Boyfriend Issues-video games

[hayhay2525]

Ok so my boyfriend has been driving me crazy lately. I just need a place to vent. Lately he has been playing destiny and will play up to 10 hours per day. We are in the process of moving so we both are not working but will be very soon. Anyway, he finally got off the game today after 10 hours and 30 minutes of playing. His sister comes home at the exact same time so when I was annoyed with him after he stopped playing, he goes outside and talks to them (sister and her fiance). I was going to try and ignore him just to show him what it feels like to be ignored for long periods of time but he goes and finds someone else to talk to every time. He talks to a couple of his friends on the phone for an hour at a time, EVEN if he is busy playing the game the rest of the day. So it doesn't make sense why he can't spend time with me? Also, I understand people need their own hobbies and all but he literally doesn't speak to me during these 10 hours and it has been multiple days in a row lately. It's very aggravating. He also says he's going to "spend time with me" and then 2 to 4 hours will go by and he will still be playing. He says that he can't predict how the game will go. But most of all it bothers me that he finds time to talk to his sister, friends, mom, etc. without giving me any time. What would you do? Also, we've talked about this problem over and over. It's annoying for me to even try to make him understand how I feel at this point. He's never been ignored for hours by anyone.

[cyphorX]

Ok so my boyfriend has been driving me crazy lately. I just need a place to vent. Lately he has been playing destiny and will play up to 10 hours per day. We are in the process of moving so we both are not working but will be very soon. Anyway, he finally got off the game today after 10 hours and 30 minutes of playing. His sister comes home at the exact same time so when I was annoyed with him after he stopped playing, he goes outside and talks to them (sister and her fiance). I was going to try and ignore him just to show him what it feels like to be ignored for long periods of time but he goes and finds someone else to talk to every time. He talks to a couple of his friends on the phone for an hour at a time, EVEN if he is busy playing the game the rest of the day. So it doesn't make sense why he can't spend time with me? Also, I understand people need their own hobbies and all but he literally doesn't speak to me during these 10 hours and it has been multiple days in a row lately. It's very aggravating. He also says he's going to "spend time with me" and then 2 to 4 hours will go by and he will still be playing. He says that he can't predict how the game will go. But most of all it bothers me that he finds time to talk to his sister, friends, mom, etc. without giving me any time. What would you do? Also, we've talked about this problem over and over. It's annoying for me to even try to make him understand how I feel at this point. He's never been ignored for hours by anyone.

 

Would you rather his mistress be a video game or another woman, for christ sake at least he is at home and not out running the streets.

[hayhay2525]

If my boyfriend can't spend time with me, why be with him? I'm not going to just be around someone but never speak to them and keep dating them. I'm sorry but I want a real relationship with someone. I don't want to just see the back of them all day long as I pass by through another room.

[cyphorX]

If my boyfriend can't spend time with me, why be with him? I'm not going to just be around someone but never speak to them and keep dating them. I'm sorry but I want a real relationship with someone. I don't want to just see the back of them all day long as I pass by through another room.

you said he spent 10 hours playing a game, there are 24 hours in a day, are you saying he never spends time with you? do you guys still have sex? do you still talk about stuff?

[preraph]

Why would you stay with this loser? He doesn't seem to care one way or the other. She probably just wants you there convenient for when he wants sex clear he doesn't really want to just visit with you and spend time with me. He's happiest alone playing games. Don't you think you can do better? He's nothing.

[ZayKayWill]

10 hours is pretty excessive. Is he playing that much every day? I love video games too but I'm lucky to get 10 hours a week at most if even close to that. Miss the days where I could grind on a good Final Fantasy or Zelda game.

[basil67]

If my boyfriend can't spend time with me, why be with him? I'm not going to just be around someone but never speak to them and keep dating them. I'm sorry but I want a real relationship with someone. I don't want to just see the back of them all day long as I pass by through another room.

 

This all makes good sense. So why are you still with him?

[Cookiesandough]

You should learn to play destiny. Not only to help your relationship, but because it's fun AF

[duncsvoice]

What class does he play?

[CptInsano]

It's really a question of priority. If he "can't predict how the game will go" and makes you wait, then the game is in control and he is not. This is the reason why I don't play multi-player games. I want to be able to flip the switch at any time and do something better. And I like games, I even like coding games, but certain things in life come first, or one will be very lonely.

 

In my experience you will have to give your bf an ultimatum to change behavior. But even that may not work. I've seen more than one relationship end over this issue.

[Cookiesandough]

What class does he play?

 

asking the real questions.

 

But when a popular new game comes out, gamers often go overboard with it. After awhile (if they are normal), they wean off. Is your bf always playing video games 10 hours a day or is this just something annoying you lately since it came out a little over a week ago? I understand your frustrated and want his attention, but if this is just an occasional thing, NBD...Go do your own thing for a bit.

 

Look at when GTA 5 came out. Thousands took off work 'sick',

Edited September 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[duncsvoice]

asking the real questions.

 

But when a popular new game comes out, gamers often go overboard with it. After awhile (if they are normal), they wean off. Is your bf always playing video games 10 hours a day or is this just something annoying you lately since it came out a little over a week ago? I understand your frustrated and want his attention, but if this is just an occasional thing, NBD...Go do your own thing for a bit.

 

Look at when GTA 5 came out. Thousands took off work 'sick',

 

Yep, totally. I'm a fairly avid gamer, couple of hours if I haven't got anything else to do and my partner is typically alright with it providing I do all my chores.

 

Destiny 2 on the other hand is crazy addictive, I could barely keep my eyes off it this past weekend to the point I felt a bit guilty! If it's just this one game, then fair enough but try and have a chat with him because it'll just stay the same. If it's with every game, then his priorities just aren't on you.

[PegNosePete]

If my boyfriend can't spend time with me, why be with him? I'm not going to just be around someone but never speak to them and keep dating them. I'm sorry but I want a real relationship with someone. I don't want to just see the back of them all day long as I pass by through another room.

Have you told him this? In those exact words. Don't water it down.

 

Within a couple of days you will have your answer.

[Els]

Ok so my boyfriend has been driving me crazy lately. I just need a place to vent. Lately he has been playing destiny and will play up to 10 hours per day. We are in the process of moving so we both are not working but will be very soon. Anyway, he finally got off the game today after 10 hours and 30 minutes of playing. His sister comes home at the exact same time so when I was annoyed with him after he stopped playing, he goes outside and talks to them (sister and her fiance). I was going to try and ignore him just to show him what it feels like to be ignored for long periods of time but he goes and finds someone else to talk to every time. He talks to a couple of his friends on the phone for an hour at a time, EVEN if he is busy playing the game the rest of the day. So it doesn't make sense why he can't spend time with me? Also, I understand people need their own hobbies and all but he literally doesn't speak to me during these 10 hours and it has been multiple days in a row lately. It's very aggravating. He also says he's going to "spend time with me" and then 2 to 4 hours will go by and he will still be playing. He says that he can't predict how the game will go. But most of all it bothers me that he finds time to talk to his sister, friends, mom, etc. without giving me any time. What would you do? Also, we've talked about this problem over and over.

 

This is a man-child who doesn't care about you, and you should leave. I'm saying this as a fellow gamer whose partner is also a gamer. We enjoy the games we play, but if the other person wanted to do something other than play games we would choose them over the game every single time.

 

Being a "gamer" doesn't automatically give you the right to ignore all your responsibilities and loved ones. It certainly doesn't mean you should spend TEN hours on it every single day while ignoring your partner and not making the effort to do anything with them, either! Anything can be fun and healthy when done in moderation. When done to this degree of excess and to the exclusion of your relationship, it's an addiction, plain and simple.

 

Leave, there is no point being with an addict.

Edited September 18, 2017 by Elswyth

[Redhead14]

Ok so my boyfriend has been driving me crazy lately. I just need a place to vent. Lately he has been playing destiny and will play up to 10 hours per day. We are in the process of moving so we both are not working but will be very soon. Anyway, he finally got off the game today after 10 hours and 30 minutes of playing. His sister comes home at the exact same time so when I was annoyed with him after he stopped playing, he goes outside and talks to them (sister and her fiance). I was going to try and ignore him just to show him what it feels like to be ignored for long periods of time but he goes and finds someone else to talk to every time. He talks to a couple of his friends on the phone for an hour at a time, EVEN if he is busy playing the game the rest of the day. So it doesn't make sense why he can't spend time with me? Also, I understand people need their own hobbies and all but he literally doesn't speak to me during these 10 hours and it has been multiple days in a row lately. It's very aggravating. He also says he's going to "spend time with me" and then 2 to 4 hours will go by and he will still be playing. He says that he can't predict how the game will go. But most of all it bothers me that he finds time to talk to his sister, friends, mom, etc. without giving me any time. What would you do? Also, we've talked about this problem over and over. It's annoying for me to even try to make him understand how I feel at this point. He's never been ignored for hours by anyone.

 

we've talked about this problem over and over . . . what would you do? - I would talk to him ONCE about it and then I would drop it for a bit and observe whether he is making any effort to address the problem. In the meantime, I would be being busy with my life and friends. If there hadn't been any improvement, I probably would end the relationship. I don't hang around for a "romantic" relationship if the other person isn't making me a priority. I don't nag people. I make my boundaries and needs known in a respectful way and then I observe whether they make an effort to meet them. I might do this twice if I were married, but I wouldn't do it over and over again with a boyfriend.

 

He says that he can't predict how the game will go. -- You tell him that you have a "crystal ball" that can predict how this relationship will go if he doesn't start making the relationship a priority. You're in the process of moving so I am sure there is lots to be done.

 

I understand people need their own hobbies -- Get really busy with your own hobbies. See if he notices.

 

Games are fun and can be relaxing/distractions from stress, etc. But, when it takes over and affects a relationship, there's something else wrong usually. You should have ONE more conversation about it. Be firm, but respectful about what you need and what your expectations are. Then you make a mental time limit for yourself, say a few days or so, and observe whether or not he's "getting it". If not, you end the relationship once and for all. Moving or not. If you are both bound by a new lease, you'll have to draw the line and create strong boundaries and rules for when you are in the new place but make it clear that you are no longer in a relationship and just roommates. That's pretty much all you are now, isn't it?

 

The other way to go is, ride it out. You're moving soon and work will be starting. See whether or not this pattern continues when he gets home after work. If he's still doing that, do what I said above and just be roommates.

[PegNosePete]

Get really busy with your own hobbies. See if he notices.

Of course he'll notice. "Cool she isn't nagging me any more, I can play even longer"

And then when you go back to him steaming mad, "oh I thought you were happy doing X, that's why I didn't interrupt you"

 

Don't play these attention seeking games. Just communicate.

[Redhead14]

Of course he'll notice. "Cool she isn't nagging me any more, I can play even longer"

And then when you go back to him steaming mad, "oh I thought you were happy doing X, that's why I didn't interrupt you"

 

Don't play these attention seeking games. Just communicate.

 

 

She's talked to him numerous times. And, she can say the same to him. I'm not suggesting that as a game. I'm telling her to start getting busy with her own life so that she is reconnecting with the world, so to speak, and preparing to move on if he shows her that he doesn't want to meet her needs. . She takes measures to prepare herself for that eventuality.

 

Communication isn't working. You don't nag people. It doesn't work. This guy has been dismissing her for quite some time. Instead of sitting around stewing about this, use the time to enjoy herself.

[Gaeta]

She's talked to him numerous times. And, she can say the same to him. I'm not suggesting that as a game. I'm telling her to start getting busy with her own life so that she is reconnecting with the world, so to speak, and preparing to move on if he shows her that he doesn't want to meet her needs. . She takes measures to prepare herself for that eventuality.

 

Communication isn't working. You don't nag people. It doesn't work. This guy has been dismissing her for quite some time. Instead of sitting around stewing about this, use the time to enjoy herself.

 

 

Because she spoke to him numerous times I think it's a waste of time to talk to him again, and a waste of time to observe him. She observed him plenty it seems.

 

I would pack and leave without a word. I bet he won't even notice the moving truck in the drive-way.

 

OP, what you see is what you get. Give him a few years and you'll have a dirty, unshaven, belly hanging man living permanently on your couch, playing video games. There you'll be with a baby on one hip and another hanging to your leg while yelling at him why he has not cut the grass yet. You have the power now to not make this your future.

[normal person]

Would you rather his mistress be a video game or another woman, for christ sake at least he is at home and not out running the streets.

 

Because there are absolutely no other alternatives, right?

 

If my boyfriend can't spend time with me, why be with him? I'm not going to just be around someone but never speak to them and keep dating them. I'm sorry but I want a real relationship with someone. I don't want to just see the back of them all day long as I pass by through another room.

 

You're right -- why be with him? Seriously, why are you still with him? You're prioritizing him and he's prioritizing video games like a 14 year old. He could be doing something productive like fixing something around the house, working, earning extra money, developing a new skill, learning, reading, working your relationship, or trying to improve your lives somehow, but he's not. He's just wasting his time with escapism in baffling amounts. I could understand an hour or two here or there after a long day at work, but literally 10 hours a day? It sounds like he prefers the virtual life in his video game to his actual life, and that would terrify me if I were you. I would leave him immediately, but that's just me.

[Els]

Because there are absolutely no other alternatives, right?

 

 

 

You're right -- why be with him? Seriously, why are you still with him? You're prioritizing him and he's prioritizing video games like a 14 year old. He could be doing something productive like fixing something around the house, working, earning extra money, developing a new skill, learning, reading, working your relationship, or trying to improve your lives somehow, but he's not. He's just wasting his time with escapism in baffling amounts. I could understand an hour or two here or there after a long day at work, but literally 10 hours a day? It sounds like he prefers the virtual life in his video game to his actual life, and that would terrify me if I were you. I would leave him immediately, but that's just me.

 

It also really baffles me how any adult could possibly afford or want to spend 10 hours a day on a video game regularly. Even when I was a college kid and playing in tournaments or hitting global raid leaderboards, 5 hours would be my maximum - and I was a kid, single (or in a LDR) and living in college accommodation and playing with college friends. As an adult in a live-in relationship, I can't even imagine how that would be possible or desirable. Okay so he's off work because they're "moving", but aren't there "moving" tasks to be done? And if the move is so simple, why does he need to take so much time off work to "move"?

 

I really just don't think there's any way to excuse this level of addiction, especially when he has all that free time and chooses to spend none of it with his presumed "girlfriend". It surprises me that anyone is even defending this dude.

Edited September 18, 2017 by Elswyth

[normal person]

As an adult in a live-in relationship, I can't even imagine how that would be possible or desirable.

 

[...]

 

It surprises me that anyone is even defending this dude.

 

The world is so baffling to me. You get guys coming on here complaining that womens' standards are impossibly high, and then you get women coming on here complaining that their boyfriend, a grown adult, plays video games for 10 hours a day and they don't know what to do about it.

 

OP, why are you still with him? I'm not being facetious, if you explain it in further detail it might help garner you some advice.

[BikerAccnt]

It also really baffles me how any adult could possibly afford or want to spend 10 hours a day on a video game regularly. .

 

10 hours a day every day would be a bit much, but as an avid gamer myself, I probably average about 3 hours a day, maybe more on weekends, even some 6 hour days in winter.

 

I come home from work, eat dinner and after chores are done I game. I don't watch much TV, I'd rather game. If the weathers nice I may go for a motorcycle ride first, but then I'll play a game.

 

I can't understand how an adult can come home from work and veg on the couch for 3 or 4 hours watching Game of Thrones, Sopronoes, Sons of Anarchy, or anything myself.

 

Different strokes.

 

That said, it it's causing a problem in the relationship, and he's unwilling to do anything about it, then the OP needs to make a decision. After all, when you are living together, married, or in a serious relationship, all problems, are a couple problem.

 

 

--edited to add -- of course I live alone atm, and I do prioritize time with my GF over gaming. Real life should always take preference. All I am saying is that I view gaming no different than any other hobby, and don't hold it to a lower standard because it's a "game". OP's BF could be out in the garage wood-working for 10 hours at a time. if he's ignoring the relationship because of it, it's an issue.

Edited September 19, 2017 by BikerAccnt

[Els]

10 hours a day every day would be a bit much, but as an avid gamer myself, I probably average about 3 hours a day, maybe more on weekends, even some 6 hour days in winter.

 

I come home from work, eat dinner and after chores are done I game. I don't watch much TV, I'd rather game. If the weathers nice I may go for a motorcycle ride first, but then I'll play a game.

 

If the person was single I could understand, but if you have a relationship that you value and other things to take care of (like the house you're living in), how could this work? Assuming you work full time, 3 hours after dinner and chores is usually bedtime - where do you fit in time with partner, exercise, other interests, etc? Again on weekends, after errands are done, can a person really fit in 6 hours of gaming each day while maintaining a good relationship, other hobbies, and a healthy life? SOMEthing has to give.

 

Still, I'd say 3 hours a day might be still within the border of reasonable, but 10 hours is waaaaaay out there.

 

I can't understand how an adult can come home from work and veg on the couch for 3 or 4 hours watching Game of thrones

I wouldn't recommend this either.

 

edited to add -- of course I live alone atm, and I do prioritize time with my GF over gaming. Real life should always take preference. All I am saying is that I view gaming no different than any other hobby, and don't hold it to a lower standard because it's a "game".

 

Of course. But neither should that give him a free pass.

Edited September 19, 2017 by Elswyth

[hayhay2525]

So you guys were right. He didn't care. He ended up breaking up with me after I had a depression episode. And guess how he broke up with me? He LEFT ME at a hotel in a random state that we are not from. His sister helped him leave me. He kept screaming how he "didn't give a ****" what happened to me. I am so heart broken. I know he cared for me at one point. We even talked about marriage. It's been 3 days since he left me stranded. This is so hard on me. He meant a lot to me. He hasn't called or checked on me at all. He must not even feel guilty. We were sharing a car and he left me in an unfamiliar small town with no car and the hotel was $100 a night! Someone had to drive and come get me. He has nothing to do with me anymore. I wish I would have seen this coming but I didn't. I'm in shock. I never expected him to be that cold. People have checked on me but it doesn't fix the pain and heartache.

[hayhay2525]

To further explain the first issue, we had been together for 3 years and 3 months. We lived together the whole time. He did not excessively game the whole time. He did it in cycles and some were not as bad as the recent one. I've struggled with depression and his recent gaming did not help. It furthered me into a depressive state because I felt as if he did not care about me. And I guess he really didn't after seeing what he did to me next. His family hasn't been helpful either. He has been the most cold hearted of all obviously. I should have seen this coming. In the beginning of us before we officially dated, he ignored me once for a few weeks. He blamed it on us not being official anyway and I believed that. Now he's able to leave me to die (BASICALLY) and he's content with that. He treated me well and was faithful during our relationship. We talked about marriage, we talked about working all of our problems out. I honestly did not see this coming. He was head over heels for me as far as I knew. He complimented me a lot. We just had the gaming issue during the past two weeks of our relationship. He always told me he did not give second chances to people after breaking up. I guess he was telling the truth. Although he always told me he never wanted us to break up. It's so painful that he is content enough to not contact me after such a hateful move. It's been 3 days. I had to contact people I knew and find a ride back home to my home state.