CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I'm hopping on a plane to another country/continent(?) to see you, but no pressure...? Right....to talk for an hour.....? Huh? Don't send this, don't do it, don't contact her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Fly to another country just to meet up for an hour and bring her a birthday gift? There really should be some phone call or facetime before this. This isn't a message you text someone out of the blue. You should work up to this. That being said, you said you are sending this anyway so send it just how you have it. First 2 paragraphs aren't going to be a difference maker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 You shouldn't do this. But if you insist on sending something, keep it short, short, short. I'll be in Berlin next month. I'd love to see you -- I would like to catch up but also think I owe you an apology best delivered in person. Are you open to that? (End note.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 I am honestly not trying to have any deep conversations, I just want to hang out with you for an hour or so and catch up in person. She’s going to think you want to meet her for an hour so that you can kidnap her and put her in your basement. You could accomplish catching up over the phone/email/text. The fact that you want to fly to another country to meet her for an hour when she’s been clear that she doesn’t want to reconcile is going to make her very scared. I am man enough to admit that even if I get ignored or rejected doesn’t matter. It may not matter to you, but it matters to her. Do you understand that you’re saying that you don’t care about how she feels or what she wants; that you’re going to do what you’re going to do anyway? Do you understand how frightening your viewpoint will be for her? This is real life not a Hollywood movie. It’s not going to turn out the way you want…just like it didn’t the last time you flew there. And she’s probably getting very scared of you. The more you contact her, the more worried for her safety she’ll be. This is a woman who is allowed to decide what happens in her own life. And it's very clear that she's decided that she wants a life without you. You need to accept that fact and leave her alone. she agreed to meet up but because of bad timing I ended up booking my ticket on the day she was moving to Berlin so it didnt materilize. Sounds like she flew/drove to Berlin to avoid you. And now you’re trying the same thing again four months later. Can’t blame her for being scared of you. I have a bad feeling that when you send her this & she doesn't respond, you are going to ignore that powerful message & jump on a plane anyway to go knock on her door. Hopefully, he doesn't know her new address. She's probably being very cautious about what information she puts online so that he can't find her. She's probably very frightened of him...seems like it won't be too long until the police are involved. I get that after 1.5 years you have figured out you can't do better Yep. This is exactly what's happening. The reasons behind his actions are crystal clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Murmillo Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 (edited) My God dude, don't do any of the things you want to do. You are completely deluding yourself if you think this has ANY chance. I know this is not what you want to hear and I am sorry of this hurts you. I cringed quite a bit when I red this thread, maybe because one year ago I was in the exact same space mentally as you are now. For example: - 'She talks back so there must be some interest' > Wrong! Being polite is not the same as having romantic of even friendship interest. - Thinking that telling her how great you think she is has ANY effect on her. You want to hear those things from someone you have interest in and someone you want closer in your life. She has no interest and only wants you further away. You had the chance to tell her this when you were together but you broke up with her instead. It sucks, regret is one of the worst feelings you can endure. - 'I am man enough to admit...' That line is so cringy. Do you watch Game of thrones? There is a line said by Tywin Lannister saying 'Any man who must say he is the king is no true king'... By saying what I quoted, you want her to see you as a real man what goes against what being a real man is. > KNOWING that you are a man and not caring if other people see it like that. Approval seeking behavior NEVER works with women. Again, I am not calling the kettle black because I did those things too till a certain degree. I also spent hours writing her 'the perfect letter' and I even cringe by thinking about the things I wrote in there. As a matter of fact, I am going to double check if I actually removed all of them. If these would ever leak I would probably have to move to another country. (Coincidentally I also live in Berlin at the moment). My ex was also the girl who I ****ed things up with, despite the fact that she was perfect. Broke up exactly 2 years ago. I begged for 3 months. Chased her a bit more for another additional 6 months thinking I was doing nothing wrong because I was not begging but then I found out she was dating someone else (never knew if this was actually the truth till this day) but I was heartbroken all over again. I decided to back off. A few months later she contacted me again and we had a brief chat. A few months later again. A few months later again so I asked her to meet up. There was some hesitation and it did not happen. I disappeared again and she reached out around last X-mas. We have been emailing a bit back and forth and it feels really good. We both keep the conversation going even though we both sometimes take a few days to respond which is fine since we are both very busy. We might see each other this summer (we don't live in the same country anymore at the moment). Moral of the story: Back off and stop trying to force things. You still seem a bit impulsive and immature. Work on yourself and maybe after some weeks, months or maybe years she will contact you again. Maybe not. If she does however, you can show her the new you, but only if SHE is open to it. Edited February 18, 2018 by Murmillo Link to post Share on other sites
Young mind Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 One sentence: recipe for disaster, somewhere in between, I believe you will ignore all the advice on here and proceed with this uncooked plan. One reason guys are discarded so easily is because we like to assume, women are some bag of emotions without logic, we assume that we can make some grand gestures and poof! She's on her knees begging Prince Charming, we assume they don't know what they want, whatever a lady says should be the opposite, " she's not saying No, because she wants you to fight for her" Mate, she's clearly over you and unfortunately, you're the only one who cants see that, we can comment 100 times to dissuade you but it's in your hands, I believe whatever way this turns out, you will learn from it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 but you have to read between the lines sometimes.. Oh my. Post your text conversation and we'll let you know if there's anything between those lines. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Murmillo Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Reading between the lines eh? What is between the lines? Blanks. Right. Problem with blanks is that your mind fills them up for you. When we are in a non-stable state our mind fills those blanks up with things that are not congruent with reality, which is exactly what you are doing right now. The reality is that she has low interest at this point, maybe this will change in the future, maybe not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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