A breakup plan- thoughts?

[unique101]

If you're interested enough to want background, read my other post. The bare facts are my ex and I broke up recently even though we're still very much in love with each other because of concerns about the future- e.g. he's Jewish and I'm not, which is a major problem for his family etc. He didn't want to break up for good but I thought it best to. So I'm faced with the unique problem of getting over someone who I still love and know still loves me, who I'm not angry with or even particularly disappointed in and who has for the past year dominated much of my mental life and imagination.

So I've made myself a plan, which might help others- do one thing each day to cleanse my life of him. This includes doing things that I thought I couldn't do because they were too tied up with him, and this is often the hardest part. The rest of the day I resolutely avoid thinking of him- I talk to other people, stay busy at work, go out, have even started making plans to see other men. But just once a day I do something that is not nostalgic but does address the fact that he was important to me and now cannot be as important in my life.

 

Day 1- Give him back all his presents; erase his emails and phone number. Be careful, this might piss your ex off. My ex didn't take it too well but I couldn't have his things around my apartment.

Day 2- Start reading a book he had recommended and always told him I wouldn't read. Read without trying to guess what he thought while reading it. Immerse myself in the words. DON'T feel like you need to tell him you're reading it.

Day 3- Invite him to be friends on the facebook- while we were dating we decided not to know each other on the site as a superstitious thing. Laugh about it.

Day 4- Send him just the name of a poem he had asked for and nothing else- he had begged me to send it to him while we were breaking up and I told him I wouldn't.

Day 5- Throw out his picture from my wallet. Try not to spend too much time looking at it before I throw it out. This is hard.

Day 6- Start listening to the music we had listened to, one song at a time, without thinking of it as "our" music, remembering what I used to think of those songs before I met him.

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.

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Day 15- Call him to wish him on his birthday briefly. Wish him and don't talk about anything else. Hang up within three minutes.

 

So that's the plan. It only works if you're not spending every minute of the day obsessing about him- think of it as the one treat you allow yourself in the day so that you make sure you're sticking to your diet. Let me know what you think of it- it's working pretty well for me so far. Anybody else have similar plans?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by unique101

It only works if you're not spending every minute of the day obsessing about him-

 

That plan doesn't truly allow for any you time.. You would be spending every minute thinking about him..

 

So it won't work

 

Kinda funny that you created a plan that only allows for you to think about him every min of all 15 days.

[dr strangelove]

Look here "lil missshiksta"

My ex is a jewish girl, and reading this post reminded me of her, in fact im fighting off the tears.

 

If you dont have any other reason for breaking up other then religion, what about this/ Would you consider converting to be with him?

Does he want you around still is it just the family that is the problem?

My exes mother went of and married a non-jew and I guess they accepted it.

I know she tried to date Jewish guys, before I came along........ f*** im crying

 

Look dont give up if u love each other

[unique101]

To explain- the plan lasts 15 days because by then I hope to normalize my mental life with regard to him enough to be able to call him on his birthday and not have it be a big deal. I had told him I wouldn't call him on his birthday and it had crushed him. It is also evolving- I make the plan as I go along each day- hence the gap from day 6 to day 15. So I'm not thinking ahead and thus thinking of him all the time. It's more like once a day I let myself do something related to him because it feels false to pretend he never existed, which is what I had been trying to do at first and told him I would do. I found that when I did that, I was spending more time thinking about him. Now I move through the day fairly comfortably and not worrying so much about falling into the nostalgia trap. I work, I've been hanging out with friends, I'm travelling, I'm meeting someone new later this week and I haven't cried since we broke up...It works for me- but each to his own.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by unique101

To explain- the plan lasts 15 days because by then I hope to normalize my mental life with regard to him enough to be able to call him on his birthday and not have it be a big deal. I had told him I wouldn't call him on his birthday and it had crushed him. It is also evolving- I make the plan as I go along each day- hence the gap from day 6 to day 15. So I'm not thinking ahead and thus thinking of him all the time. It's more like once a day I let myself do something related to him because it feels false to pretend he never existed, which is what I had been trying to do at first and told him I would do. I found that when I did that, I was spending more time thinking about him. Now I move through the day fairly comfortably and not worrying so much about falling into the nostalgia trap. I work, I've been hanging out with friends, I'm travelling, I'm meeting someone new later this week and I haven't cried since we broke up...It works for me- but each to his own.

 

The easiest way to not think about someone is to move on..

 

If you think you can forget about someone you love in 15 days then I have some swamp land in Fla for sale.. Sounds like you don't really love him.

 

15 days is a very small amount of time it takes to heal..

 

You need to look at how he hurt you instead of how much you love him.. By him deciding that you 2 are not compatable because of religion ( which is a good reason ) he hurt you and was unacceting of you..

 

You need to move on.. Your plan or game isn't going to work