People say to take long breaks between partners?

[jerrygordon3]

I haven't really spent any time single ever. I'm either surrounded by women dating or in a serious relationship and I tend to go for crazies. Even dating between exes. I feel worried about being alone. Which bothers me and I'm just trying to figure out if the constant dating is keeping me from meeting someone better etc. how long are you supposed to take? Can you see anyone? Just sex. A year? Two? I'm lost. I feel almost like every time I date anyone it immediately turns into a breaking point of either relationship or stop hanging out.

[PegNosePete]

There is no "supposed to". You can do whatever you like. Whatever works for you.

 

But you state that you often date crazies. This suggests to me that you're not very picky. Better to stay single than to date a crazy, I think. If you stay single for longer then you might have more time to reflect on what you're really looking for.

[No_Go]

I'm a woman. I personally take the length of the relationship, divide it by 2. That's my post-relationship purge single time. No force on earth can make me date within that time. Monkey branching is a no no for me.

 

I haven't really spent any time single ever. I'm either surrounded by women dating or in a serious relationship and I tend to go for crazies. Even dating between exes. I feel worried about being alone. Which bothers me and I'm just trying to figure out if the constant dating is keeping me from meeting someone better etc. how long are you supposed to take? Can you see anyone? Just sex. A year? Two? I'm lost. I feel almost like every time I date anyone it immediately turns into a breaking point of either relationship or stop hanging out.

[kortz]

I haven't really spent any time single ever.

 

I feel worried about being alone.

 

You should take a look at yourself and these two things you have said. What worries you about being along?

 

Maybe you need to try and be single for a bit so that you can work on yourself and do some of the things you want to do outside of the world of relationships and dating. Learn to be comfortable on your own and enjoy spending time with friends and become confident in your own independence.

 

There is no right or wrong thing to do when it comes to being single between relationships, its whatever feels right. But I always find that when you try force it you just end up aimlessly dating round, and when you leave it and focus on other things you end up meeting someone out of the blue. It has happened to me a few times and I put it down to not worrying about dating and relationships and being happy on your own, that happiness reflects out and sooner or later someone notices that, usually when you least expect it.

[joseb]

What exactly are you worried about about being alone?

 

Sounds like you could do with some time being single.

Why don't you give it a try

[kendahke]

I haven't really spent any time single ever. I'm either surrounded by women dating or in a serious relationship and I tend to go for crazies. Even dating between exes. I feel worried about being alone.

 

When you make it a habit of monkey-branching from relationship to relationship, you never get an opportunity to find out how to be by yourself. You have to then ask yourself why you are so afraid of spending time out of a relationship, on your own? Because it's really not hard nor is it angst inducing.

 

Do you abhor your own company?

[smackie9]

When you go for crazies, that means you have a codependency issue. You don't feel satisfied unless you have someone to fix, and the need to stay because you don't want to be alone, which me you have no self worth. You will sacrifice your own mental stability, just to be in this situation.

 

You need to stay out of relationships all together, and work on yourself. There are plenty of self help books that you can read. To start you just need to recognize and understand your issues that lead you to this type of pattern. One you figure that out, you can start building up your self worth, and have a different perspective on what is going to be best for you. Only then you will be able to make good choices, and find yourself in a happy stable relationship.

[BaileyB]

I think you need to be single long enough to figure out why you are always picking the crazies...

 

Seriously, it's good to learn how to stand on your own two feet. Everyone must learn how to occupy their own time, make their own decisions, and manage their own affairs. Then, you start to look around for a woman who is doing the same thing... When two self sufficient, healthy people with good boundaries come together to build a relationship, it makes for a healthy relationship...

[Mrin]

Question: Answer this by looking at your track record rather than what you think you think - can you casually date? Or do most women you date turn into relationships? Do the math and don't count any women that pulled away or broke off a casual dating relationship. That doesn't count.

 

The gist of my question is, are you essentially programmed to go into relationship mode or can you just keep it casual?

[olivetree]

You need some time to heal and reflect on what you want in life and a relationship, why things failed, etc.

Relationships are emotional and take a lot of focus.

You gain perspective when you're not always in the midst of a relationship.

 

You'll know you're ready to get back out there when you're feeling comfortable in your own skin and not motivated to meet someone out of fear of being alone.

[Steve51]

I never spend a lot of time between partners. It was one month after my ex fiancé cheated on me and I broke it off despite her pleas not to. I was with another girl for a few months but it did not work our unless we were stoned so I asked I girl I work with to visit me at home for a meal. She ended up staying a year. Then we broke up when she asked my friends to gang bang her. She had sex addiction problems which required every guy the met to have sex with her in order to feel as desirable and sexy as she was when she was a cheerleader.

 

Six months after that I met my wife and got engaged 3 week later. Before my fiancé I was dating two girls at the same time and dropping them for new girls. I was voted most likely to divorce first out in my high school yearbook. Turns out that I am married 45 years while most of my friends got divorced. I let no moss grow under my feet. The best way to get over a girl is to get under another one. Worked very well for me. As soon as you start having feelings for a new girlfriend, the old one becomes just a memory with no feelings left.

[rushed]

I never spend a lot of time between partners.

 

The best way to get over a girl is to get under another one. Worked very well for me. As soon as you start having feelings for a new girlfriend, the old one becomes just a memory with no feelings left.

 

Agreed. This applies to me, too (except I'm a female). I never understood the whole taking time to be alone and get to know yourself concept.

[Popsicle]

Men saying women are crazy I'd just as common as women saying men are abusive.

 

The psychobabble gets old. *yawn*

[kortz]

Agreed. This applies to me, too (except I'm a female). I never understood the whole taking time to be alone and get to know yourself concept.

 

Everyone has their own ways of dealing with these things and if moving on pretty quickly works for you then that's great, whereas others may need time to reset themselves before they can date again, there is no right or wrong. The main concern with the OP is that they said they feel worried about being alone which seems like their driver for getting into new relationships/dating so quickly each time, eventually leading no where and the pattern repeats.

[d0nnivain]

Time is not the critical factor here -- emotional stability is. When you are afraid of being alone, as you admit you are, you hop from relationship to relationship with no thought about why your last one failed or whether this one has red flags. You just don't want to be alone & that is all that matters to you, having a partner. The quality of that partner is secondary & then you end up repeating the cycle.

 

 

You need to take a break from dating & actually be alone as terrifying as that is. You need to take some time -- at least 6 months -- to figure out who you are as a person, what you want out of life & where a relationship fits into that. Until you are comfortable & confident in your own skin you can't be a good partner to anybody else.