What practical steps do I need to take to prepare for a life as a single person?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Actually this thread has inspired to create a wine, cheese and board games night at my place and invite 10 acquaintances. 3 have RSVPd to come (so far).

 

I haven't invited any of them to my house before so it's kind of a big step for me

[Shanex]

Nice to read from you that we are a source of inspiration, ES.

 

Enjoy the party.

[Els]

The way I see it.. you can get a life partner, get married and blah, blah, blah.. then one day when you're 45, 50 or any other age that partner can get killed in a car accident, die of an illness or just decide to leave you for some reason. Then guess what? You are right back in the same situation of being single and alone.

 

I would think/hope that people are not having partners solely for this reason. It would be a terribly sad relationship in that case!

 

I'm with my partner because it feels right to be together. Because I see the relationship enriching my life in the years that we're together. I'm not banking entirely on him necessarily being there to hold my hand on my deathbed. There are so many unknowns with that, plus as a woman, unless you are with a younger man, chances are that you will outlive him.

 

The end of life is a horrible thing to contemplate, but I don't think we should let it affect how we choose to live our lives to such a large extent. If you don't meet the right person, far better to be single and enjoy your life rather than hitch up with someone whom you don't really want to be with just because you think it might give you some "security".

Edited September 20, 2017 by Elswyth

[No_Go]

Facing life's challenges alone is hard.

 

I wonder do others feel the same way but I find exactly the opposite: I handle challenges much better alone than if I share them with others, no matter how good their intentions are.

 

The ultimate anonymity of the experience make it appear ... nonexistent? Let say if I get sick or lose money or whatever: the pity in the eyes of people is the biggest fear, otherwise I know I can resolve the challenge myself one way or another.

 

Sh*tty stuff gets real and painful if/when it's shared.

 

I love good community for sharing good times, for bad times... I find isn't not only useless but harmful.

[kazen]

My approach to this issue is different. I accepted that life will ultimately have a miserable ending. It doesn't matter how well you prepare. Having accepted that fate, I don't worry about it anymore. I live for the present moment. When my senior years come and I am in constant agony, I'll just reflect on all those good times I had in my youth. I'll still try to have fun even if I'm on a wheelchair being feed pills by a robot.

[Ruby Slippers]

In my experience, it's only the very best friends who will really come to your aid when the chips are down. I agree with the advice to have a good stable of paid help at the ready - handyman, personal assistant, caregiver for sickness-related errands.

[stillafool]

Social circle. My mom and many of her friends are single (all ladies in their 50s-70s). They rely on each other when they need rides to doctor's appointments or anything else. My mom took her best friend back and forth for months when she was having cancer treatments.

 

 

This is the thing. I notice a lot of younger people don't have friends the way we did decades ago. Maybe all of this new technology is preventing face to face friendships. When single I always relied on my friends for help and vice versa. I think when you have a good network of friends you won't have to worry about help or loneliness. Also there are so many "help" services being created for seniors these days that even without friends you can still hire help.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I wonder do others feel the same way but I find exactly the opposite: I handle challenges much better alone than if I share them with others, no matter how good their intentions are.

 

The ultimate anonymity of the experience make it appear ... nonexistent? Let say if I get sick or lose money or whatever: the pity in the eyes of people is the biggest fear, otherwise I know I can resolve the challenge myself one way or another.

 

Sh*tty stuff gets real and painful if/when it's shared.

 

I love good community for sharing good times, for bad times... I find isn't not only useless but harmful.

 

I do relate to this too. I sometimes don't tell anyone when bad things happen (not even my parents) because it makes it seem less real. I also hate being pitied. I remember one weekend when I was robbed and frantically tried to think of what will I do with all the money I lost....I barely slept or ate from all the stress. I only spoke to the police who were of little help.

 

Then I walked into work on Monday and when asked how was my weekend, I just smiled "Oh you know, the usual". And by people treating me like everything was normal, I immediately felt calmer and more normal too.

 

For me it's more practical stuff, like when I am sick and can't get out of bad that I need. Emotional support, not so much.

Edited September 22, 2017 by Eternal Sunshine

[No_Go]

For practical stuff: again money, knowing your body and good medical team makes the human support unnecessary.

 

In contrast to the popular belief people rarely drop dead out of the blue. If you have a chronic condition: a good medical team should be informed, and you can even use wearables that will alert in case of emergency.

 

Human help: I think getting to know your neighbors will be way more efficient for medical alerts than having the best of friends that live away.

 

For old age you can plan best of care if you have solid savings. You won't lose your health overnight, aging is gradual process and much like childhood can be staged/planned.

 

I do relate to this too. I sometimes don't tell anyone when bad things happen (not even my parents) because it makes it seem less real. I also hate being pitied. I remember one weekend when I was robbed and frantically tried to think of what will I do with all the money I lost....I barely slept or ate from all the stress. I only spoke to the police who were of little help.

 

Then I walked into work on Monday and when asked how was my weekend, I just smiled "Oh you know, the usual". And by people treating me like everything was normal, I immediately felt calmer and more normal too.

 

For me it's more practical stuff, like when I am sick and can't get out of bad that I need. Emotional support, not so much.

[Myword]

Why are you worried now? You are still fairly young,are abandoning hope early--unless you are not telling us something important.

 

I disagree with the posters. Acquaintances usually are not reliable for much--don't expect favors or rides ...it is easy to say make friends but anytime you ask a friend for a favor it tests the friendship...he or she may feel they are being used only. I avoid asking anyone for help because there's a strong chance they will not follow through--and you will owe them in return.

Also don't ask seldom seen relatives. Many friends are not true..they are just guys to hang out with.

After many decades, I learned that I must do for myself and that can be lonely. Very. Two lonely people does not make things happier.

I have joined innumerable clubs online and real life to no avail, dancing and other social events...is that for you? Not me.

[Mysterio]

Sunshine. I think you just live your life. Maybe write in a diary and vent a little bit here. Work out and do positive things for yourself.

 

I love my life. Even though I don't have a SO. I wonder to myself. What am I really missing. Until I meet a women that really likes me romantically. What am I really missing.

 

If I look at my life. From when I was 18 to now. I have been with 11 women where it could have gone somewhere. I have never been without a romanitc prospect for 10 solid years.

 

I feel for you and I and others. We really have to let go of the effort to find love. When it finds us. We can evaluate. For me right now. Unless I have a woman that is making a great big effort with me. Making time for me and being playful and flirtatious in a obvious way. I just chill and focus on other stuff.