MM's Soon to be Ex unblocked me on Facebook

[whichwayisup]

They have a 3 years old years old son from IVF. I have no issue to be a good step mom, but I don't think she can let this go. In her mind, I am the person that steal her husband. The reality is that the marriage had been dead years before he met me.

 

I didn't really check her on social media for over an year. I feel quite secure with MM. especially I know he is making progress to finally divorce her. Although slowly but surely.

 

I just want this to be done and we can all move on with our life. I just hope as time goes by, she would come to realization that it would be beneficial that she and I have a civil relationship since they have a kid together. I don't need and don't want to be her friends. I am ok to be a step mom, if she doesn't like it, I would be her son's father's GF. I will treat him kindly.

 

I just hope we can all move on with our life and be in a better place soon.

 

Then you need to rid of your anger and resentment towards her. Have compassion that she's in pain. Do you and him live together now?

 

She isn't going to be your friend but she IS part of your lives because of their son.

[elaine567]

What did she do?

 

See below posted 4th March 2017

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/615695-am-i-crazy-being-upset-about-4.html#post7246494

She hates me to guts and think I am the reason he is divorcing her. She has done a lot of nasty/scary thing toward me the past year. She stalked me and sent me random threatening emails text message from different numbers, and even called the human resource of my company which caused quite a stir at work. I had to move out of my own house temporarily after she threatened to come over to do something harmful toward me.

 

I almost filed a restraining order against her, but I didn't because it my BF has a child with her.

[Starswillshine]

Who knows why she unblocked you. Could be a whole litany of things. Doesn't really matter. This doesn't hurt you nor mean anything per se, so try not to stress over it. If MM is getting a divorce from her, just try to understand she is likely hurting. Don't let it affect you. Divorces are hard, especially ones that you don't want.

[Chrionaa99]

They have a 3 years old years old son from IVF.

 

Oh, Honey.

 

I have a sneaking suspicion you're being strung along by a cake eater. Someone doesn't put thousands of $s into IVF just to abandon the child only 3 years later. You said he told his wife a year ago that he wants a divorce? So, when this same child was only 2.

 

Please please please be careful. If you are being taken advantage of by this man he is beyond sick.

[ladydesigner]

I know it shouldn't matter, but i can't help thinking why she decided unblocked me now.

 

I think you already know the answer to this question OP, a person unblocks out of curiosity. You shouldn't worry unless she is actively harassing you, which it sounds like she is not.

 

As far as the IVF and his character, I have to agree with the other posters about IVF and how expensive it is and all the procedures, you don't go through all that if you don't want a child. I don't buy his story either. Sounds like he is conflict-avoidant like most MM and WS's and doesn't take much responsibility for his actions.

 

Good luck OP I do think you will need it. Keep your eyes wide open is all I can suggest.

[minimariah]

Perhaps OP's BF has been similarly raised, and felt it his duty to give the s2bxw her kid, so he could dump hermwith a clear conscience, to his mind. Perhaps he thought, it's not that big a sacrifice, and it will get me off the hook? It might seem "mixed up" to an outsider, but to someone who feels trapped in a situation, it may seem perfectly rational.

OK... now - this does make sense. it confirms the theory about this MM's severe mental issues & bad character - it doesn't excuse him because we can't blame our life choices on our parents and well... EVERYBODY but ourselves only to avoid the ugly truth that we might not be good people.

 

he should be getting professional help.

 

maybe we're all overthink the situation. maybe he's just dumb as a box of rocks. that's also an option, isn't it...?

Edited September 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic ~T

[minimariah]

Any thoughts?

 

she wants to keep an eye on you in case you decide to post some public pictures of her child. that's why i stalked my ex husband's new girlfriend - the only reason was that i didn't trust her with my baby because i didn't know her so it was a matter of checking in with the BABY and about the baby - not you.

[ItStartsFromWithin]

 

Is it possible for him to cheat on her? Yes. It's

Good luck OP! Sounds like you and your guy are progressing well!

 

Sure. If you call progressing nicely 3-4 years since D-day. And 5 years since the affair started.

[elaine567]

Sure. If you call progressing nicely 3-4 years since D-day. And 5 years since the affair started.

 

And the question that remains unanswered, have the wife and child actually left the marital home yet?

Is the OP actually living with the MM, or is the wife still coming from a position of strength, ie she is still living with her husband or is she living somewhere else and perhaps wants to know what they(the OP and her husband) are now doing by unblocking the OP.

[aileD]

she wants to keep an eye on you in case you decide to post some public pictures of her child. that's why i stalked my ex husband's new girlfriend - the only reason was that i didn't trust her with my baby because i didn't know her so it was a matter of checking in with the BABY and about the baby - not you.

 

This is what I was thinking too. If you're going to be around her kid and she views you as a horrible person she's gonna want to keep tabs on you to make sure you're not doing anything to hurt her kid. Regardless of if you would or not, she views you as someone without her child's best interest at mind (because you took his dad away from him- in her eyes)

 

I feel the exact same way about my husband's AP. I wouldn't let my children within 100 feet of someone who saw them cry about their dad and continued with him anyway. And yes, their dad should have done better etc etc we all know that but he's still their DAD and she can't take him out of their lives so she will hope you do something that proves that you shouldn't be allowed in their lives

[LGBJUNHAO]

I don't know why it matters if he did IVF with his wife, if at one point he wanted to be with her or whatever some people here are talking about. The fact now is he left her, is going through the divorce process and has chosen to be with OP. The rest is history.

 

Is it possible for him to cheat on her? Yes. It's possible that my guy will cheat on me. It's possible for anyone to cheat. But that doesn't mean it WILL happen and that OP and her man can't have a wonderful relationship from here on out.

Good luck OP! Sounds like you and your guy are progressing well!

 

Thank you Lostgirl for defending me. I thought I would be safe here since it is the other woman board. I am surprised by all the bashing. One thing I learnt from this affair is never judge other people unless you are in their shoes. Sure My MM tended to be a conflict avoidant. He and I have discussed this many times. I told him his tendency of conflict avifance contributed to all the mess he got himself. He agreed and has since taken action. for instance, he was very form about getting a divorce despite all the stuns/tactics she is pulling to prolong/delay the process.

 

Anyway, everything has been very well and we just hope she can come to the sense the marriage over and stop stall the divorce process, so all parties can move on.

Edited September 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LGBJUNHAO]

My H was tricked into parenthood he didn't want - that they'd jointly agreed not to do - by his then-W, because she decided to change her mind and not tell him. And because of a sense of duty / obligation to the child he hadn't wanted, he was stuck in a M he increasingly wanted out of. Men - especially men brought up to put others first, always - do weird things out of a sense of duty / obligation - even when it disadvantages themselves very directly. My H should have dumped the xW the minute she pulled that stunt - it would have spared so much heartbreak all round, but he stuck it out because that was what he'd been brought up to do.

 

Perhaps OP's BF has been similarly raised, and felt it his duty to give the s2bxw her kid, so he could dump hermwith a clear conscience, to his mind. Perhaps he thought, it's not that big a sacrifice, and it will get me off the hook? It might seem "mixed up" to an outsider, but to someone who feels trapped in a situation, it may seem perfectly rational.

 

when I asked him why didn't her just walk before they had kid since he hadn't been happy for a very long time. My MM repeatedly told me he felt bad for not giving her a kid since that was what her wanted.

 

They started the IVF 10 years ago, she didn't have a lot of viable eggs with good qualities. Also there were some issue with her uterus which made it hard for the embryo to attach hence hard to carry full term. After about 6 rounds of tries, the Dr suggested that they should stop and look into adoption. But she doesn't want to adopt, she wanted a biological kid.

 

Anyway, they had three embroys left and were freezed for 6 years. during the 6 six years, she never stopped thinking of having another try. She was suicidal, depressed. at one point she quit her job due to depression and stayed home for one year while my MM working two jobs to make ends meet and trying to pay off all the debt racked up from the previous fertility treatment.

 

He was ready to walk and then her mom found a very famous fertility treatment dr. After some back and forth including an suicidal threat from her, and pressures from her family, he agreed to give it another try. he said whether it would succeed or not this time , he would divorce her in a year or two. He was getting his duck in a row. I asked him why he agreed to do this cause it would be so much more complicated to divorce her when a child is involved. he was like" what my options were, I could either be a jerk and refuse to go through the IVF and divorce her knowing she probably would not have kids (she was 40 at the time). or I could go through this, at lease did everything I could to help her to get what she wants and then divorce her"

Anyway, she got pregnant on the 8th rounds.

[anika99]

so is your MM still living with his wife?

[wmacbride]

It is a not private a message it is a notification asking if you know this persons. I have got multiple in the past a coupe weeks. One time it sent a notification asking if I know my EX.

 

 

I did a bit of looking, and from what I understand there are many reasons that she might show up n the "you might know" list.

 

First, it can use things like phone contacts, location services ( there was some debate about whether or not this happens, some say it does, others say it doesn't) and also who looked at your profile.

 

If you are really nervous, block her. If you still feel creeped out, gather all the documentation you have that indicates she has been either harassing or "stalking" you and speak to a lawyer and the police.

 

If she has already been blocked from seeing your profile, then her name shouldn't be coming up in the "you may know " list at all.

[LGBJUNHAO]

so is your MM still living with his wife?

 

Not anymore. final got her moved out last month.

[LGBJUNHAO]

I did a bit of looking, and from what I understand there are many reasons that she might show up n the "you might know" list.

 

First, it can use things like phone contacts, location services ( there was some debate about whether or not this happens, some say it does, others say it doesn't) and also who looked at your profile.

 

If you are really nervous, block her. If you still feel creeped out, gather all the documentation you have that indicates she has been either harassing or "stalking" you and speak to a lawyer and the police.

 

If she has already been blocked from seeing your profile, then her name shouldn't be coming up in the "you may know " list at all.

 

Talked to my BF, he said since my setting is private and I don't need to do anything, Cause if I block her she would notice since i am sure she is checking my facebook. They are still going through the mediation so I don't want to do anything to hinder the progress of their divorce.

 

Filing a restraining order is not an option because they have a kid together.

[misspalmy]

best to block her. maybe send her a message saying hey like staking me lol

[wmacbride]

Talked to my BF, he said since my setting is private and I don't need to do anything, Cause if I block her she would notice since i am sure she is checking my facebook. They are still going through the mediation so I don't want to do anything to hinder the progress of their divorce.

 

Filing a restraining order is not an option because they have a kid together.

 

I doubt you would be allowed anywhere near their child for now, and even if your mm is granted visitation, there may well be a lot for him and his wife to work out first.

 

it could be a long haul.

 

I get it's hard to keep out of it, but really, when it comes to them and their child, it is not your concern, and noting you should be stressing over.

[LGBJUNHAO]

I doubt you would be allowed anywhere near their child for now, and even if your mm is granted visitation, there may well be a lot for him and his wife to work out first.

 

it could be a long haul.

 

I get it's hard to keep out of it, but really, when it comes to them and their child, it is not your concern, and noting you should be stressing over.

 

We have discussed about this. I am in no hurry to be close to his kid. I understand it is going to take time giving the situation. after we finally move in together, if the kid has to stay over night, he could stay at his brother's place when it is his turn to have the kid.

 

I have no issue the kid to stay with us for that, but i understand she would not want it at least for the foreseeable future. I am not trying to be his son's step mom. I am his father's gf. That's all.

[HiCrunchy]

Maybe I am naive in this subject, but does it really take 3 years to get divorced? How many assets do these people have? That doesn't make any sense to me.

I was reading online that a divorce can take 3 to 9 months. A year was the longest I saw. R u sure ur MM isn't lying to you?

[LGBJUNHAO]

Maybe I am naive in this subject, but does it really take 3 years to get divorced? How many assets do these people have? That doesn't make any sense to me.

I was reading online that a divorce can take 3 to 9 months. A year was the longest I saw. R u sure ur MM isn't lying to you?

 

 

 

it is normal for divorce to take years when it is contested. We live in US BTW. 3 to 9 months are really short unless is it uncontested.

He told her he wanted the divorce about a year ago and they are in mediation to reach an agreement.

 

there are several reasons he didn't start the process sooner, after they had the kid, she quit her job and stay home for a year, and also she had postpartum depression. there were also a lot of changes adjustment after the kid. Another reason is he is trying to get his finance together. Like I said, he spent all his saving on the fertility treatment. he worked two jobs and saved up enough money for attorney and also tried to get all the ducks in a row.

 

He had communicated with me about all those before hand. After some back and forth and one breakup, I made decision to be by his side. I know it was a risk, but when the time came, he came through and did what he said he would do.

[BaileyB]

We have discussed about this. I understand it is going to take time giving the situation. after we finally move in together, if the kid has to stay over night, he could stay at his brother's place when it is his turn to have the kid.

 

"If" the child "has" to stay overnight... He is the child's father, is he not? Does he want to actually be a father to the child? Is he planning to ask for joint custody? Or, does he plan to support the child financially and not be involved in the child's life? Because obviously if he plans to be a father to the child, the child will be coming to stay with his father regularly...

 

And, asking the child to stay with his father at his uncles home when it's "his turn to have the kid" doesn't seem like a realistic or effective long term strategy. You will continue to stay in "your" home while he goes to stay with his son at his brothers place... really?

 

As a "step-girlfriend" to my boyfriends child, I will say that we ALWAYS put the child first. That is what you do, when you are a parent. Even before I met his child, I made decisions that were in the best interest of the child.

 

You are not going to like what I'm saying, but telling your boyfriend to stay with his brother when it's his turn to have the kid is about as selfish and inconsiderate as it gets...

Edited September 22, 2017 by BaileyB

[LGBJUNHAO]

"If" the child "has" to stay overnight... He is the child's father, is he not? Does he want to actually be a father to the child? Is he planning to ask for joint custody? Or, does he plan to support the child financially and not be involved in the child's life? Because obviously if he plans to be a father to the child, the child will be coming to stay with his father regularly...

 

And, asking the child to stay with his father at his uncles home when it's "his turn to have the kid" doesn't seem like a realistic or effective long term strategy. You will continue to stay in "your" home while he goes to stay with his son at his brothers place... really?

 

Well, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt and hoping that things might work out for you until this post. As a "step-girlfriend" to my boyfriends child, I will say that we ALWAYS put the child first. That is what you do, when you are a parent. Even before I met his child, I made decisions that were in the best interest of the child.

 

You are not going to like what I'm saying, but telling your boyfriend to stay with his brother when it's his turn to have the kid is about as selfish and inconsiderate as it gets...

 

If you read my previous posts, you should know I am not the issue here regarding the kid. I have no issue for the kids to stay with us. It is her that doesn't want that.

 

Yes, he is seeking joint custody and will pay child support, but she is fighting the joint custody, she wanted 100% custody and asking for supervised visit which is ridiculous. We are not the problem , she is which i understand because she is resentful toward use she is using he kid to

get back to us

[BaileyB]

If you read my previous posts, you should know I am not the issue here regarding the kid. I have no issue for the kids to stay with us. It is her that doesn't want that.

 

Yes, he is seeking joint custody and will pay child support, but she is fighting the joint custody, she wanted 100% custody and asking for supervised visit which is ridiculous. We are not the problem , she is which i understand because she is resentful toward use she is using he kid to

get back to us

 

My apology, I was confused with another discussion.

 

Using the child to get back at you is obviously not acceptable. Clearly, this woman has her issues which makes his decision to have a child with her even more suspect...

 

But, it's also very obvious why she would be resentful. This is going to be a long, hard road for you...

[LGBJUNHAO]

My apology, I was confused with another discussion.

 

Using the child to get back at you is obviously not acceptable. Clearly, this woman has her issues which makes his decision to have a child with her even more suspect...

 

But, it's also very obvious why she would be resentful. This is going to be a long, hard road for you...

 

No problem. I know. I think in the end she wanted the kid to save the marriage. My BF and I hope time will heal all the wound and that she can find someone else.

 

It is an unfortunate situation. We just hope she can come to the realization it is over. Just be civil for the kid. I hope she find someone else soon. I really do.