I had a very concerning dream

[Trail Blazer]

Hey all.

 

I'm not sure if I've put this in the right section or not, but I had a dream last night which concerned me. I have posted up a thread detailing my relationship issues previously which included pretty much everything. I won't go repeating myself, what I will say is key here is that my sex life is non-existent and I'm struggling greatly.

 

So anyhoo, in my line of work I get out and about at various points throughout the day and evening. I have been seeing this girl at a bus stop I drive past frequently for the last 18 months. I find her very attractive and I can't help but notice and look. I think I reached a tipping point over summer, seeing how attractive she was in her summer dresses etc.

 

In the past before I was married I would have probably driven up to the bus stop and tried chatting her up. Obviously I wouldn't do this being married, but the thing is while I have restraint when I am in control, I cannot control my subconscious. I have resisted the urge to masturbate in the shower while having her image in my head.

 

Well, last night I had a dream that I in fact did pull up at the bus stop and offer her a ride. In my dream she said yes and she hopped into my truck. We talked and I never mentioned to her in my dream that I was married and had kids. I told her all the things I had thought about her and would have told her had I not been married. Things like how beautiful I found her, how I couldn't help noticing her over a period of time.

 

Some of the details in the dream were blurry, but the crux of it was that I had been picking her up every time I drove past over a period of time that's unclear, but say it was a month or so. I asked her for her name, which she responded only as "Mia". She invited me back to her place and after initially resisting I couldn't control myself and instead of dropping her to her destination I went back with her.

 

We ended up having sex. We were having sex missionary style with me on top. I remember feeling zero guilt and complete pleasure as I was emersed inside of her. Her breasts, body was exactly as how I had pictured her previously. I felt a release from the mental restraint I had placed upon myself IRL because of it obviously being a bad thing for a married man to think of anotuer woman.

 

The disturbing part happened when "Mia" mentioned in the middle of sex that I had never asked her for her last name. I remember saying "okay tell me" and she asked me to lean forward so she could whisper in my ear. I obliged and she whispered "Culpa". I was taken aback and she was laughing as though she'd been some seductive temptress who had tricked me.

 

She started laughing and saying "I am yours... I am your Mia Culpa". But the strangest thing of all was that while I knew I was being played, I didn't even understand how I was being played. I woke up in a panic. I went to the bathroom and I couldn't get her image out of my head. I had to masturbate given the state of arousal I was in and I was weak. Weak in that my wife lay asleep in the same bed I was in having dreamed my dream, yet I masturbated over another woman.

 

Curiously, all day it had been bugging me. I had not originally thought about what she meant with her words, but I remember hearing the Latin term being said before. Not being one of those pretentious people who likes using Latin to substitute English, I Googled Mia Culpa and of course the definition came up under "mea culpa", the Latin phrase meaning through my fault.

 

She said that I was hers... her Mia Culpa... mea culpa in fact while she laughed. Her image was in my head, I had been having subconscious sex with her and consciously woke up to finish what had been my fault for fantasizing over another woman. To say I feel guilty is an understatement. I feel I am charting down treacherous waters and that dream was an eerie reminder that perhaps I'm not as good and as strong a person as I think I am.

[PegNosePete]

that dream was an eerie reminder that perhaps I'm not as good and as strong a person as I think I am.

No, dreams are not to be taken literally. I think that dream was a reminder of what a healthy relationship and sex life feels like, and how you yearn to have one. Your subconscious mind was happily telling you through metaphor, what is missing from your life - not necessarily Mia but a fulfilling relationship in general. But then your conscious mind jumped in like a drunk party crasher, saying what's going on here then, and turned it into a mild nightmare with the mea cupla thing.

Edited September 18, 2017 by PegNosePete

[Davey L]

It's just a dream.

I'd also suggest that there probably aren't many men around who haven't masturbated over fantasies of women other than their wives.

So long as you don't actually pick her up in real life then I don't see a problem. If the temptation to do so is too much then drive a different route.

We all get tempted. It's whether you give in to that temptation - in real life - that counts.

[wmacbride]

it's just a dream, and likely doesn't mean anything Even Freud with all his hangups said that "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".

 

if you need to ascribe some deeper meaning to it, use it an as impetus to work on your marriage and make it as great as it can be.

[preraph]

Sometimes the characters in your dreams will actually tell you what they symbolize and they usually symbolize Part of Yourself. She symbolizes something that is your fault.

[Trail Blazer]

It's just a dream.

I'd also suggest that there probably aren't many men around who haven't masturbated over fantasies of women other than their wives.

So long as you don't actually pick her up in real life then I don't see a problem. If the temptation to do so is too much then drive a different route.

We all get tempted. It's whether you give in to that temptation - in real life - that counts.

 

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't masterbated over women who weren't my wife. Of course I have looked at pornography etc but I don't like to think of women in my neighborhood or whom I work with or even see around on a regular basis. I know it sounds illogical to say but for me it feels too close to home. But I did the other night and now I feel like I'm edging closer to a slippery slope. When I pass this woman again driving along I can't help but feel like I know her a little more in ways I shouldn't.

[Trail Blazer]

Sometimes the characters in your dreams will actually tell you what they symbolize and they usually symbolize Part of Yourself. She symbolizes something that is your fault.

 

She symbolizes issues in my marriage. Whether they are my fault, directly or indirectly, I suppose we are all responsible for the happiness of each other when we marry. Could I be a better husband, father, human being? Of course. But i am not perfect because I'm human, not because of a deliberate or reckless deviation. In every way I try my best in life and I feel life is a constant that allows us time to make many choices, good or bad, and it's never too late to start making good choices.

 

I am at the moment just a work in progress...

[road]

It's mea culpa

 

and being she said it

 

She was stating that is was her fault, not yours.

 

Normal to get horny. normal to masturbate.

Normal to have marriage problems.

 

Many people face the problems and make

changes and many just do nothing.

 

So you have a choice. Best one face it your

problem instead of ignoring it. However the

worst thing to do would be to cheat on your

wife.

[Trail Blazer]

It's mea culpa

 

and being she said it

 

She was stating that is was her fault, not yours.

 

Normal to get horny. normal to masturbate.

Normal to have marriage problems.

 

Many people face the problems and make

changes and many just do nothing.

 

So you have a choice. Best one face it your

problem instead of ignoring it. However the

worst thing to do would be to cheat on your

wife.

 

I know it is mea culpa, I said that in my op. She said "I'm your mea culpa, which suggests that she is my mistake. I believe I made that clear in the OP.

 

Don't worry, I am aware of my own marital problems and that I have to fix many things. Definitely I agree cheating would be the worst thing to do. I have no intention to do so.

[preraph]

She symbolizes issues in my marriage. Whether they are my fault, directly or indirectly, I suppose we are all responsible for the happiness of each other when we marry. Could I be a better husband, father, human being? Of course. But i am not perfect because I'm human, not because of a deliberate or reckless deviation. In every way I try my best in life and I feel life is a constant that allows us time to make many choices, good or bad, and it's never too late to start making good choices.

 

I am at the moment just a work in progress...

 

The good thing is that the subconscious is bringing this to you and letting you remember it because you are ready to deal with it. We suppress what we don't want to deal with. You're letting it come through.

[Trail Blazer]

The good thing is that the subconscious is bringing this to you and letting you remember it because you are ready to deal with it. We suppress what we don't want to deal with. You're letting it come through.

 

I'm not sure what the lesson here is. What am I ready to deal with? My lack of sex in my marriage? Fantasizing over other women because of that lack of sex? I haven't had a dream like that since... I did see this girl at the bus stop once more since the dream.