Dad was accused of having an affair with mom's best friend. Denies it.

[London.]

My mom tried to commit suicide by slitting her wrists a few weeks ago. My dad found her, and took her to the hospital. We were confused about why she did it. Apparently her best friend was texting her that she and my dad are having an affair.

 

My dad is saying that he isn't having an affair and I believe him. My mom is beside herself because this woman has been her best friend for years, before I was born. She is my godmother and I have been around her my whole life. She was texting my mom that she has proof and screenshots of texts from him, yet when asked to show them, didn't. She was asked by multiple people to see what my dad has been saying, yet hasn't shown us any of the texts. I have no idea why she would say those things.

 

When I asked my dad about it he was really upset and showed me his phone. There were texts to her, but nothing like she was saying he said. He is saying that he's in love with my mom and wouldn't cheat on her. He told me two days ago he's never been with anyone else. That wasn't something I knew. He said the friend is obsessed with him, and while he does think she's attractive, he is more into my mom.

 

He was saying that things up until this were great. They were going on trips, doing things, having sex, and if he were having an affair those things wouldn't have happened. He told me two nights ago, he's never been with anyone but my mom. Almost everyone who knows is saying that they don't think he was cheating on her. Only my mom doesn't.

 

She's been staying with my wife and I with our newborn. But, she's changed. She is normally bright and bubbly and laughs a lot, but I haven't heard her laugh since she's been here. She's been really close with our baby, and keeps saying he looks like my brother that died as an infant. So I know that's difficult for her.

 

My dad came over for dinner two nights ago, and she was very quiet, but as he was leaving started screaming at him for cheating. He just told her he hadn't and he wants her.

 

They're both devastated by this whole thing and neither knows what to do.

 

Why would someone make up an affair and how can I help my parents?

Edited September 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LastAcorn99]

I’m very sorry to learn about the situation with your parents, friend. I can understand how painful this must be for all of you. I feel it’ll be best to encourage your parents to seek the help of a counselor either together or individually. Grace and peace to you and your family!

[London.]

I’m very sorry to learn about the situation with your parents, friend. I can understand how painful this must be for all of you. I feel it’ll be best to encourage your parents to seek the help of a counselor either together or individually. Grace and peace to you and your family!

 

Thanks. She goes to therapy by herself twice a week, but it's not really helping. She's just beside herself... so is he. What I don't understand is why her "best friend " would say that if it weren't true. My dad's story is she's obsessed with him.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'd probably be investing more of my time and energy into the BFF at this point and figure out what her deal is!

[ladydesigner]

Most wayward spouses will deny until the proof is staring them in the face. If I were your mom I would be looking deeply into that phone even to the point of hacking the deleted messages (google it there are ways to do this it is exactly how I was able to prove my WH's A).

 

I fear your mother has only been shown the tip of the iceberg and where there is smoke there is fire.

[Starswillshine]

Cheater deny, deny, deny. Even with proof they deny.

 

Is it more likely he is cheating and denying or her best friend decided to just destroy all her friendships over nothing?

 

Agree with the other poster, I would be digging into his phone and pulling up deleted information.

[aileD]

People don't just make up these things unless they're a psychopath which is a very small percent of the population.

 

The chances are your dad was cheating. Or at least being inappropriate enough either emotionally or physically that this woman was led to believe there was something there. I'm sorry.

 

Is your mom in counseling? These first few months can be totally devastating and you walk around feeling like your world has been torn apart and ina complete daze.

 

She needs to get into counseling,dad needs to be in counseling and your godmother needs to cough up proof or (and) take a hike

[London.]

The thing is, when she's asked to show the proof she supposedly has she makes excuses for not showing it. It's like ok either put up or shut up. She's saying she has texts and pictures, but is empty handed when it comes down to it.

 

Yes, my mom does go to therapy twice a week. Every time she comes back she's sobbing.

[ladydesigner]

The thing is, when she's asked to show the proof she supposedly has she makes excuses for not showing it. It's like ok either put up or shut up. She's saying she has texts and pictures, but is empty handed when it comes down to it.

 

Yes, my mom does go to therapy twice a week. Every time she comes back she's sobbing.

 

Your Mom has experienced psychological trauma just from her BFF informing her of this information (true or not). That seed has been planted in her mind and she will most likely feel this way until she has REAL proof of truth or some kind of re-assurance that your dad in fact did not cheat. I honestly think there is more than meets the eye here and the only way to uncover the truth will have to be done through acquiring texts, emails, calls, keylogger, and maybe even having a sit down with the BFF maybe she has proof.

[London.]

maybe even having a sit down with the BFF maybe she has proof.

 

She's been called, text, and met with in person for the proof and has yet to provide it. She's been asked multiple times, yet always makes up a story as to why she can't show proof. My mom even pulled their phone records and the calls this woman is saying happened from his phone, aren't there. I've seen them myself. My dad is saying that she's tried to get him to cheat with her for a few years now, and this time when he shot her down, she flipped. I don't why someone would brag about it, and having proof the way she has, and not produce it.

 

The thing is, my mom is a really nice person, and I hate to see her like this. I know that her therapist is making her talk about my brother who's death she never really dealt with and it's bringing up some really bad memories.

[sandylee1]

If she had proof surely she'd show it.

 

Have you spoken to the so called friend?

 

It's very sad that this has affected your mom like this. Do you you think that's why she hasn't shown proof? Because she feels bad?

[aileD]

Arrange for your father to take a polygraph. Ask mom for questions she needs to know the answers to.

[Veronica73]

I don't understand why she wouldn't show the proof if she actually has it. That makes me think she is making it up. On the other hand, if she has been trying to have an affair with your dad for years and he's turned her down, why is he even texting her? Seems like he would avoid her.

 

I feel bad for your mom.

[darkmoon]

if this friend can describe his weiner, or identify scars or moles on him, etc ok...

[Justme48]

I'm so sorry you all are going through this. It sounds like the woman hasn't shown any proof. If she was bold enough to claim the affair, I would think she wouldn't have a problem providing the proof. Sounds more like she had an affair of the mind and when he shot her down last time, she wanted to make his life miserable. So in essence, she is getting what she wanted. Perhaps explaining this in a way to your mom that she can understand will help. She's allowing this person to ruin their life together because there is no proof. I'm glad she is in counseling and perhaps once she deals with your brother's death, she will come out of it on the other side. Praying for you all. ((Hugs))

[London.]

I've text with the friend about it, but haven't met with her, when I asked for the proof she said "there's some things you don't need to see." I hadn't thought of her identifying things ab his body, obviously, that's something my mom would have to do.

 

Today she was holding my baby and started talking about how much he looks like my brother did. She said some times she's pretends he's him. She said she still does that with me, imagining him. Creepy, but I kind of understand.

[elaine567]

I've text with the friend about it, but haven't met with her, when I asked for the proof she said "there's some things you don't need to see."

 

I couldn't understand why she would not just give "proof" but I now I get it. The things that she could show you that would categorically prove they were in an affair and not just good friends are not stuff she would like to show to you or your mother... especially if the affair was more about sex than "love".

But even if it was all about "love", then she maybe feels that you or your mother do not need to see your father professing his undying love FOR HER.

[Springsummer]

I think your dad indeed cheated. Judging from the reactions of your mother. I think a woman will know deep down if her hubby cheats or not.

[SammySammy]

What little she said led your mother to attempt suicide. Maybe she doesn’t want to reveal everything and that lead to a successful suicide attempt. Maybe the woman doesn’t want that on her hands.

 

Not showing doesn’t mean she has no proof.

 

Or it could mean she’s a vindictive home wrecker.

 

The most important thing at this point is stabilizing your mother. I don’t know how you get there, but you all need to reach a point where suicide is not an option. No matter what happens.

 

After that, your parents can work on how to repair or end their marriage.

 

There’s just too much morbidity in the air now surrounding your mother and deceased brother. I’d try to find a way to handle that. Then move on.

[London.]

What little she said led your mother to attempt suicide.

 

Oh, she said a lot. Very mean and untrue things were said about her as a person. The things she said about my dad and her were just disgusting if true, affair or not. Things like what they've done together would put anything that's happened in their marriage to shame, and he's in love with her, not my mom, and she has pictures of them together and of him, and texts from him.

 

My mom wanted to see some of those things and she refused. My mom has made in clear if she's so in love with him and would give her proof that this stuffs happening, they'd get divorced and she could have him. One would think that would be good enough for her...

[elaine567]

My mom has made in clear if she's so in love with him and would give her proof that this stuffs happening, they'd get divorced and she could have him. One would think that would be good enough for her...

 

I doubt that any person would consider suicide on a "maybe", I guess she knows it is true, whether there is definitive proof or not...

[Popsicle]

I hope your mom doesn't kill herself over this. I hope she learns to value herself more than to the extent some man loves her. And yes, her marriage is ruined because there was something going on. She will still live but she'd be better off divorcing him.

[anika99]

This woman not being willing to show any proof is rather suspicious but your mom's extreme reaction to a simple unfounded accusation is also rather odd. Have you discussed this with your mom and asked her why she believes this woman over your father? I think she knows her friend and your father better than you do and that she likely has good reasons for not believing your dad.

 

For one thing your dad said that this woman has been obsessed with him for years and that she's been attempting to be with him for a long time and he always rejected her, yet you saw texts he sent to her on his phone. That is mighty suspicious. Why would he keep texting an obsessed woman? Why would he not have a discussion with your mom about her crazy obsessed friend? Why did she become obsessed with him in the first place?

 

I think your dad did have an affair with this woman. To avoid detection they probably both regularly purged any evidence of the affair, like call history, romantic texts and pictures. Then something happened. Something along the lines of your dad growing tired of the affair and ending it, or something along the lines of him not following through on his promise to this OW to leave your mom for her. That's when this woman lost her sh$t and blew up their marriage.

 

If your dad is innocent then he will allow your mom to do a thorough investigation. Turn over all phone records going back years, recover deleted texts, show all his financial transactions, etc. If I were your mom I would want to see everything he has done over the past several years.

[preraph]

It's more common for someone to deny they're cheating than for someone to lie and say they're having an affair. Just sayin'. Even assuming the worst, that your mother's friend is a complete delusional or evil person and is just pulling this out of her butt, she has nothing to gain by it unless something encouraging is going on with your father. Unless she's certifiably nuts, which your mother would know if she was, she feels she can get your dad if your mom is out of the way, and he has admitted they communicate.

 

No one ever admits all of what they're doing. They admit the minimum amount they hope can be proven. You're the child, so they're not supposed to even be talking about any of this to you, so you can just assume you're not getting the true version from any of them.

 

This is your mother's so-called best friend, so she's devastated because both people closest to her have betrayed her. You need to give your mom support and it's fine if you don't take sides, but your mother needs support right now. She's destroyed.

[cocoa342]

I am sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. I used to work on a counselling hotline and let me tell you, there were a lot of women calling these hotlines with fantasies about their best friends husbands and when they made moves and were rejected by them were hell bent on destroying the marriage as they couldn't get what they wanted. Some women when they don't get what they want can be pure evil.