Trying to Figure Out My Boundaries With BF's Emotional Attachments

[Miss Peach]

I've noticed my BF seems to form emotional connections with people and thinks everyone is his friend and goes all out to help everyone. A few people he's formed these attachments to are women and one particularly I've warned him about who really disrespect him and really don't think the same way. He's finally seen proof of this per se and is hurting.

 

I'm not too worried about these women because i don't really think they want him or anything. I don't think BF wants to physically cheat on me. But I'm trying to wrap my head around BF's emotional attachments. I don't think he really gets the lines and boundaries between chatting with someone at a group event once per week and emotional attachment/cheating. The one woman in particular who is disrespectful he tries to reach out to every few weeks to see how she's doing. I personally feel it's a bit disrespectful to me and our relationship. I could understand if she had been a real friend to him (he met her about a year before me) but she hasn't been and it's really one sided.

 

BF thought they were friends because she told him he was needy and negative and needed to make some changes in his life. But I don't think it was ever anything to her emotionally. He did make those changes though and was in a much better place when I met him.

 

I know I can't control BF but I'm trying to get my own lines in the sand figured out. I want to feel like number one in his life. And while he's done a ton to be more open, honest, and put me first, the way he attaches to other women is very concerning to me thinking of a LTR with BF and I don't ever want to be put in the position where I feel like option B or the backup plan.

 

FWIW BF has had really limited dating and relationship experience. Just one LTR before me as an adult. He's early 40s. I'm 30s. Only other relationship was a high school relationship that ended with high school. Just a handful of dates post that LTR, very few second dates, and none of the other woman was actually willing to give him a goodnight kiss. He's more of a nerdy introverted type who sees himself as the 'good guy'. He is also the type to seek closure from people - even people he doesn't know very well. Again due to how attached he gets.

Edited September 21, 2017 by Miss Peach