Why do older men not message me at all on OLD?

[vanhalenfan]

Less drama?

I doubt that very much.

Now you will be entering serious baggage territory...

Ex wives, ex long term gfs, kids, mixed up and hurt kids...

Guys who are hurt, bitter and disappointed.

The emotionally restricted, the commitment-phobes, the divorcees, the playboys, the still married and attached, the "separated", the manipulators, the controllers and the abusers...

Older guys seeking younger women who they know they can get away with murder with..

 

YOU think young men can be difficult, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Stay in your own age group is my advice, you usually know their language and are better prepared for what they may hit you with.

 

Yes there are good guys in any age group, but do not assume that the older they are means you are somehow entering a "better" pool.

 

I could not agree more! I've dated a few older men - baggage galore! Midlife crisis, commitment issues, bitter ex wives and children who are screwed up from divorces...It's brutal! Beware of the older man...

[GunslingerRoland]

Younger men are kind of hard for me to talk sometimes. They don't seem very mature. Most I speak to are a little more emotionally mature than me, but that's like having more water than the Sahara desert.

 

Honestly as a 40 year old, I don't think I'd want to seriously date someone who describes themselves as such... I mean why would a mature person want to date an immature person? I mean fun loving and "frolicsome" sure, but someone who is emotionally immature sounds like something I'd be hoping to be past in relationships.

[hotpotato]

In my experience, a lot of older men are over confident! The downside is that they can become too aggressive. It is true that as men het older, they care less what people think. A 20 year old man may take a 20 year old woman for granted. However, that 40 year old man may try to holla!

 

Maybe because ive met so many, but by no means are older men more articulate in general. I guess it depends. Some are articulate and smart but have other problems. My first bf was nearly double my age. Smart, nerdy, good job, but he was a sex addict. I used to think just like op, that older men are better. Young men have pros and cons, older men have pros and cons. One must decide what they can deal with.

 

Also, as far as online, maybe not that man older guys are using dating sites to begin with. Most of the older guys ive met, ive met them in low key places. Think bookstores and parks.

 

Kerp in mind that even if your man has kids and mom has custody most of the time, life happens. The mom can die or get really sick and bam, you have 3 kids in your house who resent you bc you took mommys place. That has happened to someone i know of.

 

By no means am i telling op what to do. Heck,i have a guy pal right now who is waaay older than me. Hes already alluded to how his wife screwed him over in divorce. People who are 30,50, and up have probably bern slapped in the face by life.

[hotpotato]

Honestly as a 40 year old, I don't think I'd want to seriously date someone who describes themselves as such... I mean why would a mature person want to date an immature person? I mean fun loving and "frolicsome" sure, but someone who is emotionally immature sounds like something I'd be hoping to be past in relationships.

 

Plenty of guys will try. I knew a guy who broke up with his much younger girlfriend bc she was immature. My ex said i was immature. Many guys will try so they can have a girlfriend 20,30 years younger than them. At the same time its obvious there will be differences because of the age gap.

[Cookiesandough]

Honestly as a 40 year old, I don't think I'd want to seriously date someone who describes themselves as such... I mean why would a mature person want to date an immature person? I mean fun loving and "frolicsome" sure, but someone who is emotionally immature sounds like something I'd be hoping to be past in relationships.

 

I get what you're saying. I can't lie and say I'm as mature as most 40 yo women. I am not as experienced in life. Also emotionally not sure what I am looking for and how I develop feelings for someone. Nothing too serious

 

@Hotpotato

Thank you. Your posts are helpful and seems like we have stuff in common. You're probably right....pros and cons to everything. They are often less attractive, but there some really cute ones. One of the guys I am talking to has two daughters. One is a teen. That's a little daunting. I guess I'm just going to roll with it.

[GunslingerRoland]

I get what you're saying. I can't lie and say I'm as mature as most 40 yo women. I am not as experienced in life. Also emotionally not sure what I am looking for and how I develop feelings for someone. Nothing too serious

 

I think after a certain age emotional maturity and life experience don't necessarily correlate all that well anymore. In my experience those people who don't have emotional maturity by their late 20's have a good chance of never having it. I'm not saying you won't, I'm just saying you need to find it (in yourself) rather than waiting for it to happen after 10 million life XP points.

[hotpotato]

Oh no, not teen girls lol

Sometimes single parents become too enmeshed with their children. I had an entire thread abt that! Ine thing i learned is that you can become MeanOldStepMomBeeyotch fairly easily. Wooooo!

 

The child isnt gonna divorce them so they cling to that child too much. Of course, i dont know what your guys situation is like. However after daying older men,i have sympathies for men who dont want to date women with kids. Devils advocate.

 

Im fairly liberal with age gaps,i go younger and older. However, its much easier for me to meet older guys. One reason im single is bc i dont want to deal with older mens bs-being compared to other women, being salty over being divorced (understandably so), dealing with kids, oh yes, and dealing with them pining over lost loves. Oh and cant tell them anything bc they are stuck in their ways. Whew!

 

So all of this is what ive learned from trying to deal with older men for the past 12 years. I wouldnt say its been easy.

 

Best of luck, i hope you can figure out what works for you!

[Cookiesandough]

Hot chicks find my posts interesting you guys.

 

You're probably right that I will need to work on myself . I am of the belief that although maturity is partly biological, much of it is learned. The correlation is isnt much with age but experience that age allows. That's why you see it doesn't correlate so well "anymore". People these days don't need to grow up as fast. But I think with more experiences you learn more about yourself and adapt to handling situations better...or you need a lot of therapy

 

Anyway, thank you so much. You all are very insightful

Edited October 11, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Divasu]

Nevermind.

Edited October 11, 2017 by Divasu
Meant to press alert button.

[Chris2016]

I (mid late 20s) don't think I've ever received a message from a man over 38...

Why? I don't think my profile is immature. It's just interesting that I mostly get 30-35 with a few 38 but never any higher??? I mean not one guy in his 40s messaging me that I can recall? No guys in their 60s? I mean not that I'm trying to date a guy that much older, just curious?

 

Can other ladies relate?

 

Because you're not trying to date a guy that much older.

 

Older guys know that.

[Sweetfish]

Thank you. I think I like older men now. They are less drama. I seek a long-term partner. Kids or no kids

 

I Love it lmao!!

 

Like clock work

[Cookiesandough]

I Love it lmao!!

 

Like clock work

 

lol in my last thread I turned back the clock on this ... this isn't true anymore and I canceled dates with 2 older men

Edited October 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

lol in my last thread I turned back the clock on this ... this isn't true anymore and I canceled dates with 2 older men

 

How old would you be comfortable with? I tried much older and it was kind of terrible, although funny enough, I was 27 and wanted to stay home the whole time, and he was 46 and wanted to party every night. This lifestyle difference was killing me, maybe it was not age related, but certainly he was overdoing it to compensate for his age...

[Cookiesandough]

How old would you be comfortable with? I tried much older and it was kind of terrible, although funny enough, I was 27 and wanted to stay home the whole time, and he was 46 and wanted to party every night. This lifestyle difference was killing me, maybe it was not age related, but certainly he was overdoing it to compensate for his age...

 

Lol. That's hilarious. That's a pretty big difference. Was that the biggest issue or did age being other issues in compatibility? Was he the one who you were engaged to?

I don't think I'm comfortable dating someone that much older because I'll probably not be grounded enough for them. But I was willing to go on a few dates. I'd be willing to date any age but on the upper end it's harder for me to find someone I'm attracted to. Not impossible though. Did you feel judged for dating so much older or what did your folk's think?

.

Edited October 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

Oh no, this was my very first bf. I think I'm just too shy and it that point I was 24/7 in the lab, so if he didn't force me into a relationship I would have still be a virgin. The biggest issue... Oh there were so many, age was a small one. He was broke and I had to support him, he was having an anger issues and things went south on few occasions, he was immature for his age and I was supporting him emotionally to reconnect with his family (siblings and mom) that he left in another continent 20+ years ago. It was just a wild test relationship for me. If I stayed with him, I would have never been bored but maybe I won't have been alive . I'm joking but it wans't funny back then.

 

Nevertheless - the biggest issue with age was that he was NOT taking me as an equal. Every thing for him was - been there, done that. And this was super frustrating. So after him I set my age limit MAX 10 years apart, if that (my recent ex that I almost got engaged to was 7 years older and it was still notable difference).

 

People do judge, yes. One of my best friends is in a relationship with a man near 30 years her junior - let's talk about judging here... But that's the least of all problems.

 

If I were you, I'd stick to 25-35 age range (assuming you are in your late 20s).

 

Lol. That's hilarious. That's a pretty big difference. Was that the biggest issue or did age being other issues in compatibility? Was he the one who you were engaged to?

I don't think I'm comfortable dating someone that much older because I'll probably not be grounded enough for them. But I was willing to go on a few dates. I'd be willing to date any age but on the upper end it's harder for me to find someone I'm attracted to. Not impossible though. Did you feel judged for dating so much older or what did your folk's think?

.

[OatsAndHall]

I'm 37 and used to message women in their mid twenties but I tend to avoid it now and I just don't find myself having much in common with them. Some of it comes down to the generational gap and some of it is their lack of experience in relationships.

 

I won't start "millennial bashing" but I have been out with a few of them and there was a significant difference in lifestyles. It really does come down to technology for me. I don't like texting or being heavily involved on social media and most of the millennial women I have dated are basically addicted to their phones. Communication is huge for me when it comes to dating and I strongly dislike the reliance on technology in the aspect. I went out with one 25 year old who really was a sweetheart but she just couldn't put the phone away. She'd do her best not to check texts and whatnot when we were out but it was certainly hard for her; I'd use the bathroom and come back and she'd be answering the dozen texts she had gotten since the date started. She'd try to put her phone away quickly but I sat there for five to ten minutes at times while she messed around on her phone.

 

And, I tend to date women that are older than me because they've had their bumps and bruises in relationships which goes a long way for me. There's more open communication and just more understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work. I am seeing a woman who is six years older than me right now and we've been able to have serious conversations about what we want out of a relationship from the get-go. We've both learned from our failed relationships and have talked about how they apply to our current dating situations. We have been able to talk about our deal-breakers and why they are deal-breakers early on. We both understand where the other one is coming from.

 

My last serious relationship was with a sweet girl who is 27 years old. Our relationship started off well but it went into the tank because of poor communication and because of her lack of experience in a relationship. Our relationship had it's problems but it basically ended because she wanted to discuss a serious matter via text. I told her that I wasn't okay with that as there's no tone to text and things could be misconstrued. She pushed it, wouldn't talk over the phone, I got upset and told her that I needed some time to cool off. The conversation wasn't going to be productive because I was getting angry and needed to collect myself. She kept pushing it as she kept saying that she couldn't understand how I could get so upset that I wouldn't talk to her. I explained to her that I wasn't upset with her but that I was upset with the situation and needed to pull myself together so it didn't turn into a fight. Well, it turned into a fight and things ended via text. Pathetic..

[Cobra_X]

Hot chicks find my posts interesting you guys.

You're probably right that I will need to work on myself . I am of the belief that although maturity is partly biological, much of it is learned. The correlation is isnt much with age but experience that age allows. That's why you see it doesn't correlate so well "anymore". People these days don't need to grow up as fast. But I think with more experiences you learn more about yourself and adapt to handling situations better...or you need a lot of therapy

Anyway, thank you so much. You all are very insightful

 

Maturity comes in stages. People almost never skip a stage, however they can become stuck at one, or regress a bit.

 

Being independent was my first adult stage... getting a successful career and traveling around the world. My second stage I believe was learning to be responsible for others. With a baby girl on the way, I expect that being responsible for children will trigger the next stage.

 

I can tell you that when I was just independent and caring for myself only that my thinking was very rigid and I was judgmental. Right now I am not rigid or idealistic.

[hotpotato]

How old would you be comfortable with? I tried much older and it was kind of terrible, although funny enough, I was 27 and wanted to stay home the whole time, and he was 46 and wanted to party every night. This lifestyle difference was killing me, maybe it was not age related, but certainly he was overdoing it to compensate for his age...

 

My guy and i are like this. He loves to drink, party, play loud music, go clubbing. I like reading, walks, and ballet. I dont think hes compensating. I think thats his personality. My ex was older and also a big people person though not a partier.

[BluesPower]

Well, I am talking to 2 men older than me(one is 38 and another is 43) and will meet with them soon.

 

The reason I like them is because they seem more confident, practical, collected, and articulate. Younger men are kind of hard for me to talk sometimes. They don't seem very mature. Most I speak to are a little more emotionally mature than me, but that's like having more water than the Sahara desert. More importantly, a lot them don't keep up with current events or something. Especially in the science field, you run into guys who know next to nothing at all. Instead of it being an enriching experience, I often tell them about stuff. I like to learn. And their take on political issues are often bare bones and very out there. They're idealists without much grasp on reality; haven't been hardened by pragmaticism I guess, which isn't a bad mindset, but it's become tiresome to me.

 

Also, older men present differently on dates. I have only been on a date with one very long ago who was a mutual friend and he had a very calm demeanor. I don't know how to put it, and again, I am sorry for generalizing, but younger men are often kind of fidgety like they are almost tweaking out of their skin on dates. Maybe it's loosely bridled hormones.

 

I just think a date with older man will be a more interesting and dynamic experience. They have lived a longer life, after all.

 

I have a frolicsome personality, but I will try to tone it and be more mature on my dates. Hopefully they like me.

 

Yes Elaine older men do have less drama, unless they are nuts. Which does happen.

 

C&D, you are correct that older men, really grown men, of the right type are more confident and more worldly. In general they are better in bed as well. They just have more experience.

 

If you meet the right guy, he will be all of those things, and he should know how to treat a lady.

 

However, you do not want a peter pan, and you have to be discerning if you are going to go there. The wanta be biker boys, weekend warriors, are not what you want. They are usually man children reliving their youth.

 

Before any WBBB's jump on me... I know some real bikers, banditos and HA's, grew up with and around them. Frankly, they are bad people.

 

However, if you want kids, you need someone in their 40's and maybe no older than 45. These guys are still young enough for kids and if they want that and they can afford to take care of them and you if you desire.

 

Me, younger women, just saying, are too much drama. If they are too young the don't know that much about sex so I have to teach a little too much. They get too attached too easily. On and on.

 

But keep your head about you and you may find the one...

[Cookiesandough]

My guy and i are like this. He loves to drink, party, play loud music, go clubbing. I like reading, walks, and ballet. I dont think hes compensating. I think thats his personality. My ex was older and also a big people person though not a partier.

 

I didn't know you were dating I thought you stopped hotpotato

 

I guess I want to try something new. I think deep down I want a LTR....I think. A casual LTR. I want love but I wish you could skip the "getting to know" each other part... ugh does that really matter?

[hotpotato]

I didn't know you were dating I thought you stopped hotpotato

 

I guess I want to try something new. I think deep down I want a LTR....I think. A casual LTR. I want love but I wish you could skip the "getting to know" each other part... ugh does that really matter?

 

New guy and i arent committed or dating seriously. I see him once every couple of weeks.

 

It would be a lot easier if we could skip that getting to knlw you stage. I dont know how, aside from arranged marriages lol

[Sweetfish]

I didn't know you were dating I thought you stopped hotpotato

 

I guess I want to try something new. I think deep down I want a LTR....I think. A casual LTR. I want love but I wish you could skip the "getting to know" each other part... ugh does that really matter?

 

 

Hotpotato is so inconsistent and contradicts everything she says.

[hotpotato]

Hotpotato is so inconsistent and contradicts everything she says.

 

Lol im not dating him, nor am i looking to date anyone. Thats not a contradiction.

[nospam99]

No guys in their 60s? I mean not that I'm trying to date a guy that much older, just curious?

 

I'm late to this 'party' but have my own answer to this question. I'm a 60-something looking for a 'life' LTR on OLD. I don't even think in terms of messaging a 20-something (or 30, 40, etc - my search criteria starts at 55). I have little to offer sexually compared to younger men. And my best years of 'providing' are past so I don't see myself as offering anything to a young woman who is interested in raising a family. I do see myself as extremely healthy and active for my age so I'm looking for and at women who seem to be similarly healthy and active. The idea is to 'share' whatever 'golden years' there may be. I can't see that working with a woman young enough to be .... let's just say .... my daughter. If I was a 'player'. Yeah, I'd be hitting on 'almost jailbait'. I suspect you'd get your share of 60s at a site like seekingarrangement.

[suds00]

i'm an older man.all i get are messages from much younger women who want children.