Why is it taking too long.

[hurtagain2]

My ex and I have been together just over a year . In that time he broke it off twice and then for the final time 8 weeks ago. Yes I went back to him twice as I really thought it was worth working things out. It wasn't. I don't want him back. I now know it would never work and I don't wish to feel this pain again. Now here's my problem.. the memories... they hurt... the good times. We didn't have any bad times. It was perfect or so I thought. I can't get past the fact that he was pretending the whole time. I've done all the right things. No contact at all, blocked him from everything. Tried to keep busy and concentrate on work, family and spent time with friends. But nothing works. It still feels like yesterday. Is it really just a matter of time?

[Hatelove_1]

I guess I can say im going through it as well. Only this is time #3 for me. I can only send you hugs and say I am here to talk if you need to.

 

Oh BTW this happened to me too the first time. So I thought we had the perfect relationship, but we didn't I guess.

Edited September 20, 2017 by Hatelove_1

[Frostedflake]

It happens when you aren't counting on it.

If you're expecting to wake up and feel that, "I don't care! YIPPEEE. I DON'T CARE!! I DON'T LOVE HIM and I don't care!" moment. It doesn't happen.

I mean, it does. But then you might get a crappy day that feels similar to the beginning of the healing process.

Ride it out. Do things because you enjoy doing them and not because you think it's going to speed up the process.

 

Even the worst of time will eventually pass. That's what time does.

[hurtagain2]

Thanks for your replies. Most appreciated. I think that's what I'm hoping for, that moment I realise I'm over him. I do have good days but then days when I could just cry at everything. So many reminders . Although I've had no contact with him whatsoever, I did receive a mssage from his daughter recently asking if the "lovely black heels" she found at her dad's house belonged to me and she could drop them off for me if I wanted them back. Needless to say they weren't mine. Now I don't care what he's doing or who hes seeing but I'd rather not know about it just yet. Does anyone think his daughters message was a little insensitive or is it just because I'm still hurting ?

[Frostedflake]

I think it's fair to feel struck by that message. But I would not dwell on it. If you have no belongings there or reasons of material exchange that would excuse contact- I'd block them. Block them all.

 

You'd think the curiousity would kill you but it doesn't.

The harder you make peeking/contacting by having to unblock, type in the phone number, etc the less appealing it is. Make the idea so exhausting that you can think of anything better to do.

[hurtagain2]

That's just the thing, I have blocked him so I can't peek and I'm good at It. I have no desire to see what's going on in his life as I know how painful it could be . And although his daughter isn't blocked I dont peek at her life either . But each time we have broken up and I'm trying to move On, there comes contact by one means or another. He used his daughter last time to make contact after 3 months of being apart .

[Frostedflake]

It doesn't do you any good to premeditate his actions. You're only capable of controlling yours. All things have a block option these days. Email, apps, phones, whatever. If he contacts, block. But don't use current emotions to justify not moving on because "in 3 months he might pop up and I still care". That doesn't make sense. Let current you heal and let future you make that decision (if it even happens) then.

[hurtagain2]

You are right. I feel that because he's come back in the past, thinking that he might try to again is what is holding me back even though I could in no way get back with him. The idea that he might try is fresh in my mind. And that is what i have stop thinking about. I hadn't thought about it like that until I read your reply. I feel a little better today. Whether that will continue or not I don't know. I really hope so as its exhausting at times .

[Chilli]

Are you even serious . It's only been 8wks and your on the internet asking why does it take so long.

Try 6 or 12 mths.

[hurtagain2]

Yeah, 8 weeks to get over a one year, on and off relationship. Seems way too long to not be moving on and still constantly thinking about him.

[stillafool]

You would be doing yourself a favor to also block his daughter at this point. That way you won't be tempted to snoop and he would have no way to reach you. That is if you really don't want him back.

[hurtagain2]

It does seem the logical thing to do but I don't have any issues with his daughter. We got along and shes a lovely girl. It would just feel a bit childish to block her and although the text she sent was insensitive I don't think there was any intention of causing me pain. Having had no contact with him or anyone associated with him In the last 8 weeks she probably didn't think I would still be hurting . As regards to snooping at her profile, I just never am tempted to look. I know only too well how painful it can be to see the other person enjoying life and moving on while I feel stuck . I feel like I'm doing all the right things to get past it but it's taking much longer than I thought it would .