I am there for them and I back them up, you shouldn't expect to meet your soul mate in the first few people that you date, get out and explore, stand up for yourself, expect a lot from your partner, people who claim to love your shouldn't disrupt your life, make your life crazy or be mean to you, don't accept less than you deserve, that I am human, life is short...the list goes on an on and on!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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